Savior with Death Scythe
by CashyHoray1.00
Summary: "And they thought he died, hehehe. They should have known better to never assume anything where he was involved. He had found his new body in a different world. And he was going to use it." Undertaker as Harry, Crossover, crack, insanity,...
1. Chapter 00  Prologue

_**Information: **_

_**When I write, I am a perfectionist and pessimist. So whatever I write, I am not happy with it (because it is not perfect). It really is kind of depressing if you see it like that.**_

_**English is not my native language, it is German. (But who would want to read a story in German?) So there will be some (many) grammar errors and sentences which will sound probably quite painful. But I will try my best to write a reasonable story.**_

_**This story will play mostly in the Hp universe. Harry aka Undertaker will be powerful and intelligent, but he will not flaunt it (that would be OC). I have a rough sketch for the first few chapters, but I would also like to hear the ideas of other people. Maybe they can help me write a better story. So please review!**_

_**All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling and all Kuroshitsuji characters belong to Toboso Yana or whoever, I do not own anything from Harry Potter and Kuroshitsuji. (What a pity!)**_

_**No money is being made in any way, shape, or form. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. This is only for my enjoyment, and hopefully is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons, alive or dead, is strictly coincidence. Enjoy!**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 00 - Prologue<strong>

_Oh, Death_

How utterly disgusting. They managed to catch him. Not only that, he was a master at silent escaping. He always managed to escape and most of the time even unscratched. It was something he had perfected over the years. But they came with heavily charmed weapons and binds and while he was laying on the cold floor, quite surprised at the hits he took. That he even took hits; they bound not only his powers but also his body with those chains. Except for his head, he couldn't move anything. He was still standing, yes, but he could already feel his body starting to go numb. He shouldn't have been so arrogant. Normally he wasn't so dimwitted and now in hindsight he could see that this all was a trap. But that was a bit late now. Those idiots finally managed to outsmart him. Him, who is always prepared, who is always one step ahead of everyone else. Well, he did have a 'Plan Omega' should everything else fail, but it was not like these idiots knew this.

_Oh, Death_

They were fighting for quite some time now. For humans it would be three to four times their normal lifespan, but for shinigamis, angels, demons and other immortal beings two hundred years were next to nothing. Being ageless was after all quite profitable. Of course they weren't always fighting, like in actual battles with Death Scythe against Death Scythe. No, they were playing some fun games like tag and his all-time favorite 'hide and seek'. Often even he himself wasn't sure who was the hunter and who the hunted; it wasn't important as long as he was entertained enough. Being the pitiful rabbit or not being the pitiful rabbit. That would be the question here.

_Oh, Death_

Frequently he would just bait them until they were too angry to think straight and then beat the living daylights out of them. The injuries they received were naturally not life threatening through, because it would be boring if he were to kill them all and lose his only source of entertainment now, since he couldn't continue to work in a public place anymore. Oh no, that would be inexcusable.

One of his favorite victims was the red-haired she-man or whatever he was to begin with. He enjoyed it each time he kicked him into his shitty face. He never bothered to learn his name… or the names of the other newbie-shinigamis. They really had not one ounce of respect for their elders, it is kind of sad. Really. Even after beating them again and again they just came back later. It reminded him of cockroaches. Even if you stomped onto them and thought they were dead; they would just stand up and run again. There were also rumors that cockroaches could live up to nine days without their head, before they slowly died of starvation. Too bad, this didn't work on shinigamis and humans; not that he didn't try it out in one of his many experiments. It was interesting. Even his 'Bizarre Dolls' needed their head to move.

_Won't you spare me over till another year?_

In fact he was living a quiet and rather peaceful life as an Undertaker, his cover job. Playing with dead at night and during the day always was fun and what should he otherwise do with all his free time? Making them pretty and laying them down to eternal rest. How wonderful! Letting their bodies rot down in the earth, well, most bodies that is. From thieves to butler to unimportant people to royal blood he really didn't mind. Everyone was welcomed into his humble abode and shop. And everyone must go sometime, some early, some later, some never, hehehe.

_But what is this that I can't see_

Since he liked to know everything possible, he was also working part-time as an informant. For a good laugh he would tell people all they wanted. Well, nothing about himself. Guess who would want to know something about this little unremarkable undertaker? Nobody. Many didn't even manage to make him snicker, incompetent idiots. They would try bribe, threaten, send assassins and hunters after him and do other stupid things. Too bad they were all too weak; he just cut them in half. And he would have more bodies to play with.

_With ice cold hands taking hold of me_

One time when he was feeling quite gracious, he sent their bloodied and mutilated bodies back to the one they belonged. It really was a pity the woman didn't come back to ask for information, he would have given it to her, because her face was one of the most hilarious things he seen since a long time. He nearly choked from laughing so hard. Ha, it is quite benefiting, being immortal.

_When God is gone and the Devil takes hold_

It all began on this lonely ship, the Campania, in the middle of the ocean with no way out (how beneficial), where he freed most of his beloved 'Bizarre Dolls', which were neither living nor dead. They were extraordinary! Their beautifully stitched skin as white as wax, just like when they were alive. Their mouths that could not clamor noisily or tell lies any longer. They truly were far more beautiful then when they were alive. But of course nobody would understand his sentiments or his feelings in that matter. They would just continue to cut all his hard work down without mercy. But why would he make such zombie-like monsters, they asked. Well, to be honest, it was just his curiosity towards humans… and he was a little bit bored. So he told them:

_Who will have mercy on your soul?_

"Humans are made up of 'a flesh body' and 'a soul'. If both of them are brought together, one can exist amongst the living and keep on documenting their life's memories in form of the 'cinematic record'. And when the flesh body withers, and the shinigami collect their souls, the record ends there and the living become the dead. It is a shinigami's job to take the soul from the body according to a list, causing an end to the kaleidoscope. But what if there was a continuation of the records?"

_Oh, Death_

That was the exciting part. Shinigamis are only interested in the souls after all. The rest of the human was unimportant; so the body and the brain which holds the memories are left behind. So after the end, he connected it with his own brand of cinematic record, and tada, the body mistakenly thought that life still went on and continued moving. So easy. Of course he couldn't have done this without his financial backers. They gave him enough money, enough bodies and enough space to store them. They are the perfect weapons for war. They felt neither pain nor hunger nor fatigue, they indiscriminately ripped the body of the living of men and women and children apart.

Many would just call them zombies, like in those books and movies. Openly rotting corpses, greenish skin, missing body parts or skin or muscles, ugly faces. How dare they compare his marvelous dolls to such hideous monsters?

_Oh, Death_

They were just his first prototype, nothing more than a second-rate experiment. His later dolls were able to transfer different kinds of fast-moving deadly diseases. And he thought that they would kill every living being on deck, but he was mistaken. Like always there was someone to baffle his extraordinary show. It made him so angry! Never before did he have so much fun, never had he felt more alive!

_Oh, Death_

Even little Ciel was there. He wanted to get him into one of his coffins since he first laid eyes on him, dead or alive. He would look amazing in adorned Victorian style clothes, skin deadly pale, eyes empty without his usual superior look and his stupid cheeky mouth shut. At this thought he began to drool. Since the beginning he knew the real identity of Ciel's oh-so loyal butler. So he became interested in the little Earl and his demonic lapdog. Maybe they could give him some sort of excitement and a few good laughs before he would lay them to eternal rest in one of his handmade coffins.

_No wealth, no ruin, no silver, no gold_

People were laying on the ship's floor, obvious dead, sprawled out in crude positions, walls and floor painted in red. It definitely is one of his favorite colors. Unfortunately the stupid butler and two third-rate shinigami were there too and killing all of his puppets. And if this was already bad enough, they tried to kill the Viscount of Druitt too! Unforgivable! This guy was so arrogant, self-centered and a complete goof-off, but he managed to put a smile on his face without even trying. That's why he saved this idiot from immediately death.

_Nothing satisfies me but your soul_

He even told them how shinigami worked and how he created his lovely 'bizarre dolls'.

Then those three ungrateful hooligans dared to attack him, but there are going to get a nasty surprise. After some fooling around, it got bit-by-bit more boring since they were also fighting against their 'supposed' allies. Didn't they know that the enemy of my enemy is usually my friend? Morons.

_Oh, Death_

Towards the end of the fight he also showed them his shinigami scythe he managed tokeep and shortly after cut glasses and flame-head down. He really was in a benevolent mood today. And Sebas-chan looked terrifying for a moment when he 'tried' the kill Ciel. To end the final act he smashed his scythe thought the butler's body. Memory records were filling the room. Oh, he always wanted to know how little Ciel got his demonic doggy. After viewing the records he wanted to make an extraordinary escape, but those cockroaches made one final attack. Of course, he wasn't hurt, but he lost the chain with all of his talismans. He got it back later some time, before Sebastian could work out what it could do.

_Well I am Death, none can excel_

Since his experiment was interrupted, he couldn't get the complete data, but it was enough for future better experiments. And that was what he did.

After leaving the sinking ship he dedicated his whole time to making better puppets. He even succeeded in creating his personal army. Well, his backers thought they were their army, but my, they looked absolutely hilarious when their own guards ripped them apart. Regrettably with each won battle, he became more arrogant and careless until that fated day.

_I'll open the door to heaven or hell._

"Ha, you damn bastard, now that's what you get when you hurt a maiden's face, even if you're god damn hot and sexy and…", Grell's head smashed into the stone floor face first, courtesy of William, the head shinigami.

"We do not have time for your nonsense, Grell. And do you have another Death Scythe again? It is a chain saw, I know, but the last one was definitely another model." William said while smashing Grell's head repetitive into the hard stone floor with each ended sentence.

"Why did you just do that, Will? My beautiful face…" sobbed she-man while completely ignoring what William just said. I just couldn't stop laughing. It was hilarious like a bad comedy.

"Why you… In the name of the council of shinigami and every other being that adores me, you will be executed right here on the spot for harming my beautiful face and glorious body and…", head meet floor again.

"What this idiot is trying to say is that we will kill you right now", William said in his usual stoic voice while pushing his glasses up with his Death Scythe.

"What? Don't I get a trail or something like that?", he snickered putting the most innocent expression he could manage onto his face. Even wrapped in chains with blood dripping from his various wounds, he wouldn't… no, he couldn't let it end like this, to die at the hands of some unimportant third-rate shinigami. He had more pride and intelligence than that.

_Oh, Death_

"You have no right for anything! You bastard nearly destroyed the balance of the world between the gods and the humans with all your experiments! You don't even have the right for some last words!", screamed another unimportant low-rate Death God.

They had all sneaked up on him in a moment of weakness. He thought there were only a handful of them, just a little bit of fun. After easily defeating them, he began to gloat like always these past days, letting his guard down. They attacked him, stabbing him with multiple weapons, chaining him down like some wild animal, he reminisced.

Just now it hit him what glasses said. He needed just a bit more time and preferable a tiny distraction for them. Let's see if this works. "No last words? Isn't that a bit harsh? We are shinigami after all."

"Don't you dare put us in the same category with you, scum! You…"

Before he could finish his insult, they heard some words quietly spoken in an ancient tongue. Then there was a flash of light and the body of the Undertaker fell lifeless to the ground. All shinigami starred down at the still form, ready to attack if necessary. Grell was the first one to approach it and poke it with a wooden stick he just found.

"Will, what happened? Is he dead? Not like shinigami dead, like dead dead?"

William stared down at Undertaker's body, lifting his right foot slowly and smashing it down onto the dead shinigami's head. A loud crack was heard, be it now from bones or the floor breaking was not important.

_Oh, Death_

"Seems like that, his soul is completely gone. But what was that light?"

"Will, let's go home. He is already dead and once a shinigami's soul leaves its vessel, it disintegrates. There's nothing left now, Will. Will-chan. Willy!", head meets stone wall.

"I haven't heard what he muttered at the end and this flash of light was really unnerving. We should investigate this more carefully."

"E-excuse me, William sir. What if this was only a matter of pride, selfishness and arrogance? After all he was a really haughty and egotistical bastard. It would be probably shameful for him to die by the hands of his most hated enemies."

"This certainly seems possible. Take his body with you for further investigation. I will clean up this mess on the wall and then come back shortly to head quarters.", said William while dragging Grell by the very end of his hair across the floor before disappearing into the night.

_My name is Death and the end is here..._

In another world Undertaker was laughing.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Well, that's it for the beginning. The song is called 'Oh Death' by Jen Titus. Some parts of the prologue are from the last few chapters of the manga. For later chapters I will need another name for Harry aka Undertaker to stay hidden (firstmiddle/last name if possible). I have some ideas, but most of them don't quite convince me. And there is also the question if Dumbledore should be good manipulative or bad manipulative. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	2. Chapter 01 Godric's Hollow

_**Minako "mooki" Obata - This Moment ~Prayer in the Light~**_

_Though my body is worn out and weak_

_Though the strength that I once had is gone_

_Now my eyes have learned to cry heavy/happy tears_

_Now my heart is beating with yours_

_In the midst of the night I survived_

_Where the moon and stars could not be found_

_Now I see the brightest light on my way_

_In this moment I exist_

_In this moment I heave/heal_

_All because of the grace you bestowed on me_

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><p><strong>Chapter 01 - Godric's Hollow<strong>

As he came back to his senses and opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the front of a pretty normal looking house with garden. It looked really boring and kind of simple, but he felt some strange energy radiating from this house. Hehehe, how curious. He took a step forward and then it hit him, he survived. Here he was in his soul form, which didn't look much different from his normal body, but a little transparent. He looked over himself, he didn't miss any body parts or anything and his clothes and talismans were also there. So the experiment succeeded. He started laughing like a madman; those stupid shinigami probably thought that he died since a soul could normally not survive without a body. That was why he had to get his talisman back from little Ciel. Without it he would surely be dead. But there also seemed to be a problem. The whole thing should send him to a new body, a body which would be most compatible and perfect for his soul, the most suitable of all. And exactly that was the problem. Where was his new body? Hopefully somewhere near. He knew what would happen then; he would consume the body's original soul, gain their memories and control it after this procedure. It was the perfect plan, not really one of his most sane, and there was apparently still something wrong. My lovely body, where are you? Come out; come out, where ever you are.

He looked back at the house, where should he go? He looked around. He was in some kind of village; it seems to be rather small and isolated in the middle of a forest. It was obviously autumn since the trees were losing their blood red leaves and the nightly wind was rather cold. He heard some kind of crack behind him. Shocked by the sudden loud sound he saw two figures appearing before the house from which he stood approximately thirty feet away. There was a little fat-looking man kneeling and head bowed on the ground before an even uglier being; its skin tone reminded him of the one of his beloved 'bizarre dolls' only greyer and it didn't have any hair and no nose. It wore a black robe, which contrasted with the grey skin and looked quite disgusting. Honestly, it looked to him like a mistake of nature. The only acceptable parts of its body were the two blood red slit eyes. Well, however even more filthy was the rat beneath this creature's feet. Tiny, fat, ugly, nearly bald, absolutely gross.

Hehehe, but curious like he normally was, he went in towards them, a creepy smile on his face. Those two didn't seem to mind him through or they were simply ignoring him, so he waved his hand in front of their faces. No reaction. Oh, how silly of him. Of course they couldn't see his soul form; in this world probably not many people can see souls. Sometimes they would manage to see ghost, however souls and ghosts were two different things after all. The rat-man was stuttering about something, but he wasn't interested in the moment. He was more fascinated by the energy coming from the snake-human's body. It was the same as the one of the house, and even the sniveling rat on the floor had a little spark of it in him. While studying their aura, their power or whatever it was called, he abruptly felt the energy which was around the house breaking down. Well, it didn't matter what they were doing, but now he was getting interested. His future vessel could wait for a little while.

Both of them turned towards the entrance, Undertaker skipped after them. SMASH! The snake-something blasted the door open with what seemed to be a wooden stick and a funny red light. How curious! He decided to just take one tiny peek and see what was about to happen. With a face splitting smile he bounced closer to the door half hiding behind the destroyed door. He carefully looked into the house, better careful than in a body bag. On the other side of the room was a black-haired brown-eyed man standing, holding another stick. He seems to be wearing glasses and black robes which were almost like his outer ones and the one of snake-face. Lights of different color were exchanged between him and the creature. It looked kind of like a firework was going on in the room.

"I won't let you pass, Voldemort! Even if it costs me my live!" yelled the young man ducking under a purple flash.

"Then so be it, Potter!" screeched the snake man named Voldemort. A green light was sent Mr. Potter's way and hit him square in the chest. Oh, he could see how the man's soul was slowly ripped from his body; it gave of a choked scream and disappeared into nothingness, probably the afterlife. How utterly interesting, it seemed like in this world there were no shinigami. While he was amazed and a bit excited about being the probably only shinigami here, Voldemort moved undoubtedly up the stair. Since he couldn't let this lovely opportunity slip, he followed right behind Voldy looking directly over his shoulder. It's been a long time since he felt so exhilarated. He couldn't wait to see what's going to happen next! Then came to another door, which was promptly destroyed and there he saw it.

Not the woman with the long red hair and green eyes; she was momentary unimportant. He felt a strong pull towards the baby in the crib behind the obvious mother. And then he just knew; this was going to be his new body. He went straight to the crib and looked onto the baby. Thank god it was a boy, being a girl would be funny sometimes, but not now. Black messy locks covered his face, which was kind of acceptable. When he made it his, the color obviously had to change. The boy shortly opened his eyes and then he saw it; bright green eyes were staring right at him. What an intelligent child! Hehehe. The woman and Voldemort were screaming at each other now. He looked towards them just in time to see the woman's soul being ripped from the human flesh trough another green light. He should certainly look later into the mystery of this green flash.

Voldemort was now standing in front of his future vessel, telling the nearly sleeping and visibly not interested one-and-a-half-year-old baby about his plans for the dark future, he had imagined, and what was going to happen to him now. Why, just why did villains always tell their counterparts about their plans when they think they would win, nobody really knows. Snake-face raised his wand positioned to kill the boy, but he couldn't let him come to harm! He touched the child on the forehead so that his soul could be pulled inside the little body. Immediately he took control over the young body pushing the other younger soul aside, opened his eyes, which glowed in a bright green yellowish color, and smiled creepily at Voldy, who stopped shortly in his tracks to look at him.

"So you finally woke up, right in time to witness your own death! The prophesy will be broken and I will be the supreme ruler of the world!" laughing he shoot a green light at him. Since he began to work as an Undertaker all those years ago, it was always part of his mask in his former life and it gave him most of the time an advantage he really didn't need, but sometimes he just loathed being underestimated. So he managed to reflect the curse back to the caster, but something else struck him; a part of Voldemort souls. Oh my, this really couldn't get any better! Snake man's body turned gradually to ashes, while a black soul screeched and fled from sight. Shouldn't souls normally go to whatever afterlife there is? He saw it with the man and woman, but not now. So he must have something to ground him to the world of the living after all. Oh, what could it be?

He felt his control wavering; the souls in his body where acting up, his body was seizing up. Now it was time to absorb them. Closing his eyes he went into their mindscape seeing only Voldemort standing there.

"What happened to the little boy?" Undertaker asked while looking around. He wasn't there.

"I absorbed the weak little thing. Tell me stranger, who the hell are you?" replied Voldemort slightly afraid but still maintaining his arrogant mask.

"Well, little snake. I'm a Death God and you may call me Undertaker. Nice to meet you, and with whom do I have the pleasure to converse?" snickered the shinigami bouncing from one foot to the other.

"What? A Death God? That's ridiculous. Something like that doesn't exist. I'm just going to absorb your soul now and see for myself!" he lunged at the tall silver haired stranger, only to be cut in half by a massive scythe. Cinematic records appeared all around him.

"So, I still have all of my shinigami powers that was going to make many things so much easier for me." He starts eating the flesh of the creature, absorbing the memories and powers of both souls.

He saw Tom Riddle growing up at the orphanage, his entry into the wizarding world, his seven years at Hogwarts, the manipulative old fool Dumbledore, learning about the Dark Arts, the death of the Riddle family, his anchor to life: the Horcruxes, the faces of his followers, everything! So much knowledge and it was all his! Truly 'knowledge is power'. Even in his previous life he liked to know everything, which was why he often acted as an informant in his free time. But he would later find some time to look more accurate into his memories; seventy years worth of memories were not that easily viewed. It would probably take years for him to watch each one of them and sort everything in his head.

Little Harry James Potter did have some useful memories too. The black-haired man was his father James Potter, the woman his mother Lily Potter ne Evans, he had a godfather named Sirius Orion Black which he also called uncle Padfoot. Sirius made him in addition his heir to the Black fortune, the werewolf Remus Lupin was uncle Mooney, the rat Peter Pettigrew also known as Wormtail was the secret keeper and the sniveling ugly man beneath Voldemort at the front door. And then there was Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, who even told his parents the whole prophecy while he was present. Ohoho, 'the power the Dark Lord not knows' is probably his shinigami power. And with another puzzle was solved, tada! So boring!

After looking in his mind around a last time to see if all was halfway fine, he thought about waking up. He could not stay in his mindscape forever, because the people out there would wonder why the baby did not wake. So it's time to open his eyes.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. The questions I have are the same (plus one) as before: Dumbledore good manipulative or bad manipulative, suggestions for UndertakersHarry's new name (first/middle/last name) and a maybe for later a pairing for him (does not matter if male/male or male/female or male/female harem). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	3. Chapter 02 On My Way

_**Minako "mooki" Obata - The World of Midnight**_

_Someday I want to run away, __To the world of midnight_

_Where the darkness fill the air, __Where it's icy cold_

_Where nobody has a name, __Where living is not a game_

_There, I can hide my broken heart, __Dying to survive_

_There, no one can see me cry, __The tears of my lonely soul_

_I'll find peace of mind, __In the dark and cold world of midnight_

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><p><strong>Chapter 02 - On the Way<strong>

When Harry opened his eyes again, he was able to see... nothing at all. It was black, pure black. He couldn't see anything at all which was quite confusing. He remembered the small house where the Potters lived and Voldemort's attack. So logically he should be somewhere around there? But even in a moonless night he was normally able to see something. Maybe he was somewhere in a room without a window. But wait there was something soft and warm around him. It felt like… maybe a blanket or comforter, oh the softness felt like heaven on his baby skin. He started to drool and tried to wiggle himself deeper into the warmth of the blanket.

He froze, so he apparently had an own body again, hooray! Being in soul form was kind of nice, but not what he wanted after all. He tried moving his toes and his feet then his fingers and hands and arms. So all his limps were intact; it was a beginning. Then he started looking, more like feeling, if he had any deformation or scars or maybe injuries, but everything was alright. He did have a little lightning bolt scar on his forehead, likely were the soul splitter hit him. Other like that he was completely healthy and survived surprisingly well the all out attack of the Dark Lord. Much better than his enemy anyway. Well, it would certainly be fun to see Voldemort trying to get his body back. Oh, he really couldn't wait.

Since there wasn't much to do at the moment, he decided to sit back for now and wait. Now since he was more relaxed than when he awakened, he could hear the low rumbling sound of an engine of some sort. Oh my, so he wasn't in some room; what possibly could happen since the attack and exactly how long had he been in his mindscape? Until he knew of his location, he had to be calm, but time was going too slow and he was already bored stiff. The people who took him from his house would not think twice about suspecting a baby. He was just a little bitty baby with a really cute face and could barely talk, somebody like that could do no wrong. Oh, how stupid humans were, so let's play a bit.

He heard a loud smashing sound, something that sounded like the screeching of brakes and then it stopped. How uncomfortable, it gave him a good shacking. Haha, looked like it was time for a professional act and in the main role: ME! Tense and a bit excited he waited for what was to happen next.

"Hagrid," said someone probably an old man, sounding relieved.

"At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?" So the person who took him from his new dead family's house was named Hagrid, interesting maybe this conversation would answer some of his questions and his burning curiosity. But honestly, who drove a motorcycle with a little child? How irresponsible and illogical and dangerous are those people? The people didn't seem to mind that he could have fallen from the running machine and probably died. He didn't want to lose his new body that fast, but idiots that they were just asked where he got it from. Really nice, he will remember their names forever and plan their demise in the background, hehehe. It also could be that these people just lack common sense, but usually there was at least one normal somewhere.

"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," answered the man, while trying to climb carefully off the motorcycle with him as he spoke. Dumbledore… pictures of an old man with a long white beard, wrinkled face, twinkling light blue eyes and extremely colorful and for every normal person disgusting robes came into his mind. My oh my, how beneficial, this must be because of the memories he just gained. The man holding him right now was named Hagrid… a nice gullible ruddy half giant. So if there were half giants, there must also be full-blooded giants. How interesting! Would they too have a cinematic record like humans, demons and shinigami? Are there other human like beings too? He really couldn't wait. And then again, everybody was ignoring the dangers of the whole baby-motorcycle situation.

"Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir." His godfather, the person who should take care of him now, was at the Potter's house and left him in the arms of a stranger, how nice. If he wouldn't have known better, he would say Sirius didn't like him much. And what was with the 'I've got him'? It sounded like I was some lost dog they searched for. Oh wait, they knew he was coming. Really suspicious…

"No problems, were there?" He probably meant if there were problems with the kidnapping. But when he was older, they would all suffer and he would hide somewhere in the shadows and laugh himself to death. What a beautiful death! Everybody should die this way.

"No, sir - house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we were flyin' over Bristol." He was proud of himself for his perfect baby acting. Even as an adult he managed to bounce around and grin like there was no tomorrow. Some people compared him to a five year old child with a sugar high and when his mood changed to mad and creepy; he was accused to be a mass murderer. Undertaker could feel two presences coming closer and bending forward over the bundle of blankets; it must be Dumbledore and another until now unknown person. The blanket shifted a bit and he could feel the cold night air on his face. They should close it again, because the warmth was now disappearing and he had to close his eyes. He was sleeping after all. They were staring at him and staring and staring. Now he was getting uncomfortable again.

"Is that where -?" whispered a female voice of most likely an old woman. He seriously wanted to open his eyes now and look around. What are they starring at? He hoped he didn't look like a circus clown or anything, hehehe. He would make one kind of a creepy clown. Maybe when his body is bigger again, he would try it out. He never tried working in a circus after all; maybe he could learn some bad jokes.

"Yes," said Dumbledore.

"He'll have that scar forever." Ah, that scar. Since he absorbed the soul splinter, the wound would heal over and would leave only lovely unmarred skin behind. But he kind of missed his old scars; the one across his face was his favorite, since he horribly killed the one who gave it to him. But the lightning bolt scar on his forehead was like a kiddy scar. Like standing in a group of five year olds and proudly showing his scar and the other children were like 'whoa!' That was kind of embarrassing.

"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?" No way. It was okay without anybody interfering. It would heal and that was that.

"Even if I could, I wouldn't." And why the hell not?

"Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground." Too much information. Too much information! Something was seriously wrong with these people.

"Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with." Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward something. He was still sleeping and could not open his eyes.

"Could I - could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. He should really shave; it wasn't only disgusting, but also quite unpleasant. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog. Such an unpleasant sound, his ears where ringing.

"Shhh!" hissed the woman, "You'll wake the Muggles!" And muggles were… people who could not use magic and did not even know it existed if his memory served him right.

"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, "But I c-c-can't stand it -Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -" Did they think he would stay here with some boring muggles all of his life? They are going to wake up call soon enough.

"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," she whispered, while Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to probably the front door. If he was to live there, they had to greet his new guardians after all. But he was laid down on o cold stone floor, possibly on the doorstep. Hey, why leave him on the floor? There was a rustling sound and something that felt like paper was tucked inside his blankets, and then the man went back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood there and didn't say anything. It was unnerving for him. So they are going to leave him lying on a door step at a cold autumn night and maybe wait for him to die. Absolutely no common sense!

"Well," he heard Dumbledore finally say, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations." What did he say? These people are going to celebrate. When he was old enough, he was going to… Where was his godfather again?

"Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I best get this bike away. G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, sir." Now he finally heard the woman's name. When his body was bigger, sometime when nobody sees it coming, his revenge will be extracted. Hagrid apparently swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.

"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore. She blew her nose in reply. Now at the end of the dialogue he heard what she was called at least. Hagrid, Dumbledore and McGonagall were going to regret leaving him here.

After a short pause and some mysterious clicking, he murmured in a nearly inaudible voice "Good luck, Harry." He waited for a little while, but since he didn't hear any other suspicious sounds, he began to open his eyes again.

Looking around he stared at the house, than to the house of the other side of the street, than to the two neighbor houses. Oh my god, they all looked the same. No, he couldn't stay here. He definitely couldn't stay here. It would be pure torture being surrounded by creatures with an imagination and creativity of a lowly worm put together. He was shuddering at that particular thought.

A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky and what was more important he was cold. Now would be the perfect moment to try out magic to keep him warm till the morning. Concentrate, just concentrate and surprisingly he felt warm again. Now that he was comfortable again, he felt around the paper that was placed inside his blanket; it seemed like this would be a letter to his future guardians. He certainly did not want to stay there in this boring neighborhood, so he thought that if they did not know who he was, he would be giving to someone else. In this letter was most likely his name, birth date and a saying like 'you should look after him'. So he concentrated his new power on the edge of the letter and it slowly started to disintegrate. After he was sure that there was no evidence, he succumbed to sleep after using too much of his magic.

Only to be woken in the morning by an old hag's scream.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body and is at the door step of the Dursleys. The questions I have are the same as before: Dumbledore good manipulative or bad manipulative, suggestions for UndertakersHarry's new name (first/middle/last name since he will travel incognito through the wizarding world) and a maybe for later a pairing for him (does not matter if male/male or male/female or male/female harem). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_

_**Part of this is from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chapter 01: The boy who lived**_


	4. Chapter 03 At The Dursleys

_**Parallel Hearts by FictionJunction and Kajiura Yuki**_

_We witnessed the power which has changed our future, In our dream_

_In the midst of noise, I heard you cry_

_Which unmasked my weakness as I was laughing_

_Only you know the way to go_

_So chase after a different sky_

_We desire the courage to face toward the future_

_So we get lost in the past_

_I am returning to the very present where you are smiling._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 03 - The Dursleys<strong>

In the morning he was rudely awaken by a rather loud scream. In fact it sounded more like a Harpies' screech than a human's. It hurt his ears and was quite annoying. He hadn't even opened his eyes to face the first day in his new body and was already in a bad mood. Damned woman! Since she wouldn't stop shrieking, he opened his eyes slowly, so he wouldn't be blinded by the sun's morning rays. He turned his head a little bit and stared directly at a blond horse. Wait, this wasn't a horse but a woman. Everything was kind of blurry. She somehow managed to take a huge breath and continued screaming; it was beginning to get on his nerves. He closed his eyes, counted from ten to zero and opened them again. The horse was joined by a walrus. Something must be seriously wrong with his eyes.

"Calm down, Pet. Please calm down. The neighbors will look if you keep screaming!" That did it, she finally stopped, but his ears couldn't stop ringing from the vicious sound attack. And he was sleeping so nicely until she came and ruined everything. Of course would the neighbors look when somebody was screaming bloody murder in the dawn? The sun was still standing low, so it was probably around seven in the morning on probably a weekend, since nobody was out and most of the windows of the houses around were still dark and it was really quiet, now that she stopped screaming.

"Somebody dumped a baby on our door step. Look, Vernon!" she screeched again pointing a scrawny finger at him. This surely could be no human. It was not his fault those irrational people felt him on this doorstep. If he could he would be long gone from this boring environment. What sane person would seriously like to life here? Everything is the same, same houses, same garden, same boring people. But why was he really left there? But since he came to this world most persons he met, where either ugly or old. First of all the snake-man Voldemort, than the rat-face Peter, than Hagrid the half giant with the scratchy beard, the two old-timers Dumbledore and McGonagall and at last his new guardians, the horse and the walrus. Thank god that his parents had first-rate genes and were good looking. Well, his godfather was not that bad either.

"Let me see Pet." Oh, now the walrus was coming closer. He just hoped he would not get crushed under the weight of it, should it roll over. And the smell was like a pig's. NO WAY is he staying here, but since he used too much magic from his reserves in the night, so it was still depleted. He felt bloody powerless in a baby's body with weak baby hands and feet and no magic. Thus the only thing he could do at the moment, was laying there and wait.

"What should we do? What should we do?" She reminded him of a headless chicken which was running in circles before their body gave out. But being headless had a benefit, they were usually quiet. She continued running hastily around before the man gripped her shoulder and hold her still. Really good move, man. Nicely done.

"Well let's take him inside for a while until we know what to do. There you can make us some breakfast and we can talk about this without waking the noisy neighbors." Another smart move from the walrus. Hopefully they would give him away to an orphanage if possible. An orphanage had many unwanted children which nobody would miss if they simply 'vanished' and he would probably have more freedom to do what he wanted.

"But Vernon? Is it really okay to take a stranger's child into our house? Think about Dudley."

"It will only be for a moment. Don't worry about our son, Petunia. Nothing will happen." Who in their right mind would name their son Dudley? Well not that he had the right mind to begin with. So their son would either look like a mix between a beanstalk and a horse or a mix between a cube and a walrus. To be complete honest none of these thoughts made him comfortable. But when he was finally picked up from the cold stone doorstep and carried inside the boring looking house, he was quite happy.

Through the front door and anteroom into the kitchen which was connected to the living room. He was laid onto the white kitchen table carefully. Everything smelled like air freshener and cleaning agent, it made him want to lose his nose. There was also no dust particle and dirt anywhere. The room was practically sparkling with tidiness. There was certainly a neat freak near, most likely the woman, since the man scratched himself between his legs while she looked disapproving. No, he could not clean even if his life depended on it. He certainly hoped that the walrus would wash his hand before touching him again.

Now that he had time to look around, he studied the horse a bit. The woman called Petunia, or Pet for short, was thin and blonde-haired with pale eyes, and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck. She really looked like a horse when she pursued her lips and she also seemed to have horse-like front teeth. She probably liked to whine a lot and gossip with the other people. This neck was really excellent while spying on the neighbors, but for her physical appearance it did no good. The man Vernon on the other side was a big, beefy man with a large purple face. He has thick, dark hair, a bushy black moustache, with hardly any neck and small, blue mean eyes. Well, those two were really like Yin and Yang, absolutely perfect together even though they looked so different. And their lovely little son, which Petunia carried into the room, resembled a stranded beach whale. It was a wonder that the woman managed to hold that damn thing up. Little Dudley resembled much his father apart from his blond hair. So there was totally certainly absolutely no way in the blazing burning hell he was going to stay here with these people.

"Oh, Vernon. I am so sorry that I freaked out like that. You know the talk about my sister and her crowd yesterday stressed me more than I had thought. And the whole owl and shooting stars business on the news, I had such a bad feeling about this things. I am really sorry." So she had a sister, boring. And she was with a special crowd she means... street gangs with a pyromaniac and fireworks or the magic users, who celebrated the defeat of snake-face! Magic would be the only logical explanation. But she did not seem to be rather happy about their existence. Normal people usually should not even be aware about the magical world... but they were informed should a family member had magic through. But he felt nothing magic in his surroundings. So how did she know? He thought about Petunia, and a memory came to the forefront of his thoughts. He remembered his mother Lily talking about a sister named Petunia which was insane jealous and hated her for her magic. No that could not be, why would he be placed with his apparent magic hating relatives?

"Nothing to forgive Pet. It was my fault after all. I should not have mentioned it. If I were to have such a sister... I really would not know what to do. The things those weird people talked about yesterday were probably not related to her or them, so just let it go. We have to think now. There was a baby at the door after all." In this moment he was so happy to have destroyed the letter. It probably had mentioned that they had to care for him or something like that and once they had read his name, they would have loathed him too. He was not sure if this old man Dumbledore was just plain stupid or naive or a royal bastard, but he would find out someday. And if the answer did not suit him, heads were going to roll. Yes, they were rolling and rolling and rolling…

"Vernon, like always you are so right." He puffed his chest proudly. He seriously looked proud at the statement, such a simple little man. Vernon, after washing his hands, took his blanket and looked at him suspiciously. If he had the physical strength, he would spit onto Vernon's purple face.

"Well it looks like a healthy little boy, one or two years old. He doesn't have anything on him. You know, normally people leave some kind of note stating the name and maybe the birth date of the baby. But there is nothing, only the blanket." God bless the Queen. There was the possibility that they would throw him into the next dumpster if they knew who exactly he was. He was giving himself an imaginary pad unto his shoulder.

"But, Vernon, how do you know this?" Yes, Vernon, how do you?

"Well, I watched many films where the mother doesn't have enough money or is on the run and leaves her child on the front step of a house, but there is always a note. Maybe these are films after all." So he knows this from some TV shows, talk about simple and pathetic.

"What should we do with him then? We don't know anything about this child? Maybe if I had more money and time we could adopt him, but our lovely Dudley needs us all the time. I am not sure if I could handle the stress of having two children." That is the right direction, woman. You do not want me here and I do not want to be here either. Make us both happy and send me far far away.

"It's a pity. Should we bring him to an orphanage? I have read of a new one opening in London some months ago in a newspaper article, it seemed nice back then." Good idea. Can we go now please? He was getting cramps from this boring atmosphere and his eye lids were staring to drop again. He really should not have used so much magic.

"What a wonderful idea, Vernon. I think that would be best for the young man too." And he managed to get rid of them, he could be really proud of himself. Feeling quite happy, he closed his eyes and was asleep again.

* * *

><p>He was again wakened by a loud sound. This time it was not a harpy, it was the car door being smashed close. They were standing in front of a fairly new building. Outside the new 'Coral Orphanage' a group of children were playing under the watchful eyes of three caretakers. They were laughing, running, smiling and trying to catch each other, in other words disgusting. It really seemed to be a nice BORING orphanage, a nice BORING place to grow up. It still looked simple and a bit dreary, but much better than the cloned houses in his last guardians neighborhood. The house was pain light yellow painted, big windows framed by white paint and a nice grand garden around the house with a high fence so that the children would not run across the streets and die... Such a pity.<p>

One of the female caretakers seemed to notice the walrus, which was not really easy to miss, and went into their direction.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she asked in a nice calming voice. He looked up to her from his position in the walrus' arms. She had light brown hair, blue eyes, tanned skin and looked overall quite nice. She blinked surprised as she noticed that the man was not alone. She probably thought along the lines of 'People usually took children from the orphanage, not bring them even more'. Undertaker was starring straight at her and she at him.

"Well, I am Vernon Dursley and I have found this child on my doorstep today in the morning. Since I already have a one year old son at home, who needs all my free time, I didn't know what to do, so I came here." Well done, Vernon. For bringing him here he would not call you walrus anymore. You have reached a new level and gained a bonus. From now on you would be called hippopotamus or hippo for short.

The woman looked up again to his uncle and answered: "You must have been really surprised when you saw him there and bringing him here was certainly a good choice, Mr. Dursley. Please follow me inside." Oh no, Mrs. Petunia Dursley was not really surprised when she saw me. I just nearly lost the ability to hear.

So Vernon followed her, while he was securely carried by him. They went through the grand garden into the house. They sat down at a table and continued their mind-numbing conversation.

"And how is the baby?" Oh and how is the baby? Do I look fine to you? I just slept the whole night on a cold stone floor and it is November and I used most of my magic to keep me warm, but it still was chilly. Then you are wakened unexpectedly two times by two loud sounds, even through you would have wanted to continue sleeping. And he was still tired.

"Well he seemed to be just fine even after lying on my door step for an unknown time. And he is really calm. He hasn't cried a single time these two hours." Yes, of course he had not cried. He was not a child after all.

"Interesting. Do you know something else about him?" No, not really.

"No, unfortunately not. There was just the baby and the blanket, nothing else." Vernon apparently did not give up on the idea of a note or a letter. Too bad, hehehe, really too bad.

"Okay, we are going to take him in until we will find a family to adopt him." Nope, nobody was going to adopt him, they just did not know it jet.

"Oh thank you, you really helped me out. I must go now; my wife and son are waiting for me at home. Good bye."

"Good bye and have a nice day." Good bye and I hope I would never see you again, hippo.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. The Dursleys are not evil, they just hate magic. The questions I have: suggestions for UndertakersHarry's new name (first/middle/last name since he will travel incognito through the wizarding world), maybe a pairing for him (does not matter if male/male or male/female or male/female harem) and Lestranges good insane or bad insane (I try to get as much insane people into a room as possible). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	5. Chapter 04 Dumbledore's Plan

_**Out of Darkness by Aubrey Ashburn**_

_Listen to my voice, calling you, pulling you out of darkness_

_Hear the Devil's cry of sin, always turn your back on him_

_With the wind you go, and still I dream, of your spirit leading you back home_

_I would give my gifts to you, grow your garden, watch it all_

_The light in your eyes, an angel of dark, Lighting to ease the shadow side_

_Hearts will grow, though having to bend, leaving behind all things in the end..._

_Listen to my voice, calling you, pulling you out of darkness_

_Hear the Devil's cry of sin, always turn your back on him…_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 04 - Dumbledore's Plans<strong>

After leaving Harry with his magic hating relatives, he felt quite good. All his plans were in motion. Now he could just sit back for ten years and wait for Harry to be a poor downtrodden obedient boy, ready to do his bidding. After all those years at the abusive Dursleys, he would send Hagrid to them, the always friendly half giant who he had saved from going to Azkaban all those years ago who was now completely loyal to him. He would tell Harry about the wizarding world and his amazing parents and also the even more amazing Light Lord Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was also a bonus that Hagrid did not like Slytherin and was going to poison Harry's mind with 'Gryffindor-good' and 'Slytherin-bad' talk.

Many pureblood and abused or neglected children get sorted into Slytherin, because they knew how to evade more abuse and future beatings. For exactly that reason they become cunning and sly. And this could not happen. The savior of the wizard world and his pawn could not anywhere else than his light Gryffindor house. But since both of his parents were also sorted into the lion house, he had a feeling that their son would surely follow in their footsteps if somebody told him. Probably should let Hagrid handle that too, since he also was a Potter-fan. One cannot be careful enough when making important plans.

Naturally once he was in the right house, he will become friends with the second youngest Weasley named Ron and a nice gullible and to him loyal muggleborn would be in addition quite profitable too. Malfoy's son would certainly be in Slytherin, being a pureblood and Malfoy after all, and later probably the prince of the snakes, because of his father's connections and money. Therefore all Slytherins would follow little Draco, and would do what he said. What would be better for some house rivalry and 'Snakes are evil' for Harry, then to pair him with a Weasley and a muggleborn, the two things a Malfoy clearly hated most. Ah, he could already see the fights between them; it certainly was one of his best plans.

Harry would become brash and courageous, the typical Gryffindor, and do everything he would tell him. And if not he could possibly guilt trip him into it. The perfect pawn and when he did not have any positive use for him anymore, he could easily be deposed later.

Snape also did hate James Potter and since Harry looked like an exact replica of his father with Lily's haunting eyes, Severus would hate him and threat him even poorer. He began to tell his little spy how Harry was going to be spoilt by his family and an arrogant little beast like his father once he started Hogwarts. After these words left his lips, Severus began to rant about stupid Potters and about how he would make the boy's life a living hell. He left shortly after this conversation, smiling smugly to himself. Another pawn was in place.

But he really did not know that Minerva was watching the stupid muggles and so he was quite surprised to see her there, but with the help of a silent wandless compulsion and a bit of smooth talking, she did what he wanted her to. She left without any more questions, objections or problems, leaving Harry at the Dursley. He surely had to recast the spells later, so that she would not visit Harry while he was with his aunt and think he was happy. Now so he thought back she always was like that, looking out for her precious Gryffindors and trying to maim his grandiose plans. Unfortunately she was not one of the people he could convince of 'the greater good'. But magic really was a useful power when controlling unwilling subjects. After all not everyone liked to follow him.

The success of his plan was not easy accomplished. After Voldemort destroyed the house and killed the Potters he quickly appeared there and thought about binding Harry's magic, but he decided against it. When Harry was able to do more magic, his relatives would also hate him more. A logical conclusion. The letter for Petunia and her family was ready too, spiced with some compulsions and ward magic which would activate when the letter was opened. But as soon as he saw Sirius arriving he was a bit insecure about his success. He cast an invisibility charm around himself and stood silently aside, ready to intervene.

Sirius would have been a problem, but when Hagrid arrived they had a heated discussion. Thank god, Hagrid managed to win the discussion, promised him to keep Harry save and Sirius went to track down the traitorous rat. As a precaution he followed the mutt, who managed to corner Pettigrew. But who would have thought that this unsightly idiot could be so cunning. Peter cast a spell which destroyed the street, killed thirteen muggles, screamed that Sirius betrayed the Potters, changed into his rat animagus form and ran into the sewers. Maybe Peter was a snake in lion's skin, who knew? He alerted the aurors quickly and before Sirius could flee, he was caught and chartered to Azkaban prison without a trail. He assured Bartemius Crouch that Sirius Black was the secret Keeper of the Potters and everything went quite well in the end. Even he himself could not have done a better job.

Harry was placed with his relatives and nobody would be any wiser about his plans. The letter was specially made:

_**Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,**_

_It is with my deepest sorrows, and the most unfortunate circumstance that I am writing to you. Lily Potter was killed last night, along with her husband. They died at the hands of Lord Voldemort, a Wizard, who, along with the aid of his followers, the Death Eaters tried to take over the magical world._

_This concerns you and Vernon, because as of now and forevermore, you are Harry's only living relatives. So I am leaving him with you._

_There are magical wards which had already activated while you opened this letter. They will protect Harry and your family from Death Eaters._

_I know that you did not particularly like Lily or magic, but it would be an insult to her memory if you were to give him to an orphanage or another family. Do not take my words lightly, for the outcome of the Wizarding world – perhaps all of England – is in the hands of this young boy._

_And even if you try to get rid of him, we just bring him back to your house again and maybe use some of our magic on you._

_With deepest sympathies, __**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore**_

_(Order of Merlin First Class, Grand Sorcerer, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot)_

He knew that Petunia hated everything about magic, magic took away her little sister, magic was favored by her parents, magic made it possible for Lily to marry a more beautiful rich man than Vernon, magic turned her into an magic hating person. He could remember the time, before Lily first year at Hogwarts, Petunia wrote him a letter in which she begged him to accept her too. But he declined... nicely. Since then she started to hate everything abnormal and freakish even the word magic. And this hate was going to turn little Harry into his pawn, completely loyal to him. To help things along, he wrote as often as possible the evil m-word in this letter and let them know that they had to take Harry in, if not there were going to be cursed.

But like all good plans, they were not made overnight. His plans began since he heard the prophecy from Trelawney in his office that day:

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..._

_Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies..._

_And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not..._

_And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..."_

But for Voldemort's demise, he would have to hear it first too. But how? He implanted the suggestion that the interview hadn't happened into her head and that she was to come back for the interview the next day at Rosmerta's Pub in Hogsmeade. Then while she was speaking he used the Imperius curse to make her go into a 'trance' and reenact the prophecy from the day before. Quite helpful was also that Trelawney exclaimed aloud as she entered that she was the granddaughter of the great seer Cassandra and that she was there for a job interview with the famous Albus Dumbledore. The little spy was also in position, but did not manage to get the whole prophecy, but it was enough for Voldemort to attack the Potters.

Of course there were two possible children of the prophecy: Neville Frank Longbottom or Harry James Potter. Both of their parents where aurors and fought Voldemort whenever they could, so it could be that both of them. And finally after one and a half year Voldemort attacked the Potters. He always knew that it would be little Harry. Since his birth he did the most amazing accidental magic, which was most of the time far too strong for a child his age. Neville only had a bit more power than a squib and until now did not show any signs of even possessing magic. So Voldemort had to attack the Potters and while they were hiding away, he prepared the wards for the Dursley house. Now Harry only had to get there with the magical letter on him and then the wards will activate and everything will be reported to his office. The different charmed objects would show him if something changed at the Dursleys.

He even had Arabella Figg, another to him loyal pawn and squib, placed in the same street as Harry. She was placed there to watch if Harry Potter was 'living' with the Dursleys quite nicely. And that they did not make the mistake of giving Harry away. After all he could not lose his puppet before he used him. There were many people who would love to adopt him. But Potter being raised in a fair and good environment, would not create his perfect pawn. The Potter Will was sealed by him before the goblins could send possible letters to the different godparents. Too bad, he could not touch the boy's money. The Goblins froze his vaults until he became eleven and entered the wizarding world. When Harry once was at Hogwarts he would use his power as his magical guardian and take most of the money for first of all himself, then for the Order of the Phoenix, then the Weasleys and other important people. The perfect plan.

Even the stupid wolf tried to adopt him after the Potters death, but with the new werewolf regulations in place, he was not allowed to be near any children. But Remus did not stop trying, now he wanted to visit little Harry, but after Albus had assured him, that he was safe and happy with his aunt and her family, the wolf did let go of the matter.

Every pawn was in place. All was set, now he would just have to wait for the game to start.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Dumbledore is quite manipulative. The questions I have: for later a pairing for him (does not matter if malemale or male/female or male/female harem), Lestranges good insane or bad insane (I try to get as much insane people into a room as possible) and who should be complete loyal to Dumbledore. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	6. Chapter 05 Life at the Orphanage

_**Lilium by Kumico Noma**_

_Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam,_

_Et lingua eius loquetur iudicium,_

_Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem,_

_Quoniqm cum probatus fuerit accipiet coronam vitae,_

_Kyrie, ignis divine, eleison,_

_O quam sancta, quam serena, quam benigna,_

_Quam amoena, O castitatis lilium!_

_The mouth of the just shall meditate wisdom,_

_And his tongue shall speak judgment,_

_Blessed is he, who endures temptation,_

_Because he, when tried, shall receive the crown of life,_

_Lord, divine fire, have mercy,_

_Oh how sacred, how serene, how kind,_

_How lovely, Oh pure lily!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 05 - Life<strong>** at the Orphanage**

For the last three and a half years he spent his time living at the orphanage. Some people strangely enough thought that the classic orphanages were creepy, poor places in a continuous twilight zone without much sun, green grass and love where all the unwanted children are left to die. Little dim rooms, not much and when only disgusting food, too many children, some of them deformed, the house on the inside gloomy and sinister looking, broken floors and windows and doors and walls, far and wide only washed out colors, on the outside looking like the ghostly houses straight from horror movies. The only thing that grew was the already dead grass with no flowers and trees, all surrounded by a repeatedly broken simple fence. Maybe there were such orphanages sometime ago somewhere, but this one was the exact opposite of what people imagined.

It was a wonderful bright house in the midst of a grand beautiful garden with a little integrated playground, much space for various ordinary children to play inside and outside. They all got adequate good quality food and went to public school once they were old enough. He was not quite sure if he should cry or laugh at his predicament. He was happy for the fine food and the clothes and books he got, but he really would have liked to live in the creepy orphanage from hell. Now that would be so much more fun! There would be many places to hide his various 'play things' aka torture instruments and 'puppets' aka corpses and when he took out the 'garbage' aka some mortal remains from his victims, nobody would notice or even care. And if some unimportant orphan just 'vanished' or 'got lost' or 'was going out and never came back', the people working at the nightmare orphanage would probably be even happy about it and throw him one kind of a creepy party.

But here, the overly happy caretakers were all over the place, always watching them. So that no child hurt themselves or if the children need something they said. However he looked around the huge living room, there were some caretakers. He left the room and in the corridor, there was a caretaker. He tried to bury the cat he killed because of his never ending boredom; there was a caretaker behind him. Surprisingly she had an accident the very same day and could not come to the orphanage any longer. If he did not know better, he would say they were all stalking him and the other kids. They certainly were irritating, but they could not all have 'accidents'. Now that would be too blatant.

Everything at this point was sunshine, daisies, friendship, love, justice and world peace, hurray! It made his eyes slightly burn and his stomach acting up. It was like running on the beach in the ankle deep water, behind him in the distance a red lovely sunset; of course he was holding the hand of his beloved and both of them were laughing happily. Happily, not creepily. At this point his headache usually turned into a full-blown migraine.

The stalkers took great care of each child no matter what age, and obviously they liked him the best. Who would not like him? Well, he certainly was a very good actor. When one of the caretakers was in his vicinity, he was always the nicest, sweetest little boy there was in this big big world. Always polite and pleasant to have around, smiling at them cutely and innocently. Yuk, sometimes his perfect acting was vehemently attacking his health. So much fake innocence and sweetness, he often felt like throwing up.

But he was still too small. He could not really vanish before, because of the people watching him. His only safe heaven was the big room he got. There was a large bed in one corner of the room with big windows, a writing desk with an adequate chair and many book shelves with books in every size and form. Some people commented that it looked more like a library than a normal child's room, but it was acceptable for his needs. And since when was he ever normal? But he stayed since he had to get up to date with the happenings in the muggle world. Thank god he knew through Voldemart's memories, he knew at least what happened in the magical world until the special October night in 1981 that changed many lives.

Even at this moment his body was still new to him and he still had problems adjusting his movements and balance to this little body. After more than three years he thought he might get a hang of it, but it just seemed impossible. He could not wait to be back in an adult's body. He always over estimated his arms and leg span. So he would often trip over his own feet and fall face first onto the floor or would try to grasp or catch something, only to fail in the end. Damn his kiddy size!

His magical abilities also needed training. There was a saying, 'you should be careful what you wish for'. Well, that exactly was his problem. He wished a boy would trip and he tripped, in front of an oncoming truck. He wished a caretaker would have an accident and it happened. The child should vanish, he was never seen again. All three times he was a bit emotional, angry, through. In the last years he managed to control it enough, not to harm anybody accidentally through his thoughts alone. And last but not least he got a whole lot of memories to watch, about Voldemort mostly and Harry a bit.

And those gullible caretakers were practically eating out of his hand and doing everything he wanted. If he looked sad or distressed, they would crowd around him worried, asked what was wrong with him and if he would need or want something or if they should punish one of the other children there, who were from time to time bullying him. When he was acting cute and cheerful, they were happy too. Quite cliché, but nonetheless true.

It also helped that he was the genius of the orphanage. When he was a little bit over two years old he started to 'talk' 'slowly' in full sentences and with three he could already 'read' complicated books. So the stalkers made good publicity with his talents and got many financial bakers and donations. The orphanage became quite well known throughout England. He was the lonely genius Markus Claire of the new Coral Orphanage. Such a simple name, but unfortunately he could do nothing against it. Since the first day here this was his new name even if it was boring and simple and oh-so dull. But in hindsight everything was better than his lovely guardian family, the hippo, the horse and the beach whale. Up until now he had to play nice with at least the caretakers. So he played the innocent, lovely, little genius. He really did not want to hide his knowledge and act like a lowly brat, but I could not be helped.

And since he was such a bright child, he needed many different books about the world. It was so easy to get the information he wanted, a little teary eyed smile and they got him everything he desired. He noticed that his former and this world were in many aspects quite similar. They both had normal people aka ordinary humans, the same continents, wars and history. But one of the greatest differences was the different spiritual, in this case magical, themes. In his previous world everything was about the people and their souls, about what would happen in the afterlife and where the soul and memories go. There were regular humans, soul reapers, angels and demons. First of all the soul reapers, who watched the human's memories and took away their souls when they died. It was a part of a death god's job and daily lives. Then the demons, who usually lived in hell and ate the souls of humans after making a contract and fulfilling their 'master's' deepest wish. And the angels, who resided in heaven and could purify a human's soul by changing or better said rewriting their memories, but they did not often wander into the sullied human world. It was too impure for them, but every now and then a deranged one would descend and wreak havoc. Here meanwhile the most important thing was magic. Magical people, magical animals, magical houses and castles and many more. Long time ago different magical creatures like vampires, naga and veela mated with normal humans. The result of this union were known as the first wizards and witches, humans with magical powers. And all those 'purebloods' thought that their blood was oh-so pure. Oh, if they knew, hehehe.

But with his fame and clearly amazing talents, families who wanted to adopt him came. But they soon ran for their lives, when he began to be really nasty. He did not want to be adopted by some stupid family which would only parade him around like some kind of trophy and watch him 24/7. So he always scared them shitless and unfortunately they never revisited. When the caretakers returned and asked him whatever happened he would reply at first that they did not like his character or he did not like theirs. After the same happened for the third time, he simply told them, that he did not want to leave the orphanage because he loved the caretakers so much and of course the other children and for him that was family enough. Normally such cheesy things had to hurt physically. The caretakers were of course all teary eyed at his exclamation, hugged him and loved him even more if that was even possible. And stopped after a while sending families to him.

One of the most amazing changes was his hair color which turned from deep black to silvery white. In addition he refused to let the caretaker cut it, so it became quite long, his long bangs hanging slightly over his eyes. At first he thought he might be growing old with all the white in his hair, but then he remembered that he was only three. In the following months his hair turned completely silver. The stalkers where worried about their genius' health so they consulted many different doctors, but even they didn't know what happened or why. Of course he knew, but what exactly should he tell them? It would be funny to enlighten them that he was a Death God from another world with some hundred years of battle experience and awesome fighting skills with scythes. They would die of shock… that would be not as nice as laughing himself to death, but it was tolerable.

Meanwhile the other children at the orphanage did not like him one teeny-weeny bit. He seriously did not know why. Maybe for one they could all be just jealous of the attention he got from the caretakers, teachers, families and press and his natural amazing good looks. They called him teacher's pet, girly, old man and other unnecessary things. And when his hair changed to silver and became quite long, the bullying started anew with much more vigor. At first it was only snide remarks, nothing dangerous so he just ignored them all, which of course made them even angrier and with each failed attempt they got more confident and stupid, like typical Gryffindors. Just once tried a boy to hit him; he managed to dodge in time but was slightly angered by it. After seeing his 'disapproving' face, meaning creepy as hell, they turned tail and ran as if the three headed dog Cerberus were after them. But since he had a forgiving nature, he forgave this boy and his friends easily. So he was quite surprised when the very next day this poor boy trip over his own feet and fell in front of an oncoming truck after crawling through an 'accidental' hole in the garden fence. Too bad the boy didn't die instantaneous. No, he was laying there on the cold cement floor, bleeding slowly to death and in extreme pain, surrounded by other hysterical children and some caretakers. The boy opened his eyes again for probably the last time and saw him smiling creepily out of the window of his room from where he watched the whole incident. He looked shocked for a moment before closing his eyes for eternity. It seems that another child saw his sinister smile, because after that 'accident' everyone stayed clear of him. They were even too afraid to be in the same room as him. When the caretakers asked, they were just jealous of him for his brains and made up some stories. It always worked.

Between being a genius, a lovely innocent boy and a man who should normally be taken into an insane asylum with variety of handcuffs around his hands and feet, it took him quite a while, nearly four years, and many many hours in his mindscape to fully view all of Voldemort's memories.

Tom Marvolo Riddle was born on 31 December 1926 in the Wool's Orphanage in London, a really bad cliché orphanage. Awful food and housing and nobody loved or even liked him because of his magical abilities and it was so funny that their birthday was exactly a half year apart. Tom was later known as Lord Voldemort, an anagram of his real name. 'Tom Marvolo Riddle' into 'I am Lord Voldemort', quite a nice idea. He thought that maybe he should make an anagram out of his name as well, but since his name was not long enough to make something believable out of it. There was 'Duke Erant' or 'Untakerder' or 'Rekatrednu' or other things, but like he already assumed, not really convincing. Nothing like Voldemort, French for 'flight of death'. Such a self-important show-off.

Tommy was a half-blood wizard, the son of a wealthy Muggle called Tom Riddle Sr., and the witch Merope Gaunt, who died shortly after his birth and was a descendant of mighty Salazar Slytherin. And after he had absorbed the little soul splitter which was sent his way that night, he became one with all the benefits like parseltongue and parselmagic. Yeah-ho! He should visit Gringotts sometime in the future and look if he could get into these vaults too. Their son TomTom later attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was sorted like every Slytherin heir into the Slytherin house.

He was thought to be the most talented pupil to ever attend Hogwarts. To the school at large he appeared to be an exceedingly handsome and polite child. In reality, however, Riddle was cruel, arrogant, sadistic, manipulative, sociopathic and megalomaniacal, absolutely lovely. Tommy boy and he himself had many things in common; they both were truly remarkable in the art of fooling the normal folk. Having achieved outstanding grades in every examination he took, Riddle left Hogwarts and working shortly at Borgin and Burkes, before disappearing from public view completely.

After he embraced the Dark Arts which he encountered in his travels, the former Tom Riddle, now known exclusively as Lord Voldemort, raised an army out of followers he recruited at school and afterwards, as well as many dark creatures. Dun dun DUUN, enter the famous and deadly Death Munshers.

This army, also commonly known as the Death Eaters began a campaign of terror and violence. Their favorite torture spell? _Crucio_. How plain. There are hundreds and thousands of different more creative ways to torture and kill people and what did they do? _Crucio_ and _Avada Kedavra_. This could not get any simpler. And what about blood? There was none of course with these spells. Those bigheaded pureblood ponces could probably see no blood, inbreeds that they were. After hearing half of a prophecy referring to a single wonderful being with the power to destroy Moldy, he set off to kill little remarkable Harry Potter, to whom he believed that prophecy referred to. After murdering 'his' parents, Voldemort turned his wand upon the boy, but due to his amazing shinigami powers, Voldemort's curse rebounded upon him and his body disintegrated. End of the story. And for all of this he needed over three and a half years. And now he did not have anything to do anymore at the orphanage.

So he decided, on his fifth birthday he would enter the magical world and try to open his shop again.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Next chapter is Undertaker's first visit in the magical world. I don't know why, but writing this chapter was really though. The questions I have: Lestranges good insane or bad insane (I try to get as much insane people into a room as possible), who should be complete loyal to Dumbledore and pairings for other characters. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!<strong>_


	7. Chapter 06 Into the Magical World

_**Lala's Lullaby by Kaoru Wada**_

_Lacrimosa dies illa!_

_qua resurget ex favilla_

_judicandus homo reus._

_Huic ergo parce, Deus!_

_Pie Jesu Domine_

_Dona eis requiem. Amen._

_Ah! that day of tears and mourning!_

_From the dust of earth returning_

_man for judgment must prepare him;_

_Spare, O God, in mercy spare him!_

_Lord, all pitying, Jesus blest,_

_Grant them thine eternal rest. Amen._

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><p><strong>Chapter 06 - Into the Magical World<strong>

Today was his fifth birthday, the thirty-one July 1985, well his body's fifth birthday. The official date of birth of Marcus Claire was the first of November, the day the hippo brought him to their orphanage. Through a medical examination the caretakers learned that he was maybe a bit over one year old, so this date was good enough for them. And for him too. They did not have to know everything after all.

The day before was like every other; in the morning he was woken up by the caretakers, went to public elementary school in the morning, ate lunch with the other children, read some books in his room until dinner and then went to bed. Although nobody knew, today was a special day. When he first entered this body, he decided to enter the magical world once his body turned five.

But first of all he had to get a disguise. Not just any disguise, but a good one to fool all those Harry-Potter-fanatics that might be out there somewhere. Even though he had not heard anything from the magical world in over three years, he was quite sure that they made him some kind of hero of the wizarding world and all those crap. His scar disappeared in the first two months of living in the orphanage and now he had long silvery white hair. Nobody would even think about him being Harry Potter because of the changes, but he did not want to be so arrogant and hasty. The last time he made that mistake, he was caught by the third-rate shinigamis in his former world. In addition he decided to wear a lovely dress. Since his acting was already on par with one of the longtime professionals, he was sure that he could manage to act like an innocent little girl.

So after three o'clock in the morning of the thirty-one he magically and silently opened his room's door and opened the one of Becky, the only girl about his height and stature, who had everything from normal looking to pink princess to dark dresses. He really did not need the hot pink frilly ones. Disgusting! He gently opened her door and snuck inside. He sent a wandless stupefy at her, so that she would not wake even when he accidently made some noise. Once this was done he went to the different drawers and started his search.

Pink summer dress. No. Absolutely not. The next one was a blue short dress. No, he did not like blue. A white spring dress, not too long, not too short. Too Pure, it clashes horribly with his silver hair. He took out the next one which also dropped onto the floor after his inspection and took the next. Too silver. Too short. Too bright. Too pink. Too much color. Too dull. Too sparkling. Too many laces. Too long. Too dying princes like. Too plain. Too much visible skin. Why the hell should a six year old girl wear a dress with a plunging neckline? He would probably never know. When he reached the bottom of the fourth drawer, he found the perfect dress for him. There was a lovely dark green dress, which went down to his knees, was a bit on the gothic side with ribbons for his hair and in one of the corners of the room he saw some matching black shoes. That was perfect. The dark green was close enough to his favorite color black.

He put it on, swirled around in front of the mirror and snickered. Oh, he made one kind of a creepy girl. Now he just needed someone to take him to Charring Cross where the hidden pub was. He looked at his watch, it was half past four. My oh my, he spent the last one hour and a half looking for the right dress. He did not know that he was so picky with his clothes.

He silently went down the stair to the first floor where the rooms of some of the caretakers were located. He looked at the signs on the doors. Now he had to choose which one he should get into trouble. Mrs. Cartners… no, she was quite a nice gullible woman. Whatever he told her, she believed it. She was allowed to life. Either they were one his side or dead. Too bad they did not know this. Next one, Mr. Stanley… he was exactly the same as Cartners. Nice, a bit dumb, caring, kind and everything else that was positive. Oh, and there was the door of Mr. Tristan Erikson. He hated that man since he tried to bury another cat he had killed. Seriously what was wrong with these people? They should be happy that he did not torture and kill the other children in the orphanage, these were just normal cats. Better some cats than children, right? Some people eat them, the cats, because they have nothing else. Caretaker Tristan somehow thought that he, the lovely little genius of the Coral Orphanage, was in reality a demon from hell or Satan's spawn and tried to get the others on his side too. The children already thought of him as a demon after the 'accident' and so caretaker Tristan felt affirmed in his beliefs. Of course the other caretakers thought it was the stress that made Mr. Erikson that way, but since that one time with the dead cat he tried again and again to prove him to be a demon. He would be the perfect victim for his plans.

He knocked at his door and waited. A sleepy Erikson opened the door rubbing his eyes while yawing. "Kid, what are you doing up so early? Is there some kind of problem?" He opened his eyes fully smiling kindly before he realized it was Marcus in a dress.

"Why you… what the hell…" He could not say more before Undertaker moved forward with the grace of a panther and lightly touched Erikson's forehead with two of his fingers. Erikson's eyes dulled immediately and his body became more relaxed.

"What can I do for you?" Tristan asked in an emotionless tone his dull eyes turned to Undertaker.

"Why do not we go inside your room and discuss this matter in a more private setting?" Both went into Erikson's room. It was neither small nor big or in any way special.

"What can I do for you, Marcus?" he repeated his question.

"Tut-tut. That is not nice. You are not allowed to call me Marcus." scolded Undertaker, his index finger moved from one side to the other and back again. "What did the demonic lapdog called his master?" he muttered to himself. "Ha, I know." He turned to Erikson again. "You may call me 'my Lord'. Do you understand?"

"Yes, my Lord." answered Erikson.

"And for now go down on one knee, hold your hand to your heart and repeat the phrase again."

Erikson bowed down and repeated "Yes, my Lord."

"Perfect, my underling. I need your help with quite a few things. First of I want you to write a note for your colleagues, so that they know what has happened to us. Write: '_I have taken the demon to the church. I will prove to you that this is no human, but a fiend disguised as an innocent child. I will send it back to hell and be celebrated as a hero once I have finished my task. And then all of you will see that I was right all along. Tristan Erikson' _Do you got this?" Erikson got up from his position, went to his desk and started writing. After he finished he showed Undertaker the note.

"Perfect! Now we just leave the note, which you have written yourself in your hand writing, here on the desk with your pen and your signature on it." Erikson did as he was told.

"Now take all your money you have in this room and give it to me." he demanded.

"Yes, my Lord." Tristan went to search. After five minutes he was finished and passed him everything he could find.

"Not bad, a little bit over two hundred pounds. It could have been more, but what the heck. It will somehow work." Undertaker turned to Erikson again.

"Now you will take one of the cars of the orphanage and drive me to Charring Cross. Do you understand?"

"Yes, my Lord." Erikson bowed down again.

"But do it as silent as possible." Undertaker did not want to wake the others by being careless. Erikson, who was still in his sleeping attire, took the car keys and the keys for the front doors of the orphanage. Silently they opened them and snuck outside. They got into the car and started driving. It was five minutes before six o'clock when the caretaker would wake and with them all the children.

"After I exited the car at Charring Cross you will drive to the next gas station and fill up both the tank of the car and the car itself with as much fuel as you can buy with those two hundred thirty eight pound. The seats and the floor should be soaked in gas. Is the car boot leak proof?" asked Undertaker.

"Yes, my Lord. The car boot is leak proofed." answered Erikson without taking his eyes from the street.

"Then in addition you can fill the car boot with as much as you want. After you are finished pumping the fuel into the car, you just have to find a male boy with my height and stature, knock him unconscious and throw him into the car. Do you understand the plan until now?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"You know what would be better? Do not knock the kid unconscious, hit him so hard that he never wakes up again and break some of his bones. It does not matter if you get bloody. The more blood the merrier, right? Then you drive with the in fuel drenched car and the boy in front of a church, exit the car and lit it on fire. It will burn and burn and burn and while it burns, you will scream as loud as you can 'I killed it. I killed the demon.' and 'Now the demon is back in hell.' and 'I always knew he was Satan's spawn. Now he is back in hell with his daddy." and laugh madly. That should do quite nicely. And if the policemen try to arrest you or later knock you unconscious, bite, kick and punch them as much as you can and do not forget to continue screaming, hehehe. I think that would be all. So do you know what to do?"

"Yes, my Lord. I will drive to a gas station, fill the car with as much fuel I can buy, brutally kill a boy your height and stature, drive to a church, lit the car and scream as loud as I can." repeated Erikson.

"Yes and when the police comes and tries to arrest you?" Undertaker was by now smiling creepily in the front seat.

"I will kick, punch, scream and bite, my Lord."

"Wonderful, my faithful underling. Absolutely wonderful. And once you were knocked out and wake again, you will not remember anything from today. Is that clear?" Undertaker touched Erikson's forehead again.

"Yes, my Lord."

At the end of their conversation they arrived at Charring Cross, where Undertaker exited the car in a hop after waiting two hours. It would be suspicious, if he turned up too early. He turned back to the now running car and Erikson.

"I will see you in hell, Tristan Erikson. Until then, have fun with your life." With these last words Undertaker closed the door on the passenger's side with a smile on his face which spoke of years of absolute madness. He looked after the slowly vanishing car and looked at his watch, half past eight. Perfect. He skipped towards the pub.

The Leaky Cauldron was a quite famous place for most of the wizards and witches. It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub. The people hurrying by didn't glance at it, because the Muggles could not see it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Cauldron at all.

For such a famous place, it was very dark, which was not so awful for him, and shabby. The muggle health inspectors would have a field day with this disgusting pub. It was absolutely filthy and he seriously would not want to eat the food or drink from these drinking glasses. Even through his Undertaker shop was dark and creepy too, it was really clean, although he worked with so many corpses.

He noticed a few old women sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of sherry. One of them was smoking a long pipe. A little man in a top hat was talking to the old bartender, who was quite bald and looked like a toothless walnut. The low buzz of chatter stopped when he walked in. They looked at him curiously, he looked back smiling. When their curiosity was stilled about the strange girl they went back to eating the disgusting food and drinking the water and chatting with the same old bland faces and people. He needed to get to the brick wall fast before someone stopped him. He put his hand over his eyes and went on.

"I am invisible. I am invisible. I am invisible." Undertaker muttered quietly to himself.

"What are you doing here, little girl? Where are your parents?" DAMN IT.

"My parents went shopping with my older brothers in the muggle world a bit." Now he began sniffing. Liar was his second name.

"And I was looking at this window with those funny toys for only a little bit and then they were gone." He carried on. Now there were tears running down his cheeks. Damn, he was godlike.

"But they told me, when there ever is a time where we get separated, I should go to Gringotts and wait for them there." He continued, his eyes getting a little bit brighter.

"Oh, that is good. Should I help you get into the Alley?" the barkeeper asked.

"Yes please that would be really nice of you sir." Yes, that was precisely what he wanted.

"Don't call me sir, it makes me sound old, just call me Tom. Okay?"

"Okay Tom."

They walked through the pub, to a dead end. Now they were standing in front of the brick wall. Three up... two across, Tom tapped the wall three times with the point of his wand. The brick he had touched quivered - it wriggled - in the middle, a small hole appeared - it grew wider and wider - a second later they were facing an archway large enough even for an elephant, an archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley." Tom said, before Undertaker stepped through the archway. Undertaker turned around, thanked the barkeeper and saw the archway shrink instantly back into solid wall.

The sun shone brightly on a stack of cauldrons outside the nearest shop.

Cauldrons - All Sizes - Copper, Brass, Pewter, Silver - Self-Stirring - Collapsible, said a sign hanging over them.

A low, soft hooting came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eeylops Owl Emporium - Tawny, Screech, Barn, Brown, and Snowy. Several boys five years older than Undertaker had their noses pressed against a window with broomsticks in it.

There were shops selling robes, shops selling telescopes and strange silver instruments he had never seen before, windows stacked with barrels of bat spleens and eels' eyes, tottering piles of spell books, quills, and rolls of parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon... and other useless junk.

This seriously looked like a jumble sale from someone's grandmother's old junk she stored somewhere in the cellar or attic before she passed away of old age, but for now he simply ignored it. He had to get to Gringotts first.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Next chapter is Undertaker and the Goblins. The questions I have: Lestranges good insane or bad insane (I try to get as much insane people into a room as possible), who should be complete loyal to Dumbledore, Snape on Harry's side or not and pairings for other characters. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!<strong>_


	8. Chapter 07 Buisness with Gringotts

_**Elyuria's Song**_

_Soul carried away by the wind,_

_Heart stolen away by a human._

_Oh Earth..._

_Oh stormy rains..._

_Oh heavens... Oh light..._

_Shelter all within your embrace._

_To live in your embrace._

_Oh soul..._

_Oh heart..._

_Oh love... Oh hope..._

_Return here to find shelter..._

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><p><strong>Chapter 07 - Business with Gringotts<strong>

Gringotts, the everyday wizard's and witch's bank, was mostly run by goblins since the beginning of the magical world. They all said to never mess with goblins and that their bank was the safest place in the world for anything you did not want to keep safe or others to see. Even though there were millions of other magical people in the world, the English people always thought that their things were the best of the best, the crème de la crème. They sure were a conceited folk. Obviously only they had the finest and the safest school and naturally their money was also in the most secure bank there was anywhere in the big wide world. If that did not scream 'arrogant' or 'haughty' or 'pompous', he would eat his own hat, of course once he got one again.

The vaults were not only guarded by spells-enchantments but also real live dragons, but those were just for the high security vaults, even if nobody was quite sure if it was the truth. People tend to exaggerate everything the more it was told. From a little scratch to a normal bleeding wound to a near death from blood loss and an amputated foot to an explosion of the human body like a balloon full of meat.

Gringotts was a snowy white building that towered over the all the other little shops in the Alley. It was quite obvious. Most of the street was in dark colors, dark brown, dark white, dark green, dark black, only the bank was pure brilliant white. So white nobody could miss it even in the dark. Standing beside its burnished bronze doors, wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold, was a goblin. It was about a head shorter than a ten year old child, so a bit bigger than his body. He had a swarthy, clever face, a pointed beard and very long fingers and feet. The goblin bowed as he skipped inside. Now he was facing a second pair of doors, silver this time, with words engraved upon them:

_Enter, stranger, but take heed._

_Of what awaits the sin of greed,_

_For those who take, but do not earn,_

_Must pay most dearly in their turn._

_So if you seek beneath our floors_

_A treasure that was never yours,_

_Thief, you have been warned,_

_Beware Of finding more than treasure there._

Oh, how lovely. He was going to like approximately 183 percent trying to rob them. Not actually rob them, well rob them first, see what he got, give back all the useless junk and tell them later how he had managed to infiltrate their bank and point out possible improvement. They were going to be really good business partners and friends, he just knew.

A pair of goblins bowed him through the silver doors and he was in a vast marble hall. About a hundred more goblins were sitting on high stools behind a long counter, scribbling in large ledgers, weighing coins in brass scales, examining precious stones through eyeglasses. There were too many doors to count leading off the hall, and yet more goblins were showing people in and out of these. Undertaker made for the counter.

"Good Morning, dear goblin." said Undertaker grinning cheekily at a free goblin. "Excuse me I wish to speak to my family's account manager privately please." He was not quite sure how to start this conversation. His future success was depended on it. The goblins could make so many things easier for him, but for now he did not show his nervousness. He was hopping from one foot to the other, playing the innocent little girl.

"And who might your family be, little lady?" the Goblin asked uninterested.

"Well, well! Would not we all like to know that?" Undertaker grinned. Let's see how much he could annoy the goblin until his wishes were met.

"If you have no business here, then leave!" Oh no, he knew he would be there for quite a while once he started talking.

"Would you really do that to one of your probably richest customers? You know, we could talk about this somewhere private?" Undertaker needed a private setting. He did not want others to overhear this sensitive conversation about his dead family and him being Harry Potter. The goblin wrinkled his nose for a second before getting up and talking to another goblin in another language, Gobbledegook. Undertaker watched the goblin on their right weighing a pile of rubies as big as glowing coals. Seriously nice. Probably a well paid job.

"If you would like to follow him, little girl. He will take you to an account manager. This way." he pointed at the other goblin looking slightly annoyed.

"Griphook! Bring her to an account manager." He followed Griphook toward one of the doors leading off the hall, where the door was held open for him. Undertaker did a traditional curtsey to the teller and followed Griphook through a number of doors. Harry noticed several doors with funny looking sighs, probably all in goblin language. The goblin knocked on one of them until he heard a deep voice say.

"Enter!"

The Goblin led Harry into the office. Harry looked over the desk at a tall, well dressed goblin, with a small beard on his chin.

"Mr. Sharptooth, this lady wanted to talk quite urgently to an account manager, so I brought her to you." Griphook informed the other goblin.

Sharptooth gave his colleague and Undertaker a rather sarcastic smirk, "Very good Griphook, what can I do for you, Mrs.…"

"That would you like to know, hmm? Since you all waited so long, let's get down to business, young gents." he seated himself onto the stool in front of Sharptooth's desk crossing one leg over his knee. "I am interested in hearing my parents will and claiming my Lordship as the last living descendent of the Potter line."

"The Potter line?" Both Goblins looked shocked for a moment. "Then you are…"

"Yes, I am Harry James Potter in the flesh. You probably won't believe it."

"You are right; we really do not believe it. You do not have the typical black Potter hair and…" Undertaker revealed the smooth scar free skin of his forehead through brushing his bangs away, "also no scar. Who are you? Do tell before we will have you dragged out of here by the guards." The goblins turned immediately serious.

"Nanana, do not be so hasty." scolded Undertaker, "I am quite sure you have something like a head goblin, am I right?" The goblins did not answer him. "Oh, come on! It really is important. He should be here too, so that I only have to tell you this story once." He was getting frustrated; they did not make things easier. Sharptooth glared at him, Undertaker glared back. They continued their silent fight for five minutes, before the goblin sighed and looked from Undertaker to Griphook and back again.

"Not bad, supposed Mr. 'Potter'. Not many can win a staring match against a goblin." Sharptooth stood up. "We will walk you to the director's office." They left the room, on his right side Sharptooth and on his left Griphook. They went through a maze of doors and halls and rooms, up and down, left and right. Everything looked the same, the same door, the same floor, the same décor, and the absolute same rooms.

"What would happen if someone, only hypothetical of course, would be going through this door?" Undertaker pointed to his left. That door looked exactly the same as all the others they went through.

"We have some rather nasty surprises behind them for people who try to steal from us. So you could just open it and look for yourself, but only if you really want to. However be warned, whatever happens to you, physically or mentally, is not the fault of Gringotts. We will not pay for any form of injury." Now he was interested! He was happy to say that the goblins seemed to be an intelligent species and had a sense of humor that matched his! They would get along just fine. Finally they came to a big gold decorated door. Griphook knocked and waited shortly before they heard "Enter", opened the door and went in. They stood in front of an old wise looking goblin.

"Director Ragnok, this boy here says the Harry James Potter and he wanted to have a private discussion with you." Ragnok looked incredulously at the young lady.

"Well, then. This room is heavily charmed, so no one is able to lie within it. Tell us why you think you are Harry Potter. You are after all not the first one to try."

"Someone tried to impersonate me?" Undertaker asked with a surprised look on his face. Someone tried to take what was rightfully his. He did not mind the truth charm; after all he needed some 'accomplices'.

"Yes, it was kind of amusing to watch. Mr. Albus Dumbledore tried twice to take some money looking like Harry Potter with most likely a Polyjuice Potion and Aging Solution. We knew once he entered Gringotts that something was not as true as it should have been, so we decided to lead him through the different halls and after we passed through a door frame, he turned back into his normal form. What many people do not know is that the different frames are charmed to reveal the deceivers and thieves. Another time a guy named Mundungus Fletcher tried but also failed miserably. We know for sure he is a Dumbledore supporter and member of the Orden of the Phoenix. We warned Mr. Dumbledore, if he tries to rob our bank one more time or bring us some papers with your supposed signature on it, we would transfer all his money to the Potter vaults and since then he was not seen again here." The one who left him with the Dursleys also wanted to take his money. Interesting. For now he would wait, people said 'revenge is best dished cold'. Cold as in cold dead body.

"I will tell you everything you need to know, but first I want you to make an Unbreakable Oath with me, to never reveal any of my secrets without my explicit permission." This was important. Luckily the goblins made the Oath and he could continue.

"I am Harry James Potter and so much more. The night Voldemort attacked, a splitter of his soul got stuck, which was later then absorbed. The biggest part of my soul, you can call Undertaker for now, a Death God."

"A Death God?"

"Well you know, where I came from, there only existed humans, demons, angels and shinigamis, death gods. But some of them tried to kill me, so through a ritual I came looking for a new body for me. When I came into this world, right before Voldemort killed young Harry with the killing curse, I shielded my new body with my powers. Without me, Harry would not have survived and there would be no boy-who-lived. That was the short version. Do you also want to hear the long one?"

The goblins nodded and after nearly an hour of talking, all three agreed they needed a drink. He told them about his former world, the shinigami and everything that happened before he entered Harry's body. The stories about the demonic lapdog and his master, the fallen androgynous and utterly insane angel, the damn third-rate shinigamis, his lovely Undertaker shop, his even more amazing Death Scythe and everything in between. They shared many laughs and ideas for future business between the goblin nation and Undertaker.

"Mr. Potter, we now know who you are, but nevertheless we will have to make sure through the inheritance ritual and so that we see what vaults are yours." said Ragnok.

"Griphook, could you please bring me the inheritance ritual dagger." he continued. Undertaker waited for the goblin to bring back the dagger. They did not have to wait long for Griphook returned with the dagger and handed it over to Sharptooth.

"Now Mr. Potter, to prove beyond a doubt that you are who you say you are. Please use this dagger to draw it across your palm and allow some of your blood to drop into the Chalice". Undertaker took the dagger from Griphook and slashed it across his palm in one swift movement. He held his palm over the chalice and allowed his blood to flow into the cup. Once the cut was healed with goblin magic, Sharptooth pulled out some parchment and spread it across the table. He then took the chalice and poured the contents over it. The blood was immediately absorbed into the parchment, which remained blank for some seconds before letters appeared in red.

_Name: Harry James Potter_

_Birth date: 31 July 1980_

_Status: Alive, New Generation Pureblood, Death God_

_Father (biological): James Charles Potter (deceased)_

_Mother (biological): Lily Ann Potter née Evans (deceased)_

_Abilities: metamorphmagus - wandless magic - soundless magic - shadow walker - beast speaker - parseltongue - animagus_

_Vaults: Potter - Gryffindor - Slytherin (trough conquest) - Peverell_

"Well, name, birth date, my father's and mother's name were not so surprising I would say. The abilities are interesting. Metamorphmagus are people who can change their faces at will, is that correct?" Even with all those memories, he did not know much on this subject.

"Yes, but only the weaker ones. If you are powerful enough you can even shift your bone and muscle mass, for example grow bigger and older or turn back into a child. But only, I repeat, if you are strong enough." He could be an adult again; he could be an adult again!

"So theoretically if I had enough magic, I could permanently change this little body into an adult one?" Undertaker wanted to clarify, "I know this one is kind of cute but sometimes it just sucked to be a kid and I also want to reopen my shop again."

"Yes, that would be achievable through it would probably take some time and cause some pain. We also think that your changed hair color had to some extent something to do with your ability."

"You mean, something like my brain always thought of me as being silver haired and then altered it automatically? And because I did so unknowingly it only changed slowly over an extended period of time." Yes, being a metamorphmagus would certainly explain it. He just thought it was his magic complying to his wishes.

"Logical conclusion. What interests us more is the Shadow Walker ability. Care to explain that one? We know for sure the Potter family and neither your mother did have this ability."

"I was always good with shadows, hiding in them and when a possible victim passed, I jumped out and scared the living daylights out of them. It was rather amusing to watch their expressions. Some of them even peed themselves and one gentleman seriously shit his pants. One old lady died through, heart attack. How that happened, I will never know…" Undertaker was now smiling slightly. "And in my little shop I would sleep in my coffins and when I heard people enter…"

"We understand what you mean." Ragnok interrupted him, "You are probably not aware about your status as new generation pureblood as well. As you already know, wizards and witches are far behind in most things. Half-bloods are people with one magical and one muggle parent. New generation purebloods are people with one pureblood and one half-blood or muggleborn parent. It is as easy as this. If two muggleborns have a child, the kid would also be a new generation pureblood. But since most purebloods are stubborn, idiotic, pigheaded hmm… sorry, bigheaded, egoistical and many other unpleasant things, they went against this change and anything not pureblood. Do you understand why there are so many goblin revolutions against wizards?"

"I will just make a guess. They thought creatures should be banned from the magical world like muggleborns or they threw so many regulations your way you just said no." That was an easy question to answer.

"Both of your answers are correct. They tried both things more than thrice already." All the goblins nodded their heads.

"Did my parents make at any time in their live a will?" asked Undertaker. He wanted to know how much money they had would go to him. So that he knew if he had to work in his shop seriously or if he could just 'play' a bit.

"Yes, but Dumbledore used his influence as the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and sealed their will until you would come to us and ask, not one second early. So, are you asking us about the will?" The goblins smirked.

"Yes, of course." Undertaker said smilingly. Ragnok opened one of his drawers and pulled the Potters will out.

_We, James and Lily Potter, hereby declare that it is our wish to instill the Guardianship for our beloved son Harry James Potter upon the following in descending order. _

_Possible guardians: Sirius O. Black, Remus J. Lupin, Minerva McGonagall, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Arthur and Molly Weasley, Theodore and Andromeda Tonks_

_We want to make it perfectly clear that under no circumstances is our son to be sent to live with Vernon and Petunia Dursley, because of their strong hatred for anything magical._

_To our best friend, Sirius Black, we leave…_

And the list went one with what to give whom. Undertaker grimaced.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Potter?" Ragnok noticed his rather sour mien.

"The old man sent me to the Dursleys with a letter tucked into my blanket." He was not supposed to go there.

"What happened after that?" Sharptooth asked.

"I destroyed the letter with wordless and wandless magic and they sent me to an orphanage where I lived the last few years. What about the listed families? What happened to them?"

"Sirius Black currently resides in Azkaban prison where he was falsely imprisoned. Remus Lupin is a werewolf and through restrictions of the ministry not allowed to care for a child. Minerva McGonagall probably was obliviated by Dumbledore. Frank and Alice Longbottom reside in 'St. Mundo - Hospital for magical maladies and injuries' after their minds were destroyed by an overdose of the cruciatus curse. Arthur and Molly Weasley are not aware of this as are Theodore and Andromeda Tonks." So through random incidents none of them were able to care for him, not that he wanted them to, but the idea alone of someone interfering with his business. Heads will roll.

"I remember Sirius as Uncle Padfoot; they made him my fist godfather. Why was he imprisoned and how do you know that it was falsely?"

"We, the goblin nation, know so much. We have spies everywhere, but who would believe us? We are just some lowly creatures. Peter Pettigrew was the real secret keeper and Dumbledore knew. After Black saw the destroyed house, he went after Peter, who in turn killed thirteen muggles, cut off his finger and vanished into the sewer system. Black was then dragged to Azkaban for killing the muggles and Peter and thrown into a cell without a trial." When he had some free time he would get his godfather out of there.

"You would not just so out of curiosity have a way in and out of Azkaban? I want to make some new friends." Undertaker snickered creepily.

"Well, we do not know, don't we? We just have some rather complex tunnel systems many many miles under London and connections to other important cities and buildings. Why do you think such unmoral things?" Ragnok smirked. They all began laughing madly. "We have four different ways, but let's go back to important matters."

"Hey, making friends is important." There are probably many interesting people in Azkaban anyone would like to meet.

"Now let us go over what you have inherited." The goblin handed Undertaker a file containing all the vaults he now owned.

_Gryffindor Vault: approximately 900,000 galleons, as well as numerous books, jewels and pieces of armor._

_Slytherin Vault: approximately 800,000 galleons, as well as numerous books, potion ingredients, and pieces of jewels._

_Potter Vault: approximately 180,000 galleons, as well as numerous pieces of art and furniture, books, and armor._

_Peverell Vault: approximately 150,000 galleons, as well as armor and jewels._

_Trust fund: 50,000 galleons._

"Let me congratulate you first, Mr. Potter. You are one of the richest people in England. Once you become the Lord of the different houses, you can access all this money."

"Can I take up the Lordships and then change my name?" Harry Potter sure sounded lame.

"Why a new name?" The goblins were surprised.

"So I can live in 'peace' and Harry Potter seriously sounds lame like the name the orphanage gave me, Marcus Claire. So while I lived there, I thought about new names, maybe something like Alexander Dorian Grey. I know it sounds normal too, but normal enough for people not to question me. And I really liked to read the book 'The Picture of Dorian Grey' in the orphanage. The good looking, smart, cunning, slightly insane and immortal main character just sounds like me, don't you think? I also adored 'Alice in Wonderland' but I would be too obvious to call myself Mad Hatter, so Alexander Dorian Grey is enough for now."

"Why not? Would you also like us to forge a complete new identity with birth certificate, OWLs and NEWTs?"

"You can do that?" Undertaker asked mock-shocked.

"Of course. We are goblins after all. So what should we write into these documents?"

Undertaker pondered a little while before saying, "My name should be Alexander Dorian Grey and make my birth date the 31 July 1965; this would make me now twenty years old. I was home schooled by my parents Naina Lebedev, a beautiful Russian pureblood, and Viktor Grey, a muggleborn. Against her parents' wishes she married a so called 'mudblood', but they could not disinherit her, because she was the only child this line had left. From her I inherited my good looks, the silver hair and all her money once they died after I turned eighteen. One year before I had taken my OWLs and NEWTs and got perfect scores in each available subject in Russia, and later traveled around the world. Now after many different adventures, I just want to settle down and live in peace in my little shop. The end. Is this enough?"

"Yes, in two hours you will officially be 'Alexander Dorian Grey', twenty years old and of course 'emancipated'. What vaults should be in the Grey vault?"

"Just rename the Potter vault. Is there a way to change my name magically or something? Dumbledore tried to forge my signature before and if he tries to make a for example marriage contract or a will in my supposed name with my signature, I would not have to respond to that."

"Yes, of course. Just say '_In the name of the old magiks I change my name, hmm, to hmm._' Understood?"

"_In the name of the old magiks I change my name Harry James Potter to Alexander Dorian Grey._" The magic started to swirl around Undertaker before shining brightly. "Woah, that was easy."

"But everyone always forgets it. Now even spells which are clued to your old name are ineffective." Ragnok shuffled through the notes, "The documents are forged; we will get them into the different ministries today. Everything will be taken care of. We will now give you the rings for your Lordship." Sharptooth then pulled out a box, opened it and turned it to face Undertaker. In the box were four rings. One ruby ring, one emerald ring, one red ring with the Potter symbol, and one white ring with the Peverell symbol. Undertaker took one ring at a time and placed them on his fingers. He felt the power run through him. A glow surrounded him again as the rings accepted him and turned invisible.

"What would have happened if they did not accept me?" Undertaker asked.

"You would be dead now. So it was fifty percent for you living and fifty percent for you dying, a fair chance. You also have inherited two houses in England, one in Russia, how fitting, one in Germany and another one in Spain and half of Hogwarts is yours."

"Fascinating. So if I want to open a shop, where would be the best place for it? I have more than enough money to play around, is there somewhere a nice muggle and magical city? At the moment there are not enough wizards dying, so to keep my cover up I must make business with muggles as well. And there also has to be a big cemetery. I always wanted my very own cemetery!" Undertaker was feeling giddy at this idea.

"We have some ideas for you to go over."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Next chapter is Undertaker and Shopping. The questions I have: who should be complete loyal to Dumbledore, Snape on Harry's side or not, some animals and one or two animagus forms for Undertaker (please be creative!). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!<strong>_


	9. Chapter 08 Shopping

_**Misa's Song**_

_Please step carefully_

_For God is watching your every move_

_On a path dark as the night_

_That's when I will ask you to hold my hand_

_Even if I'm all alone, far away_

_I know that you'll always search for me every time._

_You'll teach me everything_

_I want to know all it is that you know_

_Even if I'm to forget each thing that I've learned_

_You'll teach me again_

_Over and over again_

_But when I have learned_

_All that it's possible to learn_

_Then what am I to do?_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 08 - Shopping <strong>

Three long days, it had taken three whole days to change from his childlike appearance into his old body permanently. Through sweat and pain and some rather nasty chuckles on his side he had finally managed it. His body looked absolutely perfect. Pale skin, 1.85 meter high, muscled but still slim, like an athletic swimmer. His already green eyes got a slight yellow shimmer and in combination with his long silvery white hair, he certainly looked like perfection. He stood naked in front of his body length mirror admiring himself. And the best thing about his metamorphmagus ability was that he could let different scars appear all over his body. He swirled cheekily around himself one time, his hair moving like water, and looked back into the mirror. Now a big stitched scar ran from his left eye over his nose down on his right cheek, another one right horizontal across his whole neck. He remembered fondly the surprised and pained face of the one, who gave him this particular scar, after he split him in two with his death scythe. All the other battle scars he had before were not that out of the ordinary so he did not really need them and under his normal clothes nobody would have seen them anyways.

He heard someone knocking on his door and told them to enter. Ragnok, Sharptooth and Griphook walked into the room, each one of them carried parts of his new clothes. Once they finished talking three days ago they allowed him to access one of the guest rooms of Gringotts, because of his newly acquired status as Goblin Friend. They did not mind his nudity as they showed him what they made. Undertaker was finally whole again. Before he began changing his body, he had drawn some pictures of the old clothes and some others he wore in his former world and had given the sketches to the goblins, who in those three days managed to get him exactly his clothes.

Oh, his lovely black pants and high heeled boots with far too many leather fastenings. It was so good to be back. He wore a long sleeved high collared shirt under his knee length also high collared black vest, which was closed in the middle through buttons down to his thighs and buttons on the end of his sleeves. The white of the shirt underneath poked out under the vest at his throat and his hands. The goblins told him that Severus Snape, the potion teacher and head of Slytherin at Hogwarts, wore the exact same one, but with a much different cloak. It made him happy that someone else had such a good fashion sense as well. Over his vest he wore a black cloak which ended a little bit over his ankles, had a lovely hood and a low v-neck and was closed by four big silver buttons down on his right side. The cloak had much too long sleeves which hid his hands perfectly from view. From his left shoulder to his waist he wore a simple dark grey cloth, tied through a lose knot at hip height. His look was finished with a simple black hat that had an extension at the upper end. Hmm, but he still lacked his normal accessories and piercings. Maybe he could find some nice jewelry in one of his vaults or Knockturn Alley. He missed his pearl necklace, the talismans with the gold chain he usually wore around his hip and a nice ring with a big stone. He actually wore the lord rings but they were invisible at the moment to everyone but him and the goblins. Maybe he should even get a cane for himself, one like the lapdog's master had, but then again he would look rather silly with it. He was not a cane type of person.

While looking at his hands he realized something. He closed his eyes and concentrated. When he opened them again, another scar marred the flesh around the pinkie of his left hand, where he sewed it on again after it was chopped off by a demon, and his nails lengthened and turned black. Wow, now he would never need to buy any nail polish anymore. Who knew that his new ability could be that awesome and useful?

He got his bangs and braid into position, ruffled his normally straight hair and looked at the goblins, his eyes hidden from view, "What do you think?" he asked happily. Now if he wanted to change permanently back into his child form, he had to undergo a three days again. What a pain.

"I certainly would not expect you to be Harry James Potter or any other sane person." Ragnok answered honestly. "All the documents are in place. Now have you decided where to open your shop?"

"No, not yet. I think I will go a bit shopping before I decide." Undertaker smirked. "Can you get me more clothes like these?" he asked, "These are quite comfortable." Undertaker swirled around again. "What kind of material is this?"

"The boots and the cloak are made out off dragonhide and the shirt, vest and pants out off Acromantula silk. Should we use your other sketches for your new clothes? But so that you know, only the first pair, the one you wear right now, was for free. The others will cost quite a bit, because of our first-rate quality and various charms. Horntail dragonhide, which can absorb weak to even middle strong spells, and silk from the great Acromantulas, stronger and more dangerous than their normal kind. The charms are the following: fireproof, waterproof, as magicproof as possible, anti-ripping, auto-customization if you change your body again and the two pockets on the inside of your cloak are spelled to be bottomless. All in all rather expensive, but excellent quality. Is this okay with you?"

"Yes to the sketches and yes to the best possible quality, after all I have the money. Have you seen my special vault-connected money bag?" Undertaker asked while he looked around.

"Here" Griphook flung a black bag at Undertaker who caught it with ease, "And have fun. We, goblins, need after all also some form of entertainment, so go and kick some prejudiced wizard's ass or just wreak havoc. The bag is connected to your magic; nobody can take or steal it from you." The goblins were smirking quite nasty. "And if they try, we had installed a really nice surprise especially for them."

"Nice. Ah, before I forget, how is the potion for the animagus transforms coming along?" Oh, he really could not wait to see his animagus form, but he sure hoped that it was something special and amazing and maybe death related.

"We probably need another day before it is finished." Another day and then he would know.

Undertaker sighed contentedly, "Life sure is good." He turned around and skipped through the rooms and halls out of Gringotts. It was already past 6 o'clock and getting dark. Most of the shops in Diagon Alley were already closing. Not that he wanted to shop on the 'light' and 'normal' and 'boring' side, there was absolutely nothing interesting. He spent the last years in an uninteresting environment, and at this moment it was enough. Now it was time for some excitement. He looked around. The _'__Slug and Jiggers Apothecary'_ which only had none dangerous potion ingredients, normally used by Hogwarts students. The bookshop, _'Flourish & Blotts'_, with only legal aka 'ministry approved' books and many others which often fell under the category 'fantasy' or 'none existent'. He heard about books which described him as a prince of a white horse, even if he was at that time a mere toddler, who defeated the big bad dragon aka 'Voldemort' with his amazing magical powers. Since he was two, he then wrestled with thestrals in the woods and fought many other dark creatures in his spare time, while rescuing princesses from different countries. Really amusing fictional stories. Next was the broom shop, _'Quality Quidditch Supplies'_. Seriously who needed a broom to fly when they all had magic? Be creative! _'Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions'_, another shop who greatly benefited from the Hogwarts students and nearly nothing else. All just children shops, literally.

He turned to the part where the infamous Knockturn Alley, the only interesting part in Diagon Alley, started, where dark creatures, poor people, outcasts and prostitutes lived. Many of the shops in Knockturn Alley were devoted to the Dark Arts; the largest was _'Borgin & Burkes'_, which sold sinister and dangerous objects. Exactly what he wanted.

His first stop was however a rather sizable book store by which he could not pass without taking a look at the assortment. There was an old twisted staircase leading up to the second floor with even more books in it. Most of the books were old and probably second-hand with only a small section of new books in the front of the first floor. Like every shop in this Alley it didn't discriminate on a books content and had a rather large selection of books on a wide variety of dark magic subjects like _'Necromancy for Amateurs'_, _'Dangerous Dark Animals and Species'_, _'Blood Magic and Rituals'_ and so on.

The shopkeeper eyed Undertaker as he made his way into the shop, and tended to hover around him as he continued to look. His eyes would light up whenever he spotted something that caught his interest and started immediately collecting piles of books on various fascinating subjects. The shopkeeper's eyes were growing wider and wider with each taken book and seemed stunned when Undertaker took easily enough money to pay for his many purchases out of a little black bag. Undertaker shrunk his books and placed them into the pockets inside his cloak and went out of the shop into the direction of his actual destination.

'_Borgin & Burke'_ was all in all basically a shop for dark arts junk. There were some rare items, but nothing he could really use or interested him at the moment. Borgin hadn't paid him any attention when he skipped into the store, nor while he was hoping around in the store itself, touching everything that seemed interesting. Undertaker came to a stop and stared at the various junk. He remembered that after Tommy boy graduated from Hogwarts in 1945, he came to work here for a year searching for valuable objects for future Horcruxes.

He started to browse again until he stopped before a large cabinet. If he recalled the information correctly, the object before him was a vanishing cabinet which was usually made in pairs. But since the counterpart was obviously missing, it was basically worthless now. An interesting form of wizarding travel, however these things were broken easily. So if it broke while someone was inside, they could end up stuck between the two with no way out. Lovely.

For some minutes he continued, but after finding nothing fascinating he walked out dejected. He had to look into his vaults for suitable jewelry. After he heard so many good things about this shop, it was rather disappointing. Therefore he continued his journey through the Alley, passing many interesting shops.

There were other smaller junk shops, some brothels, houses whose purpose even Undertaker did not know, little inns and pubs, various erotic shops and a tattoo and piercing store, where he promptly got three piercings in the left and four in the right ear with matching black earrings.

Afterwards he wandered through the tiny streets behind the shops from the main alley, looking for some fun. But where could he find some? There were no people on these streets until a woman in a dark colored dress with long brown hair, grey colored eyes and a deep plunging neckline appeared from one of the smaller alleys, saw him and seductively walked over.

"Oh my, oh my. Are not you quite the handsome man, deary?" the prostitute asked leaning into his chest smiling lewdly showing off her d-cup chest. "How about we go somewhere private and have a bit fun?" she asked alluringly. Fun was exactly what he was looking for.

"I am not quite sure, my lady. Only us two seems to be a bit boring, so I must decline. For my needs only one is not enough." Undertaker said mysteriously. Well, one certainly was not enough for him.

"Oh, so you are that type. Should I invite some of my friends too? Especially for you?" She quickly realized what he wanted.

"Yes, that of course would do. Do you have somewhere in mind? But it better be a secret place, because I would like to stay anonym to you all and the people on the street." He would not want others to connect him with them after all.

"Yes, of course, we have a secret passage. Nobody will see. Follow me please." She took his hand and ran through a series of different narrow and dark streets, which were rather dirty because of their rare use. After many turns they finally arrived at a shabby looking house and nobody had seen him and the lady talking and walking, which was in addition a bonus. They entered the establishment, which looked a bit better inside than the worn out outside.

"Oh John! Jonny! We have a guest!" she screamed into the house, and then turned back to him again, "John is so to say the manager here, I will just shortly inform him." Both of them waited till a bulky man with declining greasy hair stepped out of one of the rooms. "So, what does he want?" asked John with a sneer on his face.

"Well, I would like to see the whole assortment of goods before I decide if it might be possible?" Undertaker said smiling.

John just grunted in reply, turned around and yelled for the others. From each room were coming all available people, altogether seventeen, seven males and ten females. While everyone was watching him, he moved his index finger and mumbled a silencing and locking spell. Now nobody was able to get in and out or hear anything from the outside. Perfect privacy.

"We are here to fulfill our special guest's needs today. So please…" Unfortunately she was not able to say more, since her head was falling from her shoulders down to the ground and landed in a soft thud.

Undertaker stood there smiling creepy, the beheaded corpse of the woman laying at his feet. Blood sprayed in every possible direction, ruining the carpet underneath. Undertaker had his scythe out showing the others the creepy design. "My my, why do not you satisfy my needs, my dear ladies and gents." he answered cheekily, madness shining in his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing, you bastard?" yelled John drawing his wand like some others too. They were already shaking and their wands with them. Like that they would not be able to hit him.

"I came here exactly for the things she offered of course. Killing only one is not as fun at all. So I came to kill you all!" he started laughing, they started screaming.

**(AN: warning of brutal massacre, sadism or extreme** **gore for the next paragraph)**

It had been a long time since he felt so alive. He cut them all down. The one on his left, the other one who tried to hide behind the couch, both of them cut in two; three others tried to flee, so he just cut off their feet. Blood was spraying everywhere turning the washed out color of the walls and floor into a beautiful bloody red. He was chuckling madly as some of them tried to hit him with dark spells which where all blocked by his scythe, but most of them were off target since the beginning. And on his left, he cut the woman's arm off, she screamed in pain while trying to stop the bloodflow with her other hand. Some of them tried to get out off the room through the doors, but all of them were locked. They screamed and screamed until there was no voice left in them. And he cut and cut and cut them all down. One after another, like pigs in a slaughterhouse. With no way out. Nowhere to run. Even after they were laying on the ground begging for their lives, he just smiled sweetly and continued to cut some of their limbs off. In some way those who died instantly were much luckier than those still alive. One thing after the other, first all their fingers and toes and spelled them so that they could not bleed out. Voldemort's memories and spell-knowledge about torture came quite handy at this instant. After the small limbs, the hands and the feet up to the ankles, then the arms and the remains of the feet followed and if they did not die because of the overdose of pain, he cut off their head.

At the end of his entertainment he sat on one of the corpses, comfortable one knee over the other. Usually he was not that bloodthirsty and he hated to make his hands that dirty, but after spending so much time in the happy smiley faces orphanage with only cats to kill, his mental stability was a little bit imbalanced aka out of control. But now he felt calm again, ready to face the world and open his shop. Sitting there he began to wonder if he would sometime visit a psychologist, who would come out of the session more insane, he or the psychologist? Ah, so many interesting questions. He finally felt like himself. A little bit blood and physical exercise and he was already happy. The years at the orphanage somehow screwed him over, but everything was fine now. He got his body back, his clothes and in a little while his Undertaker shop with own cemetery. How fun.

Blood was dripping from his face onto his clothes, which were thanks to the goblins really waterproof, onto the already blood soaked floor. He mumbled a quick cleaning spell and he stood again, totally free of blood. As if nothing happened.

"Well, that certainly was fun. It has been a while since I was so amused and entertained by other people." he looked around at the corpses. "Well, I just leave them here. Someone will get lucky and find them." And he went out as if nothing has happened and continued on with his shopping. The last shop he wanted to visit was the pet shop, a dark grey stone building at the end of Knockturn Alley. From the outside nothing could be seen since the show windows were all hidden behind a black something. The sign said _'Animals for every Use from Potion Ingredients to Loyal Familiars'_.

When he opened the door and the door bell chimed a very old man with many wrinkles and bald head asked immediately, "Good day sir. How can I help you?" The old man tried to smile nicely which turned out quite disgusting because of the missing teeth and the one in gold. He was not one of the prettiest but he was after all only here for the animals. "We have many different animals. Little acromantulas, fairies, kneazles, imps and many eggs from different breeds of dragons and griffins and…" the man sounded eager to sell some animals. But before he could go on, Undertaker stopped him.

"I am searching for an animal which fits my personality." Undertaker said trying grinning, "Well, they should be kind of good looking and creepy in their own kind of way. If possible they should symbolize death or misery or insanity and should be colored in black or dark colors." he informed the shopkeeper.

"Certain animals such as crows, cats, owls, moths, vultures, and bats are associated with death, some because they feed on the corpses of other animals, others because they are nocturnal. Would you like to see some of them?" Woah, this old man certainly did not look like much, but he knew his stuff.

"A bird would probable useful for writing mail. Do you have any interesting birds?"

"We have some owls, ravens, occamies and some harpies, but do not go near them, they hate people in general." The old man showed him the room where only animals with wings was stored. Normal. Normal. Ugly. Not black. A pink raven? Seriously? Is that even possible? Normal. It tried to bite me. Normal. Tried to run away. Too light. Normal. Normal. Annoying. No. No. Never. He could not seem to find anything appealing.

"Hmm, they do not really convince me. Can we look at the other ones?" he asked. Most of them were pretty normal, nothing funny. He needed something funny. Noteworthy and creepy, but still good looking. He certainly was a picky person.

"What about insects?" was followed by a short, "No." from Undertakers side.

"So let us look at the cats." the shopkeeper tried to lead him into the next room, but was stopped by Undertaker's hand. "Are there some funny ones? Like really funny. Or really special? Creepy? Anything?"

The old man paused and started to think. After some minutes he answered, "Well, yes, I think I know what you could want, but it is not a normal pet. Is this okay?" after Undertaker nodded positively, he continued, "his former owners shoot too many cheering charms at the kit and well, now it just looks, well not normal. Would you like to take a look?" He nodded again and they walked into the next room. Up on the cupboard was a big sixteen kilogram striped cat sitting. His fur was grey blue with black strips. The cat looked at Undertaker and smiled. The smile became bigger and bigger until it nearly reached the cat's forehead.

"Oh my god… I take him. I absolutely want this one." Undertaker smiled, took the cat from the cupboard, hugged him close to his body and swirled him around, "And I already know what to name you. Cheshire! Do you like the name Cheshire, from the Cheshire cat in the book 'Alice in Wonderland'?" The cat just smiled widely. "Ah, I am so happy right now!" The shopkeeper looked at him as if he was some kind of lunatic. "Do you have any other special animals? Something that is not normal? Out of the ordinary? Mutated?"

"Well, yes, a friend of mine has a pack of grims and a herd of thestrals and all the other bigger animals on his farm. I can owl him and he transports the animal in two days to my shop. Ah, he told some time ago that something really special happened. One of the thestrals got an albino baby. An albino! The little one is completely white. And it's a girl."

"I take it." Undertaker said instantly, now he had to get his shop and a cemetery ready, "but I could only pick it up in five days if it is possible?"

"No problem, sir. I will contact him in three days."

"If the thestral arrives just mail Gringotts and write 'for Undertaker' on the envelope." He paid for the cat right now and would pay for the thestral once it arrived.

After that he left the shop, he walked again towards Diagon Alley to Gringotts hugging his new pet Cheshire close.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Next chapter is Undertaker, the Animagus. The questions I <strong>__**have: some animals and one or two or three animagus forms for Undertaker (please be creative!). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	10. Chapter 09 Animagus Form and Undertaker

_**Requiem by Lisa**_

_There is no end to be found in this world.  
>Sleep, my beloved.<br>Your life goes on.  
>You were born, and you lived.<br>You will tell the song of hope, won't you?  
>For eternity.<em>

_Offer up these tears,_  
><em>The words of a new love.<em>  
><em>Thank you, days of bliss within my dreams.<em>  
><em>I thank the fact that we met here.<em>

_For eternity._

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><p><strong>Chapter 09 - Animagus Form and Undertaker Shop<strong>

There was somebody knocking at his door, he turned onto his other side burrowing himself further into the soft blankets. He was still tired, he should not have read so much yesterday, but the books were so interesting, so he just could not stop. The annoying knocking sound did not stop or go away, he murmured a quick "enter" before he turned his head in the direction of the opening door while still laying on his stomach. He snuggled deeper into the pillow and groaned again in an effort to make them go away. After the footsteps stilled and he felt three pairs of eyes on him he asked, one eye open, "What do you want?" The goblins stood there with more clothes for him and a vial in Ragnok clawed hands.

"Don't be so grumpy. You told us to wake you immediately once the potion was finished." Sharptooth said smirking nasty. To tell the truth the goblin seemed quite happy to wake him from his deep slumber. Sadistic bastards just like he himself. Finally some people, goblins, he could relate to.

After realizing what they said, Undertaker was wide awake from one second to the next. He threw his covers from him and with them also a sleeping Cheshire, stood up quickly and walked over to where the goblins stood. He snatched the vial out of the goblin's hand and looked at the shining purple liquid through narrowed eyes. This one hundred milli-liter purple liquid should help him first of all to connect with his animal form and secondly turn him into said form. He chuckled. Animagi could only take on the form of one specific animal, which is not chosen by the wizard himself, but determined by their personality and inner traits. It is a reflection of one's inner nature. It would be fun, seeing his inner nature, but he hoped not to scare the goblins with it. Maybe he would turn into the skeletal form of an animal? If he thought about it, he had no idea which animal would suit him best, but he was going to find out today. Furthermore the goblins told him that only very powerful and skilled wizards would be able to become Animagi, because the process of becoming one was long and arduous, and had the potential to backfire and cause the transformation to go horribly wrong. However once the initial training is over, an Animagus could change at will at any time, with or without a wand. That was the basic information. He was hundred percent sure he could manage.

"Are we ready to start?" Undertaker asked. Hopefully it was something with claws and sharp teeth.

"Yes, we also brought as a precaution different books of normal to exotic to special to magical animals, so if you appear to be an unknown animal to us, we will look into these. The transformation is painless and we will conjure a big mirror for you." answered Sharptooth, pulling many piles of books out of the pocket of his jacket. Undertaker opened the vial looking pleased and drank it. After he swallowed the last bit of the potion, he fell to the ground convulsing, screaming his throat horse. It had been a long time since he felt so much pain. Like his insides were trying to break through his skin. When you could move again…

"Is this normal?" Griphook asked surprised. They told him it would be painless. Bastards.

"No, not really." Sharptooth answered, "When he stops we will see, but until then just wait." When he was able to get up again, he would show them what true pain felt like for their smart comments. Undertaker finally caught his breath, but still was laying on the ground, while his body grew bigger and bigger until he easily towered over the three goblins. They seemed frightened stepping a bit back. So at first glance he was terrifying and awesome. That was the direction he wanted to go. He looked at his reflection.

The animal, which stood at two meters height, had a relatively short torso, a fairly massive wolf-like build, a high wither and a thick short neck. The forelegs were high, while the hind legs were shorter and each paw had four digits. The claws looked short, sharp and non-retractable. The coat's base color was white and it had a rich white mane of long hair running from its head down its back. He also had grey black spots all over his body and the tips of its large ears were black. Its eyes were glowing in a mysterious red color. Undertaker admired himself in the mirror, how he managed to get this form, he really did not know, but it was funny and rather fitting. He grinned at his reflection, before remembering the pain of the transformation and nasty remarks.

Undertaker glanced around. "You idiots! That damned hurt. You said it would be painless! And do not think I had not heard you. Retribution is coming your way now." Undertaker stalked towards the goblins, grinning creepily and opened his sharp toothed mouth looking down at them who looked up at him shocked. At their surprised faces, he started to laugh loudly.

"How amusing! You are so much fun! Hahaha!" he was now rolling around the floor. "So lovely! Don't you think so too?" He stood up again and posed.

"Yes, truly fitting, but we are not quite sure firstly what you are and secondly how you are talking to us normally." Sharptooth answered still a little shaken while looking through the books. Normal animals are not two meters high even he knew this. They looked and looked and looked, but did not find anything. Since he was now bored Undertaker was trying to catch his tail the whole time. "We are really sorry, but we could not find anything. We think it might have something to do with your status as Death God. The animal is generally quite normal with a little demonic touch. A really amazing animagus form, congratulations!" Ragnok grinned. "If you want to change back right now just think of your human form. If not you can just wait until the time of the potion runs out."

"Oh, already? I think I will stay a bit like that." Undertaker sat down and began laughing madly again. He looked at the mirror once more. White with black markings and blood red eyes, he looked really 'light'. It was kind of too noticeable. He wished to have a darker fur color to hide better in the shadows when his base fur color turned into a dark ash grey and his eyes were now white glowing instead of blood red. "My my. How unexpected and nice, seems like my metamorphmagus abilities could be used even in animagus form." He tried to change his coloring again, but there were only these two different forms. White with red eyes and black with white eyes. Well, better this than nothing. Now he just had to learn how to transform.

"Well, that certainly is out of the ordinary. Without you to break all those rules of reality, it would be only half so much fun." They looked at him yet again. White feathers were floating through the air. Undertaker was laying on his back, chewing on and destroying his pillow, looking surprised. Cheshire was still sleeping on the floor enveloped into his blanket. "Funny?" he turned around and looked at them, pillow between his front paws, "Is it not?" Of course it is.

"Yes, obviously. When you are thinking about your form, what comes first to your mind?" Ragnok asked. That was easy answered.

"Hunter and scavenger, laughter and taunting, danger, criticism and 'biting' comments due to their very strong jaws, watching and stalking and a feeling of being stalked, impurity, instability and deviousness, someone walking through life with a sense of humor, that's it." Undertaker answered honestly, before asking the goblins, "Do you know about other Animagi? Maybe Dumbledore's form?" Maybe some people had other 'special' forms too. Through Voldemort's memories he knew that the man never bothered to find out about his form, according to him 'it was a waste of time'. Too bad.

"James Potter, your father's form was a stag, not registered. Your godfather is a big black dog, often called a grim, a symbol of death, also not registered. The traitor, Peter Pettigrew, is a grey little rat, quite fitting for a little fat man, not registered obviously. The stupid Ministry would have looked for him if they knew before they threw Sirius into Azkaban. Rita Skeeter, a journalist of the newspaper 'The Daily Prophet', can turn into a little bug with matching markings around her eyes, where her glasses normally are. For her career being not registered is the best possible thing and good black mailing material for us. Minerva McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House and Transfiguration professor at Hogwarts, has as animagus form a stripped cat with glass markings around her eyes. She is one of the fewest Animagi to register at the Ministry. There are rumors about Godric Gryffindor being a gigantic kraken, but the other founder's animagus forms were not know even now." they informed him. Gryffindor's form was the only remarkable one.

Throughout the discussion, Undertaker grew uninterested and started to poke the sleeping Cheshire while still listening with one ear. When they told him about blackmail material, he shortly ceased his poking, only to be bitten by a displeased striped cat. Once Cheshire noticed his changed form, he and Undertaker both started to smile at each other creepily, before turning to the goblins. Their faces became white with fear.

"What an unusually combination of creepiness." the goblins said nearly breathless. Undertaker and his pet looked at each other again, smiled even wider and started playing a mixture between 'hide and seek' and 'tag' for a while. A fat smiling cat running after a two meter high snickering hyena was not a usual sight after all.

Once they stopped playing and destroying the room further, Sharptooth cleared his throat rather loudly trying to catch their attention again, "Have you finally decided where to open your shop?"

"Yup, already decided. It is not really like I open a new one, I take the one that is stationed in Ottery St. Catchpole. Easy." He decided to 'open' a shop in the small town Ottery St. Catchpole in Devon, England which had a separated a Muggle and a magical community. Near this little village some of the wizarding families lived like the Weasleys, the Fawcetts, the Diggorys, and the Lovegoods. Of course, there was already one, but the owner was already old and fragile. He did have a family, well his brother had, but they moved out of town a long time ago and lived their lives peacefully with their children and grandchildren in another village. Nobody from this side of the family would want to carry on his legend once he died. There he would come in and buy the shop. The old man could easily break his neck, spine, skull or other important bones when falling down the stairs. Internal bleeding could happen too. Easy as that. First problem solved.

There was a church near and land and woods around. Since he wanted a cemetery at all costs, he had to buy the little church too. The church was standing on a hill a bit outside of Ottery St. Catchpole, with many different graves all around. The cemetery was quite spacious, wide green grass territory, surrounded by a beautiful ornamented black iron fence. Everything was beautiful, now he had just to blackmail the landowner of the church and cemetery into signing his special contract. The priest and other religious people were allowed on his future property, but he was going to own a cemetery. A real cemetery! With many graves. And many corpses. How wicked was that? Hopefully he had nice neighbors.

"Tell me a bit about the people living there." Undertaker asked seriously. He had to know which ones could be potential allies or potential enemies. Which people could 'vanish' and the ones which are too important to simply 'vanish'. It would not do if the police or the Aurors came looking. He decided to just stay out of the wizarding matters, or generally serious matters, for a while, 'go under the radar' or so they say. He had an army to build and a shop to uphold and dolls to make and people to torture and children to creep out of town. Maybe he could find some other playthings too.

"Amos Diggory works in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures at the Ministry of Magic. His wife Mia married him right after graduating from school and they have an eight year old son named Cedric who was born in 1977. They are a nice family which consistent generation after generation mostly of Hufflepuffs. Cedric will certainly become one once he got to Hogwarts. All of them are pureblood." Loyal. Hardworking. Yes-person. Ass-kisser. Light supporter most likely.

"Where do the Diggorys stand? Dumbledore's side?" asked Undertaker for clarification. He had to make the right 'friends'.

"Officially on the light side. And there is the Weasley family as well. Arthur Weasley and Molly Weasley née Prewitt have seven children, from oldest to youngest William, Charlie, Percy, Georg and Fred, Ron and Ginny. All of them redheads. A nice family normally. But they have money problems. Only Arthur is working in the Ministry in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office, yes, but his position is not that high and well paid. Molly is a house wife of course, how could she possible work if she had seven children at home who needed to be taken care off. They have nearly each month even too less money for normal food. Again, all of them are purebloods and were, are or are going to be Gryffindors." Loud. Brash. Idiotic. Act before they think. Typical light supporter.

"So how do they survive? No money, no food, and they are somehow still there?" Like a bunch of bothersome cockroaches. A cockroach can survive nine days without its head, before slowly dying because of starvation. The Weasleys were probably not so easily killed through; he seriously had to buy some bug spray as a measure of precaution of course.

"Well, Albus Dumbledore donates some of his money to them so that they continue to support him properly." Quite logically. They probably reproduced like cockroaches too, that would explain the high number of children. Someone please neuter them, before they grew some brains and decided to take over the world.

"I would really like to know how you know about these things, what kind of spies do you have and everything?" He wanted their spy system.

"Every logical man can come to this conclusion. The parents are extreme Dumbledore supporters and the children will probably be turned into Dumbles fanatics too. Seven new supporters for the light bastard, quite profitable. Their house 'The Burrow' is located in the south of the village and hidden behind hills and trees. On the other side of the village from the Burrow is a fairly large hill called Stoatshead Hill. Well after the Weasley there are the Lovegoods, they are a special case." Normal was normally overrated.

Undertaker was now interested, "Special like what?" he asked. Special people were more sympathetic than the normal ones, those were just boring.

"Xenophilius "Xeno" Lovegood, the head of the pureblood family, is the editor of 'The Quibbler' magazine, the husband of Estrella Lovegood, an inventor, and the father of Luna Lovegood. Luna was born in 1981 and even trough Estrella tried to stop it, her daughter is becoming more and more like her father in his eccentric beliefs, even if he is often correct in his assumptions. Xenophilius, Estrella and Luna live in a house shaped like a rook chess piece near the village and is hidden amongst the hills and surrounded by gardens. They are also friends with the Weasleys." Now that sounded interesting. He decided on the spot to become friends with them. 'Friends'. He could not wait to get to know them.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. My inspiration just walked out of the room a little bit over a week ago and was not seen since then. This chapter was kind of troublesome to write. The questions I have: should Luna's mother live or die and animagus forms for Voldemort, Dumbledore and maybe other teachers. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!<strong>_

_**For Undertaker's animagus form I took inspiration from this picture: **__**browse . deviantart . com / ?qh=& section =&q=demonic+hyenas#/d4lu10k**_


	11. Chapter 10 Meanwhile

_**Inori - You Raise Me Up by Lena Park**_

_In the depths of my teared-up eyes_

_There's your unchanging figure_

"_Where will the world continue to?"_

_Are the words from the days have ceased_

_On the freezing, stormy nights_

_I continue to go toward the still unseen you, too_

_Tell me, oh the wind that spreads across the ocean_

_Prayers surpass time_

_Prayers surpass time_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 - Meanwhile<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Petunia Dursley<strong>

Petunia Dursley always was a normal woman. She had normal parents, normal friends and a normal home and went to a normal school. The only unnatural thing anywhere near her was her little sister Lily. When she was a child, a sweet innocent young child, she would have liked to go with Lily to this magical school, until she really understood the freakishness of the whole thing. Once she understood, she also tried to make her parents understand, but they did not want to hear one word against Lily, their beloved little witch, the special one in their family. They were always so proud to have a witch in their house. They would look at Lily with pride shining in their eyes and once they looked at her, the normal child, this light, this pride dimmed immediately. Like a silent accusation, 'why could you not be like your sister?' She hated the looks they send her way, she hated every moment of it. Each and every day was the same. And her little freak sister, the unnatural one, found another unnatural one, equally freakish, a boy called Snape who lived in their neighborhood. They would always play together and again once she wanted to play with them, they just looked at her like 'you are normal, you have no place here'. And she hated them even more. When Lily then started her school education, if people could even call it that, she once again tried to make her parents understand, but they were too fascinated from the teacups which she turned into rats, to even consider her words. And her parents would talk about Lily this and Lily that and Lily was the most wonderful person in the world, even through Lily was the most time away. She was always the topic of the conversation. Only Lily, always Lily. She was somewhere forgotten along the way. Nobody spoke about her, to her anymore. Later on Lily took notice about what happened between all of them and so she wanted to apologize after so many years, but it was already too late. They were all too far apart. Too long had she lived in the shadow of her grandiose little sister. She was already walking her own way away from her parents and the freaks.

That was why the first chance she got, she was out of her parent's house, away from the freaks and the freak's fans, working and searching for her perfect man. And she eventually found him, he was not the prettiest or the richest, but he was normal and that was enough for her. Lily sometime later also married someone named Pater or Popper or Potter or something like that, they sent an invitation to their marriage, to which she and her husband did not go of course. When she told Vernon the tragic and disgusting truth about her family, he was enraged. 'How dare those freaks treat my wife like that, forgetting her in favor of something so unnatural' he said. From this day on they loved each other even more, no more secrets between them and both of them completely normal. After their beloved son Dudley was born, they got again a letter from Lily informing her that she got a son named Harry, what a boring name. But even after the letter, they lived happily ever after. A normal life, a normal family, a normal house, a normal garden, everything normal. Even when a baby was left on their doorstep, they were calm and objectively looked at the situation. Someone thought that they were the best ones from the whole neighborhood to care for the child. It was a nice compliment, but unfortunately they had enough to do with their little Dudders. Thus Vernon took the baby boy to the best orphanage he could find and everything was normal again.

Then the outsider came, the crazy cat woman, who seemed to be mentally a bit behind. She was creepy and looked slightly insane. After she moved into one of their neighbor houses, her family came over, like the good neighbors they are, to introduce themselves. Once they entered the house they were attacked by the smell of cat something, which was quite disgusting and was voiced so by Dudley. After sitting down on the dirty old couch they got to served already cold coffee and a hard chocolate cake. They excused themselves after ten minutes and went straight to the other neighbors to warn them about Arabella Figg. She became the outsider of the neighborhood; nobody would speak to her voluntary and everyone avoided even looking at her.

Meanwhile she, as the typical housewife, worked the past years at the house, cleaning their cozy home, cooking for her beloved family, taking care of the garden and caring for her most important thing: her gorgeous son Dudley. Vernon was promoted to deputy chief of the management department and was getting more money than ever before, which made not only him, but his whole family happy. Dudley started preschool a little while ago and was fast becoming friends with everyone in his age group. His best friend Piers was even in the same class as him. They meet when they were three in the park and since then were inseparable. Either they would play at their house or at Mrs. Polkiss who was always a very good gossip partner. They certainly were like brothers, she could not be happier.

There were still some strange things like since Dudley was little, the crazy Figg would come to their house and ask stupid questions, which were just confusing and slightly irritating about their supposed nephew. She had a nephew? She had to think about it a bit before she grasped what the old hag was talking about. Figg was talking about her freak sister. Nobody in her neighborhood knew she even had a sister, but the crazy old woman knew. She was one of them, one of the freaks. That made her really angry. She was finally away from her freak-fan parents and the freak herself and wanted to be left alone, away from them and she certainly did not want to think about her sister or her freakish offspring. The woman wanted something from her, to get her away from her family she told the cat woman that he was fine, that everything was okay. Figg seemed to buy it and left their family alone. After this discussion she went again to her other gossip partners and told them some lies about Figg and she was even more hated now and became a complete outcast. She was not even allowed near their children or the park. If they could, they would throw her out onto the street or sent her to a nursery home for the elderly. And that she managed, luckily the cat freak broke her leg while tripping over one of her cats and since she had neither family nor friends there, they had her sent to a nursery home. After she was more or less dragged out of her own home screaming obscenities at them, she felt quite happy again. She managed to get the freakishness away from her beloved family. She kept them save.

* * *

><p><strong>Arabella Figg<strong>

She was sent to Surrey quite unwillingly by Albus Dumbledore, who was an old friend of her. Before she went to Little Whinging, she lived peacefully at a little farm outside an even smaller village, where her beloved cats had enough room to play and move. It was beautiful there, no cars which could kill her cats or noisy neighbors. But then Albus came, with a secret mission especially for her. Once she was told she had to leave the farm her deceased husband left her, she was extremely mad, even if Albus was one of her last friends and she owed him a little bit for making sure the wizarding world was save. And he said she was the only one who could do this. So she agreed with a heavy heart. She sold her farm and most of her cats and bought a house in Little Whinging.

When she asked Albus, he said that she should just keep an eye on the Dursleys and their nephew, the savior of the wizarding world Harry Potter. The little boy was sent here to live among muggles. She always thought their hero should live in the magical world, getting the things his parents were not able to give him anymore and learning everything with their children. But apparently she was wrong. When asked why he would stay there in the house of muggles, Albus replied shortly: 'So that he would not get a big head from all the fame in their world' and she understood. The fame of being the hero of the whole magical world could make everyone arrogant, egoistical and stupid. So she understood and agreed with Albus.

But her neighbors did not seem to welcome her one bit. She heard whispers from them that she was insane and a cat freak and a crazy old woman. Especially the children seemed to mind her, but she could not understand why.

But in the first year she did not see anything from him, nothing of little Harry. Maybe Petunia had brought him to an orphanage or something like that she thought. She tried asking Petunia, but she just said that he was fine and she believed her. She looked a little disgusted at the end of their conversation, but it did not matter. She was such a caring mother to Dudley; surely Harry will be just as spoiled. At first she thought that Harry might live like a prisoner in their house, since he was never outside, so she wrote some letters to Albus and explained the situation to him. He said that she should not worry and that everything was alright, that Harry was quite happy there. And she believed him. Maybe the boy was a bit sickly? Who knew? It was too bad that she could not ask other people about him, because everyone normally seemed to avoid her.

However she was relieved to finally see him outside after a year and a half, playing with his cousin. His black hair could be seen from far away next to his cousins blond one. She of course informed Albus of this who then told her to just sit back and only if Harry's life was in danger should she write to him. So she stopped, Harry was happy with his family and meanwhile the behavior of her neighbors against her got worse. And she broke her leg while tripping over one of her cats, so those neighbors decided to send her to a nursery home. At first he was vehemently against it, but later on it was quite comfortable living there. Being cared for everyday, no noisy neighbors and the nurses were listening to her stories, of course they were only the muggle versions, but these people listened to her. That made her really happy.

* * *

><p><strong>Severus Snape<strong>

Now for the last years, the bane of his existence called James Potter was dead. Oh how he loathed that man, his stupid friends and his even stupider pranks. But the ultimate embarrassment was that this bully managed to marry his childhood friend, the only woman he ever loved. This unworthy worm got her, because of a little mistake on his part. His son probably will be as spoiled and arrogant as his father once he began his schooling in Hogwarts. He could see it before his inner eye: Harry Potter striding down the hallways as if he owned them, behind him his loyal and just as dump friends, salivating over his clothes, his fangirls and the press walking some more feet behind them, praising him as he stood and walked, spouting nonsense like 'Slytherins are bad' and 'Snape is an ass' and other crap. Only thinking about this, made him want to go into a rage. But he would get him back. He would make his life a living hell as best as he could. Yes, the revenge was his. Or that was what he thought not too long ago.

He was silently walking through Hogwarts at night, checking for some students out of bed. But he only found the destroyed trophy room and went up to the headmaster's office to tell him the unfortunate news. At first he was a bit undecided what to do. On one hand Albus told them all, he would be busy today and if it was an emergency they could disturb him. On the other hand it could be seen as an emergency. He just had to be quiet, not to interrupt something significant. The gargoyle moved away and he walked up the stairs before he heard someone talking. He stopped dead in his tracks. His years as spy now came in handy.

"Albus, I told you those thrice damned goblins are not stupid! They probably send some hexes at you, to show your true form. What about my money now?" If he remembered correctly this was the voice of Mundungus Fletcher, a thief and member of the Orden. They tried the rob Gringotts, or so it sounded.

"Do not worry, my dear friend. Even if we do not manage to get the boy's money now, once he starts Hogwarts I will become his magical guardian and then we can officially and without problems take as much money as we want from him. Don't you think, I would not be angry at the moment? I spent most of the money I get through my various jobs to keep the Weasleys alive?" That was Dumbledore speaking. Of course the Weasleys would need help. They get children like rabbits.

"Why do you support them anyways? They are not really good for anything." Too true. Two of the children were already going to Hogwarts and he had to teach them. Five still to go.

"They have an important role to play once Harry Potter starts school. Ron Weasley will become his best friend, distract Harry from learning and bring him into dangerous situations. Ginny Weasley will later become first his girlfriend and then his wife. They are already poisoning her mind with 'Harry Potter is a hero and you will be this hero's wife' nonsense. Molly will be the loving and caring mother for when Harry gets a bit away from the Dursleys." Why would the brat need another family? Did not the last one spoil him enough?

"How is the brat doing there by the way? Being properly abused?" What? Abused?

"Yes, yes. Everything is going according to the plan. The Dursleys hate him; they did not even let him out of the house for the first year. I have a squib there keeping an eye on things. Once he comes to the magical world he will see me as a grandfatherly figure, who is always right and knows best and he will do everything I say."

After that they shared a few laughs and when the man flooed away and he knew now was the time to get out. He silently and nevertheless as fast as possible went down into the dungeons were his private quarters were, closed the door and drank a few shoots of firewiskey before he felt calm enough. Lily's child was abused and possible in danger. If not now than later once he started Hogwarts. He knew it was the brat of James Potter, but he also swore to protect Lily's child. And Lily would lynch him in the afterlife. Or kick him so hard in the balls; he would never stand straight again. Or castrate him. He had to find the child. Fast. But he had to be careful, Dumbledore should never know. He would somehow find a way to protect him.

* * *

><p><strong>Minerva McGonagall<strong>

She was working just like normal. In five more years the child of her two best Gryffindors will come to Hogwarts and start his schooling. She really could not wait to see the little boy again. Would he be like his father, courageous, helpful and loud, or more like his mother, kind, loving with the temper of a mother tiger? Will he be better in transfiguration or charms? Thinking about little Harry made her cheerful.

But sometimes she thought, she was not remembering things correctly, but that was probably her old age getting to her or the stress from the classes and students. If it did not get better, she would go to St. Mundo.

* * *

><p><strong>Albus Dumbledore<strong>

Five years did go by rather fast, but another five to go until the official beginning of his game. He managed to secure all important positions in the magical world. He was the headmaster of the Hogwarts School and the supreme MUGWUP. The incompetent Minister Fudge was always asking him for advice on how to lead all these people. Everyone believed and adored him and he managed to perfect his grandfatherly role. The teachers were also content. So everything went well until now, no problems at all, mostly.

His long-term project short called 'Harry' was coming along quite nicely too. He was still at the Dursleys being properly abused. No new letter from Arabella came after the first two. If he remembered correctly number one was something like 'Haven't seen Harry out for the last year, is this normal Albus?' which he answered with 'Don't worry, I know Harry's fine'. The Dursleys were probably too afraid to let the boy out of the house because of his freakishness, which he did not write her. Arabella was easily assured, her worries were evened out, and it was as easy at that since everyone believed him, the great almighty Dumbledore. In her second letter was something standing like she finally saw the child, so the logical conclusion pointed at an alive Harry and therefore everything was fine. He told her to ignore anything else and not to write if it was not serious aka life threatening. So Harry was still with the Dursley's, which was the only thing that mattered. Once he would enter Platform 9 ¾, he would meet the Weasleys, who would direct Harry into the right direction.

Speaking of the Weasleys, one of his biggest supporters were up until now only trouble for his wallet. This month again, like the last four years, they did not have enough money to support their whole family. If they do not have money, why do not they just stop getting children, but it could have been worse. Molly could have gotten more than seven children, but thank god there were complications with the little girl's birth, so Molly was now unable to get anymore. But that did not mean he was not a little bit happy as well. He supported the family through money donations from his vaults and they supported him by whatever he did. The seven children would be once they reached maturity seven new supporters for him. And he promised them to make an unbreakable marriage contract between Harry and Ginny once he turned eleven and she ten. With this he shackled their savior to the light side for eternity and made the Weasley rich along the way.

But at the moment everything would be easier, if he could just gain entrance to his project's vaults. Maybe he should have been more careful. From the wreck of the house he took some of Harry's hairs and blood from the bleeding scar on his forehead. He then went to his potion master ordered him to brew a Polyjuice Potion and aging solution and bring them to him once he was finished. He waited for three years to start for the first time. He contacted Mundungus Fletcher, a man who would kill his own mother for some gold, what he already did, and let him pose behind another potion as his guardian. He himself took the modified Polyjuice Potion and changed into a five year old looking Harry Potter. They flooed to the leaky Cauldron and went to Gringotts. He did have a bad feeling when he stepped into the building, but he was the great Albus Dumbledore, he could do anything. The tellers looked warily at him, as if they knew, but they could not of course, or so he thought. He was then separated from his 'guardian' and went through many rooms and halls until he suddenly turned back into his normal form. To say that the goblins were angry, would be a great understatement, they were pissed. Through guards he was dragged out, his 'guardian' vanished once he saw the guards. He, the Light Lord, man of everything light and good, was thrown out like a miserable rag doll. The goblins would get killed for this. He went straight to the Ministry and ordered that idiot Fudge to ban or kill or whatever those creatures, but like the wuss he was Fudge declined saying that they had all their money and the wizards would not go through another goblin revolution.

Half a year later, he tried again, but was promptly thrown out again, before he could say anything. Then he sent Mundungus down there who was also kicked out. The goblins then threatened him to take all his money away if he were to try again. So he waited and had to wait another five years until he became Harry's magical guardian. This was his only way to get officially into the vaults and the goblins could do nothing against it. And then he would again fill his vaults and continue to pay the Weasleys, but till then he had to pay for them himself. His poor poor wallet.

At Hogwarts most things also went smoothly. Nobody knew about his plans and probably would ever know. McGonagall still had his compulsion charm on her with a few memory charms and was behaving quite nicely. Always taking his side and doing what he wanted her to do. Perfect. But his potions master, Snape was behaving a bit weird lately. He did not know why, but he always had some of the portrays out spying on his dear little spy. Even through Severus made an Unbreakable Vow to protect Lily's child, he still did not trust him. Once a death eater, always a death eater. The other teacher had no real connection to his project. His pet werewolf was always happy to hear that Harry is happily living with his new family and there were no problems as well. No other questions asked. Sirius still was in Azkaban, happy or not, he was out of the way.

He could not wait for the beginning of the school year 1991 when all his plans for the greater good would finally start.

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius Black<strong>

Peter betrayed James and Lily and little Harry to that bastard Voldemort. He would never forgive them, never. If he ever got the chance to get his hands onto the rat, he would wring that damned rodent's neck until he could take the head of its body. But because of his stupid Gryffindor brashness he went after the little stupid traitor, who screamed at him, killed thirteen muggles, cut of his finger, transformed into the rat he was and ran into the sewers. He was so surprised about Peter's actions that he stood there in the middle of the street, eyes wide, mouth open like a gapping idiot, forgot time and was therefore caught by aurors. This was so fucking shit that he just started to laugh madly. Who would not? Little innocent Peter, the weakest of the four marauders, who could not seriously harm a fly, the one who always ran behind them not knowing the way even after seven years and the one who always asked them for every little thing turned traitor. How damned funny is this?

But he also was an idiot. He should have stayed with his godson. Little lovely Harry. The last link to his now dead best friends, people he would never see again. Would they forgive him for leaving Harry there once he saw them in the afterlife again? If he answered the questions sincerely Lily would probably take both of his ankles in her hands, spread his legs wide and then kick the living daylights out of his genitalia. The thought alone send chills down his spine. He really should not have left Harry there. Was he even okay? Did his adoptive family love him enough? Did he have a nice comfortable life? Would he be more like James, playing pranks and making a nuisance out of himself, or more like Lily, a nice kind bookworm? He probably never knew. There was no way out. He would rot in this prison. Would his godson even accept him? After leaving him for the rat? Would he understand? Questions which nobody could answer in his small cell. His future grave.

He was just happy for his animagus form, his unregistered animagus form. If they knew, they would have sealed it and he would have to suffer the full wrath of the dementors. Those soul sucking demons. Whoever was in their vicinity could feel their foul effects, animals not as bad as humans. Everything got ice cold around them, the air, the stone walls and floors, their whole bodies. Day after day, hour after hour, they let him experience his biggest crimes, his worst memories. But as Padfoot it was not as bad. They would leave him alone. He would not know if you would still be sane without his animal form. Probably not. Like his oh so dear cousin Bellatrix some cells up ahead. She was already bat shit crazy. She was singing happily while those creatures flew through the corridors.

But since a while strange things started to happen. They suddenly heard shrill laughter, clearly non human laughter. Some of the other prisoners started to think that the dementors started to laugh at them and their defenselessness. Some others said that the demons finally managed to get out of hell to torture their souls and send them straight to damnation for eternity. Others just thought that they finally went insane. But it would not stop. Something was laughing and nobody knew what. It sounded as childlike as it sounded creepy. It sent chills all over their bodies. Even Bella was afraid. One time they even saw a dementor fleeing from a big white blur which was snickering madly behind it. They were too fast for them to clearly see in this twilight. He thought he saw an illusion, but his cousin some cells further said she saw it too. But the whole point was that the dementors were fleeing from it. What kind of animal was this? When aurors passed once a month they told them, but were ignored. After all there could be no animal alive here, laughing around chasing dementors in Azkaban. He thought insanity finally hit him too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Well this chapter was all about the other characters and what they have been up to until now. Next chapter will be 'first meetings'. The questions I have: should Luna's mother live or die, different pairings (RonHermione, Sirius/Remus,…) and animagus forms for Voldemort, Dumbledore and maybe other teachers. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	12. Chapter 11 First Meetings

_**Waga Routashi Aku no Hana (My Beautifully Elegant Flower of Evil) [OP] by Ali Project**_

_The corrupt world is a __monster; What is justice?_

_Struggle against it before you ask that, oh wicked flower_

_I give an eye for an eye when I gaze to a hypocritical dream_

_There is no such thing as being able to distinguish between good and evil_

_Just as how light is an aborted embryo_

_You are a womb of slumbering darkness_

_Solitude: that is what is precious_

_It shall surely become your sole friend_

_One by one, smeared with blood,_

_You were born into this era_

_O, you chosen princes_

_Battle: that is your celebratory throne_

_Ah, I am the beautiful omniscience_

_The loving mother who birthed you_

_Those reared on my milk are_

_The brethren of hell_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 - First Meetings<strong>

* * *

><p>The shop looked literally nice. Warm colors, windows, white walls inside and outside, far too light and too good looking even through the business they did inside was pretty much for any normal person dreadful and disgusting. First of all he had to change its color, a fading dark beige color. Secondly another one of his main problem were the windows, he did not like windows. Not at all. People could spy on him through them, even through the curtains with magic. After all he was a very private person; it would be too bad if he had to kill an innocent, curious bystander because he saw something he should not. No that would not do, the windows had to vanish. It would be far more mysterious if there were none. Nobody would know what was inside, nobody would see most gruesome things. If they did not walk through the front door, which was designed in a gothic style with black glass and different ornamentation, they would not know. Some floors under his lobby and officially work space, he let the goblins built many different rooms. His master bedroom, torture chambers, holding cells, and a grand storage area, an area for his chemicals, more sleeping rooms, bathrooms, everything and a library. The goblins did indeed an excellent work in digging and building the rooms, but only because he paid them so graciously. While they were working, he was decorating his new Undertaker sign. The base was out a dark grey violet stone surrounded by lovely gold decoration. He even 'found' a matching skull in one of the many tunnels under Gringotts. It had the right measurements and still all teeth and no cracks in the bone. Perfect. Now he only had to paint his work space in a darker color and decorated with different coffins, bones, maybe a full body skeleton and glasses filled with animal and human parts. Before long he would have his shop back to how it was.<p>

But that was not the only changes, he had done. With help he had built a tunnel into the church and into different empty graves on the cemetery. So he could surprise unsuspecting visitors, hehehe. He would have so much fun with this.

* * *

><p>They were not very happy with their younger siblings Ron and Ginny.<p>

Little ickle Ginevra was mummy's ultra cute little adorable super amazing nearly godlike daughter and the future wife of the glorious princelike mega strong and rich 'boy who lived'. Mum was happy for it, after all they really needed the money. Harry Potter not only defeated the Dark Lord when he was merely a year old, no, he had even now a great deal of fame and political power in the magical world and was the last heir to a pureblood family with a lot wealth. If they married, they would never have any money problems again. But was this really right? To let them marry? Just because of the money? In their little sister's fantasy book, the prince always married the princess because they loved each other. There was no talk about being wealthy or poor. They have not even met each other, yet Ginnikins began talking about how she knew her husband Harry best and 'it would be love at first sight' and 'he will come and recue me on a white horse' and 'if all the other girls see me with my future husband, they are going to be so jealous' and all the other overly lovely moments they would have. Eurgh! All those pink hearts and kisses and princess thingies she dreamed of. Disgusting. And mum and Dumbledore encouraged this!

And then there was ickle little Ronny-bonny who was in a constant 'I am so much better than you' and 'I am going to be Harry Potter's best friend and not you' and 'what you have I want too and fifty percent more'. Even though he did not know what fifty percent means. It was quite frustrating for them to be anywhere near those little monsters. To have to always listen to the brats each and every day. They still did not go to school, so they always had to stay home with them. At first they were happy that they were not as much molly-cuddled then normal once their younger brother was born. But since then nothing else mattered to their mum apart from the future best friend and future wife of the boy who lived. Now there was only Ron here and Ron there and Ron everywhere. The same with Ginny.

The twins just were subbed as troublemakers even if they were not. And who has again left the dishes, obvious Ron's, on the table. The twins were it. Because they ate from Ron's plate, left it on the table and poor little Ron got nothing to eat. And who let Ron fall and get a bloody knee even though they were not even in the same room. Who was guilty? Them. Ginny could not find her Harry Potter tale book, which she left downstairs after trying to read it? Of course they were responsible and scolded by their mum. The twins were all the time the 'bad' ones, guilty of everything. If they were every time at fault, they thought, why not have fun with it? So they decided to become pranksters. Bill encouraged this and told them everything he knew about the marauders, the pranksters deluxe which did many great pranks while in Hogwarts. They became their idols, Mooney, Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. If they were ever going to meet them, they would fall to their knees and praise them like the gods they were.

On a particularly strenuous day at the Weasleys the twins decided to prank their lovely little brother again like always.

"Ah, there he is, brother of mine." Fred said. "Oh, you are right, lovely twin of mine." said George.

"What do you two want? Should I call mother over and tell her about some pranks?" Ron asked with a full mouth spitting food everywhere. He was still eating his nightly snack before going to bed.

"No problem, Ronnikins. We just thought, that when you are going to be the boy who lived's best friend, you sure must be courageous." - "Yes, really courageous. Courageous like the lion, the symbol of Gryffindor. Are you not?" They asked together.

"Yes, I am courageous. I am even more courageous than even Harry Potter!" Ron stated rather proudly. Again, they had not met, they did not know each other, and yet Ron thought he was better than the child who defeated the Dark Lord. Rather idiotic. But that was typically Ron.

"Well, we thought since you are, how about a dare?" They smiled, "If you manage we will be your slaves one whole month, do you agree?" - "We will do anything you say for a whole month."

"Yes, of course! For one month you have to do anything I say, ha!" Ronnikins was still slavering food everywhere. He certainly sounded eager. To lose. To be humiliated. Not that he knew. What an idiot.

"So, you must go now to the church on the hill and retrieve the golden cross which stands on the table in the front. It is that easy, what do you say little brother?" - "It is only a little cross, nothing big or scary. But you have to go through the cemetery." They were still smirking. When they went exploring the village on one of their boring days they also went to the church and looked around. The gold cross was probably really gold and easy to transport and even if their little brother did not make it, it would be a success. They would tease him even more.

"Hell yeah, you can begin right now with cleaning my room and when I get home I want some sandwiches." he commanded. Egoistical bastard. Ron stuffed the leftovers of his snack into his mouth, left the plate again on the dinner table, turned around and went out. He was after all not the type to sneak out quietly. It was probably impossible for Ron. He was marching the dirt road to the muggle village and then through it to the other end where the church was located. It was not a large village, only a twenty minutes march, but they had everything they needed. Meanwhile he was followed by them, what he did not know naturally. The twins observed their little sibling from afar. They had to see this with their own eyes, because they learned to never believe their younger brother's words or anything that came out of his mouth.

Ron waltzed through the streets as if he owned them, but paused at the entrance of the cemetery. There was a lovely street up to the church which looked normal enough at day, but now at ten o'clock it seemed to be rather dark and creepy. The twins were hiding behind the corner of the last building still watching their brother and made some ugly noises. Ron stilled at the sudden noise and looked terrified around but the thought of having his older siblings do everything he wanted, let him move forward into the cemetery slowly. The twins entered after him and hid themselves behind a big grave stone. They wanted to terrify Ronnikins a bit more before they ran home again. All three of them heard a snickering in the background. Even the twins were now slightly disturbed, this sound did not come from them. The snickering now came right behind the twins, who jumped up behind their hiding place and ran towards Ron, who in turn began screaming and ran away from them.

Too bad they did not know that the entrance was spelled to be invisible for everyone inside at night, so that the fence continued and continued and continued in a circle with no exit. There were not many things thieves could steal from a church and cemetery, so they would be caged inside it till sunrise. So the unfortunate three kept running and running until they decided to hide behind another larger gravestone.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" Ron screamed. His whole body was shivering in fright. The twins were surprise at first at the sound and after they saw Ronny-bonney running from them, they decided to have some fun and follow him while mock-screaming for their lives. It was pretty funny.

"Sh, be quiet Ronnikins. We do not know what is out there." - "Yes, it could be anything." - "A bear. - "A tiger." - "A dragon." They said.

"What are you doing here?" Ron whispered trying to act cool. As if he was not afraid. The shaking of his body told them everything through.

"We just wanted to see if you really would do what we told you to. So we followed you and now we are here, hiding behind a gravestone." They said together. A shiver ran down their spine as they wildly looked around. Suddenly there was a hand over each twin's mouth and they were dragged backwards into the shadows. Ron saw their bodies slowly being encased in darkness and sprinted away screaming loudly. Fred and George would have run too, but could not move from the spot. They tried to squirm out of the person's hold, but nothing seemed to work.

"My my, who do we have here? Two little children oh so alone and lost in a graveyard at night. Tut-tut. That is really nice of you to come and see me, I do not get many visits here. Perhaps you want to try one of my coffins?" The man let go of them and they quickly turned around ready to fight him if needed. The man was glad in black, black robes, black shoes, black hat and had long silver hair which hid his eyes from view. He also wore a pearl necklace, a golden chain with amulets and many different ear piercings. When they were older, they decided to become exactly like that man. He was smiling rather creepily. They liked him even more. "Heya!" the man greeted them with a wave of his hand. "No need to be afraid of dear old me." He snickered.

"Who are you?" - "What are you?" They asked somewhat shyly. "And how did you get behind us if there was a gravestone?" They both asked at the same time. They were really interested now. Somewhere in the distance they still could hear Ronnikins screaming.

"Well, I just wanted to finish my midnight stroll and go to bed, when I felt someone go through the wards that surround the graveyard. There I saw a small redheaded boy enter. I was immediately interested and decided to watch the spectacle. And then you also entered and watched your little brother. He is your brother, is not he? And I wanted to speak to you and kind of found it funny and a bit cliché. You know, children trying to be brave by entering a graveyard at night. So I started snickering at that thought. But you just screamed and ran away and I had to go and look for you. When I finally saw you again, I did not want you to run away, so I held your mouths closed but the youngest seemed to have vanished. Too bad." the man explained. There was a shrill shriek in the distance and then nothing.

"Who would take a midnight stroll on a cemetery?" They looked at him who just stared back at them with unseen eyes. "Right, you would. You did it a moment ago. Is not the owner going to be angry at you for entering his property?" they asked.

"This is my property. And what are you doing on my property?" Oh, damn. They have not thought about that possibility.

"Nothing sir." The man looked like he did not believe a word they just said them. Obviously. Now they could only try to explain this and hope they did not get into trouble for anything. "Well, our bratty little brother was really getting on our nerves." - "Yes, like really really getting on our nerves." - "Always talking about he being the future best friend of a truly popular guy and all that crap. So we dared him." - "To go the church and steal the golden cross there. It was… Wait, did you just say wards?" They were both shocked, this man was also magical. "Are you… you know… a wizard?"

"My my, what is with the stuttering? No need to be so nervous. I am just as you said a wizard and I also know that the Weasleys, Lovegoods, Diggorys and Fawcetts are the other magical people who live in the surrounding area of this village. To which one do you belong to?" the man asked nicely while sitting down on a smaller gravestone.

"The Weasleys, sir. Could we…" - "Ask your name?"

"You may call me Undertaker. I am the owner of the cemetery and the church and I also own a little shop in the village, my Undertaker shop. You probably have already seen the big sign, have not you?"

"Yes, sir." Both of them said at the same time. "I think we should head back now. Before mum noticed that we are not there anymore." - "Could you help us find our baby brother? The courageous Sir Ronnikins, death of all dragons." - "By blabbering them to death." They snorted. Their brother was just too dumb.

"Of course. Well I think he went that way." Undertaker pointed to his right. They followed the man until they reached a deep rectangular hole. "Well, he is down there. In two days we are going to bury old Mrs. Midka here. Seems like he was running around like a madman, clearly not looking where he went and fell into it." With a quick spoken _levicorpus_ and a wave of his hidden wand, their ickle little Ronny-bonny was out of the hole. Knocked out and a bit dirty, but otherwise all right. "Should I apparate you home?" he asked.

"Wicked! You can apparate!" - "That would really help us." - "Mum is going to freak if we heave dear poor Ronnikins into the house." It was nearly eleven. Mum always made a round at this time to look if everyone was tucked into their bed before going to bed herself.

"Just take hold on your brother," each twin took an arm, "concentrate on the appearance of your house and let's go." This certainly was an odd sensation of being squeezed through a tube. And then there were in front of their house. Now there only had to drag Ron back inside and toss him onto his bed and go to their own room.

But before that, "Wicked." - "Can we visit you again sometime?" Hopefully they were allowed. This man seemed like a funny person to talk to.

"Always, now go into your room, I will cast a _notice-me-not_ charm on you and act as if you never had talked to your brother about the cemetery. Go!"

And they were gone.

* * *

><p>It was getting each and every day a little bit colder and more autumnal. It was his favorite season after all. On thirty-one October was Halloween, a day were everyone tried to be as scary and creepy as possible. He certainly fit in. Pale red eyed vampires, flesh eating ghouls, feral werewolves, bloodied thieves, decaying mummies, limping zombies, mass murderer, half dead victims, deformed mutants, demonic demons, green Frankenstein, touchable ghosts, imaginary wizards and witches, killing clowns, and many other funny costumes. It was delightful to watch the children trying to scare their parents and neighbors into giving them sweets which would suffice for the rest of the year. Well, at least until Christmas.<p>

It undoubtedly was an amazing season, better than the pure white winter or the lively green spring or the hot normal summer. It seemed as if the world around him was slowly dying, like a living being. The body grew cold like the air around them. The trees were losing their essence of life like human blood, which stained the leaves of the trees in a nice deep red color. The grass was dying. The migrant birds were already fleeing from the cold, traveling to warmer, more fruitful territories. The animals, which were staying, were by now preparing for their month long sleep.

On one of these beautiful days he decided to take a walk along the small river just outside the village. Just a little break from his work. It was not like people were dying this often. The weather had a calming effect on him, it was for once a nice change. He was walking for about ten minutes, when he saw a little blond-haired girl dripping wet from the water, crawling out of the river. She was breathing heavily, her eyes glazed over. He crouched down onto eye level before he started to observe her. She had straggly, waist-length, dirty blonde hair, very pale eyebrows and wide bright blue eyes. The girl was approximately five year old and wore a colorful long skirt and a very different kind of shirt with a necklace of Butterbeer caps and radish earrings. Fascinating.

When her eyes focused again, he asked, "What are you doing here, little girl?" She looked at him like a confused puppy, her head tilted to one side and stayed like this.

After a while the girl said, "I saw a _Singing Smiroire_ in our garden and followed it out here, but it flew over the water to the other side of the river. I tried to catch it before it reached the other side, but I was not fast enough and fell into the river." She said looking dazed, "Who are you? Mother told me not to talk to stranger, but dad said if there are no _Nargels_ around, it would be okay." Ah, now he was happy to have read the book _'800 animals which could not be seen with the normal eye', _the goblins gave him after their talk about the different families of Ottery St. Catchpole.

"You are right, but I must say you too are _Nargel_ free. They are quite annoying creatures, are not they?" The girl's eyes light up. Perhaps she had not many people to talk to about these amazing creatures. One of the most known were the _Thestrals_ which could only seen by those who have seen death, but hated by many for their outer appearance. Black skeletal horses with leathery wings.

"Yes, they are bothersome. My Butterbeer cork necklace and my radish earrings keeps the _Nargles_ away. But if I try to tell other people they just won't listen." She looked sadly to the ground.

"Yes, that is probably the influence of the _Sneaky Snatchges_. They usually help the _Nargels_. Nasty beasties." The girl was continually dripping on the ground below her, so he asked, "Should I cast a drying charm?"

She smiled dreamily at him. "Yes, please. Could you also walk me back home? I have to introduce you to my father. You have a similar aura like my father. I am sure you too will absolutely understand each other." After she was dry enough, she took hold of his hand; somehow she managed to get through the layer of clothes, and tucked him into the direction of her family's house. For another ten minutes he was dragged to a funny rock shaped house. A blonde haired blue eyed woman and a slightly cross-eyed, with shoulder-length white haired man stormed out of the house in their direction.

The woman began to say panting, "Thank you, thank you very much. I was looking for her throughout the gardens and the house and half the village and could not find her. Where have you been Luna?" She looked reproachfully at the girl beside him, "You could have been kidnapped or dead or something worse!"

"What could be worse than dead?" The man beside her murmured.

Luna was smiling happily, "Well, I saw a _Singing Smiroire_ in our garden and followed it out here, but it went over the water to the other side of the river. I tried to catch it, but I was not fast enough and fell into the river. When I was out again, this man was standing before me and we talked about the _Nargels_ and _Sneaky Snatchges_." The girl told her mother with a big smile. Throughout her explanation her mother began to glare fiercely at the man beside her who was sweating bullets.

"You idiot! Look at what you did! Our lovely little daughter nearly drowned because she was chasing one of your invisible animals!" She looked ready to burn him alive with her glare alone. Really powerful.

He frowned, then his expression brightened suddenly as if he had an incredible inspiration, and looked from his wife to Luna, "How did the _Singing Smiroire_ look like, Luna dear? Was it violet or green?"

"Ahhh, I am going insane on account of my beloved husband. Help me!" In one second she was before Undertaker taking hold of his outer cloak with both hands and started wildly shaking him. My my, those people really seem quite strange and interesting. He snickered. Just the people he liked.

"Estrella dear, please stop shaking the poor man." The husband had some parchments and a quill out, "Please can you tell me more about the _Sneaky Snatchges_, maybe I could write an article about them for the next Quibbler edition." he asked while writing furiously down.

Estrella hit her husband over the head hard, then took hold of his neck and pulled him down to a short bow, "We are really sorry for our behavior. We were just really worried about our daughter. My name is Estrella Lovegood, beside me is my husband Xenophilius, but please call him Xeno, and our daughter Luna. Nice to meet you." She extended her hand which he shook animatedly.

"You can call me Undertaker." he answered. If those people were as eccentric as they seemed, they would not ask him about his 'real' name.

"Since you managed to get our wayward daughter back, would you like some tea?" She looked like she could need someone normal to speak too, he looked like he wanted to ask him tons and tons of more questions about the creatures he had seen and Luna just looked like Luna.

So he declined, "No thank you. My little break was already long enough. I should go back to work."

"Oh, that's too bad. You can always come and visit us and little Luna. She seems to like you a lot." They all shook hands, "Good bye." said Estrella looking a bit disappointed but even though glad.

"See ya!" Undertaker said before turning around and hoped off.

* * *

><p>He had much work to do in addition to his normal employment, more like enjoyment, of making corpses beautiful, digging holes and burying them in it. Or not burying them in it. He was also equipping the rooms for his future guests and friends. He became quite cheerful at that thought. Many new friends, maybe even as insane as himself. That certainly would be some funny years. And all the funny games they could play, hehehe.<p>

Undertaker was just cleaning his little shop a bit when he heard a knocking at his door. Normally people just enter without anything, but since the person who stood out there was not normal, he happily opened the door. Before he saw who stood before him. A family of three. The father had brown and slightly graying hair, wore glasses and had a strong built. The woman was rather stunning. Long deep brown hair and blue eyes, a slight smile on her face. With them was a little boy, approximately nine years old, who smiled shyly up at him. The boy was even for such a young child tall and would probably grow into an extremely handsome young man with chiseled features, dark hair, and bright grey eyes. He would make an amazing doll.

"Hello, can I help you with something?" Undertaker asked frowning a little. What did they want? He knew these were the Diggorys, another magical family, but nobody from them died. Maybe one of them was a mind controlled zombie, but none of them looked dead. And they were not screaming 'brains'. So why were they here?

"Oh, good evening." The man stuttered, "We heard from the twins, who told our son, who told us, that there was someone new here." He scratched his head sheepishly, "And we also heard that you are magical." Then there was silence. "We also brought a welcome cake. A bit late I must admit." The man surely looked anxious. He was not there because he wanted to.

He had to say something, "Oh how nice of you. Come in, come in." He opened his door wide. "You can choose whichever coffin you like to sit on." He said smiling creepily. They looked frightened. Slowly they moved into the half dark room while Undertaker lit some candles. The woman and the child sat on one coffin together, the man continued standing a bit behind them looking around unsurely.

The woman looked fascinated around too, "What nice working place you have." she said quietly. Too bad she only said this, because it was polite. Now tell me woman, what did you want?

"Yes, I think so too. I have done much decorating here and there. But I should not just talk about me. So what is your name?" Bianca Diggory. Amos Diggory. Cedric Diggory. He sneered inwardly. Let's just talk about them first, before they asked their little questions, spies.

"Ah, I am so sorry. My name is Bianca Diggory, the beautiful man behind me is my husband Amos and this here," she put an arm around the child's shoulders and made him lean on her body, "is my amazing son Cedric." Undertaker just continued nodding his head and smiling. Boring. He had to get them somehow out of his shop without sounding rude. 'Can I bring you something? Tea, coffee or your cloaks?' No, that was too rude. Just sit tight and smile and did not forget to nod.

"Everyone just calls me Undertaker. Thank you for the cake." Like hell he would tell them his real name.

"Undertaker, is it?" Bianca asked. My my, a very Slytherin move, but he was far more intelligent than those three together. By repeating his name, she was subtly trying to gain his real one. Undertaker just nodded. Idiots.

"So what did you do up until now, if you do not mind me asking?" The man, Amos, spoke for the first time since entering his humble abode. Well, well, was the little spy curious?

"Well, I am a little bit over twenty years old. I was home schooled by my parents. From them I inherited my good looks and all their money once they died after I turned eighteen. One year before I had taken my OWLs and NEWTs and got good scores in the main subjects in Russia, and later traveled around the world. Now after many different adventures, I just want to settle down and live in peace in my little shop. What about you?" Nothing they could prove. Russia had thirty times more wizards than England. They would find nothing. He also changed his scores a bit and the number of subjects he took. And most importantly, no names. The parents looked disappointed.

"I am going to be thirty-two this summer, I went to Hogwarts school and was there sorted into Hufflepuff where I met later on my future wife. I am now working at the Ministry now." Amos stated proudly puffing his chest. Whatever Undertaker wanted to say, he did not say it. And again he had to play nice.

"I was also in Hufflepuff and am two years younger than my husband. I am not working." Yes, I already knew. He knew about them even before he came to this village.

"My name is Cedric and I am going to be nine this spring. When I am older I also want to be a Hufflepuff and later work in the Ministry like papa." Cedric said sweetly and a bit shyly.

"Oh, you certainly are amazing my little Cedric." Amos cooed over the boy. He had to get them out! So annoying! They were clearly light fanatics, and that would mean Dumbledore supporters. Oh? So the old man was trying to get some information on him? Haha, let them try. As for getting them out.

He looked at his pocket watch and gasped, "Oh my, it is already this late? I have to finish my work." Undertaker hopped up from his coffin and went over to theirs.

"Finish your work?" Amos asked.

"Yes, the coffin your wife and son sit on belongs to Mr. Midka, who lies already in it. After his wife sadly passed away, he followed her shortly overpowered by grief. Want to take a look at his corpse?" Undertaker mock-sobbed. Bianca and Cedric jumped away from the coffin and looked at it frightened. Morons.

"Yes… Maybe… Maybe we should just go and come back another time?" Bianca now stuttered still looking at the coffin as if Mr. Midka would crawl out and bite her.

"What a good idea darling. If it is okay with you, Undertaker?" Amos looked ready to sprint back to his house. Undertaker just smiled sweetly. He nodded and opened the door for them. "See you again!" He screamed happily after them. He closed his door and sneered, he hoped they would never visit him again.

* * *

><p>Undertaker was again taking a break from work like always the last days, but this time he was walking through the village looking for some cookies to buy. Maybe they also had bone shaped cookies. Hmm. When he saw the Weasleys at the end of the road with their back to him, he had an idea. There was firstly the Weasley mother Molly. People could identify her silhouette from far far away. Then the nine or ten year old looking boy, probably Percy, who would start school next year. The twins Fred and George of course, but he already had the pleasure of meeting them personally. The last boy must be the twins' Ronnikins and the only girl there named Ginevra. Whoa, six people and two sons are at Hogwarts and her husband Arthur was most likely working. He felt the wind blowing from behind and let his hat go which danced through the air like a butterfly flying past the group. They were looking surprised at the hat.<p>

He snickered, it was just so funny. "There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter." said Undertaker behind them. They turned around surprised while he picked up his hat. "Which luckily I am." He started to smile creepily. A collective shudder ran through the group.

The twins smirked back at him, while little Ginny hid behind her mother's leg and screeched, "Mom, look! This man is sooo creepy." He started to walk past them still listening to their conversation.

"Be nice, little Ginny. Even if it's true, just don't say it." My my, how rude.

"What a freak!" Even ruder, just you wait little Ronnikins. Death was near. Yes, death was nearer then the boy thought.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Well this chapter was as said in the last AN about the 'first meetings' between the Diggorys, Lovegoods and Weasleys. Next chapter will be 'Welcome to the Playground'. Percy and Cedric are 10, Fed and George are 8, Harry and Ron are 6, Ginny and Luna are 5. The questions I have: should Luna's mother live or die, different pairings (RonHermione, Sirius/Remus, Snape/…) and animagus forms for Voldemort, Dumbledore and maybe other teachers. If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_


	13. Chapter 12 First Visits 1

_Through me you pass into the city of woe;_

_Through me you pass into eternal pain;_

_Through me among the people lost for aye._

_Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd;_

_To rear me was the task of power divine,_

_Supremest wisdom, and primeval love._

_Before me things created were none, save things_

_Eternal, and eternal I endure._

_All hope abandon, ye who enter here._

_..._

_**The Vision of Hell, Canto III by Dante Alighieri**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12 - First Visits (1)<strong>

* * *

><p>He was once again racing after one of these rare, special kinds of dementors in his animagus form and was once again not successful in catching one of them. They were to a considerable degree more intelligent and faster than the normal ones.<p>

At the beginning of his stay he was just hunting the ordinary Dementors, those who everyone knew with the black hole as a face. Oh, it was just so much fun running to his heart's content through the dark and horrifying corridors, hearing the prisoners scream in fright while shooting past them, trying to catch those soul sucking beasts. But seriously, he just wanted to study them more closely and at first sneak a peek under the ragged black cloak which hid the main body and all those oh so interesting internal organs. Organs which could turn a human's soul into food, into substances that nurture their skeletal bodies and keep them alive and happy. Quite fascinating. All those treasures that were hidden beneath that stupid black cloak, he drooled. And what those idiotic wizards thought about these lovely shy creatures was totally off the mark and could not be falser.

People said that Dementors were among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. Wrong, they clearly did not know him and his inventions. He would show them a whole new definition of evil things. They were also said to live in the darkest, filthiest places, where they drained peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Well, that was true, but hey, every animal needed to feed and there were not so different from cute little puppies who needed their mother's milk. Why was everyone so afraid of them? He clearly did not understand. Furthermore they said, get too near to a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory would be sucked straight out of you. Well, they certainly did not want to suck anything from him, since they were far too busy fleeing and hiding from him. But he was after all not really people's everyday standard human. Those idiots called the Dementors soulless and evil. If they knew they would probably throw him into the same category. At last he was rather good-looking, but way more dangerous than them.

To his delight he also had found out that here in Azkaban existed two different kinds of Dementors, the lowly ones with no face, a 'black hole', the ones the humans usually saw if they survived. And there were the leaders, who ruled over the lowly ones and were more animalistic in their appearance and were of course far more interesting than the normal boring ones to him.

Since he started roaming the dark corridors of the prison past the different half dead half insane prisoners and building his second resident in the abandoned ground floor, he had began to see them more often. It was nice and cozy and the aurors were far too frightened to come anywhere near this floor because the Dementors had their little hide-out or hatchery or however wherever they multiply themselves down here. And he would someday find it and catch some of them. Surely.

Then studying. Cutting open. Studying some more. Experimenting. Oh, so many different possibilities!

And so many unanswered questions running through his crazy mind. How are dementors made? Could they be destroyed? What is under that damned cloak? How did they inflict the sense of dread, of helplessness in their opponents or prey? He wanted to have the same effect on others too. How do they change human souls into food? Could they also eat animal souls? Or souls of magical beings? And that was why he wanted to live down there for a while. To study dementors in more detail. The books he brought in both Diagon and Knockturn Alley were not very informative about those amazing creatures; they just described their outwards appearance and the spell to counter them _'Expecto Patronum'_. How boring! Nobody seemed to be really interested in them.

He remembered quite clearly the leader he had seen not too long ago. The first difference he noticed was the difference in hands. Normal lowly ones had skeletal human hands, normal nails, but they, they had two long fingers, one even longer than the other, a thumb and a pinky finger. Of course, each of these four fingers had too long, too sharp black fingernails similar to claws. Once he saw this 'deformation', at this time he did not know about the higher species, his interest was roused. He had to find out more about this dementor, who was so different from the others, and while he was studying the interaction between the abnormal and the normal ones, he noticed something amazing. The others seemed to mind the special, as if they were afraid. It pointed its hand at one of the many corridors and let out a pained shriek and the normal ones just fled into the direction the four fingered hand pointed. He already had his notebook out and furiously wrote his findings into it. This one was a leader and he would get it. First study it in its normal living environment and the interaction between the different species, and then he would begin to autopsy it, hehehe.

Through his many different observations and some rather unwillingly human sacrifices, not from his side of course; he continued to study its appearance. He was fascinated while he watched it suck out a person's soul. Under the ragged cloth, a horse like skeletal mouth appeared. The upper jam looked indeed like the one of a horse, while the lower jaw was a mixture between a dog's and an anaconda's one. Sharp teeth from the canine and strong expandable split form of this particular kind of snake. How interesting! He had never seen something like that before. He had to see more!

Another dozen human sacrifices later, homeless people were not often missed by others, he took notice that there was not only one special dementor, no, another three appeared and started feasting. This was one of the best days of his life. Not only could he study more than one, if something went wrong with one experiment, he would still have three left. Oh so interesting, he could not wait to examine them more closely…

* * *

><p>In the last few months he visited their house quite often. The black-colored cylindrical house on top of a hill with a stream at the base of it could be seen by everyone magical from miles away. Some people also described it as looking like a giant chess rook or castle.<p>

He followed the rocky path from the village to the broken down gate, through which the colorful front yard could be entered. Onto the gate Xeno and Luna would usually tack signs to in many different colors. From there a path zigzagged up to the front door through a wide variety of odd plants. Between the 'normal' vegetation Undertaker could also see a Snargaluff, possibly some Gurdyroots, and a bush covered in orange radish like fruits often called Dirigible plums. Before the thick black front door stood two old crab apple trees on either side, bearing berry-sized fruits. They had many plants in their garden he had never seen before in both his lives. Estrella used most of them in her experimental potions and for cooking.

Through the front door and wards Undertaker hopped into the kitchen, a perfectly circular room, with stove, sinks, and cupboards curved to fit the walls. Most of them had been painted by Luna in bright colors with flowers, insects and birds. He himself painted some of them, the dark colors and human skull motives made them stand out in the multicolored room. In the centre of the floor was a spiral wrought-iron staircase leading up to the upper levels. Estrella was standing in front of a hip high cupboard, filling two painted cups with hot water. Besides them on the tray was an opened cookie jar with bone shaped cookies in it. He snickered silently, little Luna had something like a sixth sense. She always seemed to know when he would visit and make his favorite cookies with her mother. He could not be happier; they were nearly as good as his. Estrella turned around, the tray safe in her hands, and smiled at him,

"Shall we go to the gardens?"

* * *

><p>Disgusting was the first word he found to perfectly describe this. He asked his Goblin friends to look for one of his future guests and they sent him an owl with this address. It was a big old house in a muggle village. This part of the city and the house itself had probably seen its last good times in the late forties or sometime before the war. Now it was only a junk and garbage dump. It was revolting, but until now he could count on the goblins. They would not have told him something wrong or he would go back there and make them all one head shorter as they already were.<p>

He looked around. Homeless people sleeping half on the street and half on the pavement. Garbage lying around like leaves in autumn. Ugly hookers trying to sell their bodies to anyone who looked likely to have some kind of money. Junkies mixing drugs on the corner of the street. A dead dog lying on the pavement, flies and other bugs swirling lazily around it, eating slowly at its flesh. Not a lovely area to live, but really good for finding human sacrifices aka dementor food. He sighed. Only the lowest of the lowest would live here. And those with no way out.

He neared the unsightly building, opened the unhinged front door and walked up three sets of staircases until he reached the room with the number 314 on it. He knocked and waited. Nobody answered. He knocked once more. He sighed for a second time. He just wanted to make this quick and go back to his animal study session. He looked over the piece of paper. Yes, this had to be the right room and right house, but there was probably nobody at home, so he decided to help himself. He spell-opened it, crossed the weak wards without setting them off. They were just the standard wards a beginner at ward magic could do. Not really impressive. The inside was not much better, just really filthy like all things in an approximately twenty mile radius.

The room was little, a one room kitchen, living, bath and bedroom. Some parts of the tile floor were missing, the window was dirty and could obviously not be opened anymore, he tried to get rid of the stench, and the color on the walls was coming off partially. The furniture was complete and only washed-out but clearly from different time periods literally. He should just stop looking around. Maybe he could ignore the filthiness. His job and hobbies were often not the cleanest, playing with corpses, cutting humans down and experimenting on them, but his workspace, living space, even his torture chambers were clean! He should just ignore it, but first he needed something to drink.

He searched through the different cabinets for some tea and cookies. He cleaned the drinking water from the water pipeline which looked rather rusty from the outside, with a few dozen cleaning spells, heated in up in a cup and used it for his calming tea. He surely did need it right now.

Once seated he finished one of his books out of his pockets, his study on dementors, and began to read over the information he wrote and waited patiently until the apartment's owner decided to come home. Time went by fast after he began to rewrite some parts of his book. The last rays of the sun illuminated the tiny room, footsteps approaching. He looked up when he heard the squeaking of the door, the key opening the door with a soft click. He continued to sit there in silence until the man closed it again and turned to face him, eyes widened in surprise, body standing defensively. He just smiled,

"Hello, my dear bad wolf."

* * *

><p>The building before him was large and grey surrounded by a three meter high wall of stone with little sharp metal spikes pointing inwards. There was only one entry at the front, guarded by two armed men and dogs. He looked to his left… nothing. He looked to his right… nothing. Here he was standing before a prison like building in the middle of nowhere trying to sneak in, which was a whole lot easier then he would have thought. It was already night time; no moon was illuminating this night. He carefully picked this date, he did not want anyone to notice him after all and even though the muggles could not see him because of his invisibility spell, the dogs could smell him. He had no time to waste, so he should just make a quick visit. He apparated into the stone flagged inner courtyard, opened the front door with a nonverbal <em>'Alohomora'<em> and went inside. Now he just needed to find the right room.

* * *

><p>"Are you Sirius Black?" He asked the black dog which was cowering in the far corner of the cell. The dog tilted its head and waited. He asked again. This time he got an answer.<p>

"How do you know?" The now human Sirius Black answered. His hair had an underlying grey tone and was long, unkempt and greasy. His skin looked deadly pale, wrinkled and dirty. His eyes were a dull silver blue starring right at him. His clothes were as ragged as the dementors cloak and through the rip in the shirt he could see how thin the man truly was.

"Because the only dog animagus in Azkaban is probably you." He answered lightly, it was true after all.

"What do you want?" Sirius growled like a dog. If people spent too much time in their animagus form, the instincts of their animal form show themselves even in their human form, he heard.

"I simply came to talk." Yes, he had to talk to him sometime. He knew that his godfather was unrightfully imprisoned, but until now he was just too busy and it just was not an important matter. Who was this guy to him anyway? He knew from Harry's memories that he could turn into a dog and everything, but they were not really close. He lived over five hundred years as a shinigami, deserter, Undertaker and hunted in his former world, and from here he had seventy years worth of information and memories from Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort and only one and a half year from little Harry Potter. If he would show it in percent it would be: Undertaker 87,6 %, Voldemort 12,1 % and Harry only 0,3 %. So it was not that important, but now after studying the dementors until he was satisfied and feeling a bit bored today, he decided to assemble some friends to play with. To help him against the boredom.

"To talk? You broke into the vilest prison in the whole world just to talk?" Sirius sounded incredulous. Who would not? It was easier than people make it out to be in reality. So…

"Why not?" He snickered a bit.

"I am insane. I am sitting here, talking with a demonic looking hyena. Are you a hallucination?" He decided once again to run around in his animagus form. Running around on four feet was really fun, snarling at the prisoner, which in turn often pissed themselves. Funny.

"Nope, not that I knew." He raised his right foot and smashed it into the prison wall which crumbled. No, he felt real.

"Can you help me out of here?" After seeing this kind of strength display he probably thought about getting out.

"Why?" Yes, the ultimate question 'why'. If he liked the answer he would think about helping him. After all if his guests did not behave themselves in his home, once he rescued them of course, he would be really unhappy and would have to dispose of them.

"Because I want to see my godson!" That was already partly the right way, let's see how he would handle the rest of the discussion.

"Your godson?" He asked mock-shocked.

"Yes, Harry James Potter! If you are not a hallucination, you must be an animagus! Do you know anything about him, please?" Should he tell or should not he? Let's play a bit more.

"Yes, I do know something about him." Mysterious answer. Sirius looked ready to burst, his face gaining a little red color.

"Then tell!" Sirius ordered. He frowned, now the dog had gained some minus points. He did not like being ordered around.

"Well, he is in a way still alive." Another mysterious answer.

"What the hell do you mean 'in a way still alive'? Is he hurt? In a coma?" Sirius went from anger, a red face, to worry with a nearly white face. It was a surprise that he did not faint from the blood leaving the head so fast.

"No, what are you going to do?" He had to ask this. It would not be right for his guest to go to his enemies.

"Huh?" Of course he had not understood the question.

"You were here for the last few years and Harry was out there growing up. What is if his new family does not want you or if Harry is different from the person you imaging while surviving the Dementors here? What if he isn't a copy of your 'brother' James or has not the temper of his mother Lily? What would you do if he is different?" He was Harry now and not really the definition of normal. He was sarcastic, sadistic, and sometimes even a bit masochistic, he remembered the amazing feeling of his salt bath, blood thirsty, childish and a tiny winy bit insane. He would never be the wizarding worlds Harry Potter, the copy of his father with his mother's eyes, ready to save their lives, so that they did not have to get up from their fat asses themselves. Harry Potter ready to save the day, pampered child since birth, loved by everyone, kind to everyone, fan of muggleborns and muggles, Dumbledore's boy, the light Gryffindor, hater of Slytherins, slayer of snakes. Urgh, people surely pictured him differently. And his godfather would probably think not so different from the rest of the magical population.

"It does not matter…" Of course it mattered.

"What was that?" He asked again. He wanted a clear answer.

"It does not matter. If he is happy with the way he is living now, I will be happy too and if it is possible, I would like to stand by his side. If it is not as godfather than maybe as an uncle once I have maimed the rat, brought him to the ministry and cleared my name." Sirius grumbled into his beard.

"What if he is even more evil as Voldemort himself? Going around killing people without remorse?" That sounded like him. If he could not accept it, he would have to remain in the prison and out of his way.

"It does not matter to me." Sirius said sounding now far too confident.

"Hahahaha! How funny!" He could not hold back his laughter. Maybe all those years in Azkaban helped his mind or damaged it more. From prejudiced idiot Gryffindor to suddenly may he call it a not so prejudiced idiot?

"What is so damned funny?" Sirius growled out. He had to explain. Let's break it down for him nice and easy.

"You, as the only one ever from the extremely dark Black family, were sorted into the light house of the foolish Gryffindors where sunshine comes out of their asses, elixir of live from their penises and their farts smell like flowers. The only house where Dumbledore himself stands and helped you whenever you and your friends made trouble in school or let a prank go out of control. Remember that Sirius? Vicious pranks and beating up other students? With Dumbledore's too long leash you could even kill someone there and he would just have given you a few claps on the hand and called you 'bad boy, don't do it again'. And suddenly, we are sitting here and you tell me it is okay for you if somebody kills people? Funny, I tell you." Estrella told him a bit about the Marauders and how everyone non-Gryffindor clearly despised them for their actions and being the favorites of the headmaster. Not only the always-evil-Death-Eater Slytherins were victims, also Ravenclaws for being bossy know-it-alls and Hufflepuffs for being senseless weak followers and no goods. Even she was at one time a victim, all of her clothes suddenly disappeared in the Great Hall during lunch and who laughed the loudest, the Marauders.

"Yes, I was an idiot, a goddamned idiot. I thought being a Gryffindor was everything. But I realized after many sleepless nights right here in this cell, that I was an idiot. I could have made so many things different, better, if I would have taken my head out of my ass. But I realized it kind of late. James is already dead. Lily too. Remus probably hates me. The rat is still out there living a comfortable life. Harry was without much doubt told that I am a deranged mass murder and would kill him to if I could. In this fucked up life I finally realized it. Should I ever manage to get out of here, I swore to apologies for my past wrongdoings, I will awaken my inner Slytherin and stop being so damned prejudiced. I don't see the world in black and white anymore. There is no Gryffindor is only good and Slytherin is only bad. Not anymore. Look, here I am, innocent, not for the things I did in school, but for the murder of thirteen muggles and the betrayal of my brother in all but blood and his beloved to Voldemort. How is that fair?" Sirius screamed into his face. Good that he already casted silencing wards, would not be good for others to overhear this conversation. Undertaker smirked to himself. Let's see if his words were just hot air and useless oxygen consumption or real. If he realized that not all Slytherins were bad now, he would go from the other side. Let's see if he still thought that Gryffindors were godlike and always right.

"What about Dumbledore? Won't you immediately run to him once you are free?" Would he stay prejudiced or think for himself now?

"What about Dumbledore? He would probably help me and let me see Harry." Sirius blinked, looking confused, clearly not understanding the question. Idiot. He would probably need more than one therapy lesson from him.

"Did you not just some seconds ago gave a speech about not everyone is only good and bad?" Idiot. Talking great about himself, saying he had changed and then this!

"Huh?" Sirius blinked confused.

"I will let you sit there to think about what Dumbledore could have done to help you after school, to help you out of this prison. Do not worry, I will visit you again." And he began to run again ignoring the helpless screams of his godfather behind him.

* * *

><p>"I have thought about this and decided that you are right. It is too dangerous to experiment alone and a lab partner sounds like a great idea. Don't want to blow myself up, would I?" Undertaker just leaned back in his garden chair, taking the tea cup from the table. "So when is your guest arriving?" she asked.<p>

"I have jet to ask him." Maybe today or tomorrow he would visit his future guest and new source of entertainment.

Estrella looked perplexed for a second, before asking, "And if he says no?" Undertaker smiled at her creepily, his smile half hidden by the teacup. Oh, he had some nice things planned for naysayers. Really nice things indeed. "Oh, I understand." she answered after a short pause.

In their free time they were rather often sitting in the garden surrounded by weird non human eating plants and just talking. Talking about life in general, her school years, his 'imaginary' school years and all the subject he took, talks about what would happen to the soul after death, why ghost exist, if people could be reborn, about magical creatures and plants and other interesting things. And she did not mind talking to him, she was used to talk to weird people after all. Which brought him to this question, "Why did you marry your husband, if you don't mind me asking? There must have been many men wooing for your attention. More normal ones." She certainly looked surprised, but answered nevertheless,

"Well, even in school Xeno was always the weird one, but since he was a pureblood he was accepted by everyone, and combined with his nice character, everyone liked him. Pureblood men could do anything they wanted after graduation, as long as they married another pureblood and had children to continue the line." She sighed tiredly and took a sip from her tea.

"And the typical pureblood women were supposed to be beautiful, always smiling at their husband's side, taking care of the home, organizing parties, showing off their blood status and riches, gossiping with other pureblood wives, bearing pureblood children and being meek and well behaved. I never liked these regulations. They do not marry for love, they marry for money, more prestige, fame and because their parents signed a marriage contract. Looking back I was never normal too. Since the beginning I wanted to become an inventor, invent new spells, curses and potions and when I had enough money, I would travel around the world and learn about the different cultures and magic. I wanted to be independent, make my own money. And I was foolish. I thought I could trust them, my so called best friends, and told them about my dream, but they just laughed at me. They said I was dump, told everyone else and shunned me for my dreams, because for them, for purebloods, tradition was everything. They also are the reason why the magical world still lives in the Middle Ages compared to the newest muggle inventions." She began to smile slightly.

"And there he was, the only one that did not laugh at me. For me he looked like a prince in shining armor. He was there for me, told me it was okay to have dreams, to be different from everyone else. He also comforted me when the bullying became too bad. Those idiots always hid away her things, her books, her clothes, her shoes, everything. And so we started dating and it was one of the happiest time of my life. We were in hindsight the perfect pair. Xeno always looked as if he needed someone to take care of him, his chaotic lifestyle and everything, someone normal and more organized. And I needed someone who could understand and accept me. He is a good man, even if everyone else thinks he is weird. After we graduated, we married and traveled around the world, I learned many new things and magic branches and Xeno looked for his special magical creatures. We settled down here, once I was pregnant. Now Xeno is happily writing his newspaper, I am happily experimenting, we have a lovely daughter and everyone is happy." She explained, a face splitting smile on her face.

"And they lived happily ever after. Eh?" he snickered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Undertaker meets Sirius and Estrella in this chapter. It has been so long since I updated. My motivation was (0=worst to 100=best) around minus twenty-three and my perfectionism was at plus three hundred, so even if I finally managed to write three sentences I stopped, because it was not perfect. The questions I have: should Luna's mother live or die, for different pairings SiriusRemus and someone suggested a threesome Sirius/Remus/Snape, what would you like more? If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_

_**While searching around I found these pictures and decided to incorporate them into my story.**_

'_**HP - Dementor's Kiss' by wynahiros: **_h t t p :/ browse . deviantart _**. com/?qh=§ section=&q=dementor#/djbd4s**_

'_**HP- Dementor I Character Sheet' by wynahiros: **_h t t p :/ browse . deviantart _**. com/?qh=§ section=&q=dementor#/dc93i6**_


	14. Chapter 13 First Visits 2

_**Suna no Oshiro**__**by Kanon Wakeshima (translation)**_

_Quietly flowing_

_White_

_Dried clouds pass by_

_The gray me_

_Just watched their vanishing_

_Intently_

_Onto the castle of sand that I built_

_From gathering the stars_

_My tiny prayer_

_Falls_

_Waves that lay in waiting_

_Sweep you off your feet_

_A world of darkness._

_A world of silence._

_While the prayer that seems like it'll vanish soon_

_Is fanned by the wind_

_Nevertheless, I continue to light it_

_While I messed up again and again_

_The waves that lay in waiting_

_Sweep away the castle of sand that I built_

_With chilled hands_

_To you_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 - First Visits (2)<strong>

The man that came through the door at nine o'clock at night looked absolute horrible. Hair long, unkempt and unwashed, face and body tired looking. How the man was standing right now, was a good question. He was so exhausted he had not even noticed him sitting there on his couch drinking his sixth cup of tea and eating his home made bone shaped cookies he always brought with him in one of his hidden pockets. The man closed the door, waved his wand and murmured something in a low voice. The simple wards went back to full power and the man sighed loudly still staring at the now closed and secured door. Undertaker set the cup soundless down onto the table and smiled. Now would be a good time to make himself known to the owner. Probably.

"Hello, my dear bad wolf." He said grinning sheepishly. Game start. The man whirled around faster than a normal human could do and had his wand pointed immediately at him. His eyes were wide and stunned looking, his breathing already heavy and his whole hand plus wand was shaking because of overstrain on his whole body. That guy sure was dog-tired, hehehe, more like wolf-tired, but enough with the bad jokes for now.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" he asked loudly wand still pointed at him. Even if the werewolf had the energy to cast some spell, he would not even hit him with this kind of shaking hand. His aim was completely off. Undertaker sighed inaudible; he had planned for a warmer welcome from the wolf's side. Starring into the confused eyes of the werewolf he sighed again, loudly. This could be more troublesome than the idiot in jail, but he decided to just play along. He had come here to make friends after all. 'Friends'…

"Well are not you rude. I was just sitting there minding my own business, thinking about nothing extremely terrible or naughty, enjoying a late night snack. And you what are you doing here? Ah! And please put your wand down and sit down so we can talk. You worked today really hard again after all." He said mockingly hiding his face splitting grin behind his teacup. Short and to the point, but would the wolf understand the situation correctly and do what he said? No, probably not, but hopefully he would not need more than five years in Azkaban to start thinking for himself. Since Undertaker looked through the score list at the Ministry for Lupin's OWLs and NEWTs, he could state that he was one of the brightest minds back then in school, so let's see if it was just book smarts…

"Why should I? You could hex me once I laid my wand down." Oh no, another old idiot. He always wondered how Sirius Black and Remus Lupin understood each other so amazingly good back in the days. It was no wonder that both of them were best friends in school, even though he heard from Estrella that the werewolf was from the pack of marauders the most intelligent, but he could also be wrong. Maybe they defined 'intelligent' differently from him. There was 'normal intelligent', 'book intelligent', 'real life experience intelligent' and he was 'insane genius intelligent'.

"I know that I am sometimes mentally instable and act illogical and childish, but if I wanted to hex or curse or kill you, I might have done so when you would not have seen it coming. Like when you opened the door or closed it for that matter. I have heard you were one of the brightest students in Hogwarts, are not you? If yes, then restart your brain now." Undertaker said his voice changing from childish to deadly serious throughout the sentence. He already talked to one idiot today, therapy lesson number twelve if he remembered correctly, was waiting more than four hours for the wolf to return and now his patience was running dangerously low and he had quite seriously not killed anyone in the last three months. That was probably a reason too for wrinkles appearing on his handsome face, but who should he kill? He did not really had a list for these things, in his studies he always needed live sacrifices, because one they were dead the souls would disappear and the dementors would not have anything to eat. But he should go on a killing spree, but where?

While he was for the outside world obviously lost in thoughts, the werewolf took the chance and tried to attack him with his wolfish speed. Of course, against him he did not stand a chance even in hundred years. He quickly snatched his half empty, yes deep down he was a pessimist, cookie jar and his teacup and bounced out of the way of the attacking beast. The man smashed against the couch, looking surprised for a second. And that was a mistake, he stood still for a moment before once more trying to attack him for a second time. Not in the mood for some physical games, he simply bound the wild animal to the chair in the moment of shock. Magic in this world sure was nice and useful. Made his life so much easier. And cleaning up messed took also much less time than before.

"What do you want?" Hissed the man angrily. It seemed like he had to retell everything he told the mutt the last twelve times he visited him in prison. It was going to be a long day or night.

"Your godson is dead." Well, let's start this a bit different. If the first visit did not get them on his side, he would just visit them again once they thought things over and maybe activated their remaining brain cells.

"Wh… What?" The werewolf stuttered eyes wide in disbelieve. Now he was listening. Perfect.

"Your godson is dead, well, in a way dead you could say." Undertaker repeated chewing on one of his cookies. In spite of everything it was the truth. Kind of.

"What do you mean? Harry, my cub, is dead?" Oh, most people would be more interested in the 'in a way', but he would just go from there.

"Yes, Harry James Potter is dead." Harry James Potter no longer existed. If someone wanted to know his wizarding name he would answer Alexander Dorian Grey and otherwise he would simply be Undertaker, secret death god, slayer of those he did not like and inventor of the worst things imaginable.

"But… How… Dumbledore said…" Oh my, another Dumbledore fanatic. How could this many straight men be so much in love with an manipulative old goat who reached his magical peak sometime over ninety years ago, now more and more declining, and had a chance encounter with his deadly foe where he managed to somehow win. Pure luck, if someone asked him. And everyone was licking the ground this man walked and probably in private the man's ass and other... Eurgh, bad imagination. BAD IMAGINATION! He should later obliviate these thought from his mind. It was so disgusting and he felt his already eaten cookies try to leave his body again. He gulped the reflex to barf down. Wow, that was bad. Physical torture was nothing against this. And now he had another creditor to deal with. He was not quite sure how many visits this one needed. Hopefully less than the other.

"Oh no, now we are again by 'Dumbledore said'. If Dumbledore ordered you to jump from the highest tower in Hogwarts, would you do it? If he tells you to kill someone for the greater good, would you do it? Care to think a bit on your own?" He asked again nicely, face twisting into a creepy smile which promised lifelong pain. It was rather incredible. So many brain dead people following the light lord. Everyone not liking Dumbledore followed the alternative Voldemort who was not really any better than Dumbles. If intelligent people had to choose between both of them, they would probably go and hang themselves, it would be the only right decision. But since the majority of magical Briton were idiots, both of them had more than enough followers.

"Dumbledore told me over and over that Harry was fine and that he was loved by his family, he saw this with his own eyes!" The old man had to be an excellent liar if he could fool a werewolf that easily. Or said werewolf was so smitten with him, that he automatically believed everything that came out from the light lord.

"And you believed him? Like that? Without any kind of prove for his claims?" This showed to be more annoying than he first thought.

"Well, if you know everything, tell me your story about what happened to him." Lupin snapped at him. He had to count down from ten to one silently. '_Ten little Jägermeisters smoked a joint, One died, nine were left. Nine little Jägermeisters wanted something inherited, So to have stuff to inherit, one had to die. Eight little Jägermeisters enjoyed driving fast, Seven drove to Düsseldorf, one drove to Köln.' _Ha, now he felt calm again. Maybe he should have let him sleep before talking to him, maybe the work was making him stupid or the insufficient amount of food and clean water. And once again, now was story time…

"After the Lily and James died, Sirius came there and searched for Harry." He started his amazing story only to be interrupted by a loud exclamation from Lupin.

"That traitor." He sighed again loudly. Nobody liked to think these days. '_Seven little Jägermeisters at a rendezvous, Unexpectedly, the husband came to one of them. Six little Jägermeisters wanted to save cash on taxes, One was arrested, five were allowed to pay later. Five little Jägermeisters were being inspected, The policeman did it too carefully, four were left.'_…

"You got it all wrong. Now be a good little wolf and think. Don't you think choosing Sirius, James best buddy and his brother in all but blood, as secret keeper would be too obvious for everybody? It would have been like running around in a pink fluffy bunny costume in a Death Eater meeting screaming 'Happy Birthday' at them, don't you think? And even James was intelligent enough to realize this, understood it probably with the help of his wife. She always was the smart one. " Estrella really helped him, he would bake an enormous bone shaped cake as thanks only for her.

"You are right, but then… No, Dumbledore could not have been… Peter, it was Peter, was not it?" Yeaho! He understood!

"Bravo!" Undertaker clapped happily, that was the right direction.

"The real secret keeper was indeed Peter?" He nodded positively along. "And you tell me that an innocent man is now sitting in Azkaban, probably slowly going insane?" The last part of Lupin's exclamation was shouted. "B-but Sirius killed Peter and thirteen muggles! So he was not innocent going to prison." '_Four little Jägermeisters in the German army, They made a drinking contest, there is no best one anymore. Three little Jägermeisters went to a restaurant, There's been two steaks with beans, and one with mad cow disease. Two little Jägermeisters asked for refuge, One has been accepted, the other was one too many to accept'_… Now the plus points Lupin just earned for being maybe a bit more intelligent than his friend in Azkaban, turned into minus points.

"So let's take this slowly, so that even an idiot could understand this. Peter was the secret keeper. Understood?" Lupin nodded. "Sirius was always something like James' brother. Correct?" The werewolf nodded again. "Who from both of them betrayed the Potters?"

"Peter." Lupin answered shortly.

"So the Death Eater was also Peter." The wolf nodded again. "And you know what Death Eaters can do? They kill and torture and rape to even get accepted into their meetings. So tell me, who killed the thirteen muggles? Sirius or Peter? Think logical." Please think logical.

"Peter." Lupin answered again. "But he also…"

"And what did they find from Peter?" Undertaker interrupted him looking unnatural cheerful. '_One for all, all for one, If someone passes away, who will cry? The same thing happens to everyone, don't get angry! Life's like this, you or me.'_…

"Only his little finger. Oh my god! He cut of his finger and fled. And Sirius is really innocent and sitting in Azkaban?" The werewolf asked. Correctly answered.

"Yes, you are correct and tell me. Who could have prevent everything? Prevent Sirius from going to jail?" DUMBLEDORE.

"Maybe the aurors just did not think about it. What about the trail?" Lupin asked looking unsure.

"Dumbledore assured Crouch that Sirius was guilty and did not need a trail." Undertaker stated.

"No, Dumbledore is a light wizard and one of the most amazing men I have ever known, he even let me…" Lupin screamed at him only to be interrupted by his own conclusion. Idiot. '_Everyone must go away eventually, And even if your heart is broken, the world won't die, so don't be angry, man!'_…

"Into Hogwarts even knowing you are a werewolf. I know, I know. Why did you even went there?" Undertaker asked. He was really interested to why he even went there. What was the point anyways?

"What do you mean with why?" The werewolf clearly did not understand the question.

"You were a werewolf since when? Your fifth birthday, you and Dumbledore knew this, so how could this school have helped you? You are still a werewolf even if you have graduated from there. You did not find a job in the magical world because nobody would hire a werewolf and now you are again in the muggle world. Poorer than ever before. So when you cannot get a job in a magical setting, then why did you go to their school? What good did it you? You must have known how wizards treat other magical creatures when you decided to hide your status as werewolf from all the other students. You knew you would not get a job later on, so what good did it do you?" Undertaker explained his question in more detail.

"But he…" Oh god and all those trice damned insane hermaphroditic angels up there, people down here sure were naive.

"But he did and he said and we all know Dumbledore is the best and since he is Dumbledore and holy and godlike, no, he is Jesus. Right?" Pardon his language, but he was cranky and surrounded by idiots. He hoped the Lestranges would not be that stupid, or more insane. Without waiting for an answer he continued, "So you just went there, learned for seven years something you cannot really use now. A muggle education would have helped you more." Undertaker scolded him like a child. Really he was insane, he was the one who was allowed to make illogical decisions. Those people were all sane or said to be sane and were even more illogical then he could ever be.

"…" Lupin answered. Surprised? Well, da?

"What was that? Speak up so that I can understand too." Undertaker was interested, what would he answer?

"Friends…" Friends what? Friends who? Friends where? Friends everywhere!

"What about friends." Undertaker asked again. Clarification please. He was no mind reader per se, he could do Legilimency, but he was hundred and twenty percent sure the werewolf did not want him to do that.

"While I went there, I met my best friends." The werewolf stated proudly. How could he be proud? He hated to repeat himself, but… Idiot. And once more, '_One for all, all for one, If someone passes away, who will cry? The same thing happens to everyone, don't get angry! Life's like this, you or me.'_…

"And how is that working out? James and his wife are dead, Sirius is in Azkaban, Peter betrayed you all, Dumbledore continues to lie straight into your face, your other former teacher are not interested in you and oh, I am not really aware of any other friends." He knew this was cold, minus forty degree cold, but how could he otherwise change their way of thinking things through. "Dumbledore probably knows you are living here, barely keeping yourself alive, did he help you in anyway? Did he help Sirius? Did he help Harry?"

"Harry! You said Harry was dead. What happened to him?" Lupin murmured probably too afraid to asked. Until now Undertaker kept destroying every illusion the werewolf built in his head to justify Dumbledore's mercy and goodwill. Yes, he had a statistic streak.

So let's continue this sad sad story. He sighed, this was going to be a long night. _'Ten little Jägermeister…'_

* * *

><p>"Hi there, Mister Tristan Erikson." He turned around wide eyed to the point where the voice came from. On his bed was sitting a man, completely clothed in black with really long silver hair which hid his eyes. He could also see some scars right over this man's face and neck. What was he doing here? Was this one of the side effects of the medicine he just took? Since he sleep walked and killed that damned brat and got caught in the act, they threw him into an insane asylum and not just any kind of insane asylum, no, into one for dangerous people. People who were either dangerous to themselves, like self inflicted injury or attempted suicide with more than one victim, or people who are dangerous to others, like insane murderers. Living here was hell for the last year. Those doctors tried many different kinds of medicine on him, but he told them each and every time to lick his ass and that he was happy to have killed the demon brat. He knew how unnatural the seemly innocent child felt, some kind of aura which let the world around him wither and die away and he was the only one who saw this. The other caretaker were all under a spell, a spell to like him and do everything he wanted, but he and the other children knew he was an unnatural freak coming straight from hell and going straight there now. He looked again at the hallucination of the man which smiled slightly at him. "Nice day today, is not it? A bit freezing out there, but anyway fine."<p>

"Wh-what... Who are you?" He managed to say, even if this man was just a hallucination, an imagination of his lonely mind, he desperately needed someone to talk too. Those doctors gave each one of the dangerous subject something like a cell, a bed, a toilet, a washing basin and a desk. His window had bars on the outside, those of the insane series killers had no windows. There was only one door in this room to a corridor with even more doors, but at the moment it was locked. So the only logical conclusion was that this man was certainly an illusion. He felt now calm again, "Who are you?" His voice sounded now more certain.

But the man just smiled at him, "Who knows?" He answered, "Hehehe, but you know me. So why don't we play a bit? You have all the time of this world. After all you are not going to get out of here that fast. So," the man sing-songed, "Who am I?" Was his subconsciousness trying to talk to him? He never hear of something like that. Their own mind casting an illusion and then speaking with themselves eye to eye. Funny, he should play along. But he was certain to have never seen this man.

He mock-frowned looking like he was in deep thoughts, "Someone I know?" He answered slowly.

The man nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, I am someone from your past." The man tilted his head to one side, his smile vanishing, "You really do not remember me! How rude!" He said reproachful. No, he would have known, if he would ever run into a man like this. He was not really easily to forget with his black hat and black cloak and long silvery hair which was hundred percent bleached. Young people this days, who likes to have grey hair? Woman and Men in this stage of their life try with all their might to get their hair color back and this man just bleached it that way. He snorted but continued to play, "Do I know you from my job or my free time or maybe from the time we were kids?" He asked, rubbing his chin between his thumbs and index finger.

"It was job related!" The man started to bounce around the little room he had. Job related, so somewhere at the orphanage. Maybe he was one of the former caretakers or some of the parents who took one or two children with them. He thought about it for a while, but still could not find the answer. The man now started to look really sad and a bit disappointed? Why? Why should he remember someone obviously so unimportant? "You really do not remember me? Even though I helped you out of your normally boring everyday life and made it more fun for everyone?" What the hell was this man talking about? Made his days more fun? He really did not get the connection between them. If his subconsciousness was trying to say something to him, it can just go and kill itself.

"No, I am really sorry. I do not remember you at all." He answered lightly, 'and now go and screw yourself', but these were only his thoughts. Suddenly the man jumped again from the bed, went straight to him and stood right in front of him. His hat he had lost on the bed and now his hand went up to his face and pushed the bangs out of the way. Two brilliant green eyes were staring at him.

The man slowly said while letting his bangs fall into place again. He could now see his eyes and the scar without problem. He knew now, like a nagging at the back of his mind, he knew this man. "Maybe I should trigger your memory a bit?" He sing-songed and pulled a newspaper out of his long sleeved cloak. In what kind of century was his hallucination living? The man began to read out loud,

"_Today at eight o'clock in the morning a gruesome murder took place at the St. Michael Cathedral. Mister Tristan E. drove one of the Coral Orphanage's cars with the probably unconscious victim, Markus Claire, age five, to a gas station and filled the car with fuel. Not only filled the future murderer the tank of the car with fuel, the car boot and the inside of the car was also filled with as much as was possible. The owner of the gas station was worried about the man, but did not interfere. Tristan then drove in front of the St. Michael Cathedral and beat the child until most of his bones were broken. He descended the car and lit it on fire. While it burned the he screamed many obscenity at the car and the people surrounding it. Not long later the police came and tried to arrest him, who kicked, punched, bite and scratched against the officers. Three police officers were slightly injured and one had to have his ear reattached after it was bitten off by Tristan. The fire was extinguished by the fire brigade, but the boy could not have been saved. The murderer was brought to the dangerous ward of the insane asylum and will remain there for public safety until he is healed from his hallucinations._

_More information to the life of Markus Claire, genius if the Coral Orphanage... see side three_

_More information from witnesses, caretakers and children of the Orphanage... see side four_

Do you remember me now? Or do I have to spell it for you?" Long silver hair, bright green eyes nearly hidden beneath it, a demonic smile on the face of an innocent child and a fondness for black clothes. No that could not be, he killed him, he KILLED HIM!

"You demon!" He tried to tackle the demon child, now demon man and beat the live he obviously still had out of him, but this bastard just dodged and send a funny looking light at him and now he could not move his body anymore. Black magic, Satan's spawn. He should have known. He could not kill something so evil just with fire. He should have brought holy water or something holy and feed it to him or pierced his heart or something. "What do you want?" He screamed full of rage. This unholy thing tried to take revenge on him, but the wardens were probably watching right now and sending someone to help him. There was after all a video camera in his room, recording everything. He smirked darkly.

"Tut-tut. That is not really nice. Did not the caretakers and doctors here teach you anything better?" The demon was taunting him and looked right at the camera, "Do not worry little Tristan. You know, I can cast spells and well, I cast one at the camera when you were not looking. They only see you sleeping peacefully on the bed without any nightmares and worries." If he could move a muscle he would wring that bastard's neck, "And I let you know that my parents were happily married." His eyes widened.

"So the demon can also read minds," he sneered, "How convenient. And let me go!" With all his might he tried to move even a muscle, someone please help him!

"You know, you did not kill me that time did not you?" What?

"What?" He stuttered, this was not possible. He knew he beat him and then lit the car. Another light was send his way and he opened his mouth to scream and nothing came out. This... he could not remember a word so evil and offensive to insult the demon with.

"It was another child. I simply ordered to find a replacement for me and you did. You, my lovely little friend, killed an innocent little boy. Yes, a little innocent boy. Wait a bit, I am going to correct your memories again." He could not escape the two fingers which touched his forehead. And then he remembered. He remembered he fiend knocking at his door at night, dressed in a lovely dress and touching his forehead with two fingers and then he was royally screwed. He had to write a note, stating that he was going to kill the demon, drive the little bastard to Charring Cross, fill the car with fuel, kidnap one kid who looked in stature like the demon, beat him to death, drive the car to a church, lit it on fire, scream diverse insane things and attack the police. This little shit was the reason of all his problems, he was guilty of everything. "Yes, I am guilty. And you know what? You cannot do anything against it. Nobody would believe you, nobody at all. But do not worry, my friend.

I will get you out of here. I promise you, tomorrow you will be free." The demon touched his head again and the world around him turned black.

The next day the warden found the exsanguinous body of Tristan Erikson lying cold on the floor. He had used his own front teeth to cut open the artery on his left wrist and used the blood to write _'The demon is still alive'_ all over the cream colored walls of his room. At ten o'clock he was then transported to the morgue.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, fine gents and lovely lady. How are you today?" He asked his next guest, which just looked at him eyes wide in fright. Well, everybody would be looking at him like that; it was after all not everyday people saw a two meter demonic hyena, which asked them how they were feeling in the worst prison there was. He continued to sit there and smile at them, deadly fangs shining in the moonlight dangerously. "I could help you get out of here."<p>

Their eyes grew comically wide. "Why should we trust you?" asked Bellatrix sounding normal. Normal… sane… partly sane… well, it was all the same.

"Do you have any other choice or idea?" Well?

"No, but you probably would not do it for nothing in return." answered Rabastan looking slightly worried. They probably thought they were finally batshit crazy.

"You are absolutely right. Until your lord once again walks the world, you can stay with me and entertain me. I have so much money and so much free time, but too less friends. So I thought you might be interested. How does this sound?" He snickered.

"Where is the catch?" Bellatrix asked, her eyes narrowed to slits.

"Well, I do have some rules you would have to follow. Rule 1: You can kill, you can torture, you can maim, but do it in secret. I even have some torture chambers for you to use and a place to live. And I don't want aurors or the police or any other stupid justice preaching people in my neighborhood. That would just be annoying." They nodded. Well, those people seemed to be more intelligent than the other two. Yesterday he had therapy lesson number twenty three with Black and number five with Lupin, and there were finally getting somewhere!

"Rule 2: We will play some funny games and you will have to play along. No question asked." They nodded again.

"Rule 3: We…"

* * *

><p>"<em>Now then, since we are all here, shall I tell you a secret?"<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So Undertaker is now in HP universe and has Harry's body. Undertaker meets Sirius, Remus, Bellatrix, Rabastan, Rodolphus,… Woah, this story has now more the 50000 words and Undertaker is still not in Hogwarts. When I started the whole thing I thought I'd have it complete with approximately 30000 words or something like that, but well, things do change. Next chapter will be something like 'Undertaker in Wonderland and other Randomness'. Probably. The questions I have: should Luna's mother live or die, different pairings (RonHermione, Sirius/Remus, Sirius/Remus/Snape, Snape/…) and scenes you could imagine appear in the next chapter (maybe I integrate them). If you review and answer the question please also state why so that I can understand it too. Thanks!**_

_**The song I used in the first part was a translation from the German song 'Zehn Keine Jagermeister' by Die Toten Hosen. It's one of my favorites and the video itself is a bit mad and strange. Goes really well with Undertaker. For those you are interested, a link to the uncensored version:**_

_**h t t p :/ www . youtube . com / watch ?v=LKXUNRrYQd0**_


	15. Chapter 14 Welcome to Wonderland

_**Still Doll by Kanon Wakeshima (translation)**_

_Hi Miss Alice_

_In your glass eye, what sort of dream are you seeing? Have you been entranced?_

_Once again my heart has split in two, and is pouring out_

_Stuck in the patched crevices and trapped in the space, left Behind_

_Hi Miss Alice_

_With those fruitful lips to whom does love is cast away? Is lamented?_

_Already I spin words_

_My feverish Tongue has grown cold_

_The song to love can't be sung either_

_Still, you do not answer_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14 - Welcome to Wonderland<strong>

Since his guests arrived, life did not suck anymore. Every day was enjoyable; of course they did not have sunshine-daisies-kisses fun, it was more on the creepy-bloody-madness side. Finally he was not constantly bored anymore. Sirius and Remus lived 'officially' with him in one of the backrooms inside his little lovely shop and for the Lestranges he built 'officially' a nice little house behind the church on other end of the cemetery. In addition it was naturally connected with all the other secret tunnels and rooms he had right under every property. Even though Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Rabastan lived like every one of them in the underground area, they all had to get out from time to time and show their faces in public or to their friends. Just vanishing and never going back would do nobody good and he had a shop to take care of. And the whole Lovegood family, the Weasley twins and little Cedric became people he somehow really grew fond of. Maybe he should later invite them to his Wonderland, but he had to make sure they were prepared.

At the moment he was enjoying a rather peaceful life style, no Bizarre Dolls or any other uprisings of the dead or rebellions or mass extinctions. Just him, his shop, his partly insane guests, Wonderland and his weird friends and all those monsters lurking in the underground. For now he was not interested in world domination, he had all the time in the world to do this later or when he felt bored enough with their performance. At this thought he started to snicker silently, in a way he had already one complete world to rule and play with.

Outside of the tunnels he behaved like a weird but normal person, nothing interesting, nothing dark, nothing dangerous, just a normal guy working in an Undertaker shop and watching the main powers trying to plot against each other like in a nearly-too-cliché play where good battled evil for all eternity and where nobody ever won. Funny. The Ministry's constant battle against everything they considered dark and everything not human aka magical beings like werewolves and vampires. The Unspeakables experimenting deep down in the Department of Mystery doing dark and literally unspeakable things to their sometimes human test subjects and everything with the blessing of the Minister himself. The purebloods, traditional families and Death Eaters under the rule of Lord Voldemort trying to keep the magical world as it is or downgrade it even more. The manipulative Light Lord Dumbledore ruling over the senseless sheep, preaching about the goodness of the light side in on breath and in the next maneuvering the same people like pawns across a chess board. The muggleborns who realized after seven years of Hogwarts that this world was actually anti-muggleborns even if it preached the exact opposite. Then there were the insane, the one people who were actually sane in this tragic play, standing on the side and watching amused as it all happens. Ha! How cruel could this world be, a wonderful world, he thought hiding his laugh behind his hand. Humanity in itself was so hilarious every now and then.

His guests of course were all healthy and ready for some action as well. After saving them, like the hero he was supposed to be according to all those Harry Potter fanbooks he saw in every bookshop, he healed them with various potions. Some more illegal then the others, but who cared? Nobody. They surely did not mind them and on the inside everybody was more than happy for them. Nutrient and protein and some rather unique foul smelling unnamed potions for a healthy age-appropriate body, scar and wrinkle removing potions, the ones for their minds were not that important and promptly thrown into the garbage can, sane or insane after all he did not care, and not to forget the image change which included a completely different hair style, a new name and new history.

He only bailed Sirius after their twenty seventh therapy lesson out, it took a long time to make him understand Undertaker's point of view of the world, but he manage it anyhow through his nearly too much free time and never ending patience. (In between he went on some killing sprees to release his built up stress and negatives feelings because of the slow process.) The first few days he spent, like with the other four, undoing the damage they suffered from their years in Azkaban or in a literal dump. Sirius now looked quite youthful again, shiny hair, skin, normal nails and white teeth. He was also one who Undertaker told the whole truth after letting him swear an unbreakable oath to never reveal his secrets and promptly began to enlighten him about his life as shinigami, Undertaker, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Lord Voldemort and little Harry James Potter. To say Sirius was surprised was an understatement, but the dog nevertheless decided to remain on his godson's side. They talked about a new name for him and his new role to play in the tragic parody people called life, Noire Lièvire Grey. Noire for his former last name Black, Grey to show that he was a distant pureblood relative of Undertaker's imaginary family, mad uncle from France or something like that and Sirius looked washed, with now stylish short silver hair and in rich clothes like any other pureblood ponce in Britain and Lièvier, well, Sirius would see later what this name was for.

Remus Lupin arrived only after eight therapy lessons. After their first meeting he quickly realized all of Dumbledore's manipulations, decided to live with him, he also knew about his real identity, and helped Estrella inventing new spells, curses and potions. Once a month Undertaker completely (magically) closed off the cemetery, so Remus could roam free for this short period of time. Children around would tell stories to the other muggle adults about a werewolf living there and were now even more afraid to enter then before. He did have light brown flecked hair with a few grey and amber colored eyes which turned into a shiny gold when Lupin's animalistic instincts took over. Now Remus was completely scar less and had long dark brown hair framing his face. His name: Ambre Souris Grey. Ambre for his eyes, Grey as in another distant relative, and Souris for later. Since Remus was more intelligent and perspective than the others, he already had a slight idea what they are going to play in the near future.

Bellatrix Lestrange was funny through and through and not as insane as everyone thought; she was a rather great actress. She told him that it was so much more fun to play with victims before killing them brutally and in the most painful way. And what was more frightening than a mad woman who could do anything with their prey, who had no morals, who knew no mercy and took great pleasure in the pain of others. Seeing their victim's eyes nearly bulge out in fear, all their limbs trembling in fear and anticipation of what was to come. Genius. He had to agree with her after hearing her explanation. She also got the standard treatment. He cut her long curly dark brown, and already graying at some point through the Dementors' influence, hair into a short pixie hair style and gave her a potions to change her hair color to permanently light blond. Her eyes remained in their dark brown color, a little bit of madness shining in them. It was rather sad really. Change one person's hairstyle and nobody would recognize her. He tried. Together Undertaker and Bella visited the Diggorys, he still did not like little Cedric's parents, met the Weasleys and other magical families in Diagon Alley and had tea with the Lovegoods. Nobody recognized her as the escaped mass murderer and torturer Bellatrix Lestrange, loyal follower of the Dark Lord and a person who survived many years in the darkest and most horrible prison in Britain, Azkaban. Of course he could not tell them her real name, so they went with Isabella Reine LesRouges. Isabella so he could still call her Bella, LesRouges, well, at first he searched for a fitting translation from 'those who are soaked in blood', but since he could not find something good, he went with LesRouges. He chucked, this was going to be so much fun!

Rodolphus Lestrange followed his wife everywhere, and since Bella went with Undertaker, he just followed. Of course he was also happy for being free, but his wife was the man in their little family. Once Voldemort returned, the Death Eaters would return to their Lord's side, but they decided, that all of them meet up, have tea together and talk a bit. No beard on his face, no long greasy hair, now stylish cut short and from a reddish brown to black as night. Blue silver eyes still the same and his new name, Romulus Roi LesRouges.

Rabastan Lestrange followed his brother and sister-in-law. No beard, same coloring as his brother, the only difference was his shoulder length black hair. His new name: Remulus Chevalier LesRouges, but the names were only used while talking to people on the outside and to introduce themselves.

Now most of the main characters were gathered. Hehehe, let the games begin…

* * *

><p>Since Undertaker had bought his little shop and cemetery, he spent a few months building his now complete Wonderland right under the church. Magic was so amazing and most of those idiotic wizards and witches with zero imagination were completely… Argh, he could not find a word bad enough to describe their stupidity and naivety. How many opportunities they let slip by and did not even realize it. The wizarding world was stagnant beyond description, nothing ever really changed. Only unimportant things from the muggle world were integrated into mostly Hogwarts and the light families. The school Hogwarts only educated the children generally and superficial their different subjects taught, the same subjects they taught about thousand years ago, never changing. The Ministry made everything they did not like or want illegal, forbid people from thinking freely or for themselves and controlled the sheep, ninety-five percent of magical Britain's population, through many regulations and fake propaganda. Even though everything was magical, everything was oh so normal and boring. No new ideas, no new inventions, no real understanding of muggles. They were all far behind the non-magical, but they did not seem to care or realize. The purebloods still thought they were the best thing that happened on earth and continued to hold all the others behind. Tradition was important, but twisted to the beneficial for the purebloods and nobody else. How sad this world truly was, he wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eye. But Estrella, her family and him, they always had fresh ideas; they were the ones the others called insane although they were only realistic. They saw the world as it truly was.<p>

So it all began the second time he visited Diagon Alley at the beginning of his career. In the light street he discovered beside the trunk shop, a little store for magical tents and he was enthusiastic. It looked like he himself could barely fit into one of them from the outside, but on the inside was room for three big families (approximately eighteen persons) to comfortably live in without them crossing paths. Just incredible, and the gears inside his mind started spinning. Before now he had not really thought about this much, but theoretically with enough expansion and decoration charms he could create a whole new world right under his cemetery without anybody being any wiser. A Wonderland just for him and his lovely guests. For fun, for relaxation, for adventures, for bets, for a nice killing spree. He would find some Alices and get them down into Wonderland.

And so he began to work. 'Officially' he was always working in his Undertaker shop, but it was a pity that most people in Ottery St. Catchpole were still alive and healthy, so no real work for him to do. Sometimes someone died because of old age or an accident and he would do three spells and the body was ready and buried in the ground and tada, he had nothing else to do. So he went down into his tunnels and started casting and decorating.

He had already separated it into different fields: Mad Hatter's Domain, Book's World, Caterpillar's Garden, Deluded Depths, Cardbridge, Queensland, The Infernal Train, Doll's World and Vale of Tears or also called Vale of Doom. His principal residence was of course the Mad Hatter's Domain, Remus could be mostly found in the Book's World, Sirius was skipping between the different, never staying in one place to long and all three Lestranges lived in Queensland.

This land, also known as the Queen of Hearts Land, was one of the bigger provinces of his Wonderland. After saving Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Rabastan from Azkaban and befriending them as Undertaker (and not Harry Potter, that would be an insane idea), he built them a false house on the surface. When other curious people asked, those three were very private people and would be most of their time in their little home on the cemetery. In reality they were living in Wonderland, only showing themselves once every few days in a public area. Bella, as the leader of the three, became the Queen of Hearts, ruler over Queensland and the card monsters residing in it. By her side stood her husband Rodolphus as the King of Hearts and like in the novel he mostly stood in the shadows and let his wife rule. Rabastan became a loyal Knight of Hearts to help the rulers. Their middle names were chosen because of this. Bella as _Reine_, Rodolphus as _Roi_ and Rabastan as _Chevalier_.

The land includes a large castle, in which they had taken up residence, and the grounds that surround it, all of which is heavily guarded by Card Guards and other monsters he created. Well, it was true that he did not create Bizarre Dolls at the moment, but something really similar to it and with a bit of transformation magic he could turn it in everything he wanted. Each different area had different monsters, so he had much to do. Once every two weeks the Queen, the King, the Knight and the Mad Hatter plus whoever decided to join him held a grand tea party in her castle. Often those four were hunting monster, which was with Bellatrix always fun even if he had to repair them later again.

Since it was the domain of the Queen of Hearts, many things were heart shaped, but that did not mean that everything was lovely sunny and light and pink hearts with fluffy white wings. There were repulsive appendages, mainly tentacles, protruding from every organic wall in the place, and other areas there even contained body parts, giving it the impression of traveling through a real body. In a way Undertaker modeled the castle after Hogwarts with it being alive and self thinking just a bit more literal than necessary.

His domain was a strange mixture between a floating Empire in the sky, an insane asylum and a tea factory. Ninety-nine percent of his land was mechanical, so many monsters which roamed his land and were under his control, were machine monsters too. He borrowed some of the insane children from the Doll's House and let them patrol his mirror maze inside his killer machines the Automatons. There was no grass, no trees, no green generally only cold hard metal. The one percent who was not mechanical were his rooms which were and looked quite normal, like the ones he had on the surface. As a power source for all the machinery Undertaker used half mechanical half fried Dodos to power machinery and had almost lava-like tea pouring everywhere to stop his guests in place. Bella, her husband, her brother-in-law, Sirius and Remus all knew the secret paths leading to him without getting nearly killed for his amazing tea parties.

The creation of the Doll's House was one of his best as well. Monsters called Insane Children running around everywhere, who were mostly completely unstable and possessed multiple personalities and disorders. Some displayed signs of bipolar disorder, crying one second, and then laughing in hysterics the next. Their leader was a scar-faced little girl holding a teddy bear, who Sirius named Insane Child Leader. Usually they were harmless, but if someone would attack one of them, all children near it would attack their opponent. In fact it was a useless domain, but nevertheless funny. He could not wait to see the faces of the people he would bring as Alice into Wonderland.

The other domains were easily as creepy as Queensland, Mad Hatter's Domain and Doll's House. All of them look quite chaotic and insane with monsters too kill for everyone. But be warned, this was a game that could kill, hehehe.

At first Undertaker used muggles as test subjects. At the beginning of their 'game' they were given a butcher knife to defend themselves against the various monsters. Through successfully completing different mission, new weapons would appear or old ones were upgraded. Before they would let a muggle enter Wonderland through a 'rabbit' hole in the ground all six of them would place bets on how long he or she might last, where he or she would die and how he or she would die. If Undertaker was entertained enough, he may let the muggle run free, if he died, well, then the muggle was dead and would be included as a monster in Wonderland. If he was feeling generous he would sometimes let more than one muggle play their games, but teamwork often did not work as the word suggested, but was hilarious to watch. Through a magical tracking and recording charm on their 'Alice', they could follow this person's adventures through screens at home. Quite comfortably.

After muggles became too boring to use and they had enough monsters, he used magical beings like werewolves, vampires and veelas as Alice. They lasted far longer than the muggles because of their magic and animalistic instincts and were therefore far more entertaining. Some of them even managed to challenge the boss enemy from the different realms. Not every land had one, but most did. The boss opponent from Mad Hatter's Domain of course was Undertaker as the Mad Hatter, Remus in Book's World, the Caterpillar, another being he created, in Caterpillar's Garden, Bellatrix in Queensland, the Insane Child Leader in Doll's World, the Doll Maker in the Infernal Train and The Duchess in Vale of Tears also called Vale of Doom. Cardbridge and Deluded Depths had no boss opponent, but many minor monsters and Sirius could be found in any of the domains. All magical creature players had to die eventually while either facing Undertaker himself or Bellatrix as the Queen of Hearts. They could not leave them alive after all, because of their knowledge of the magical world and they made amazing and strong monster once converted.

Wizards were only a little bit stronger than their muggle players, but mostly far more irritating. While the non magical were physical much stronger, using their weapons, minds and strategy, the magical players tried to use for everything magic. They were stuck in Wonderland, so the first thing they tried was to apparate out. The wards he erected prevented their victims from doing do, but it was funny seeing them try. Only members he keyed into the wards could apparate in and out and all around Wonderland. Then they would try to transfigure the plant life into chairs or a house and anything. Then they would try to _Accio_ food and water, while sitting on the ground, because their wand did not really seem to work. Upon stupefying their victim, they charmed its victim's wand so only offensive magic spells and curses like _Stupefy_,_Expulso_, _Avada Kedavra_, _Sectumsempra_, _Confringo_, _Expelliarmus _, _Crucio_, _Diffindo_ and others. Only twenty percent would try to play the game, mostly the wizards would just sit back, pout because they thought they could not use magic, and wait for their doom. When he was bored enough, Undertaker would pay them a visit and become their doom and death. They also would end up as a monster.

But there was one, only one of the wizards gave him a first-rate five-star entertainment. Through many lucky and random events they found out that Severus Snape was looking for Remus Lupin for what they did not know to that point of time. Remus tried at first to lose Severus, but the potion master did not cease his pursuit so they decided to include him into their game. After letting Severus fall through the rabbit hole and he was laying unconscious on the ground, Sirius and Remus changed his clothes into typical 'Alice in Wonderland' clothes, bright blue with much white and lace but they were nice enough to give him shorts instead of a miniskirt. Bellatrix stood beside them, bright red, laughing herself into a fit. As the game began and Severus cursed them three ways into hell and beyond for his rather fitting outfit, which he could not even turn back with his tampered wand, he began his journey. Water and food was never a problem, because of the fruit trees, rivers and wild animals around. To aggravate him even further they started to call him Alice and let him do many embarrassing missions. There were not many times when Undertaker was so happy and entertained, he granted Severus at the end of their game an important position. He became the White Rabbit after swearing an Unbreakable Oath to never reveal Undertaker's secret to any third party and got of course white rabbit ears and a fluffy tail.

* * *

><p>Undertaker, Sirius and Remus were having another weird tea party in his mechanical domain. While looking at his 'uncles', he snickered loudly. Both of them still had not managed to cancel his former absolute glorious and ingenious prank. What would Wonderland be without its different characters? Hehehe, so Undertaker was sitting at the head of the long table, a table laid for ten people. On his right side sat Sirius with his new silver hair and now dark grey bunny ears and fluffy bunny tail and on his left side Remus with brown mouse ear and mouse tail. The different biscuits and cookies were sprouting legs and running around on the table trying desperately not to get eaten, whilst they were talking about different riddles.<p>

"Now, I have one for you…" Undertaker began to say, when he was quite irritably interrupted by Sirius' exited "Oh, let's hear!" Sometime he really thought that his godfather was more like a hyper active puppy than an out grown dog.

"Why is a raven like a writing table?" He asked with a serious look on his face. That was always good for the atmosphere. After all he wanted them to take his riddle serious. He worked like three hours yesterday on it, hehehe.

"Why is a raven like a...?" Of course, the dog would not understand.

"I'm not talking to YOU, Sirius." Of course, he was talking to him, but he always had so much fun irritating the different people. Cheshire was throwing a dead rat into Sirius tea cup while he was pouting. Ah, good old Cheshire was always on his side.

"Why not? Aren't I good enough?" Sirius looked a bit crestfallen, his bunny ears hanging down sadly.

"You've heard it before." No, not really.

"But you were looking at me when you said, "Why is a raven like a writing..."" Sirius tried to argue.

"I'm asking Alice." Undertaker said without missing a beat. Where was she anyway?

"Alice already went home." Remus answered logically like he normally is. Since they now had nearly too many monsters, Undertaker ceased to invite unaware victims into Wonderland and Luna got the official title 'Alice'. After Undertaker perfected his little world beyond the rabbit hole, he invited the whole Lovegood family to one of his tea parties, to which he even invited the Queen, King and Knight and told them the truth about Wonderland after letting them swear the Unbreakable Oath. Only Remus, Sirius and Severus knew that he was formerly Harry Potter. After this discussion they bought a wand for her daughter to defend herself against the monsters here and began to wander the lands. Now Xeno, Estrella and Luna could be mostly found in the Caterpillar's Garden or in Book's World.

"Oh?"

* * *

><p>"Little Alice, why do you think is a raven like a writing desk?" Undertaker asked her during their next tea party. Luna was staring at him like a lost puppy, her head tilted to one side.<p>

She answered in her normal dreamy voice: "Riddles? Now let me see... why is a raven like a writing desk?" repeating his question while thinking for a logical answer.

"I beg your pardon?" Undertaker asked shocked, his acting was really perfect.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Luna frowned not really looking so sure herself.

Now Undertaker was looking alarmed at her, "Why is a what?" He asked confused with the whole situation. Ah! It was so much fun playing with the minds of people!

"Careful, she's stark ravin' mad!" Sirius interrupted their conversation happily.

"But it's your silly riddle. You just said..."

"Easy, don't get excited!" Undertaker stopped her before she could say more.

Luna just smiled, clearly used to their usual weird discussions, "How about a nice cup of tea?" While they were happily eating their running food, Luna thought about the riddle. "Why is a raven like a writing table... you know, I think I can guess that one..." she began to say.

"You mean you think you know the answer?" asked Sirius suspiciously.

"Yes." Luna stated without a doubt.

"Well, then, you should say what you mean!" Oh god, Sirius was once again not making sense and nobody did solve his riddle. It was not that hard!

"I do - I mean, I mean what I say - it's the same thing..." A complete nonsense discussion, but he would play along.

"It's not the same thing at all! You might as well say "I eat what I see" is the same as "I see what I eat!"" Undertaker scolded her, they were going off topic again. He saw something moving on his right side. A pie sprouted three pairs crab legs and it began to silently crawl across the table, obviously trying to flee.

"You might as well say "I like what I get" is the same as "I get what I like!"" Sirius said while whacking the pie with a fly swatter he just picked up.

"Fools you are, the lot of you." Undertaker laughed.

* * *

><p>"What is the hatter with me?" Undertaker asked Luna. "Have I gone mad?" He asked her. Luna put her hand on his forehead and checked his temperature.<p>

"I'm afraid so." she answered, "You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. We all are."

* * *

><p>"I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M. Madness, malice, moron, mutiny, murder…"<p>

* * *

><p>"How would you like to have your head hacked off?" Bella asked him after another eventful monster killing spree. Undertaker just chucked creepily in return. "Stop that." said Bella shaking her head.<p>

* * *

><p>"Trust me. I know a thing or two about liking people, and in time, after much chocolate and cream cake, 'like' turns into 'what was his name again?'" Undertaker told Bella.<p>

* * *

><p>Undertaker asked surprised, "Personal remarks are rude?"<p>

"Mm-hmm." Luna answered, nodding her head dreamily along.

"Sirius, you learn something new every day. Make a note of that, Remus, it might come in useful later..."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Undertaker in Wonderland, after seeing the first part of 'Ciel in Wonderland' months ago I wanted to make this chapter, but was not quite sure how. It's generally random and a bit insane. The design for it goes to the makers of the games 'American McGee's Alice' and its part two 'Alice: Madness returns', two of my favorite games. The dialogs are from different Alice movies and yes, it is quite random. <strong>_

_**If someone is interested in what this Wonderland looks like, here is a link to the beginning of 'Alice: Madness returns': h t t p : / www . youtube . com /watch ?v=FyOeHE5Ij7E**_

_**I am not sure if I continue this story after this chapter, because I have two other stories which I should also update and I have no idea how to continue this one. Undertaker should go to Hogwarts after this, but how? I am not quite sure myself. And the number of reviews per chapter went down again, *exhale loudly* I am clearly not motivated enough. The manga chapters are good, but again no Undertaker even if I would like to see him as head teacher in House Violett Wolf... *sighing* I am rambling again...**_


	16. Chapter 15 Problems on the Light Side

_**Boukoku Kakusei Catharsis by ALI PROJECT (translation)**_

_The wall of grief is being stacked up_

_The foolish god is revered_

_Living is a cup of poison; who shall teach me the trick to drink dry the bitterness of groundless fears?_

_The sage's eagle is said to inhabit the sun, only the flapping of its wings echoes_

_Darkness and light dwelt in my two eyes; where are they?_

_I wonder if I must gaze at the future_

_In the completely parched city of rubble, connect the dots and lines_

_And nothing but meaningless things, overflow_

_After you quell the body embraced by the loneliness in the likeness of flames_

_Droplets drip into the culvert_

_Raising a cup of poison; even if this life is filled, the dream of death that I yearn for drifts ashore_

_Its talons cut into the fortress; for the aloof eagle only by flapping its wings, it soars up_

_Crucify me in that blue sky_

_I stand at the place where the heaven and earth come together_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 - Problems on the Light Side<strong>

Everything was going more than well for Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. He was still seen as the lightest Light Lord there ever was in existence, the grandfatherly and always kind headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the totally awesome Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, the amazing Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and the unofficial main advisor of the incompetent idiot who called himself Minister. All important position belonged to him and him alone or was in the hands of people who were constantly asking the Light Lord for advice and were loyal to him like Cornelius Fudge. Everything was going according to his grand master plan. Nobody would doubt him, nobody could challenge him, and nobody could do anything at all against him. He was the supreme ruler of magical Britain and nobody seemed to even realize it.

While sitting back in his comfortable chair in front of his fireplace and enjoying a well earned glass of fire whiskey, he thought about what was to happen in a few hours. His plan would finally reach stage two. Stage one was simply to get all important positions in the wizarding world and be seen as nothing but good and light. It was already night, the moon outside his window illuminating the Hogwarts ground mysteriously. Tomorrow would be the thirty-first July 1991, one day before his projects eleventh birthday. The day their savior was born according to the prophecy of his pet seer …_born as the seventh month dies.._. The day his perfect and well-thought-out plans would finally become reality and get him even more fame, glory and money. The day his human chess game would officially start, he of course as the white king with many pawns surrounding him against a player without a black king and even less other pieces, a clear victory. The day Harry James Potter, his pawn, his Golden Boy, his project, his stepping stone, would be introduced into the fantastic world of magic and become his loyal underling.

Even through Minerva was today more than annoying and bothersome; his good mood did not diminish even a little bit. He just sat there, trying to ignore her constant ranting while nodding along with a kind smile on his face. Since they began to send the Hogwarts letter, an automatic process, a week ago, she visited his office every day to inform him about the different children which accepted. Of course, every child would accept! It was Hogwarts, the best school in the whole world! With him as the best headmaster ever! Today she was telling him that everyone had already replied to their letter and accepted, all but one. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the defeater of Voldemort and savior of the magical world, still had not sent a return letter and Minerva was getting worried. She began to rant again. Do the Dursleys not allow Harry to go to Hogwarts? Do they not let him have his letter, she asked him anxiously. Those brutes! Those muggles were no good! She raged. Petunia knew about the school and Diagon Alley and everything since her parents dragged her shopping for her little sister, so Harry should know the wizarding world, she said, but she was so jealous at Lily that she might still have hateful feeling towards Lily and therefore Harry. What about Harry? How was he? Was he okay? Dumbledore let her speak her piece and nodded along. He was after all thinking about far more important things.

Of course he had already an idea how the Dursleys treated little, poor Harry, their magical nephew. It was part of his plan after all. Abused, starved not only for food but also affection, praise and love which he would gladly give him return for the boy's own life. He would become Harry's 'grandfather', the person who saved him and gave him a better life away from the Dursleys, away from the abusers. What the boy did not know was that he would be sent back to them each summer, because it was 'safe' there and he was 'protected'. Hah, life was simply wonderful. Today would be the last day of Minerva's constant ranting, since Hagrid would go and get the boy tonight. Hmm, he should also recast the memories, loyalty and compulsion charms again. Harry was going to have a hard year, he could not let her interfere with his carefully laid out plans.

But now back to the letters. After getting no return note from Harry Potter, what was not surprisingly with the Dursleys, he would sent poor, friendly, gullible Hagrid to their house in Privet Drive at midnight to give Harry personally the Hogwarts letter and explain to him the wonders of the wizarding world. Harry would know nothing of his heritage or the world, being abused by his relatives who should actually take care of him, and then he would come with his long white beard and hair, his light blue always twinkling eyes, a nice grandfatherly smile in place. He would let Harry do pranks on the Slytherins and others without taking points or giving detentions so much like his father and friends, the Marauders. Yes, Hagrid was the perfect choice. The man always had a warm smile and the right attitude towards the important things in life. Gryffindor was naturally best, the house of the courageous and right and Harry's parents were both Gryffindors to boot. Ravenclaw was for self important know-it-alls. Hufflepuff was for unimportant duffers. And all three were much better than Slytherin, the house of evil, the house from which Voldemort and all his Death Eaters came. Hagrid, being poor and everything, would not let Harry talk to any rich pureblood or even half-blood. He would see that the boy made the right friends.

Ron Weasley would obviously become Harry's best friend, informing the headmaster of everything Harry did, telling him all his secrets and keeping Harry away from books and more information. Ronald was naturally lazy and would take Harry with him to the bottom of the grade rankings. They would together break the Hogwarts rules and would mostly play and talk about Quidditch. He had also another plan on how to introduce the Weasleys into Harry's life. He told Hagrid to not tell Harry about the platform he had to get onto and there he would station the Weasleys. Oh, he could see the scene already playing before his inner eye. Harry looking around lost and confused, Molly loudly exclaiming "…pack with muggles again." or something like that. "Now, what's the platform number?" and little Ginevra would shriek excitedly "Nine three quarters! Nine three quarters!" and Harry would go over to them and be introduced to one of the lightest and most loyal families in magical Britain. Perfect. Simply perfect.

But one friend would not be enough. He needed someone loyal to him and with brains, if ideal a muggleborn. First he had to see who Harry or Ronald approached, maybe guide them into the right direction, and make him or her into the third person of their Golden Trio of Gryffindor. Minerva would certainly be happy to have Harry in her house, so much like his parents were. He looked at his clock. Half past eleven. It was time. He ordered a house elf to get his gatekeeper. Hagrid once properly informed was of course delighted to participate in this important mission and went immediately off with a happy spring in his step. Twenty minutes till midnight. Harry's location has not changed, still at Privet Drive 4. Perfect.

Also happily smiling he went back to thinking about all those things, all those trials Harry had to survive and on the way he would become Dumbledore's perfect pawn. For Harry's first year he had already something ingenious planed. In the last few months he often visited and nagged the Flamels in order to gain their Philosopher's stone, a red little stone which could prolong a person's life if made into an elixir. Even if he could not use the stone, it had an entirely different purpose to fulfill, as bait for Voldemort. He knew little Tom was still alive, he would not die so easy and the headmaster already had an idea how he was still walking under the living. A Horcrux or more than one. He was not quite sure, but little Harry was probably one too. Ha, the irony! When the boy grew older, he would see. Maybe they could go together Horcrux hunting?

Now after he finally got the Flamels' permission, he could send the gatekeeper to fetch the stone. In only a few hours Hagrid would take Harry to Gringotts and to their vault. There Hagrid would get the little brown parcel, not having any bad thoughts, while little, innocent Harry would be right beside the friendly half-giant and would get curious like every child his age. He knew that Hagrid could not keep a secret even if his own life would depend on it, so the little bits of information the half-giant would let slip, would make him even more curious. Hagrid certainly was the perfect man for this mission. Minerva usually helped the muggleborns with their first visit into the magical world, but she was too intelligent and observant. She would never do for Harry.

He also had to get the trail for his little project ready. The teachers of the main subjects (only subject he would have) helped him make the different little tests; they just did not know it. The first test was the door which could be opened with a simple _Alohomora_ spell, a first year spell. He just had to make sure that only Harry and his friends opened it. Behind the door was a Cerberus, a gigantic three headed dog from Hagrid, which could easily be put to sleep with music. Another easy one. Professor Sprout, Hogwarts Herbology teacher and head of the Hufflepuff house, gave him a small fast growing devil snare which until the end of the year would cover the whole floor. Every first year learned that a small fire spell or a muggle flashlight was deadly to this kind of plant. Professor Flitwick, their Charms teacher and head of the Ravenclaw house, charmed many flying keys, one was special and different, and with the help of a broom, Harry could easily catch the right one and continue his adventure. If he had half of his father's talent it would never be a problem. Professor Quirrel, their Defense against the Dark Arts teacher for this year, was good at handling trolls, so they would keep a troll in this room. In the next area Professor McGonagall, their Transfiguration teacher and head of the Gryffindor house, transfigured normal stones into a gigantic moving chess set. Ron Weasley was a good chess player, the only thing he was good at, so he would be able to solve it. Professor Snape, their Potion teacher and head of Slytherin house, made an easy potions riddle and then Dumbledore had his 'Mirror of Erised' protect the stone, but not now. First Harry had to see the mirror in one of the halls, where he could explain to function of it to the child. Honestly! Nobody could tell him that his job was ever easy. He still had some planning to do, tests for his second year, searching for another friend for him, telling him Potion teacher again how spoilt Harry was, etc. So much to do, but first he should go to sleep. He was Albus Dumbledore and he did never have bags under his eyes after all.

And he dreamed rather well from his successful future plans and the takeover over the complete wizarding world and all those mindless slaves doing exactly what he wanted. But his dream soon to be reality was disrupted by a loud clashing sound. He sat up confused, reaching for his glasses, and cast a quick tempus. One o'clock in the morning. Just who would disturb him to such a time? The knocking sound from the door did not lessen, no, it became even more frantic and insistent. He grumbled darkly, the person on his door did not know when to quit. He got up, walked sleepily though his chambers until he reached the door which was after taking the wards down promptly smashed open by an even more frantic looking Hagrid.

"What happened, Hagrid?" He asked tiredly, setting his grandfatherly masked into place again. It would not be good for others to realize that most of it was just a simple act. Should not Hagrid be with little Harry right now?

"He is gone!" Hagrid screamed into his face, spit flying everywhere. What was the half giant talking about?

"Who is gone?" Dumbledore asked again, waiting patiently for an answer. Maybe his dog was once more missing, that damned fleabag always got lost in the most troublesome places.

"Harry, Harry Potter was never with the Dursley!" And all hell broke loose. WHAT? Why would not Harry be there? He left him right there on their door step! Hagrid must have been tricked.

"No, that should not be possible." Dumbledore murmured to himself. He looked up at Hagrid again, "Thank you, my dear old friend but have no fear. I will go look for him today." Hagrid nodded positively, looking completely relaxed now. If Dumbledore said he would find him, he would, or so the half-giant thought. The evil Dursleys probably tricked the friendly half-giant into believing they did not have Harry and he had to say, they did a fine job. He knew he could thrust those people to educate young Harry. They would do everything possible to not let Harry go to Hogwarts. Dumbledore chuckled to himself. Even if the Dursleys did not want to, his project had to go to Hogwarts. At eight o'clock he would go and talk to them and become Harry's savior without detour. Not after his plan, but still perfect. And he went to bed this night once more dreaming about his perfect world.

* * *

><p>The house elf woke him at eight o'clock with a prepared breakfast which he enjoyed happily in bed. Today was an important day after all. He would wear his best robes and would show Harry the wizarding world. Once they arrived in Diagon Alley everyone would see the savior with the old grandfatherly headmaster and know that the boy was on the right way. At Gringotts he would get Harry's vault key and once the boy came to Hogwarts, he would be able to take all the money he wanted. There was after all a really nice rule to this: The current headmaster of Hogwarts would be become the magical guardian of those who did not have one, basically for every muggleborn and magical orphan. He would be finally able to get all the money back he had to sacrifice for the Weasleys.<p>

He got up from bed, dressed and went over to his fireplace. First of all he would fire call Arabella. Now that he thought about it he felt a little bit bad for not talking with her the last few years, but he was just too busy with all his jobs and plans for the future. She would surely forgive him; her being near the boy who lived was for the greater good after all. He looked at himself in the mirror. Perfect. Now it was time.

Dumbledore immediately went to his fireplace, threw some floo powder into it, screamed Arabella Figg, Privet Drive 7 and put his head into the flames. He frowned, he could not see anything, but nevertheless waited and waited, but nobody answered his floo call. Bloody woman was probably asleep, but it does not matter, he would just come through as he was. He repeated the action and stepped into the fire place only to be thrown out of it against the opposite wall. And the world faded to black.

The next time he came to, the sun was already far up in the sky, the sunrays shining rudely into his face. He groaned, his head felt like it would explode any minute now. He clearly had to get some headache potion from one of the cabinets in his bathroom. He got up and went there, thinking about what had happened could have happened. Did Arabella cancel her floo connection or did she have something blocking it? He quickly drowned the headache potion and changed into his more normal clothing, his best clothes were burnt in many places, before searching for his phoenix to teleport them to the Dursleys. But where was that damned bird once you needed him? Nothing was going into the right direction today. And he still had to get Harry to Diagon Alley.

He ran through Hogwarts like possessed and at the gate apparated into a side street of Privet Drive. He stood behind the wall and slowly breathed in and out and in and out. It would not look good if he looked frantic the first time he would met Harry. He had to look good and majestetical and kind. After brushing the invisible dust from his robes, he walked unhurriedly to Privet Drive number 4. The people in the neighborhood looked surprised and a little bit disgusted into his direction. Those ignorant people probably did not understand fashion; those were his second best robes he had. He stood before the front door, looked over himself again, found he was perfect, took a deep breath and rang the door bell. Petunia opened the door, for a moment still looking nice and polite, before spotting him and freezing in her step.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed like an irritated snake trying to smash the front door into his face before he could even answer, but was unfortunately stopped by his wand. He chuckled to himself, he should have known that Petunia would go to these lengths to keep the boy 'normal'.

"Why don't we talk inside?" Dumbledore asked her, on the outside still looking nice and grandfatherly. He had a plan; talk to Petunia, give her some money for letting Harry go to Hogwarts and if the boy returned for summer vacation, he could do two months all the work around and in the house. This would be best for all. The Dursley would get more money, from Harry's vault of course, would not see the boy for ten months, he could manipulate the boy into his weapon, and when the boy came back 'home', he would be humbled and beaten and starved for love again each year. Perfect! Everybody wins, well, Harry not.

She looked unsure at him; her face clearly showing that she would never want him anywhere near her house and family, but what could that muggle woman do to him? Nothing. If she did not open the door willingly, he would just blast it open. Her face scrunched up in concentration showing off the veins at her neck even more. She was probably thinking about the pro and cons or anything at all, before answering, "Inside with you. I don't want the neighbors to see." She opened the door wide, so that he could get into the house. He smiled grandfatherly and she just looked as if she wanted to spit into his face. She closed the door behind him and led them to the kitchen. Once reached she turned around abruptly and asked, "Why are you here?" she asked with a sneer on her face.

"Your nephew Harry…" Dumbledore tried to begin.

"We never had our nephew in our house." she told him without showing any emotion on her face.

"Yes, we know that you and Lily had not had the best relationship, but Harry must…" He tried to talk to her, but was interrupted by her skinny hand smashing onto the table. She looked up at him grimly, her eyes dancing with rage.

"What did not you understand in the sentence, WE, as in Vernon, Dudley and me, NEVER HAD OUR NEPHEW, as in Harry Whatever he is called, IN OUR HOUSE, in Privet Drive 4 or in our surroundings. Do you understand it now, you old goat?" she screamed at him at the top of her voice.

"What?" was the only thing he could manage to say. No, that could not be true. All of his plans…

"Why would you just not let us live in peace? Yesterday in the middle of the bloody night some ruddy whatever he was in the first place broke our door down, entered our lovely house without permission like some lowly thief and screamed at us for our nephew Harry. Harry this and Harry that and he wanted to see Harry right now and that thing did not cease this nonsense. It continued to rant at us for nearly half an hour until we decided to call the police. Only then it left us alone. And now on the very next day, you just came here, waltzing through my house with your freakish ways and asked for something that was never here. Maybe you are more intelligent as that thing yesterday. So for the very last time: there was never a Harry Potter here! When do you people understand this? Only my husband, our son and me live here. Nobody else!" she yelled at him loudly. No, that could not be true! Now even he was getting angry, his grandfatherly facade slipping.

"But there was baby on your doorstep on the 1st November! Don't lie to me! I placed him there myself; he was your nephew Harry Potter!" Dumbledore raged. All of his carefully laid out plans where going down the gutter. How could this happen? If they gave him away knowingly, he would made their lives a living hell on earth!

"Oh, we did not know that." Petunia answered nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders.

"What? I wrote a letter especially for you. That you should care for her nephew and in return you would have been protected by blood wards. How could you ignore the letter?" Why did not she read that damned letter? He cast more than one compulsion charm on it, making muggles want to take and read it. It was especially made for this. Petunia would open the letter, which would activate the wards he placed there months ago, she would start to hate her nephew and so the abuse could begin and he would come after ten long years and save that damned boy. So said the script! But somebody had messed with his grand master plan. Oh, if he got his hands on this person he would…

"There was no letter with the child." No, that could not be true. He knew he placed the letter with Harry. Dumbledore quickly scanned the outer thoughts of her mind with Legilimency to see if she was even telling the truth and everything was right. Petunia was telling the truth, there was no letter with the child. They saw the child in the morning, brought him into their house, talked about the child they just 'found' and brought him to the Coral Orphanage. But the more important thing, the more important question was: who sabotaged the all mighty Albus Dumbledore? Just who could have taken the letter? Minerva? No, she left before him and had compulsion charms on her; she could not be able to do anything. Hagrid? No, that idiot was far too loyal to do anything against the great Dumbledore. Someone magical? No, he had not told anyone about bringing the savior to his muggle relatives, nobody of them knew. A random stranger? No, improbably. Why would he only take or destroy the letter and leave the child on their door step? But who? Someone must have taken the letter. He always had an uneasy feeling while watching his instruments. There was never a change in any of them! He should have known! HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!

But the only ones who knew about the whereabouts should have been him, Minerva and Hagrid… and Arabella. Damned that woman! He told her to just watch the child, not interfere in any way! She had to be the culprit, he raged inwardly. He would immediately go there and curse her for her disobedience! She even wrote him about Harry living with the Dursley. Oh, those trice damned woman! She destroyed his plans, probably because he had told her to sell her deceased husband's farm and live here. Now Harry had been living at the Orphanage and got maybe adopted. The orphanage was one of the better ones, he knew from Petunia's outer thoughts, he could have had a happy life there which would upset him plans. If he had been adopted by a loving family it would be even worse. He had to get Harry and show him that for the greater good and his safety he should go live with his blood relatives and he still could show him to magical world and become his role model. Yes, that was a good plan, but first he had to deal with a disobedient old woman. He turned around without saying another word and left the Dursley house for now.

He went over to Privet Drive 7 only to see it rundown and empty. Did Arabella know he would come and fled like a coward? That was unlikely her, but he had not expected her to interfere with his plans too, so who knew what this mad woman was up too? Before he could even reach the door, a voice to his left said, "Are you looking for a house to buy? If yes, you should not really choose this through, because of the crazy old cat woman who lived there before. She cursed the house, they say." The last few words were only whispered. It seemed like the old looking neighbor was just mowing his lawn.

"No, I was looking for an old friend of mine. I remember her living here ten years ago, so I thought she would still be here." he said smilingly, grandfatherly façade in place again. Just what happened to Arabella?

"No, only the mad old woman lived here and only for a short amount of time too. Broke her leg while she tripped over one of her cats or something like that. Was a really bad bone fracture, well, she was after all old too. I think it was the thighbone, and in two places! Ouch! They searched for someone to care for this woman, but she had no husband, children or grandchildren to live with and also did not have any friends in this neighborhood. You know, she was something like an outcast here. The weirdest rumors were going around here. That she had a witch's kitchen in her house and something like that and molested children and many others, but I did not mind her that much. They took her to a nursery for the elderly. Last thing I heard from here was that she died peacefully in her sleep not two years ago." the man told him. "But her house still stands empty. They say it is cursed and everyone avoids this house. So… Sorry, your friend is not here anymore." Now that she was dead, it did not matter anymore. He should concentrate more on Harry. Getting Harry back to his rightful place which was taken from him by Arabella, and bringing him to his light side. He should hurry to the orphanage. Too much time was already lost.

Apparating from the side alley he just come from, he stood before the Coral Orphanage in London. Too bad he could not really talk to any of them, he had to us Legilimency and a few well placed memory charms, just in case, and he searched through the caretakers' memories for a little child with black hair and green eyes. Since the Dursleys did not know the baby's name, it would be stupid to just search for 'Harry Potter'. He found the memory of Vernon Dursley bringing Harry Potter to the orphanage in which he then was renamed to Marcus Claire. As far as he could see, Harry lived in there a nice and comfortable life. The boy was a genius, what was bad for his plans, and had not the typical wild black Potter hair, it turned after a while silver and straight, and he was dead. Dead. His project was dead, that could not be.

Harry Potter could not be dead! No, he would not accept this. HE WAS ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! Harry Potter was alive, he knew it. He just had to find him. There were different methods of finding him like for example looking into the Hogwarts book in which the list of every first-year was. It always sent letters to every name in it automatically with the current deputy headmaster/headmistress' signature, and since he always thought that those letters would go to the Dursleys, he had not looked into it. The next one would be a dark and illegal potion, Severus could brew it, or with the help of his phoenix Fawkes, he could fire flash to Harry. If that was not enough he would look at each first year twice, just to see if someone maybe adopted him and changed his name magically. He would get Harry to his side and chain him down there if he had to. Nobody cheated Albus Dumbledore! He had much work to do.

* * *

><p>Dumbledore was called to St. Mungo Hospital because the aurors had to stun his Muggle Study professor Charity Burbage after she went on a rampage in the middle of Diagon Alley while most of the Hogwarts students bought new things for the next school year. The teacher attacked seven different people without her wand, just hitting them with her fists and he heard that she bitten off an ear from a shopkeeper. Raving mad, he had heard the nurses call her.<p>

"What is going on here?" He asked the head nurse, who just came from Burbage's room. She looked at him slowly, her face showing a worried frown, until she realized who she was looking at.

"We are really sorry for your loss. She probably won't be able to live on her own again; it would be too dangerous for other people to be around her. The aurors had to bring her in stunned and bound, said she attacked some people in Diagon Alley and screaming weird things. Mad, they told me. So we had her bound to the bed as precautionary measure and the man was right. We renervated her and she began screaming, screaming about a train and blood and death. We stunned her again after that and let our mind healers do their work, but unfortunately her mind was shattered into hundreds of pieces. We are not even sure if she can understand us at all. Just who could have done this to a living being?" The head nurse told him, while holding the door open for him. He probably had to see it with his own eyes to understand.

"Can she talk?" Dumbledore asked her. Maybe he could safe her poor tortured soul and make good press again. Visiting the hospital was the first step into the right direction. People would once more see how nice and giving and kind he was and if he was able to save someone it would be even better. He had to try. If they would know about their savior being misplaced… no, that could not happen.

"Yes, but most of it does not make any sense. Once she starts to open her mouth, she speaks in different pitches as if many different people were talking in her head and riddles. The only thing she repeats over and over again, since she came here, was about a train. She calls it the Infernal Train and an evil man named Doll Maker driving it. And then she sometimes starts to sing, but the songs I do not know." The head nurse explained while starring at the still form of Charity Burbage. She was a light witch and completely in love with the muggle culture and everything muggle. She would be a loss to the light side, since she was a teacher and told every child who took the subject Muggle Study about how good and nice and amazing muggles were. "Should I wake her?" She asked Dumbledore who just nodded positively. "_Renervate_." she pointed her wand at the unconscious woman.

"Good morning, Misses Burbage. Do you know who I am? Do you remember my face?" Dumbledore asked the bound woman on the bed who blinked sleepily up at him. Everything was calm for twenty seconds and Dumbledore opened his mouth again to ask the same questions as before when he was interrupted.

"_The train, __**THE TRAIN**__. I have to stop the train, she told me so!"_ Screamed Burbage suddenly, her eyes wide and panic written all over her face.

"What train? Who told you so?" Dumbledore asked, looking surprised after her short screaming episode. He was happy for the restraints, without them she would have jumped out of bed and done god knows what. She smiled up at him creepily, her voice sounding deep and manlier. She turned her head to the head nurse.

"_Everything's a nail, is it, Miss Hammerhead? First it was your search, freighted with fear and fragmented memories. Now it's the train! Never time for tea. While your brains on holiday, we're ruined! Now we're all mad here and that's a good excuse for going to hell in a teapot, but not for forgetting what your senses saw. Forgetting is just forgetting, except when it's not. Then they call it something else. I'd like to forget what you did. I tried, but I can't."_ Dumbledore looked shortly at the nurse who began to explain again.

"She told us the same thing only yesterday. We do not understand the context from her 'episodes', but we gathered from her that she was on board a train with a girl, a hat, a caterpillar and a heart who all talked to her. They told her to destroy the train and the man who drives it. She would get out of there if she did." Explained the nurse. Dumbledore once again turned to the woman in the bed.

"Has this train a destination?" he asked her, her body went rigid. Her head turned to him slowly and moved jerkily like the hand of a clock. She gave him a big smile, her deep voice changed to an impossible high pitch.

"_Destination? Madness and destruction, __**MADNESS AND DESTRUCTION**__. You should not ask questions to which you know the answer already. It is not polite."_ She answered him.

"We cannot make sense of what she says too. She is just mad." sighed the nurse.

"Can you tell me more about the train?" Dumbledore asked, he would not stop trying. HE would have to find a new teacher on top of finding his future pawn and underling. Nothing was going after his plan. She laughed and started to sing.

"_The train is coming with its shiny cars. With comfy seats and wheels of stars. So hush my little ones, have no fear. The man in the moon is the engineer."_ She snickered to herself.

"The people who were with you on the train, what can you remember from them? How did they look?" Maybe he could find the ones who did this to her and punish them severely. That would make him look good too.

Burbage frowned, letting her head hang. She said as if she was talking to herself, _"They are dead and you should be too."_ She looked abruptly at Dumbledore, _"The past must be paid for. The cost of forgetting is high."_

"Completely mad like I told you. And those people in the Ministry want to have her in a trail room with other people, but she just cannot go to the Ministry like that. Even if she attacked seven people, she clearly was not in the right state of mind. What is the stupid ministry thinking?" The head nurse asked Dumbledore, but before he could answer…

"_The law is just...Just a whisper away... A way home to wonder...Wonder who...Who knows how to measure rules...With a ruler! Cruel rules..."_ Burbage once again said in a deep voice. Dumbledore looked back at her with a sad smile on his face. Sometime he was such a good actor, it was amazing.

"Can you not help us in any way? Do not you remember anything? Just tell us what comes to your mind." Maybe she did know anything. She said in a dark contorted voice,

"_Abuse is a crime the strong visit on the weak. And you're right, Abusers are insufficiently punished for the damage they do. Those who witness abuse without seeking retribution for the harmed, pay a penalty."_ And with that her eyes rolled into her head and she fainted. Dumbledore sighed tiredly, now he had to search for a new Muggle Study professor, he already made Quirrell DADA teacher, so he could not change that. He had two weeks to find a replacement.

* * *

><p>He heard a knock on his office door and said enter without looking from his stake of papers.<p>

"Another one. Should I let him through?" asked Minerva.

"Yes, of course. Come in, come in!" he answered in a fake happy tone. Minerva moved to the side and a man clad in black with a hat and long silver hair entered his office.

"My, my, good morning. I would like to apply for the job as Muggle Study professor." the man said cheerfully.

"Your name?" Dumbledore asked.

"Alexander Grey."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Undertaker as new Muggle Study professor. Thanks for your review! They really helped motivate me and the ideas were great! Now I have a rough sketch for the next two chapters or so, but nothing for the future. Questions: When should Voldemort come back? Undertaker will not hunt down the Horcruxes for some years, because he enjoys the chaos and future fights between dark and light. Possible events: Voldemort's return in 1<strong>__**st**__** year (through the Philosopher's stone), 2**__**nd**__** year (through the Horcrux diary), 3**__**rd**__** year (through a random accident), 4**__**th**__** year (through the ritual) or later on? Any ideas?**_

_**The quotes from the mad Charity Burbage were from 'Alice: Madness return', some from the Mad Hatter, the Queen of Hearts, the Caterpillar and the Doll Maker.**_


	17. Chapter 16 Not an Easy Life

_**Namae no Nai Michi by Kaori Hikita (translation)**_

_I wonder what those eyes are reflecting right now?_

_The invisible truth is reality._

_Everything is closed (towards the sky)_

_Even the night which has fallen asleep, water flows on_

_Walk towards the wilderness before tomorrow comes_

_Paint the future on the path that you walk_

_Footprints or names aren't needed_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 16 - Not an Easy Life<strong>_

Severus Snape's life was never easy. He was born on 9 January 1960 to Eileen Prince, a pure-blood witch, and Tobias Snape, a muggle. He hated his father, who was both neglectful and when drunk even violent, and began to think that all muggles were like him. Because of this he never wanted to make friends in his early childhood in their muggle neighborhood. Maybe that was also a reason why he had such a bitter disposition and decided to join the Dark Lord's Death Eaters later in his life, he thought. Whatever happened, as a child and teenager he always had to return there to his parents who were fighting each other all the time and then forgot about him completely. He was mostly unwashed, wore ill-fitting clothes and was generally unhappy in his early childhood, but could do nothing against it. He was just a child after all. He could not wait to get away, to go to Hogwarts and to never return there. That was his ultimate goal at this age.

The only light in his life while living at Spinner's End, a shabby suburb of Cokeworth, was a green-eyed red-hair beautiful girl. Sweet caring and kind Lily, who could also do magic. He watched her for a while from afar; he had to be sure about her magical abilities, before trying to talk to her. Even though he was afraid to scare her away at first, they understood each other immediately and became fast friends. They would play together all the time and he would tell her about the wonders of the magical world. He did not like her sister Petunia, because she was firstly just another damned muggle and secondly because she always made fun of his clothes, family and even her own sister Lily. But it did not matter much to him, because both of them would go to Hogwarts and forget about those muggles.

From 1971 to 1978 Lily and he went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and he was sorted into Slytherin, which was led at that time by the Potions professor Horace Slughorn, and Lily into Gryffindor. Although they were sorted into the houses with the most extreme form of rivalry, they still continued to be best friends. On the train to Hogwarts for their first year Severus and Lily, who were sitting together in a compartment, met James Potter and Sirius Black and so their bitter unforgiving battle began. The constant fights between Slytherins and Gryffindors did not help the situation as well between the Marauders and him.

He knew since the beginning that he wanted to become a Potions master, his mother would have been one if she did not marry the muggle, and even become a member of the Slug Club, because of his brilliance in potion-making. He also excelled at the Dark Arts and created a good number of popular spells like _Levicorpus_, _Liberacorpus_, _Muffliato_, and curses like _Langlock_, the Toenail Growth Hex, and his signature curse, _Sectumsempra_.

He even made some connections with the other Slytherins; there are no things like friendship or loyalty in Slytherin after all. You either were rich, influential and had the right breeding or you had many talents to impress those purebloods like a vast knowledge and talent in the fine art of potions, the dark arts and were an inventor of new spells. Some of them were Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, Wilkes, Malfoy and Sirius's cousin Bellatrix Lestrange, all of them later on became Death Eaters exactly like him.

Throughout these years he was constantly at war with James and his stupid group of friends. He was always a more studious and introverted individual, thinking before sticking his foot into his mouth and saying something extremely stupid, while James was arrogant, popular, egomaniacal, athletic and a so called imbecile and cretin. The first reason for their dislike were the different houses, even though I did not matter with his Lily, the second his close friendship to his childhood friend whom James had a crush on. The Marauders always bullied him and through a mistake at one time, where he called Lily a 'Mudblood', their friendship abruptly ended. One of the worst mistakes of his lives. She never forgave him.

Another one was following Lupin to the Whomping Willow during the full moon to confirm a suspicion he had, only to be nearly bitten by a Lupin turned werewolf. The one to save him was James Potter, that damned brat. He would forever be in dept to him, to this arrogant little shit, for something his stupid friends got him into. And then that cretin went and became a little bit more mature and less arrogant and Lily suddenly decided to date him. She later on ended up marrying the twit, which only strengthened Severus' bitterness towards him. And in turn also towards their unborn son back then.

He was fully prepared to unleash hell upon the Potter spawn once he got to Hogwarts and into his reach. He imagined different scenarios in which he could punish the boy with enormous point deductions and detentions, like scrubbing all his caldrons without the use of magic, which would last until the boy graduated in seventh year. As the Potions professor he could do whatever he wanted to the boy and if someone asked, it was of course only to protect his cover as a spy for the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. After all he had to be horrible to the boy, he was the boy-who-lived, the defeater of his master, so that once the Dark Lord returned, he could go back and spy for Albus Dumbledore on the dark side. The perfect excuse! The boy surely would be in Gryffindor, the house he hated most, he would be a celebrity and exactly like Potter senior, arrogant, egoistic, cruel and an idiot. He would use all those things against the brat. He would be snarky and unfair and he would absolutely love it!

But that was only before he overheard Dumbledore and Fletcher talking about the abuse Potter Junior had to go through. About the horrible Dursleys, their hatred for everything magical, their treatment of their nephew and Dumbledore's future plan for the boy. At this moment he decided to protect Lily's child in earnest. He did make an Unbreakable Oath after Lily's death and his return to the light side, to protect her child, but he thought he could make the time, in which the brat was not in life threatening danger, a living hell on earth for the boy. But now he decided he would protect the child in earnest. He would go to the Dursleys and show Harry the magical world without the interference of the meddling fool Dumbledore, he made up his mind. He would get to know the kid, treat him like a normal person and not James Potter incarnate, and if it was possible even save him from his cruel relatives, he thought. But things like that normally would not go after plan, at least not his plan.

* * *

><p>He groaned. He had never felt so bad in his whole life, like a herd of hippogriffs or other animals trampled all over him. If one of them belonged to Hagrid, he would curse the gigantic fool to hell and back for his to-other-people dangerous hobby. He did not care if the half-giant was eaten by one of these monstrosities, but that idiot should not get others, mainly him, hurt or involved in the process. Why Dumbledore would not get rid of that nuisance was unthinkable to him. He ate too much; he was a half-giant after all. He dragged mud all over the floor when he entered Hogwarts to eat, it made it easier to follow or find him, just track the dirt path. He often drooled over anything people lay under his chin or head. While he was talking, it could happen that people left the conversation with spit in their faces. Disgusting. His hobby and favorite things were far too dangerous, each Christmas he wished for a dragon to take care of and right now he cared for a little three-headed Cerberus puppy, which was already so big, it could bite his leg off in one go. Even though he was not really aware of his own strength, he was aloud near the students, little eleven-year old students who did not even reach the giant's waist. And the most important thing was that Hagrid was completely loyal to Albus Dumbledore. He was extremely pro-Gryffindor and con-Slytherin even through Hagrid was in Hufflepuff when he went to school. Dumbledore would never get rid of him.<p>

But he could think about what to do against Hagrid once he had taken a headache potion to soothe the pain in his head. He groaned again, opened his eyes and looked at the blue sky. In one quick motion he sat up and looked around. Not really good for the growing hippogriff trampling around in his head, but it was like a second nature to him. Take your wand and look if there was someone out there to kill or hurt you. Constant vigilance, Moody would say, people were not paranoid if there was really something out there to get them after all. He seemed to be in some kind of forest near a little stream and what looked to be enormous dominos pieces. He turned around and halted right before the cliff. He glanced down shortly and only saw the blue of the sky. So he was in some kind of forest, with large domino pieces lying around and also large cards flying in the distance and it all happened in the sky on a fucking flying island. He pinched himself and closed his eyes. He felt the pain and opened them again and was still here. And the constant pain in his head was still there. He laid down again onto the grass, closed his eyes and started to think. Constant vigilance could kiss his ass.

What was he doing in the first place? Why was he here? Ah, he remembered. He was looking for the werewolf. After finding out about Harry Potter being abused by his relatives, he wanted to take the boy away or at least talk to him and help him. Maybe they could work something out together? Potter Senior had to be rolling around and screaming loudly in his grave. He, Severus 'Snivellus' Snape, helping James Potter's son, little Harry Potter. Who would have thought this would happen? Nobody, not even he himself. So he went into the muggle world, searched through the next telephone book and found for the Dursleys' address quite easily. There were not many families which last name was Dursley after all and he knew from his childhood days that Lily's sisters name was Petunia. They were living in Privet Drive 4 in Surrey near London. And with that information he quickly appareted away.

For two long weeks did he keep an eye on the Dursleys, but he never saw Harry anywhere. Dumbledore only knew he was searching for some rare potion ingredients, being a spy helped him with his lies without being detected and it became nearly a second nature to him. Dumbledore should not be allowed near that boy, but first he had to find him. So one day when Petunia was walking down the street, she was obviously going shopping, he cast a strong invisibility spell on himself and used a little bit Legilimency on her, only enough for her to not notice. What he found out was truly astounding, Harry Potter never lived with them and Arabella Figg, the squib Dumbledore sent to 'protect' aka spy on little Harry, was in a nursery for elderly. They brought the baby after discovering him on their doorstep immediately to an Orphanage without them even knowing that that was their magical nephew. But Harry Potter was not there anymore. The caretakers of the orphanage told him he died, not of a natural cause but murdered by one of the jealous caretakers, but he could not believe it. Dumbledore probably had something monitoring his project's health, so he could not be dead. Dumbledore would go bonkers if something happened to his pet. They could not lose their savior yet, the prophecy had to be fulfilled. They said that Harry Potter, at the orphanage called Marcus Claire, was an incredible genius and that they had found the body of a boy in the car, but he was not so sure if it really was him. It could have been another one while the real Harry Potter disappeared to somewhere. Damn it! He had to find the child before Dumbledore did. And he searched and searched and searched, but could not find him.

After a while he sat down, began to think logically about the situation and came to the conclusion, he had to get some help, but who could he trust? Dumbledore was the one who planned for him to be abused; he should never be allowed to know. He would send him straight to the Dursleys with probably some guards so that the boy could not escape. Maybe he would even go as far as using memory and compulsion charms on Harry to make him obey Dumbledore completely. Minerva was far too loyal to Dumbledore to believe him. The others were all also in his pocket, they would do no good. The only one who might help him would be the wolf. He had noticed a while ago that Lupin began to distance himself from the Order and its leader more and more, but slowly enough for all non-spies to not realize it. Did he know? About the Dursleys? About Dumbledore's future plans for the boy? He also noticed Lupin vanishing sometimes for three days then for three weeks to three months without giving an explanation. When asked he would state that he was busy with his job. Normally he would visit their light leader happily in order to know if Harry was indeed content with his family, for a little talk among old friends or for exchanging some ideas or news once a month. But those visits had stopped some time ago and Dumbledore did not seem to mind it. So the logical conclusion would be that Lupin had to know something. But the damned wolf also seemed to be avoiding him constantly. He could not corner the wolf anywhere near the official Order meetings and as soon as it ended Lupin vanished again. He just apparated away, but someday, yes someday Severus swore, he would get him and find out what he was hiding.

Half a year of constant trying later, he finally managed to corner him only to wake up in a room without a door. In the middle of it was a large black hole in the ground. Beside it stood a sign with bold gold letters 'RABBIT HOLE' and an arrow pointing to into its deeps. He looked around the room. That could not be the only exit, he thought, and tried to use magic to get out. But eventually he realized that he could go nowhere else, even blasting curses did not even scratch the walls surrounding him. So he jumped and once he came to, he was here in a forest with a cliff and a stream and floating cards and dominos.

While he was lost in his thoughts nothing changed, he was still here. Wherever here was. He did not know how, but he knew he had to get out, but first he needed his wand. He tried to reach for his wand holster when he realized he was not wearing the same clothes as before. He looked down onto himself and growled loudly. He was wearing shiny black high heeled shoes which ended at his ankles, black and white stripped tights, really short light blue short which had both a bow on each side, a fitting also light blue polo shirt with a white closed collar, all over that a long white apron with frilly ends, light blue colored fingernails and he felt something heavy on his head, probably had something like a bow in his hair. Damned the wolf or whoever this was. He would kill them, HE WOULD KILL THEM! He looked like some kind of Alice in Wonderland parody, for god's sake! He would kill the one who did this to him, slowly and painfully over many many hours until they died of the overload of pain. Yes, he would do this.

But first he had to find his wand, with it he could transfigure himself some normal clothes and apparete out of this. But to his never ending horror he could not find it. He looked through his clothes, looked all over the floor, EVERYWHERE! But he could not find his wand. For the first time in years he felt like crying. He sat down on the grass and started to think. The Alice in 'Alice in Wonderland' also followed someone or something, ah a little white rabbit, and fell into a rabbit hole and landed in Wonderland if he could remember the facts correctly.

"Alice." said a voice behind him. He swirled around fast, wanting to see what could attack him. He was lost somewhere in the wilderness in a rather annoying set of clothes and without his wand or other weapon. Before him sat a fat smiling cat with blue and grey stripes and not just any one, a cat whose smile literally reached its eyes and possibly its ears. Only one name was whirling through his mind… Cheshire Cat… and what did it say?

"Alice." it said again, smiling creepily, "Welcome to Wonderland, Alice. Our Wonderland, Alice. I hope you will enjoy your stay here. I hopefully hope that you'll do. Of course you will."

"Are you talking to me?" he asked looking with a blank and seemly emotionless face to the cat. Under this façade many different thoughts were whirling around. No, this could not be. He knew from the children's book he read many many years ago that the story's Alice wore light blue whitish clothes, had long blond hair and bright blue eyes. He had the clothes, which were thankfully shorts rather than a skirt, but his eyes and hair were still black as the night. He checked it in the stream just before the cat appeared out of nowhere.

"Why you, Alice, of course! What stupid question! The Alice who goes to Wonderland. The Alice who fell through the rabbit hole. You should have followed the white rabbit, the tardy white rabbit, but we have not gotten one yet, so you had to follow the mouse. Yes, the sleepy mouse. And look at you wearing that lovely light blue dress. After all only the other players and an Alice can enter through the rabbit hole! Or right now the mouse hole in the ground since we do not have a rabbit right now." answered the cat cheerfully. How did he get here again? Ah, yes, the stupid wolf, for who he was still searching. Since he could not spot a town or other people in his proximity or even had his wand, he decided it would be best to just ask the cat. It had to be here for something after all. This whole thing had to do with finding Lupin, he thought.

"Have you seen a man my age with light brown hair, scars on his face, amber eyes, worn out clothes and he smells like a wolf. Have you seen someone like this?" Severus asked while still eying the cat cautiously. Like he said before, no wand, strange forest, weird clothes, talking cat. Everybody would be cautiously. Hopefully it could point him the right way and when he would find Lupin, he would... But before he could think about the horrors he would do to Lupin, he was interrupted by the cheery voice of the cat.

"Light brown hair? No, never seen someone like that. Amber eyes? Maybe or maybe not, who knows? Scars? Another no, definitely no. Nobody here has scars besides him. Smells like wolf? Perhaps, but the curious thing is, there are no wolves in these lands." the cat snickered. No real answers and seemed to talk in bloody riddles. Maybe his question was false formulated, maybe Lupin changed a little bit after entering this forest. He would try again.

"Did someone enter the rabbit hole right before me?" Severus asked. The cat could still lie to him, but somehow he got the feeling it would not.

"Yes, of course. Why did not you ask this before? Do you want a description from him?" asked the cat and he just nodded positively, "A man approximately your age with long dark brown hair, amber eyes, scarless and with mouse ears and tail went this way right before you fell from the sky." stated the cat while pointing to the trail laid out of too big domino stones. The only matching thing was the amber colored eyes, but the rest was far too different to be him. Wait…

"Wait, did you just say mouse ears?" he asked incredibly. Seriously mouse ears and tail? How stupid did they think he is? How was that possible? If Lupin should have some they should be from a dangerous wolf and not a little harmless mouse.

"Well, yes, he is the Dormouse after all. The mouse who always sleeps, well, this one not that much, he likes to read books more and that's where you find him." Another character from 'Alice in Wonderland'. Was that really real or was he just in another nightmare? But there was something that interested him more.

"Are there others too?" he asked. If he was supposed to be 'Alice' and the wolf was the Dormouse, are there others too?

"Of course, there are more! The Mad Hatter, the Marchhare, the Dormouse, the Queen, King and Knight of Hearts, the Caterpillar and his family. Then there is also Tweedledum and Tweedledee from the outside world. They always visit for a short period of time for the tea party in the Mad Hatter's Domain! Ah, they are always so funny; twins are the best after all? All of them have a realm here, well the twins not since they are only guests, but the others each have a realm just for them to rule over. There are those who are brutal and insane and easy to anger, and oh, you know them deep down inside the darkest part of your heart, but just who are they? Let them show you with whom your dark and bitter heart really lies. They will show you. Then he who built this world alone just for his fun and amusement? He, who you not know right now, but you will get to know him better later, but only if you can provide enough entertainment and some laughs for him. That is the payment for your life and freedom, but can you really leave even if you live? He is also the one you search for after all, the end of your journey. Maybe? Who knows? I know. Of course I know. I always knew. So do not worry your little pretty head Alice. You will someday understand. Understand the whole situation. About the darkness, the light and the insane. Where are you in this grand battles for insanity? And then there are those you hate since a long time, one more than the other, but your hate for them is nearly as big as your current hate for the old goat. Can you forgive them? Can you forgive yourself? The others you have heard about, but never even visited. Tut-tut, Alice, where exactly are your manners? Poor manners I say! So do you know who they are? Hmm? Who are they? Have you finally found out?" He scolded at the still smirking cat. Those damn riddles were getting on his nerves right now.

"And how do I get out of here? In the original version of 'Alice in Wonderland' she wakes up and realizes that it was only a dream and her imagination?" He just wanted to wake up and go back to making potions the whole day.

"It is a game, you know? A life-and-death game. If you lose here, you will never see the real sun and sky again. If you die, well, then you are dead. It is as easy as that. Right? Live and fight, that is the right answer, but is it also your answer? This is not a dream, it never was, never will be, but can you reach the end of the tunnel, the end of the game? As I said before, if you manage to make him happy you might be welcomed to stay here as a guest? Right now you are just an intruder, another person he dubbed as Alice and they even gave you fitting clothes! It suits you rather well I must say. The key to your freedom is him. Give him an amazing show and reach the end and you will be rewarded. Your life? Your freedom? The truth? A choice? Whatever you want?" it said. So there was a way to get out of here, but first he wanted to gain more information from the cat.

"What is your connection to them? If this is not just an embarrassing dream then you too must be real. I never once in my whole life encountered a speaking animal. Not even the best Animagi can speak in their animal form. So what are you?" He asked. It was true, there were no speaking animals in the magical world.

"Well, of course, I am not normal. He bought me and brought me to his home, his homely home. He called me Cheshire because of my dazzling smile, he said. You know, he can smile just like me. Funny really? He was really nice, gave me food and a warm place to stay and sleep and everything else I needed. One day he said, it would be even more fun if I could talk to him, so he asked a friend of his. If I remember correctly it was the 'current' Caterpillar's wife, she was the one who made it possible for me to speak and to do this…" The cat suddenly vanished before his eyes, and he looked around worriedly. It could be everywhere and he still did not have a weapon! "Don't be so afraid, Alice. You look worried Alice. Nobody will hurt you as long as I am here, they know better than to interfere. They are after all his inventions and I am his pet. I am much higher in this hierarchy then many others. They know better than to attack me." The head of the cat appeared in front of him but its face was reversed. Slowly the other parts of the cat materialized, but it somehow remained in the air lying on an invisible platform on its back. It smiled at him again.

"Who are they?" he asked.

"The monsters which roam these lands. He had made many of them after all. Oh, those poor poor souls. Always in agony and in never ending pain. What did they do to deserve this? Nothing, but it is hilarious, would not you say? He always was an extremely dangerous combination of a sadist and a masochist. But I personally think he is more of a sadist, a sadistic sadist and with her, the Queen, they become the dreaded S-Combo, short for the ultimate sadist-combo. You would not want to meet them together, I tell you. Dangerous I say, but he still took me in and cared for me. So what it he exactly? A monster? A human? A wizard? A magical being? Caring? Loving? Sadistic? Insane? Bored? Funny? He is all that and more. He is my owner nevertheless." The cat smirked, while slowly paddling through the air like it would through water.

"Who is he?" He asked. The cat always spoke about him with 'he' and nothing more. No name, no identity and 'he' was the reason why Severus was here.

"He who built this place, his perfect Wonderland, a Wonderland after his ideas and rules it. He who cared for me and the others, for humans, animals and monsters alike. He also has one of those horse like creatures with leathery wings, but its color is white, pure white. He said that death rides on a pale horse and that is what he is. But he is also the Mad Hatter, mad as a hatter and much more. The one who sent me here. He said you might be the one to entertain him enough. So he sent me here to explain a little bit. To help you chose the right path, the right way, he said. But enough talking, do something! Just sitting there on your bum will not help you get out of here. I will be waiting for you where your first weapon is." The cat said before vanishing from his sight again.

He stood there for a while calling out for the damned cat, but nobody came or answered. So the first thing he had to find was the weapon where the cat was said to be. He just hoped that the monsters would wait until he got there before attacking him. Since he now knew that there was a way out, he began to walk into the direction the cat pointed with its tail at first, the direction the-changed-with-mouse-ears Lupin went. After walking, climbing cliffs, jumping around, screaming and sneering at nothing in particular, he finally found it. The blade was stuck in the remains of an rather large animal. Cheshire once again appeared, talked to him and sent him on the way.

The road was long and hard to survive. He had to fight monsters left and right, do some kind of stupid missions and thing like that. Sometimes he was once again visited by the Cheshire Cat, who gave him some useful tips and then abruptly vanished again. The place where he woke up in was called 'Vale of Tears' or also called 'Vale of Doom' from which he went to 'Caterpillar's Garden', through the 'Cardbridge' to 'Queensland' and later to the end of his journey to the 'Mad Hatter's Domain'. The cat said that all important people would be there for a tea party. And it was true.

"Well, looky look who we have here? Is poor little Alice lost in this big wide world." said a blond haired woman with a crown on her head and an expensive looking gown in red with many hearts. She laughed creepily, her insane eyes dancing with mirth. "I would not have thought he would make it that far, do not you think so too, poor little Alice?" She hid her snort behind her teacup.

"It was about time he finally got here. Don't you think so?" said a silver haired man with two dark grey rabbit ears on his head. "I knew he was slow, but I did not think that slow! Man, you should have solved the little tests far sooner. I was bored, you know?" Oh, that man was ticking him off like the former Sirius Black, the school bully. The mark on his forehead twitched dangerously, but the grey human like rabbit continued, "And how do you like your lovely dress little Alice?" asked the man, laughing loudly. Oh, that man would go down even if he himself would not survive it.

"Well, yeah, I also thought he would be faster." sighed a brown haired man with mouse ears, "How much have I lost?" Lupin? Was that Lupin? "What will I do? I probably gambled away my whole money for this month and it is all you fault!" The mouse pointed his finger reproachful at the rabbit.

"About 200 galleons." answered another man with long black hair in red with heart themed clothes. This had to be either the King or the Knight of Hearts, he thought, their clothes match with the ones of the Queen.

"My, my, don't fight." he heard from the head of the table, "We have a guest after all." said a man with long silver hair clad in black. "I am the Mad Hatter. Now tell me, what is your heart's desire? Your deepest wish?"

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><p>From that moment on his life became even more complicated. The man with the long silver hair, the Mad Hatter, was originally Harry Potter, the person he searched for over half a year. After he made him swear an Unbreakable Oath about this place, Wonderland, and its people, he was allowed to leave their little world. Dumbledore immediately found him and demanded answers. He was after all gone for more than four months without notice. He just said that he could not remember. Dumbledore tried everything from <em>Veritaserum<em>, through the oath he could not speak about it, to _Legilimency_, but Dumbledore could not find anything. Everything from Wonderland was stored inside his mind which took the form of his rooms, in a small book in one of the various book shelves with the title 'Alice in Wonderland'.

He continued or started to teach at Hogwarts again but was now better watched by Dumbledore. The Light Lord would not want to lose his precious spy after all. Rarely he managed to get away from the school and visited Wonderland. Gone was the Alice dress but now he had white bunny ears and a tail and wore a nice black colored tailored suit. Better then the dress all day.

And everything went back to normal. He taught the stupid brats at Hogwarts, had to endure Dumbledore's constant ramblings and grandfatherly smile and twinkling eyes, the other professors, idiot Hagrid with his dangerous animals and was once again sitting with most of the other teachers in the Grand Hall on September fist, 1991. They students had yet to arrive and the two places on the head table to be filled. He drank his tea comfortably and prayed for nerves of steel to survive once more the new school year without explosion.

"Ah!" said Dumbledore while smiling sweetly at the door, "I do not think I have introduced our new Muggle Study and Defense professor, have not I? Please come inside!" Dumbledore said loudly. Two people entered the hall. "On the right is Quirinus Quirrell, the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher."

Quirrell stuttered a short, "N-nice t-to me-meet y-you a-all." He did not need to look up from his tea. He knew that man good enough since he had the 'pleasure' of teaching him for five years.

"And to the left Alexander Grey, our new Muggle Study teacher. Please welcome both of them heartily!" What? WHAT?

"Nice to meet you! Please take care of me and please call me by my nickname Undertaker!" And he was already chocking on his tea.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So a chapter about Snape's life and what happened to him throughout the time I have skipped in the previous chapters. Thanks for your reviews! Again! You really do not know how much they can motivate me! Next chapter will be probably about what Undertaker will teach those children and will be funny. (I hope.) <strong>_

_**Questions: When should Voldemort come back? Undertaker will not hunt down the Horcruxes for some years, because he enjoys the chaos and future fights between dark and light. Possible events: Voldemort's return in 1**__**st**__** year (through the Philosopher's stone), 2**__**nd**__** year (through the Horcrux diary), 3**__**rd**__** year (through a random accident), 4**__**th**__** year (through the ritual) or later on? And what do you think should Undertaker teach the children? I already got a few ideas, but could always use more!**_


	18. Chapter 17 Beginning of the School Year

_**Rikki - Suteki Da Ne (Isn't it wonderful)**_

_My heart was swimming in words gathered by the wind._

_My voice bounded into a cloud-carried tomorrow._

_My heart trembled in the moon-swayed mirror._

_Soft tears, spilled with a stream of stars._

_Isn't it wonderful? If we could walk, hand in hand,_

_I'd want to go to your town, your home, in your arms._

_I dream of being against your chest,_

_My body in your keeping disappearing into the evening._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17 - Beginning of the School Year<strong>

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry or simply Hogwarts was indeed an incredible castle built by the founders Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Helga Hufflepuff and Rowena Ravenclaw over thousand years ago and it was even now simply amazing. He could spend hours running happily around, searching through the different corridors and room for hidden passages or treasures, and even after many days of exploring parts of the castle would still be new to him. Perfect, it would not get boring that easily, because him being bored usually ended in a few deaths and insane creations like his Wonderland and speaking pet Cheshire. But all in all it was the right decision to come here after all. After many days of thinking and speaking with former Hogwarts students and the potions professor about the pros and cons in his rather special situation, he made his decision.

He could have used his abilities as a metamorphmagus and changed back into an eleven year old looking, black haired version of himself with glasses, an exact copy of James Potter only younger and with Lily Potter's green eyes. He would than go to Hogwarts as a student, young and inexperienced, and learn magic he could already do for the next few boring years, but there were some rather big problems which began with the attack on Godric's Hallow. Really big problems even before he could even set a foot into Hogwarts.

**Number 1: Voldemort.** At the moment he was not interested in destroying the remains of the Lord of the Dark Side, his Horcruxes. He knew how to make, where to find and how to destroy them from the memories of Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Voldemort, but why should he do anything against them? He did not even want to fight with the Dark Lord once he returned back to a somewhat physical form. Of course he could beat him; he was a Death God and a rather powerful wizard. But why should he stop him? Exactly where would the fun be in that? Would not it be more exhilarating watching the wizarding world descend into anarchy and chaos than watching them live their totally boring life in their totally boring houses with their totally boring jobs and family? There would be chaos, there would be blood, there would be misery, there would be death. Much more fun any day he would say. He was sure that Voldemort would be resurrected again after a while and try to rule the world and he as the little unknown Undertaker would lean back with a big bag of popcorn in one hand and several liters cola in the other and just enjoy the show. The world could only become more insane, the way he liked it, the way he wanted it to be.

But Harry Potter would have to defeat Voldemort as soon as possible, end the possible war which was surely coming, imprison all the Death Eaters and end all his fun. He shook his head and snorted, that would never happen. His fun and entertainment stood in the hierarchy of 'Undertaker's most important things' over particularly everything.

So: _Voldemort should live for fun's sake._

**Number 2: His placement with the Dursley family. **He was thankful that they brought him to the orphanage and everything; they were not as dumb as he first thought them to be, but that old goat named Dumbledore wanted him especially there. Sirius later told him that Hagrid came to the ruins of Godric's Hallow while his godfather was there caring for the unconscious Harry Potter aka Undertaker. He was at the beginning surprised, he did not know about this because he had fought the soul splinter in his head and brought some order into the different sets of memories he got. Hagrid then took him straight to the Dursleys even though his godfather still had not 'murdered' the rat Pettigrew and the thirteen muggles. So the only logical conclusion was that he was never supposed to go with his godfather.

Harry Potter should have grown up with the Dursleys with which Dumbledore wanted him to be. After further investigation and Severus' reports from his own Harry Potter search in his free time, the Dursleys, his so called relatives, turned out to be extreme magic-haters. They hated everything magical, even thinking about something not normal or cartoonish was frowned upon by them. They hated magic, the magical world, the magical people, the magical dogs and cats, the magical wands and trunks, her own little magical sister aka magical sister-in-law and her magical husband and the magical child she had and all those magical friends they also had. Harry Potter would have been hated by them from the moment the hippo and the horse saw him like they hated his now dead mother. It would not have been a nice and funny life for the boy, if he had not become his vessel and new body.

As Harry Potter he would have to return there probably after each Hogwarts year because of his safety and the so called blood wards that Remus informed him about or whatever the sick, there was a great difference between sick and insane, mind of Dumbledore thought of. Dumbledore was sick; he was just insane, different as night and day. Returning to the Dursleys would also not do, especially now with him in possession of the body. He would kill them for their boringness and simpleness and that would only make problems. He would be a rather big hypocrite, telling Bella she could not kill people too flashy, because he did not want the muggle police or aurors here. Even if they bored him to near death, he could not kill them without revealing who he really was. So killing the Dursleys was a big no-no.

And he did not know how to explain his absence from the Dursleys and later from the orphanage. He was not adopted nor could any family fight for him in court because they had to go against the great and amazing light lord Dumbledore. The old goat would win any battle in the Ministry and get what he wanted and would sent him probably to the next best family and relatives, the Dursleys. As Harry Potter he would not be emancipated so the total control of his properties and vaults go to Dumbledore and they all saw what happened. That old fossil had the nerve to try to steal from him even before he entered the magical world. Logical conclusion: he would do so again and even officially and Undertaker could do nothing against it. Yes, killing was always an open option, but he was trying to keep a low profile. And explaining was another complicated matter. He could not really say, 'Well after mind-controlling the caretaker and making him kill a completely innocent child, he went to the goblins, changed his name officially and magically, looked now like a twenty year old, owned a Undertaker shop, created a Wonderland under his properties and was mostly insane. Hehehe?' It would certainly be fun, but it would certainly blow his cover. The last time his cover went up in flames he had to hide for more than hundred years from third-rate shinigamis who tried their best to make his life a living hell on earth. Not that he minded it, but sometimes it was just too troublesome and annoying.

So: _If Dumbledore tried anything, he would be sent to Wonderland without any form of weaponry, same goes for the Dursleys. _

And that were only the problems he had before even going to Hogwarts as Harry Potter.

**Number 3: The house placement.** The house best suited for him would be Slytherin, but the public and newspaper already spoke of him as the future 'prince of Gryffindor' so he had to get sorted there, to people who should probably be afraid of him because he would kill them all in their sleep. His parents were also both Gryffindors, Dumbledore was in Gryffindor, many muggleborns were in Gryffindor, everybody light and good was in Gryffindor while everyone dark and evil and future Death Eaterish went to Slytherin. The color combination did not suit him at all. Gold and bright red, just gruesome. He liked the colors green and silver much more; they usually went well with his bright green yellowish eyes and silky silver hair. He had thought about going to neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin, but the other two options were not as good as even the two before. He did not really like the color combination of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, he did not really know why, it just was not right, even with normal coloring.

So: _He had to go and live in the House with the worst color combination: Gryffindor._

**Number 4: Learning magic. **He already knew everything and more what he would learn at Hogwarts. Tommy's memories helped a lot of course and officially he had already his OWLs and NEWTs with the best possible grades. He knew everything he needed from transfiguring Luna a new Alice-themed dress to creating a whole world to simple cleaning and cooking to killing and torture spells. So what information could Hogwarts give him? Simple answer: none. It would only be boring and boring meant killing spree and killing spree meant blown cover and blown cover meant he was once again on the run and more killing sprees. Of course it had to be some kind of vicious circle.

As Harry Potter he had to go there for seven years, seven whole years. He had to be nearly ten months in Hogwarts and even if he managed to read through the whole library it would be still boring. There was not something like skipping school years like in muggle schools. No, people had to do this the traditional way, seven whole years wasted and that was not all. He probably should not show his real intelligence because people might get suspicious. So he would have to dumb himself down quite a bit to eleven-year-old naïve little child intelligence.

So: _Play dumb and boring… nearly impossible even for him._

**Number 5: Children.** He did not mind children, he even liked some of them like for example the twins, little Luna and the Diggory boy. The twins were fun and also understood his kind of fun, which was why he integrated them into his Wonderland and gave them the names Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the only twins which existed in 'Alice in Wonderland'. Little Luna became after many other test runs with many different Alices the real and only Alice in his Wonderland. She certainly looked the part. Long blond hair, pale blue eyes, little stature and he even made her a nice matching dress in light blue and white for her birthday. Perfect. Little Cedric sometime managed, while visiting the twins as cover, to visit him. Since their first meeting began with sitting on a coffin with dead Ms Midka in it and ended with Bianca and Amos dragging Cedric behind them rather quickly out of his shop, the family seemed to avoid him like a plague which Cedric did not really understand after all. The boy did not know about his Wonderland or 'friends' or anything, he just came and visited his shop a few times. A really nice boy.

As Harry Potter he was surrounded by his school-class-year mates all the time. The most mature people would be most seventh years and eighteen, but to him they were still naïve little kids. He would be going like every normal wizard to Hogwarts and begin his first year with all the other eleven-year olds. He had to sleep with them in the same dorm, had to answer their stupid questions as politely as he could, had to play with them little kid's games, had to go with them to class, had to do homework with them, had to do little kid's pranks, talk about more stupid and boring things and etc. There were all just children, he knew, but how the hell should he survive with many more-than-naïve little snobby stupid arrogant incredulous children twenty four seven without killing eighty percent of them? Another big no-no. No killing children in school were everyone's eyes were on him.

So: _Children were children and to insane adults quite boring._

**Number 6: The six F's of Doom: Fame, fans, fan clubs, fan girls, fan boys and false friends.** Harry Potter was the savior of the wizarding world, the defeater of the totally evil and insane Lord You-Know-Who, the boy who lived, the boy who kicked that damned Dark Lord's ass, the chosen one, the spoiled prince of Gryffindor and whatever the public called him. That only spelled trouble. He was a role model and represented everything that was light and good and kind and heroic and princelike and as said before totally light. Harry Potter had to be all of this, whereas he was childish, insane, bloodthirsty, a villain and a shinigami. The wizarding public would look at him once and declare him the next Dark Lord or something like that. Fame was a fickle thing in itself, one day you were the darling of the masses, the next you were shunned and hated by all. He just did not want to deal with this. He did not want bad publicity after all.

And the next things were the fans, sometimes as crazy as mad rabid dogs. Hero worshipping, stuttering idiots in his presence, kissing the floor he walked on, taking photographs from him, asking for his autographs, the press would write mostly untrue and exaggerated stories about him, people would sing hero-themed songs about him, etc. Just not funny. Annoying.

If he was truthful, there was not one thing positive about being Harry Potter in hindsight so he just went with Plan B: becoming a teacher at Hogwarts. Even there he thought long and hard about which teacher he should 'incapacitate'. The main courses should remain the same. All of them were Dumbledore's most loyal and most trusted and the work load was just too much and time-consuming. He did not want to spend all his time for correcting homework and looking after some snotty brats in detention. The only exception was the DADA position which was cursed and every year they would get a new teacher because the former was… well… dead, not in the right state of mind, disabled, scared shitless or many other things. That was also why nobody learned anything anymore in DADA, because they had already used every good teacher. Well, Voldemort sure was one hell of a sneaky bastard putting a dark curse onto the post. Those children would never even be average in defense.

So there were the other more unimportant subjects. Care of Magical Creatures… no, the monsters he would show them would not do well with Dumbledore and the Ministry. Flying… only on brooms… boring. Divination… 'You are all going to die if you annoy me.'… no, he was not really good with fate and destiny, those bitches. Sybill probably would not let him too. Astronomy… 'If I look at the constellation of moon and sun, I think you are going to die soon.'… no… too boring, went to much with Divination, most of it looked the same to him. Arithmancy… speak about boring subject. Ancient Runes… another one and last but not least… Muggle Study… which was just perfect. He knew many 'good' things about muggles… interesting muggle things…

So he had to get rid of Charity Burbage somehow, but with the unintended help of Severus, who told him that she liked to make vacations in the muggle world, it went quite easily. Undertaker caught her and threw her into his Wonderland, where they began to play with her a little bit. It has been a long time, since he invited someone to his Wonderland since the position of Alice was already permanently filled. He let the former Muggle Study professor go after two weeks and transported her into one of the side streets of Diagon Alley. That was exactly two weeks before the new school year began. Dumbledore would have too much to do, first finding their savior, which was kind of important and would not go well with the press and public if they ever found out from an anonymous person, second another DADA teacher like every year and thirdly a new Muggle Study professor. Ha, life was wonderful.

He simply went to the job application, did a little bit of smooth talking and muggle praising and got the job without Severus knowing anything. Hehehe, that would be fun once he got there. Sev was going to be shocked. He asked him about the teachers and everything long before he even considered going to Hogwarts, but did not really tell him about his future plans. This school year Harry Potter was supposed to come to Hogwarts, which had to be interesting at least! But now back to Hogwarts.

The castle itself was located somewhere in Scotland, most people were not aware of its exact location. He really tried. From the Goblins, thank god or in this context Merlin for goblins, it was somewhere near a little town called Dufftown. The school was protected by numerous charms and spells on and around it that make it impossible for a non-magical person to locate or even see it at what it was. They only saw ruins and several warnings of danger, nothing exciting for normal people. But for him rather interesting, too bad he was a wizard. He would have liked to see what Hogwarts looked to a muggle.

It has extensive grounds with sloping lawns, good for rolling down while laughing creepily, flowerbeds and vegetable patches, good for stealing food pointlessly, the Black Lake with merpeople, Grindylows, and a giant squid, good for drowning unnecessary brats, a large dense forest which was called the Forbidden Forest, good for going out on a late night walk, several greenhouses for Herbology classes, and other outbuildings, and a full-size Quidditch pitch. So much to see, so many interesting things to do and so much havoc to wreak. Oh, he really could not wait.

And then it was the 1st September 1991, half an hour before the students would arrive at school. Dumbledore wanted for them to meet him in his office before going down to the hall. The new DADA teacher and he were standing there in the middle of the headmaster's office waiting to be finally introduced to the other teachers and students. The office in itself was rather interesting though. Many books lying around everywhere, their title going from normally light and harmless to some of the more obscure branches of magic, different silver gadgets, some spinning more calmly and other wildly, talismans and historical artifacts lying around, a phoenix who eyed Quirrell and him suspiciously. He could not help but chuckle quietly.

His first impression of Albus Dumbledore as he came through one of the side doors was that everything he did was fake. Everything screamed 'FAKE', screamed as in bright neon colors with glitter on it, but it was obviously enough to fool the majority of magical people in Britain. His grandfatherly smile which he always wore while talking to them, his light blue twinkling eyes which were probably spelled that way, who in his right mind would like sparkling glittery eyes? The way he gently scratched his long white beard and chuckled heartily at nothing at all, the soft sound of his voice that soothed their doubt right away from their mind, the colorful robes he wore giving everyone else the appearance of him being a rather unique and senile but grandfatherly figure with nothing but love and kindness in his heart, everything was rather well played. The man had many years to perfect his act nevertheless.

Besides him stood Quirinus Quirrell, the new 'Defense against the Dark Arts' teacher. The goblins gave him enough information about the teachers to last him a while thankfully. Even if he was strong and capable of handling the majority of his own problems alone, he was still a paranoid bastard. Quirrell had worked at Hogwarts as Muggle Studies teacher for a certain length of time, before he took a year off to get some first-hand experience for becoming the Defense professor. He was said to have a brilliant mind and good control over dark creatures like trolls, but now that he stood before the man he could not shake the uneasy feeling in the air. Even if the man seemed to be too frightened of his own shadow, his instincts told him to be careful nonetheless. While talking to Dumbledore Quirrell appeared to be perpetually nervous stuttering around almost aimlessly and the man had apparently some nervous ticks like the constant twitching of his right eye. The future DADA teacher wore a long purple robe with golden adornments and a purple turban, which was new or so the goblins said.

They talked a bit, joked around and went down to the Great Hall were they would meet the other teachers. Dumbledore went shortly inside; they waited in front of the enormous iron door. Quirrell was fidgeting around with his fingers, looking nervously from one side to the other as if a dark creature would attack him at any time. He sighed, how long did that old man take to go to his seat and call them inside? Well, he was old, so he should not be that surprised.

"Ah!" they finally heard from inside, "I do not think I have introduced our new Muggle Study and Defense professor, have not I? Please come inside!" Dumbledore said loudly so that they also could hear it. He opened one of the doors and Quirrell scurried inside like a frightened squirrel. Once they were both inside, the old man started again, "On the right is Quirinus Quirrell, the new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher." Dumbledore pointed his hand at the now even more nervous looking Quirrell. Quirrell… squirrel… Quirrell… squirrel… oh my, now he had to be careful not to call him squirrel to his face.

The man stuttered a short, "N-nice t-to me-meet y-you a-all." before going straight to his assigned seat next to an unpleasant looking Sev.

"And to the left Alexander Grey, our new Muggle Study teacher. Please welcome both of them heartily!" Dumbledore yelled through the nearly empty hall. Undertaker winked at them happily.

"Nice to meet you! Please take care of me and please call me by my nickname Undertaker!" Oh, he should have brought his camera with him, Severus' face was hilarious. Sirius, Remus, Bella, him and the rest had already a rather big collecting of embarrassing Snape-photos to last longer than a lifetime as blackmail material. And Sev nearly chocking on his tea was quite funny, an interesting way to die by the way, but well, he had heard about a man who drowned in his soup.

He looked around the hall analyzing the details. It was a large hall with four long tables for the students, as well as the staff table at the front, where the entire Hogwarts staff usually sat. Above all this was a rather special ceiling which was covered with candles and enchanted to look like the sky outside. He glanced at the different long tables in front of the teachers.

He had heard that the one on the left side was the Hufflepuff table who valued hard work, patience, justice and loyalty. The house mascot was a badger and canary yellow and black were its colors. They said that Hufflepuff corresponded roughly to the element of earth.

The table in the middle on the left side was Gryffindor who valued courage, bravery, nerve and chivalry. Its mascot was the lion and its colors were scarlet and gold. Gryffindor corresponded roughly to the element of fire.

The next table was the one of the Ravenclaw who valued intelligence, creativity, learning and wit. The house mascot was an eagle and its colors were blue and bronze. Ravenclaw corresponded roughly to the element of air.

And the last on the right side was the Slytherin table who valued ambition, cunning, leadership and resourcefulness. The house mascot of Slytherin was the serpent and the house colors are green and silver. Slytherin corresponded roughly to the element of water. He looked back up to the staff table.

He also remembered most of the faces from their table from the information the goblins had given him right before his departure to Hogwarts. So if he remembered correctly the first one on the left side was Argus Filch. Caretaker of Hogwarts, residual squib, greasy brown hair, dark eyes, dirty, shabby clothes, hated all students, was hated by all equally back, ill-tempered, unfriendly, ugly, bitter of not possessing magic, annoying, knew Hogwarts as well as the twins, owned a cat named Mrs. Norris, who everyone he asked wanted to give a good kick. Remus told him that the cat was even alive when they first started school, but they were not sure if it was the same cat or her predecessor. A typical VUP… very unimportant person.

The next seat belonged to the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid, the Keeper of Keys and Grounds, who was at the moment most likely busy with the first years. He remembered that day quite clearly, the day they tried to leave him with his loving relatives. Maybe sometime somewhere he would get his revenge, but back to the topic. Approximately 2.6 meters tall, thick dark brown curly hair and bear, dark colored eyes, big eyebrows almost unibrow, normally thick West Country accent, through creature blood less vulnerable to jinxes and spells than full-humans, friendly, softhearted personality, easily driven to tears, easy manipulated and therefore very loyal to Dumbledore, expulsed from Hogwarts in his third year, wand broken, since then Keeper of Keys and Grounds, liked to be the Care of Magical Creatures professor and taking care of dangerous animals, a different VUP… a very uninteresting person.

Next one was Silvanus Kettleburn. Care of Magical Creatures teacher since before Dumbledore even was headmaster, white shoulder-length hair, white short beard, brown eyes, ancient fossil, wrinkly, but normal fashion sense, VUP both.

Then there was Severus Snape… or Sev… or even better Sevy or Seviiiiiiiiiii… or for a while Alice… and then White Rabbit. Potions master, Head of Slytherin House, tall, black shoulder-length hair, normally greasy, silky when washed, hooknose, blackish eyes, always wanted to be DADA professor, wore usually black clothes, snarky, bitter, dungeon bat, talented Dark Arts user, etc.

Placed beside Sev was Quirinus Quirrell. New Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, stuttering fool, plus Voldemort parasite on the back of his head, former Muggle Study professor, incompetent, without the Dark Lord perfect guinea pig for his Wonderland, normally VUP but with Voldemort he got a spectacular upgrade and far more interesting.

Next Rolanda Hooch, the flying instructor and Quidditch referee at school, near one hundred years of age, nonetheless quite energetic, short, spiky grey hair, with piercing yellow hawk-like eyes which were usually hidden behind goggles, animagus form probably some kind of hawk, strict but caring, believed in fairness mostly because of the Quidditch games.

Filius Flitwick, quarter goblin or so it was said, Charms Master at Hogwarts, head of Ravenclaw, very short, old, with hair and beard, fair, funny, duel champion, skilled dueler even with his height, knowledgeable and just funny.

Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress, head of Gryffindor House, Transfiguration professor, began teaching in December 1956, tall, rather severe-looking, black now graying hair typically drawn into a tight bun, liked to wear emerald green robes and a pointed hat, approximately seventy year old, wore square spectacles that match the markings around the eyes of her Animagus form of a silver tabby cat, birthday is 4 October.

And in the middle of them all on his tall throne like seat made out of gold and beautifully and complex decorated, sat the old fake headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, who was smiling extremely grandfatherly and kindly down at them with a twinkle in his eyes. Eurgh.

On Dumbledore's right side sat Pomona Sprout, the Professor of Herbology and the Head of Hufflepuff House. Birthday on 15 May, dumpy, little, flyaway grey hair, wore a patched, frayed hat and shabby robes, covered in dirt due to the time she spent tending plants in the greenhouses.

Madam Poppy Pomfrey, magical Healer, matron-in-charge of the Hogwarts hospital wing, stern like McGonagall, very strict with patients regarding the rules of her infirmary, short grey wavy hair, pale blue eyes, approximately fifty years old or older, clad in dark red and white.

And there was Sybill Patricia Trelawney, the Divination teacher since 1980 aka his vessel's birth year. Great-great-granddaughter of the celebrated Seer Cassandra Trelawney, brown wavy and extremely voluminous hair, made her look as if he was struck by lightning, dark green eyes, pale skin color from mostly being in her tower, big thick glasses, misty voice, as much fashion sense as Luna and Xeno… none, seer and liked Sherry.

The next seat belonged to Charity Burbage, the former Muggle Studies professor, who was at the moment a little busy in her own mind. My, oh my, who could have done something so evil? Hehehe… Now this was his seat on the staff table.

Next to him was Aurora Sinistra, the Astronomy teacher. Dark brown long hair in braid, brown eyes, darker skin color, wore a pointy hat and mostly golden brown robes. He would be sitting next to her the next few years probably but nonetheless… another VUP.

Next was Septima Vector, the Arithmancy teacher, known to give her students large amounts of homework, dark brown hair, brown eyes, red hat and robes, VUP.

Bathsheda Babbling, the Ancient Runes professor, grey hair, dark blue eyes, not interested into anybody socially, VUP.

Irma Pince, the librarian of Hogwarts, severe, strict, thin, irritable, possessive and protective with the library books, looked like an underfed vulture, black hair, brown eyes, unpleasant , VUP.

And that was the end of it, there was also another teacher who did not need to eat so was not here. Cuthbert Binns, the History of Magic teacher and ghost. Boring with the exactly same boring classes, the official nap time for students. They said that one day he took a nap in a chair in the teachers' lounge/staff room and died in his sleep; later, he simply got up to go to teach his next class and left his body behind. He was not quite so sure if that was the truth, but he could do some investigating while living here.

He quickly went to his seat and sat down between Sybill and Sinistra shortly before the first second to seventh year students entered the hall trough one of its smaller side doors. They all sat down on their tables and waited. Even the ghost slightly hovered over the tables eagerly waiting to greet the new students. Once everyone was seated McGonagall stood up and exited the hall. They waited for a few moments before Hagrid entered and sat down on his seat. McGonagall probably just gave the first years an introduction to Hogwarts and its houses.

McGonagall shortly came in and the ghosts flew through the door to frighten the 'firsties' a little bit. Not that they needed any more. They were probably afraid enough as it was. She waited for another two minutes before she exited the room again. They all just waited in the hall in silence. The doors opened again, now fully and all the new students in pairs of two and a straight line behind McGonagall entering the Great Hall.

Once everyone was inside and the doors closed, the hat on the stool in the middle of the room started to move slightly and the new students all stared at it suspiciously. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched again. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth and the hat began to sing: _"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, but don't judge on what you see, I'll eat myself if you can find a smarter hat than me. You can keep your bowlers black, your top hats sleek and tall, for I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat and I can cap them all. There's nothing hidden in your head The Sorting Hat can't see, so try me on and I will tell you where you ought to be. You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindors apart; You might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil; Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind, where those of wit and learning, will always find their kind; Or perhaps in Slytherin you'll make your real friends, those cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends. So put me on! Don't be afraid! And don't get in a flap! You're in safe hands (though I have none) for I'm a Thinking Cap!"_

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again. Now would the sorting start. Nothing had really changed, even the song remained the same as fifty years ago.

McGonagall once again started to talk, "When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!" A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes and sat down. A moment's pause, the hat shouted, "HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Bones, Susan!" - "HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah. Her aunt was really high up in the ministry.

"Boot, Terry!" - "RAVENCLAW!" Several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them. Muggleborn.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy!" went to Ravenclaw too. Unknown.

"Brown, Lavender" became the first new Gryffindor and their table exploded with cheers.

"Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin from a Slytherin family.

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!" - "HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Finnigan, Seamus," A sandy-haired boy sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.

"Granger, Hermione!" The girl almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head. "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat. Muggleborn.

"Longbottom, Neville!" The hat took a long time to decide with the boy. Long line of purebloods, both parents driven insane by three of his 'friends'. When it finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" the boy ran off still wearing it and had to jog back amid gales of laughter.

"MacDougal, Morag!"Unknown. He did not research the students' background information, but maybe he could do so later, once he had enough time.

"Malfoy, Draco!" the boy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once. The hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!" Everyone from his family was all Slytherins, pureblood, looked rather spoiled; his father was a high animal in the ministry and had much money. And now it once more turned boring, he looked at his black nails for a bit.

There could not be many people left now. "Moon"… "Nott"… "Parkinson"…then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil"… then "Perks, Sally-Anne" … and then something really funny…

"Potter, Harry!" A boy with wild black hair, green eyes and glasses stepped forward. The boy wore an arrogant smirk, shoving one of the remaining boys out of his way roughly and strode towards the head table as if he owned the whole place. He had to restrain himself from laughing out loud. Now that was what he called interesting. Sev was sending him some kind of death glare from the other side of the table, but he ignored him. My, my, if he remembered correctly he was Harry Potter, so they boy before them was just an imitation. Whatever it was, this year would be certainly interesting.

"Potter, did she say?" - "The Harry Potter?" - "Oh Merlin, look it is Harry Potter!" - "The boy who lived." - "Do you think I could get his autograph?" was whispered throughout the room. The boy sat down and McGonagall put the hat onto the child's head. They waited and waited until the hat made something like a strained sigh and screamed, "GRYFFINDOR!" The boy dropped the hat unto the floor, nearly kicking it aside with his feet and went over to the Gryffindors, whose people cheers were almost deafening.

And the twins were helping too and yelled loudly, "We got Potter! We got Potter!"

"Thomas, Dean!" a black tall boy also joined the Gryffindor table.

"Turpin, Lisa!" became a Ravenclaw.

"Weasley, Ron!" - "GRYFFINDOR!"

And the last one, "Zabini, Blaise!" was made a Slytherin. Now they would get to eat.

McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away. In that time Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet somehow and started beaming even more brightly at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there. "Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!" He was thanking the house elves who made the food and sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered.

With a snip of his finger so many different dishes: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, peppermint humbugs and many more.

He slowly started to eat; they had to stay here for a while after all. He turned to his left side only to see Sinistra happily talking to Vector. "Ohoho, look what the Cheshire cat dragged in." came a snickered voice from his right side.

"My, my, it is good to see you in good health and so entertained, Duchess." he answered while he turned his head around to face her.

"Of course, I am entertained right now. The school life was just so boring without anybody funny or insane to ruin the dreams and plans of certain individuals after all and I even managed to get some front seats to watch the whole spectacle. Hmm, and was that a compliment I heard. Are not you lovely tonight, a real gentleman, and is this a _Muffliato_ spell I feel on my skin?" Sybill asked him while raising one eyebrow questionably.

"You are absolutely correct, would not be too good to give others any reason to overhear our lovely little conversations, don't you think?" he answered cheekily back. She was one of the funniest people to talk to.

"There you are right. He had been a right pain in the ass, you know? Always saying 'Sybill do this' and 'Sybill could you maybe do that' and 'Sybill here' and 'Sybill there' and I sometimes feel like some kind of dog." She began to angrily poke in her food.

"But he still buys you anything you want." He snorted. Even if it was an unreasonable wish, Dumbledore would do anything to keep his seer from ever leaving his side.

"Too true. He is annoying, but I am living a comfortable life right now. I do not have to pay rent and have the whole tower for myself; it is rather spacious up there and the students seem to avoid it. I do not have to really work, all I do is predict some deaths from random students and let them interpret something. I really like the stories I usually get back from students who think my subject and or teaching methods are bullshit. The dream or tea interpretations are sometimes funny too. They all believe I am bonkers, do not ask questions and avoid me as often as possible. I can even work drunk, oh, how I love Sherry. I am content with my life now." She sighed happily besides him.

"You do know he imperioed you?" he asked with a wave of his hand.

"Of course, that was why I even went to that interview in the first place. He heard the prophecy, decided Voldemort had to hear it too, 'obliviated' me and I once again went back for the interview in the pub the next day. Everything went perfect."

"Fascinating, I am interested in the reason why you just let him." he asked.

"Would you have been happy living with the light loving family for many many years until you finally graduated Hogwarts? I knew when you would arrive and I knew you would have a hard time just living with them." she told him.

"No, I would have probably killed them myself or just run away. And what do you see in my future if you do not mind my question?" she snorted loudly.

"As if I could really see yours, bastard. You are just so damned random and do most things because of a sudden whim and because they look fun. You change your mind every, I am not quite sure how often, but every few hours and think about new just as random things. Nothing is really planed, you just let things flow and if it gets too boring, you intervene with something completely illogical to throw the rest of my visions off. I am not sure if you do this on purpose, but you are one of the few persons I cannot really read." she said.

"Oh? There are more than just little old me?" he asked curiously. Now that was something he wanted to know.

"That Alice with the _Nargles_ and whatnot, what was her name? Ah, Luna. Smart little girl she is. And by the way, how is the rest of the flock?" she asked grinning from one ear to the other.

"Flock? Seriously? Are not we more like a bunch of bloodthirsty wolves? But just to humor you, everyone is fine, happy, content, whatever." Bella still went constantly on killing sprees in Wonderland, her husband and brother-in-law just follow her around like lost puppies, Sirius tried to invent new pranks or prank items, usually the twins help him, Remus had started to read through his library and helped Estrella with new spells, Xeno and Luna were busy with writing the Quibbler.

"That is good to hear. And, have you finally decided on what to teach the children?" She looked rather smugly at him.

"Have you been spying on me with that stupid crystal ball again?" Sybill had a specially-spelled crystal ball somewhere in her tower with which she could spy on any other person she chose. Practical little thing.

"Maybe, but I really think there is no real difference between the first theme you decided to present and the second one, well, yes, but McGonagall will probably become something like a fire-breathing dragon and eat you should you consider teaching the children about such themes in the future." Hmph, nobody would stop him. He already had some nice ideas.

"Another topic. Any news or new blackmail material." he changed the topic.

"Oh, you bad bad boy. You have not told poor Sevy that you would become a teacher this year, he must feel like crying his broken heart out and have you looked at him? At the moments if looks could kill both you, the stuttering possessed bastard and the cheap imitation of you sitting at the Gryffindor table would die instantly. But do not worry or despair, than I, the amazing Sybill Trelawney, have the answer. I have hidden a, what was it called, camera and took some embarrassing photos of Sevy-poo nearly chocking on his tea when you entered. I thought it would be funny." she smirked at him and he right back.

"And they call me evil? What do you want for these photos?"

"Some of Sevy in Alice costume and we call it a deal."

"Done."

The dishes vanished and a moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavor you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate éclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding, etc. He continued to talk with Sybill for a while before he also went silent and waited for the dinner to end.

At last the desserts too disappeared, and Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell immediately silent. "Ahem, just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered." He snorted… like animals. "I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well." Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins. Yes, those two were his twins. "I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their House teams should contact Madam Hooch. And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death." Uhu, now he was going to look.

The old man gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words. "Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"

And the whole student body and teachers started to bellow: _"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something please, Whether we be old and bald Or young with scabby knees, Our heads could do with filling With some interesting stuff, For now they're bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff, So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we've forgot, Just do your best, we'll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot."_ Trelawney, him and the twins were some of the loudest of the whole bunch, nobody of them could really sing, they just yelled along.

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest. "Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!" The different houses followed their prefects to their dorms quietly. He also got up and followed a rather emotionless Sev out of the halls towards his new room.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So at the beginning I wanted to write something completely different, but I think I will only write that chapter about what Undertaker teaches those children once the majority of the first year is written. And thanks for your reviews! You really do not know how much they can motivate me! Next chapter will be… I don't know! I have no idea about how to continue this!<strong>_

_**Questions: What do you think should Undertaker teach the children? I already got a few ideas, but could always use more! And when should Voldemort come back? Undertaker will not hunt down the Horcruxes for some years, because he enjoys the chaos and future fights between dark and light. Possible events: Voldemort's return in 1**__**st**__** year (through the Philosopher's stone), 2**__**nd**__** year (through the Horcrux diary), 3**__**rd**__** year (through a random accident), 4**__**th**__** year (through the ritual) or later on? **_


	19. Chapter 18 First Year

_**To The Beginning by Kalafina (translation)**_

_A miracle will surely occur just once more_

_In a gentle voice you imagine a warped future_

_In order to create a world where no one will cry again_

_Without reaching anyone your screams and prayers_

_Disappear into the tainted crimson sky_

_And you're able to go on having abandoned all hope of comfort_

_The beautiful light of the moon_

_Sinks to the beginning_

_Towards that distance_

_Which is yet so far away_

_I hold out my hands_

_With closing eyes,_

_Believing in your lamentation_

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><p><strong>Chapter 18 - First Year<strong>

Severus Snape was absolutely not a happy wizard. Once, he thought, in his absolute complicated and crazy life there would be peace. Like every summer since his four-month disappearance Dumbledore allowed him as some sort of _vacation_ to stay at his home at Spinner's End, only occasionally checking up on him. The old headmaster probably thought his spy would be somewhat save there under all Dumbledore's specialized aka spying wards, so he left him mostly alone, thank Merlin. He tried the limits of the wards himself. After vanishing for four months in 'Wonderland', Dumbledore could now see from his office whenever he left his house or not, but there were ways around those wards. They were the simplified version of so called illegal blood wards. Anything to do with a person's blood and therefore blood magic was banned years ago by the ministry but for the holier-than-thou headmaster and his tendencies to control everything around him, these rules and regulations were made to be broken. The great Albus Dumbledore could probably murder someone in cold blood and would still be let free because he was Albus frigging Dumbledore. So to counter his plans and leave the house undetected, he left a vital of blood inside his house. He had to spend half his holidays in Wonderland and visit the Undertaker or he would visit him and that was a rather real threat from the Mad Hatter. So he had spent most of his time in the created world with a lot of insane people around. Not much peace there.

Now another school year would start - those stupid, naïve, moronic dunderheads who were so arrogant to call themselves students would still surround him - but he would at least be surrounded by a little bit of normality. He would teach like he normally did, try to make the lives of all his 'students' except for his Slytherins a living hell on earth, give them long lasting detentions, let them scrub his dirty cauldrons, give them bad grades and torture them for just being there. He never once in his whole life said that he liked any kind of children. If he could, he would have opened a little potion shop in Diagon Alley and would have sold his potions to customers there. That was his dream, that was what he wanted in life, not teach such snotty brats who were not able to understand the complexity of brewing potions! But at least he should be a little bit happy; he would not be able to visit Wonderland again until either the Christmas or next summer holidays, so no weird or insane people for a next few months. He would finally be at peace.

He noticed that these last few months the old goat seemed smug because of one thing or another. He started wearing even more colorful robes with even worse color combinations humming happily while trying to get the student and teacher population to eat his thrice damned lemon drops. He was not hundred percent sure what made the old man so pleased probably because this was going to be _Harry Potter_'s first year at Hogwarts. The headmaster always told him how Harry Potter was a pampered Gryffindor prince, that his lovely muggle relatives had spoilt him rotten and made him as egotistical as his father was, that everything was handed to him on a silver plate and his every whim was fulfilled in a second. Ha, if the headmaster knew the truth! Harry Potter was the absolute opposite of what the old man told him or thought him to be. Even right before the opening feast the headmaster ordered him to his office and told him how to act around Potter once he arrived. He just laughed inwardly. Harry Potter was Undertaker and would never come here except for exploring the castle, but he wondered why the headmaster was so sure Potter would come? Has not the old fool send letters and received no reply? He shrugged his shoulders none gallantly and exited the room and went down to his quarters until the feast started. Now that he was away from Wonderland he would not continue to try and understand or interpret the thoughts and ideas of crazy people. They were not worth the headache.

He thought that Undertaker aka Alexander Dorian Grey was busy with his Undertaker shop, taking care of his equally insane friends and ruling over his dark kingdom the last time he visited. Never in his life could he imagine this madman teaching the normal children of Hogwarts. He was so stunned as he sat there on his usual place on the head table that he nearly managed to chock on his tea once he saw the familiar figure of Undertaker enter through the front door of the Great Hall. He sent him the best death glare he could muster without being seen as suspicious and continued to poke the food on his plate viciously. Damned! His peace was now gone!

And then there was _Potter_. That boy who was sitting arrogantly on the Gryffindor table, _Harry James_ _Potter_, was not supposed to be here. He was not even supposed to exist. It must have been a plan from the old goat and if he could just wipe the half smug half amused expression from their faces on the other side of the head table, he would. But now, he could only stare deadly to them. Sybill winked at him with the same goofy smile as Undertaker. They talked animatedly together. He looked at the Mad Hatter again who appeared to be the same as usually. Same silver hair, long black outer robes, high-heeled shoes, piercings in his ears, weird black hat and the scar across his face. His eyes were still hidden by his long bangs. Yes, that could only be the real one.

He boy on the golden red decorated table had to be an imposter. If the brat would look at him for a second, he could use _legimency_ to read the brat's outer thoughts and therefore sate his curiosity. He continued to send his death glare at the boy, willing him to look in his direction and he did. What he saw in the boy's mind was absolutely nuts. The headmaster was nuts. All of the headmaster's plans were nuts and he swore that he would never say anything against the Undertaker's bits of insanity again. He glanced to the other side of the head table only to see Undertaker waving his hand at him. Screw that, he thought, he would never say anything to this guy.

He sat back more comfortable on his chair and sighed soundlessly. This year was going to be pure horror for him. This combination was absolute and pure madness. There was the insane headmaster, Undertaker, the terror twins and a _Potter_ imposter at this school at the same time! His life was absolutely screwed.

His life would never be normal again. The terror twins were now in their third school year. They alone were bad enough for his health and the school but at least they helped him take points from the snotty Gryffindors who thought since Harry Potter would be and now was a Gryffindor they could do whatever they wanted without any kind of punishment. The headmaster only smiled at them sadly once they had done something bad or injured another student, like he did when he went to school and the marauders nearly killed him The old goat only gave them one or two detentions and let them continue to bully all the other houses. Usually were the Slytherins the ones who were mostly bullied because of their supposed evil status at school. Eleven year olds were beaten by mobs of Gryffindors and forever mentally scared by the physical and mentally abuse of the other houses. The twins knew about this and pranked as many bullies as they could and Snape took points from them so that the proud house of lions did not win the House or Quidditch Cup because of their bulling tendencies.

Now he also had to deal with Undertaker who would tell the children the darkest things possible in his muggle study lessons. How that was possible he did not know now, but the man surely had some kind of ingenious plan to corrupt the children beyond repair. He loved chaos. He loved madness. He loved insanity. And now he would teach little thirteen-year-old children about the horrors and terrors of the muggle world. Maybe? Probably? No, he should not think about the hows and whys. Insane people usually did not think logical. He had no idea what he would teach them.

When the opening feast finally ended, he went straight to the late muggle study professor and now Undertaker's rooms. They had to talk. He could hear the Mad Hatter following him, his high-heeled boots clicking, and halted before the portray of a normal looking woman.

"Password?" she asked in a bored voice.

"Wonderland!" chirped Undertaker from behind him. He should have known. He entered the quarters carefully, he did not know what kind of traps Undertaker had inside his rooms.

"It looks… normal." He said while looking around suspiciously. Far too normal.

"As it is supposed to be. They should look quite normal and boring, but nonetheless clean. I am only here for the entertainment and it would be quite troublesome if someone got into my quarters uninvited so I let them remain boring. If I am too much bored, I just floo home and go to Wonderland killing some monsters." He said while smiling happily.

"Better monsters than students. I was a little surprised to see you here as a teacher."

"Oh, really? You seemed _**really**_ surprised; you were after all choking on your tea." Undertaker answered smiling innocently. Severus just tched and turned away. That was an embarrassing moment. "Oh, poor little Sevy, when were you going to tell me about the Potter imitation, who decided it was funny playing me. The child who is right now asleep in one of the beds of the Gryffindor dormitories?" Undertaker's smile showed more teeth and turned deadly.

"Dumbledore called me to his office this evening but explained nothing to me. It was just the usual nonsense. 'You should hate Harry Potter.' and 'Harry Potter is the same as James Potter.' and 'He is a spoilt pampered prince.' etc. I was confused but did not question him more. I was quite sure since you are Harry Potter that there is no way in hell Harry Potter would go to Hogwarts."

"But I am in Hogwarts now."

"As a teacher!" he snarled. He meant as a student before.

"And who is the boy?" asked Undertaker.

"A magical orphan, one year younger than the first year students. He would have gotten a letter next year. His name is Justin White, blond hair, blue eyes, tall for a ten year old. Dumbledore cast some high-class glamors onto the boy, which need to be recast every week by the headmaster himself. The boy is allowed to enjoy himself, be a brat, act like a celebrity and benefit from the fame of being the boy-who-lived until the real Harry Potter is found."

"Oh, oh, oh! What happens then? Death? Torture?"

"No, the boy does not know about this, but I can imagine that he will be obliviated and left somewhere in the muggle world. Harry Potter will be charmed, possibly also obliviated and given fake memories. So that you can once again become the icon of the light, the savior of the wizarding world." He sneered.

"So Dumbledore thinks that the real boy-who-lived will return? Seriously? Do you have any idea why he is so adamant that I am still alive?"

"The prophecy." Undertaker began to full out laugh.

"The prophecy? Only because of that? He will never find me and too bad my murderer is already dead for like what… more than five years or so. I have looked that no ends were loose." No loose ends? Did he…

"You killed Arabella Figg." He stated.

"That was a statement, right? Just a little bit poison in her afternoon tea, only enough for a heart attack. As easy as that, nothing more." Severus snorted and sat down on one of the armchairs in the room.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH HHH!" he heard a voice yelling from behind him. He fell out of the chair in shock. Who the hell…

"Hahaha, Seviiiiiiiiiii, you really are the best!" cried Sybill, tears of mirth running down her smiling face. Damned this woman!

"We love you!" Undertaker also cried. "And how does it look?"

"Absolutely lovely. Look!" she showed him the photo. His eyes were wide, like in really wide, his mouth opened in an O shape and he looked certainly surprised. How he sometimes hated them. Before he could scream at them, he felt a pull behind his navel and he was once more in his own rooms. DAMNED THOSE TWO!

* * *

><p>"Oh, Seviiiiiiiiii!" he heard Sybill's shrill voice echoed through the portray door, his office and his rooms. He should just ignore her and the unwanted guest she brought. Yes, ignoring them would be the right decision. He should just continue to do what he always did at this time of the day, grade the essays of the other houses unfairly and far too critically. Hopefully they would get the hint and leave him be. He continued to mark the sixth year essays in peace while sneering to himself. Even after six years of teaching those dunderheads, they were still below average at best! It was maddening! There had to be a limit on how stupid children or in this case teenagers could be… or not. He heard someone knock on his portray door, but continued to ignore it. "Knock, knock Seviiiiiiiiii!" He continued to remain silent. The only noise they could be heard in his office was the scratching sound of his quill on the parchment. Maybe they leave once they 'realized' he was <em>not<em> in there. Maybe they would search for him somewhere else, hopefully as far away as possible from him.

"Oh, Romeo!" he heard the other voice, which he also did not want to hear, yell beyond the door. He had a bad feeling that Undertaker was also outside in the corridor. Those annoying irritating people. He would ignore them. Yes, ignore them.

"Oh, Julia!" His left eye twitched. Why the hell was Sybill playing Romeo and Undertaker Julia anyway?

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet." Came the answer from Undertaker again.

"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" He snapped the quill in his hand in two. Those bothersome, maddening, complete idiots! Why were not they leaving him alone?! He stood up. His chair fell into the floor behind him because of his strength and anger. He quickly walked around his table only to hear,

"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, thought not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!" They were making fun of him!

"Stop it you insufferable idiots!" He screamed as he opened the door. The two just continued to stand there with their stupid smiling faces, not at least bit shocked that he opened the door.

"Idiots? Us?" Sybill asked sounding as innocent as a five year old who just stole a cookie from the cookie jar. This had to be a joke.

"How can you call us stupid when we quote Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Julia' from our memories?" Severus sighed loudly. No, he would not get rid of them now. Now that he opened the door and they knew even if he closed it that he was in his quarters.

"What do you two want?" he asked with his usual biting tone and emotionless face. He just wanted to get rid of them!

"Let's play a game!" said Sybill animatedly. Huh, another abnormal game again? Another take on Wonderland?

"Yes, let's play a game!" Undertaker agreed by hoping from one foot to his other.

"What kind of game?" Severus asked tiredly. There was no way around it.

"Well, we thought hard and long about an amazing game to play." Sybill looked thoughtful.

"And came to the decision to play poker!" They both kept smiling at him happily.

"Poker?" he asked suspiciously. Poker was far too normal for them. What did they want from him? Was this some kind of new, dangerous, life and death poker?

"There are many different kinds of poker. Normal Poker, Strip Poker, Texas Hold'em, Omaha, Seven-Card Stud, Caribbean Stud Poker, the HORSE and 8-Game Mix and many _many MANY_ others." Sybill informed him.

"But let us just say we play plain old poker." Undertaker told him none gallantly. There had to be a trap somewhere. Plain old poker? Since when was something plain and old for Undertaker? There had to be some kind of absurd reason for them to play poker with him, but since he was not insane, he could not understand the logic of insane people so he let it be for now. Grumbling darkly under his breath he let them into his rooms and led them towards the living room. They sat down on the couch and the other two each on an armchair. They started to play.

Severus' poker face was exactly like he usually looked. Completely emotionless face, black eyes starring right into the souls of his opponents making them unsure about their next move ans making them sweat. He had not been a spy for years without anybody noticing it if he was not good at masking his emotions, but looking at the other two players across him, he left his left eye twitch dangerously. Undertaker's poker face was just him smiling silly, his hair hid his eyes either way. Sybill looked at him strangely with her big ugly glasses and also an inane smile on her face. And he was losing, both the game and his emotionless facade. Quite badly really.

Suddenly Sybill jumped up from her seat and pointed her wand at herself. From one second to the next a beautiful woman in rather weird and mostly obscene clothes stood before them.

She had long white blonde hair, which was slightly curly at the end and a straight bangs, which reached her eyes, wore black eyeliner and thick, voluminous eyelashes. She also was wearing a bright blue shimmering swimsuit? Was this even a swimsuit? Whatever it was reached over her shoulders and was padded and her navel was covered but the sides of the stomach could be seen. On her hands were short fingerless gloves made in the same blue shiny material and as were her long finger nails. Black high-heeled leather boots finished the look. He never saw something like that before. Music started to play in the background and Sybill started to dance and sing,

"_**I wanna hold em like they do in Texas Plays**_

_**Fold em let em hit me raise it baby stay with me, I love it**_

_**Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start**_

_**And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart**_

_**Oh, oh, oh… I'll get him hot, show him what I've got**_

_**Oh, oh, oh… I'll get him hot, show him what I've got**_

_**Can't read my, can't read my… No he can't read my poker face (She's got to love nobody)**_

_**Can't read my, can't read my… No he can't read my poker face (She's got to love nobody)**_

_**P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (Mum mum mum mah)**_

_**P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face **__**(Mum mum mum mah)"**_

"AND WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" he screamed at her, a faint blush coloring his usually pale cheeks. He saw a suddenly light and then the camera in Sybill's hands.

"The future of pop music!" Undertaker told him animatedly.

"Yes, Lady Gaga will be a hit in the future." Sybill nodded enthusiastically along.

"You came here just to show me that, right?" his temper went through the roof as they nodded happily. "GET OUT!" he screamed and threw them out of his rooms. He should call it an early night and go to bed. If he continued to grade the essays with his bad mood right now… no, he would not grade them, he would cut them to pieces with _Sectumsempra_ and part of his furniture probably too.

"Thanks for hearing us out, Seviiiiiiiiii!" he could hear Sybill behind the door yell. Annoying little beasts…

"See you soon! Tomorrow! Sleep well!" Undertaker screamed. If he could he would not want to see them at all.

"Have nice dreams!" And then there was finally peace.

* * *

><p>Severus Snape was once again dreaming about torturing Gryffindors in his sleep. He felt so peaceful here it was amazing. Sometimes he thought that only in dreams he was safe from the madness that was Undertaker. He always thought Undertaker by himself or the terror twins of Gryffindor were bad, but Undertaker and Sybill together were pure madness and insanity in itself.<p>

"Seviiiiiiiiii! Seviiiiiiiiii! Open the door!"

"We want to ask you something!"

"Seviiiiiiiii! Oh Seviiiiiiiii dear!"

"If you do not open the door, we will show Minerva McGonagall and the Gryffindors your lovely Alice photos!"

"Or many other awkward moments and faces!"

"We have so many embarrassing photos of you!"

"A whole album full."

"More like four of them."

"Do you hear that Seviiiiiiii?"

"You in white and light blue with bow and apron!"

"And shorts and stockings and black high heeled shoes!"

"We got really amazing photos!"

"Seviiiiiiii, you are so photogene!"

"You look so amazing!"

"So lovely!"

"Simply ingenious!"

"Indeed, it suits you rather well!"

"And we will give the twins the spells to change you back into your better half?"

"Alice is his better half?"

"Do not you think so too?"

"No, he sneered more than ever and was grumpy as hell from what I heard and saw."

"How about we call Luna's Alice simply Alice and Sev's the 'Dark Alice'."

"Yes, he looked rather dark with all the black hair and his dark colored eyes. We should probably change his costume too to suit the 'Dark Alice'."

"I was thinking about the same usual Alice costume, but with some blood stains."

"Do you think blood stains are enough to turn Alice into Dark Alice?"

"Well, I was thinking about a darker knee length blue dress with the standard white apron, but no frilly things or something like that. We are not trying to go into the cute direction, more into the dark and moody."

"Pardon my seemly unintelligent question, but when was Severus ever cute? A living skeleton of a piranha would be cuter than our poor little Severus and has probably more humor too."

"A living skeletal piranha? Nice idea! We should write this down."

"Already done. New monsters are always welcome in Wonderland."

"Thanks for the nice idea, Sevy."

"We love you, Seviiiiiiiiii! You are really incredible!"

"But back to your outfit!"

"Any other unbelievable ideas?"

"And the boots will be leather, also knee length and in a way like mine and of course, black as night."

"We should also integrate symbols?"

"Yes, I know some good… Omega represents the end, right?"

"Yes, and Jupiter, mind rising above the horizon of matter."

"And Eris, ruler of strife and discord. They would be perfect together."

"Really good ideas… Seviiiiiiiii! If you do not open in ten seconds, we will have a bitter surprise for you once you enter the Great Hall tomorrow."

"Today."

"Today?"

"We planned through the night."

"Oh… Oh Seviiiiiiiii!"

"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" he screamed once again. He tried to continue to sleep, but with both of them babbling loudly in the corridor before his quarters, sleep just would not come easily. He had no other choice than to stand up and answer the door. They probably wanted something from him again or wanted to show him one absurd thing or another.

"Do not be such a spoilsport, Seviiiiiii! We have something amazing planned!"

"Better than everything before!"

"Not the costume!"

"But something even better!"

"And we want you to go with us!"

"Have you looked onto your watch?" He asked while rubbing his eyes tiredly. Only those two would want to talk to him in the middle of the night.

"Yes, of course." They both said immediately.

"You do know what time it is right now?" his temper was flaring again. What kind of idiots…

"Of course." Stated both once more in union.

"And you think waking me up AT HALF PAST ONE IN THE MORNING would make me want to help YOU?!" He screamed at them, his voice echoing through the empty corridor.

"Of course." Undertaker answered.

"You are after all our best friend." Sybill stated.

"You also know that I have a bunch of dunderheads to teach today and COMPARED TO YOU I HAVE TO TAKE WHAT THEY DO FAR MORE SERIOUS SINCE I DID NOT WANT TO GET EXPLODED BY THEIR STUPIDITY WITH CAULDRONS AND POTION INGREDIENTS!" He yelled angrily.

"Seviiiiiiiii, why are you screaming at us? We are not deaf?"

"You are going to wake the children."

"Really Seviiiiiiii. Don't you have any manners?"

"And what is the problem?"

"Are you telling us that our subjects are easy to teach?"

"No need to get so rude."

"We thought you were our friend."

"But it seems like we were wrong."

"But do not come crying home to mama and papa if you are sorry." He just smashed the portray door into their faces, went back to bed and continued to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile<em>

"Third corridor, forbidden of course, here we go." Sybill was running ahead animatedly. He followed her easily, chuckling under his breath. Life sure was good and funny sometimes.

"Do we have everything we need?" he asked. It would be like stealing candy from a four year old, hopefully it was amusing and would entertain him for some time.

"Yes, sir." Sybill mock-saluted.

"Time?" he questioned.

"Two in the morning, Monday."

"Perfect." He answered.

They hoped through the forbidden corridor bypassing the alarm spells Dumbledore cast around the area to alert him if someone went near the forbidden door. The old headmaster was just so screwed against a full-fledged seer and an insane shinigami. Those stupid traps would do nothing against them.

Through a quick _Alohomora_ they were able to enter the first room with the Cerberus in it. Sybill waited outside the door charming a harp she found somewhere in Hogwarts to play for exactly four hours. The Cerberus, Fluffy as she liked to call him, was fast asleep even through the music only came outside the room. A short shrinking, levitation and enlarging spell later and Fluffy was sleeping outside his normal room in the forbidden corridor. Once it woke up, it would run wildly through Hogwarts and wreck havoc. Exactly what he wanted. More chaos, more madness, more insanity, so much more fun!

They opened the trapdoor and cast a fire spell onto the plant, a Devil's Snare. It screeched loudly and let them through. Too bad it was already too tangly with the stonewall and the iron bars. Well, too bad. A full-grown devil snare in the Gryffindor common room sure would be funny. Maybe he could get a little one as present for them.

They followed the corridor and entered a room with flying keys and a broom in the middle. Do they want to fly the broom? How boring. The simplest answers were usually the most comfortable.

"We need to get through the door?" he asked Sybill who just nodded in response. He summoned his death scythe, a weapon that could cut through anything, and slashed the door in two. That was just too easy, now that the saying was correct. His death scythe could really cut through everything in this world since he was the only shinigami here.

Next room was a gigantic chess board. He could play it out, but like he said before, easy solution. He really had some fun cutting all those pieces to dust with his scythe.

Then the troll, who was also cut down. He would not waste time to try and stun the thing only to let him free later. The Cerberus was enough for now.

"Being a shinigami sure must be profitable?" Sybill asked him. He just smiled and hopped to the next room.

Next room was a riddle and many different potion vials; Sybill took one from her bag and gave him the solution to the puzzle.

"Being a seer sure must be profitable sometimes?" He asked Sybill who was whistling a happy tune besides him.

They reached the last room with the mirror. He wished for something to play with and got the stone and they went the same way out again. His monsters would get a spectacular update with the philosopher's stone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Finally! I finally managed to complete this chapter! Hurray for me! No idea why it took so long, but my motivating was near zero mixed with my constant perfectionism. Well, I kept writing a little bit and deleting it again. Then I thought that the manga would help motivate me, but no… not really. I find the idea of Ciel going to a muggle Hogwarts and solving mysteries weird, but the character of Gregory Violet rather funny.<strong>

**Next chapter will be about what Undertaker teaches those children.**

**Questions: When should Voldemort come back? Undertaker will not hunt down the Horcruxes for some years, because he enjoys the chaos and future fights between dark and light. Possible events: Voldemort's return in 1st year (through the Philosopher's stone), 2nd year (through the Horcrux diary), 3rd year (through a random accident), 4th year (through the ritual) or later on? Or how should Voldemort be reborn? Sane? Insane? Half/half?**


	20. Interlude 01 What To Teach?

**Madness of Duke Venomania by Kamui Gakupo** (translation part one)

"Now, shall we dance?"

Today again a beautiful woman comes to me

That smiling you will become my new wife

A forbidden deal with the devil, this power placed in my hands

All the women that look at me are falling enchanted

°With the power to charm woman

*The man, to the basement of the mansion where he lives alone

°Brings one by one the women he likes

*Building up his harem

The taste of libido that hid poison, the pleasure of the blade that cut

Blood and sweat mixed together, turn before long into drops of purple

Once the clothes come off, there's no return to reality

* * *

><p><strong>WARNING: PROBABLY GRUESOME CHAPTER, SO I WOULD SAY M-RATED! JUST TO BE SAFE!<strong>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Interlude 1 - What to teach?<strong>_

**1****st**** October 1991, 8 pm, teacher's longue**

"_Machinery of death - Inventions for the executioner of the ancient world_

_Technically sophisticated, effective and dissuasive, torture and execution devices have always been a mirror of the technical but also social development of their time. This dark part of human history is a testament of the pursuit for a mechanization of killing._

_The first execution devices were simple but equally effective. Its inventors were inspired by nature and used fire, force and gravity. _

_First of all the 'Brazen Bull' also called 'Bronze Bull' or 'Sicilian Bull':_

_In the year 570 BC many tyrants reigned in some city-states of ancient Greece. The power of this leader was based on arbitrariness and violence and Phalaris of Akragas, Sicily, was one of them. The for-his-senseless-cruelty infamous tyrant had a special method to eliminate enemies, the brazen bull._

_In many cultures around the world, the bull is seen as a mythical symbol of power and fertility. In ancient Greece he was also worshiped and Phalaris was originally from Crete, where the bull tribute had a special place. He ordered the artist Perillos from Athen to build him a bronze bull. A little door at its back led into the hollow interior of the bull, where the victim was then trapped. Afterward they lit a fire underneath._

_The bronze bull was like an oven in which people were roasted alive but that was not enough. Through a metal tube construction, the death cries could be heard outside; however they were converted into the deep sounds of a bull. The exact construction of the tubes is unfortunately not known. Historical texts speak of a kind of music that was said to be spooky and scary. Easy trumpets like that were already used in ancient Egypt. But was it really possible to create with this design an object which could change human cries into deep bull-like sounds?_

_Without this device the screams of the victim could barely penetrate the closed bronze body. The victim may have tried to breathe through the open air. As the victim breathed out and screamed, the ghostly animal noises were created. However, it is difficult to imagine that a man in agony could reach the mouthpiece._

_It is said that the tyrant Phalaris ordered the builder of the bull climb into it and scream out loud. He just wanted to check the sound. When Perillos had climbed into the bull, Phalaris imprisoned him in it and lit a fire underneath it. Perillos died in agony and the tyrant was content with his killing machine. While death cries came out, the things which must have taken place inside the bull's had to be an indescribable martyrdom. _

_Bronze has a melting point of about 500 degrees. It is an alloy of copper and tin. The bull probably weighed about 1000 pounds and would have to be made from metal layer. At temperatures above 500 degrees, the metal would not melt but soften. The heat would have spread in a circle and evenly. The good thing is that with appropriate flame heats the entire object._

_Inside the bull there were temperatures around 400 degrees. To imprison a person in such an object would be like shoving a turkey into the oven. First the skin burns up, and then the meat dries out gradually and will turn tough. In this construction, the meat is heated from the inside out. After only 10 minutes a man would be dead in this hell, an eternity for the victim. Whether or not the tyrant was satisfied with the duration of the musical performance is however not known. For 16 years the bull of Phalaris in Sicily was a feared instrument of execution._

_There are many legends about the end of this method of execution, a told fact that the bull was thrown after the reign of Phalaris by the citizens into the sea. Anyone who hears a wind instrument is hardly imagined that thousands of years ago a similar design was used to transform human death screams in music…."_

"**WHAT THE HELL?! WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THE CHILDREN?!**" Minerva McGonagall raged as Pomona Sprout read the summary from a third year Hufflepuff's journal out aloud. Every teacher was looking at his with wide surprised eyes and open mouth, some started to turn purple with rage and some just were as pale as a sheet. Sybill was cackling so hard, she was nearly laughing her intestines out and Sevy started to turn a little bit pink on his cheeks from trying not to laugh or even giggle. Here they were sitting in the teacher's longue on the fourth floor – they apparently did this on the first of each month - talking about their lovely students and their successes or losses and now they were screaming at him! He did not do anything wrong! Really!

"Well, you know, basic things about muggles." He tried to explain. How could he explain this to these amateurs? Why could not they understand him? Muggles were not all sunshine, love and daisies and running together hand-in-hand over a flowery hill while the sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky. He wanted to hurl. Muggles were like wizards human and had both a good and a bad side. There was not only light in this world… no… there was also darkness and chaos and madness. There is no light without darkness, but they did not seem to understand even the basics. Muggles were weak but nevertheless dangerous and he was going to show those light and normality loving children that the world and muggles were not only white and light. Well, let's see Dumbledore trying to explain himself to the students that everything Undertaker told them was true, that everything that the headmaster told them about the niceness about the muggles was false. Amazing, he loved creating chaos and wreaking havoc so much!

"**WHY ARE YOU TEACHING THEM ABOUT TORTURE INSTRUMENTS?!**" she screamed at him.

"Hehehe, please do not think so low of them. You all seem to forget that muggles do not have magic in any kind of form, so they had to be rather intelligent to build these lovely instruments. There was much muggle history and physics in my explanations. I think I did pretty good for my first try at teaching children." He stated happily. In all his year alive and dead, he never ever taught children. It already was a success that he did not kill anybody in school. Nobody said anything about going into the forest and kidnapping some interesting species for his Wonderland.

"**BUT THEY ARE TORTUE INSTRUMENTS!**" McGonagall continued to rage. To him she sounded like a broken record, maybe he had shocked her in stupidity.

"And why not? I personally find torture instruments rather interesting. There are so many and there are just so interesting! Torture was always a part of humanity, a part of muggles, a part of us wizards too. There were torture instruments thousand of years ago in the ancient world and even now in the modern world. There are a bit different now but at least as effective at the old ones. Even the church had many different kinds of torture devises for so called heretics and witches. Remember the witch trails? Most of the time they only got muggles, which they thought to be 'witches', but some of the muggleborns lost their lives in the process. Is that really such an unimportant part of our history? Should we really discharge our past or the one of the muggles so easily?" he answered her with a halfway serious expression. Let's see what they were going to answer after his speech.

"B-b-but…" McGonagall began to stutter unintelligently. He really wanted to hear her opinion to that matter.

"I am sorry, Minerva. It was entirely my mistake. I did not clarify what he should teach after all." Dumbledore interrupted her stuttering. Too bad, he really would have liked seeing her try to come up with a somewhat good response and it was the headmaster's fault after all. That was true. After all he had not really told him what to teach the children. 'Just the most important things about muggles and that they pass their OWLs and NEWTs', he said.

"Oh no, Albus, it is not your fault and **YOU**, young man, will teach them something else! No more about torturing people!" she yelled. Ohhhh, it was such an interesting theme, but he did not really want to get in too much trouble. He had already corrupted the minds of the children for a bit and would now continue. They really liked what he showed them after all which was rather surprising one could say. He taught them about so many lovely things. Dunking, Boiling, the Rack, the Chair of Torture, the Pear of Anguish, Thumbscrew, Pendulum, Foot and Head Press, Choke Pear, the Garrote, the Breaking Wheel, Crucifixion, the Apega of Nabis, the Electric Chair, the Iron Maiden, the Guillotine and many more. So many! So interesting! Absolutely lovely! One of his favorites was the not so much known Glasgow smile, a Cheshire grin cut into a person's face with a sharp object like a knife or even piece of broken glass. Funny, really! This type was not often used in torture but he really loved it!

"And please do not say things like _'Only for the amateur is decapitation decapitation, for the professional there are also the possibilities to saw or plow someone's head off.'_ and _'We really got far today! For the next lesson we should do some practical exercises in torture methods and different types of execution under the slogan: Bring your family!'_ in front of the children. They quote you literally. Do not joke about these kind of things." Sprout said while the rest of the teachers minus Sybill and Sevy nodded positively along. Party-poopers… the lot of them…

"Really? No more torture?" Well, too bad he taught them about most either way.

"**YES!**" Most of the other teacher yelled. Okay, okay, he understood. Quirrel still looked shocked, a little pale and breathless, Sevy was still trying to fight down a grin and Sybill had started to braid her hair.

"Okay!" he said happily. He had already other brilliant ideas anyway! Then they just continued to talk about uninteresting things like Harry Potter, the first years, Harry Potter, the twins, Harry Potter, the OWL and NEWT classes and had he already mentioned Harry Potter to Severus utter dismay?

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: At first I wanted to make this a normal chapter and write down every month what he taught the children, but for now it was too much work, so I decided to go with interludes for now. Whenever I manage to write another month, I will update it as another interlude.<strong>_

_**Well, now you know what kind of documentaries I watch in my free time and no, I have not killed anyone until now. They are really interesting!**_


	21. Interlude 02 What To Teach?

_**Madness of Duke Venomania by Kamui Gakupo**__ (translation part two)_

_My old portraits were burned; I abandoned my past self_

_I want to forget that face that everyone ridiculed and laughed at_

_I kiss the lovely girl as I embrace her_

_She was the childhood friend that made a fool out of me_

_°From a certain day on, the woman from all over the country_

_*One by one, they became lost without notice_

_°Some were wives; some lost their daughters_

_*And didn't know what to do_

_The tone of libido dyed in darkness; an infinite passion without stop_

_Illusions, the understanding of everything; I am no longer a person_

_Doing depravities in defiance of God, this is the night of madness I wished for_

* * *

><p><strong>WARNING: PROBABLY GRUESOME CHAPTER, SO I WOULD SAY M-RATED! AGAIN! <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Interlude 02 - What to teach?<strong>

**1****st**** November 1991, 8 pm, teacher's longue, 2****nd**** meeting**

"_Blood for the Gods – the Aztec and Druids_

_Many ancient cultures performed gruesome rituals like human sacrifices. Modern science reveals a cruelty with which thousands were executed, so that plants and animals could thrive and grow. It was all about fertility, death follows life and life follows death. That is why rivers of blood flowed to gain favor of the gods._

_One of the oldest evidence of human sacrifice was found in south-eastern Turkey where muggles discovered ten thousand year old altars and more than 400 bones and traces of human blood._

_In earlier times, people believed the gods would determine the fate of everything. They could send storms, fires and droughts if angered. In order to appease these gods, the Aztec had to sacrifice the most valuable thing they could, human lives. If not they were threatened by possible disasters and crop failures. As archaeological finds prove that the superstition was at that time widespread. On manifold ways they tortured and murdered to appease the bloodthirsty gods._

_Agriculture and animal husbandry was the livelihood of most ancient civilizations. Therefore human sacrifices were connected with fertility rites in many cases. They thought that if the gods were happy, they would give them fruitful land, would multiply their livestock and their crops would thrive._

_But there was one nation in particular who was the most extreme and bloodiest of all, the Aztecs in ancient Mexico._

_The most valuable offering for the gods was human blood. They believed that the sun would give them heat and light, the power of fertility, in exchange for blood._

_Chief god of the Aztecs was Huitz-huitzilo-_" Sprout tried to say.

"Huitzilopochtli." Undertaker chirped happily. That now was their second meeting of the year and it was getting better and better. They were once again talking about his interesting subject.

"Thank you, dear. _Huitzilopochtli, the god of the sun and war. His priest was a so-called 'master of death'. He used a blade out of Obsidian, volcanic glass. It was sharp as a scalpel and could cut through muscles and skin easily._

_The sacrifice was brought to the top of the pyramid and bound to (or held down on) the altar. The priest stood above him with the Obsidian blade in his hand, stabbed the person and tore out the heart. All went very fast, a deft cut and the still-beating heart was out there. (see figure 2.06)_

_Then the priest held the heart against the sun as an offering. For the Aztecs this ritual was of essential importance, because they believed the sun god would lose weight during his nightly journey through the underworld until only his skeleton remained. Only human sacrifice could give him new strength for his next run at the sky. Without this kind of life energy or so the Aztecs, thought, the sun would fall from the sky in the worst case and the whole world would go up in flames. To prevent this from happening they had to sacrifice human hearts as food for the sun god._

_Even rain and fertility deities had an insatiable appetite. The Aztecs thought that the gods would lose their power if they would not be fed constantly since they sacrificed their divine energy to let plants grow so they had to get this energy back with some kind of sacrifice._

_Some people even interpret the bloody rites than trying to control the overpowering forces of nature._

_Hurricanes moved across Mexico, there were severe earthquakes and epidemics everywhere. Nations before the Aztecs had already perished, because the country was hit by severe drought. They knew that nothing was permanent. Everything could be destroyed._

_So that the gods would protect them from disasters, the Aztecs needed a nearly constant replenishment of victims. Again and again they attacked with their powerful armies neighboring nations just to get to new sacrifices (aka war prisoners). Most of them died in a horrible way on the sacrificial stones of the pyramids._

_Reports of the Conquistadors, which had watched this spectacle, report about true mass executions, which took place in the holy cities of the Aztecs. It stated that once within three days more than 20,000 prisoners had been sacrificed. It was said that the priests stood ankle deep in the blood of the sacrifices._

_To kill so many people in such short a period of time, the priest would have to (purely mathematically) rip out for about two hearts every minute. Most scientists consider this, therefore a boundless exaggeration from the Conquistadors. _

_An experiment should therefore be instructive on how quickly this bloody ritual was performed factually..._"

"You showed **THIS TO THE CHILDREN?! ARE YOU COMPLETELY MAD?!**" McGonagall yelled at him full force.

"Why not? It really was instructive! It is not so easy to just cut the heart out of the chest, but they managed with the help of a lovely little trick…" Oh, yes, a lovely little trick. Obsidian was one of the best materials back then, but could obviously not do everything like cutting through bones. If people went the direct way they had to cut through the sternum to get to the heart, which was unfortunately impossible. So the priest just made a detour and cut a little bit lower where the sternum ended, shoved their hand through the cut towards the heart, grabbed it and pulled it out. Tada! Congratulations! Now one got a still beating heart in their hand. Amazing really. And those priests were professionals hence the title 'master of death'. In less than thirty seconds they had the heart out. Really, some people know how to work efficient.

"**I DO NOT CARE FOR A TRICK TO RIP SOMEONE'S HEART OUT! JUST WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THESE IDEAS?**" McGonagall was now nearly crawling over the table to strangle him for obvious reasons. Should he answer the question seriously?

"In the privacy of my rooms." Undertaker deadpanned. Yes, in there it was sometimes just so boring that he had to keep his mind occupied with more interesting things. He also might have though about redecorating Wonderland. McGonagall looked like she was not quite sure what to yell at him right now.

"My dear boy, I thought we talked about this kind of themes last month." Dumbledore said with a frown and less twinkly eyes.

"Yes, you said no more torture. I understood completely. It was my mistake and therefore Itaught them something else." Undertaker said neutrally.

"**WE SAID NO MORE TORTURE METHODS!**" McGonagall continued to rage.

"Yes, those are not torture methods, well, not wholly. I would say they go more into the direction of execution and ritual like sacrifices. There was not much torture. They just killed them." They specifically told him no torture methods, they did not tell him to teach the children about other ways of killing people. Most of the professors were gaping at him, not sure how to answer this claim when it was the truth. "And that was only the sacrificial ritual of the sun god, wait until you read the others." Undertaker continued lightly.

"There are more?" McGonagall asked unsurely. Yes, so many more. He would have liked to see what they said to the rituals for the rain god Tlaloc. The Aztecs sacrificed many children for him, since he was a violent god and could easily send floods. But it probably was not good to tell this kind of thing teachers in a school full of children. Well, he would skip him.

"Well there was of course Xipe Totec. They already gave their blood so that the sun moved in the sky and people could inhabit the earth. Xipe Totec was the god of the fertility, seasons, renewal, and growth. He skinned himself to give the Aztecs food, and so he did not requested a heart, but human skin as sacrifice. Interesting, is not it?" Undertaker asked happily.

"The priests themselves produce a cloak made of human skin?" Severus asked from across the table. He was one of the few who looked interested at the things he taught the children.

"Yup, they killed their victims, prisoners of war again, and pulled their skin in one piece from their body and then the priests wore these skins for twenty days after the sacrifice, since they were thought to have magical and curative properties."

"How could they do things like that to another human being?" McGonagall asked looking horrified.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. Don't think they were the only ones. In ancient Mexico there were the Aztecs, in the UK the druids choked their human sacrifices to death before throwing the body into the moss, so do not say that we have never done such a thing here. But thankfully for people like you, both have been stopped, the Aztec by the Spanish and the druids by the Romans."

"Thank Merlin, those people were barbaric!" Idiotic woman.

"The conquistadors killed them all, you know? More people died through them then they ever killed through rituals. There were literally eradicated by the Spanish. So please do not talk about things you do not know."

"W-what about others?" asked Quirrel which surprised him somehow. That man was normally so nervous, it was rather funny to watch.

"Well, there was also Tezcatlipoca, god of the war, night, allurement and sorcery. One of the most important ceremonies of the whole year was dedicated to this god and this ritual was not as bad as some of the others. A young man was chosen among the most physically perfect prisoners, villagers or warriors. One whole year before his ceremony and sacrifice, he personified the god himself and was treated like one. He could do whatever he wanted, had servants fulfill his every wishes, ate the most delicious food possible, etc. Some texts even state that about twenty days before the ceremony he was married to four virgins who entertained him with songs and dances and other things. Personally I would have enjoyed the year and would have run away before they ripped my heart out and ate my body."

"**STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! NO MORE TORTURE METHODS OR TORTURE INSTRUMENTS OR EVERYTHING WITH HUMAN SACRIFICES AND NOTHING ABOUT PEOPLE BEING KILLED BY OTHER PEOPLE!**"

"Yes ma'am!" Undertaker mock-salted before they went back to talking about Harry Potter.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Another short chapter about what Undertaker taught the poor little kiddies. Thanks for all those reviews! They made me really happy! This was also from a documentary I watched. Really interesting!<strong>_


	22. Interlude 03 What To Teach?

_**Madness of Duke Venomania by Kamui Gakupo**__ (translation part three)_

_Today again a beautiful lady comes to me_

_Come into my embrace; let's dance in this harem_

_After you approach me, I hold you close with a smile, in that instant_

_Suddenly there is a sharp pain and blood dyes my chest_

_°A young man that searched for his lost love_

_*He found out her whereabouts: the mansion where the devil dwelled_

_°The young man disguised as a woman approach the devil_

_*And stabbed him in the chest with a blade_

_Pierced by the blade that hid poison_

_I collapsed in that place_

_Blood and sweat mixed together_

_Are turning before long into drops of purple_

_My arts broken, the women all came to their senses and fled the mansion_

_The last one that left the mansion looked at me for just a second_

_It was my childhood friend...Wait!_

_I haven't told yet that I love you!_

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><p><strong>WARNING: PROBABLY GRUESOME CHAPTER, SO I WOULD SAY M-RATED! AGAIN!<strong>

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><p><strong>Interlude 03 – What To Teach?<strong>

**1st December 1991, 8 pm, teacher's longue, 3****rd**** meeting**

"_**The origin of mummification**_

_A key event may have occurred in the pre-dynastic period. During that time, the dead were simply buried in the desert sand. The dryness of Egypt and the resulting heat of the sand removed the body of all its fluids and gave the decay bacteria no food - the dead were naturally mummified. People found the well-preserved bodies and started to believe that one can only live in the afterlife by preserving the body after one's death. When the people later began to bury the deceased in elaborate tombs, they faced the problem about how to protect the body from decay without the heat and the desert sands - that was the beginning of mummification._

_The mummification process was conducted by embalmers in workshops outside of cities, mostly near the necropolis (dead cities)._

_There were no pictures or Egyptian texts about how the ancient Egyptians mummified their dead. The art of mummification was only passed down verbally from father to son or from master to apprentice. To the ancient Egyptians, it was probably not important to record the mummification process - as long as he was successful. Papyri from the 1st century AD describe the ritual process, but without any details._

_Only the Greek scholar Herodotus, who visited Egypt sometime in the 5th Century BC, described the procedure of mummification. Scientists have tried in recent years to reproduce his descriptions. _

_**Step One: Removal of the brain**_

_First the embalmers removed the brain of the deceased. They inserted a sharp object or a sharp knife through the nostril, extended it until it finally pierced the cribriform and was now right before the brain. Then they inserted a long iron hook through the nose, whisked the brain and pulled it out through the nose. _

_In some mummification processes the embalmers simply drilled a hole into the back of the head to allow the brain to leak out. With Tutankhamun the embalmers used for the brain both methods, through the nose as well as through a coin-sized hole on the back of the head. The residues were washed out with an unspecified liquid._

_Since the head was preserved well even with brain matter, the embalmer did not always pull the brain out of the head. But only in a few skulls the scientist found a dried, shriveled mass. Sometimes the embalmers instilled an additional embalming fluid through the nostril into the now empty skull._

_**Step Two: Removal of internal organs**_

_In an inconspicuous place on the left side, the embalmers put the knife and then slit open the belly. This cut could only been seen if the left arm of the deceased was raised. Depending on the status and budget of the deceased the embalmer removed the internal organs (except for the hard reachable kidneys) or left them in the body (for Herodotus further description, in which the embalmers have cedar oil injected into the anus, which decomposed the organs and they thus could be flushed out after a while, there could be were no evidence). In the New Kingdom the heart, which was for the Egyptian the seat of feeling and thinking and essential for examination in the judgment of the dead, was left in the body. Now the hollow body was washed out with palm wine and aromatic essences._

_Likewise the embalmers did the same with the removed organs. They were also cleaned and dewatered. Finally they were soaked in fragrant resins and each wrapped with linen cloths and put into a vessel, a so-called canopic jar._

_**Step Three: Dehydration in a sodium bath**_

_In the next step of mummification they covered the now hollow body with a mineral mixture or the embalmer filled little bags with it, which they put into the body. This mixture consisted mainly of naturally occurring sodium salt, but also alabaster and sand found themselves into the forgotten bag. These substances removed all the liquid from the body and thus prevented its decay. When the organs were still left in the body, the lower body was covered with a mixture of several kilograms tars, resins and wax._

_**Step Four: A balsam bath for beautiful skin**_

_After about 40 days, the body was completely dried out. After this period of time the embalmers removed the sodium mixture, washed the body and thus freed it from unwanted critters._

_Since the skin and the tissue had now become brittle due to dehydration, the body was laid into a well-tempered balsam bath. Depending on the consistency the color of skin changed. Mummies of the New Kingdom often had a reddish color, the skin of the mummies from the late period had a bright orange to a very dark red color and mummies of the Roman period were almost without exception black. The deceased was now laid onto a wooden stretcher, where the excess balm could drip off. Subsequently the body was placed onto its right side in order to fill the left section of the body with embalming fluid._

_From the third Intermediate Period up to the Roman period scientists found resins and tars from conifers, beeswax and bitumen (black bitumen) and flavoring oils from plants in most mummies. In the Middle and New Kingdoms the embalmers used different types of rubber (plant juices) alongside various resins. In the mummy of Ramses II e.g. scientists found a gelatinous liquid residues of the plant genus Astragalus (Fabaceae)._

_**Step Five: Filling of the body**_

_The from-the-bowels-emptied abdominal cavity was now filled with linen or sawdust. Consequently they tried to make the tried out body look more natural. The incision on the left side was sutured closed with a seal of wax or gold or they simply put a cloth bundle into the cut. With wealthy deceased they also bolstered the jaws and put artificial eyes into the eye sockets. The less well-off Egyptians sometimes had painted stones or even onions as eyes._

_**Step Six: Wrapping with linen bandages**__ (the final preparations for the journey to the afterlife)_

_The body was wrapped with linen bandages in the last step. Here, the embalmers wrapped first the individual fingers and toes, then hands and arms, followed by the feet and legs, and finally the rest of the body. Between the bandages the embalmers put magical amulets to protect the deceased. They put a mummy mask with idealized features (with a young and beautiful face) over the deceased head. Over the last layer of linen was from the 21st Dynasty on put a net of faience beads on which one heart scarab, the four sons of Horus and other protective amulets were sewn onto. Above the deceased they also put elaborate wreaths._

_The process of mummification lasted for 70 days according to Herodotus."_

"So… once again… please explain to me why the hell are you teaching them about mummification rituals?" McGonagall asked somewhat normally. Undertaker could see her left eye twitching dangerously. It looked like she was trying very hard not to scream at him, but this time he really did not do anything wrong. They have told him what he should not teach and that was what he did. Could not they ever be happy with what he taught? He was seriously - yeah right – trying to teach the children something worthwhile.

"Remember what you said last month?" Undertaker questioned. He remembered it quite clearly. It would be interesting to see if they others were also able to recall what happened.

"What did I say?" Most of them looked confused at him, the only exceptions were Sybill who started to draw little figures onto the desk with her wand and Severus who realized after the first meeting how funny it was to see the other professors being idiots.

But well, if they did not remember what they told him, why for Merlin's sake was he even trying to teach the children after what they told him. He should just ignore them – as if he did not do it anyway – and continue to teach his lovely little kiddies about whatever he wanted. He was certainly fascinated by the different burial customs. After all he did own and work in an Undertaker shop and often buried dead people – as in normal people – and failed experiments, which could not find their place in Wonderland. People seemed to forget this quite often. He even told them to call him by his nickname Undertaker. After three months he still did not got used to people calling him Alexander Grey. When someone called out to him by his fake name, he usually ignored them unintentionally. Even his students were calling him Undertaker since 'Professor Grey' sounded to him lame and stuck-up.

"You said no more torture methods and instruments. This can understand. No more whatever with human sacrifices. That I understand too and now we are by the last one. 'Nothing about people being killed by other people.' Now that one was hard." Undertaker explained seriously. He would always find some kind of loopholes. Without them life was boring.

"Why was this hard? Why not just teach them about cars or what are these flying thingies? Airplanes?" Sybill asked cheerfully while continuing to draw stick figures, which began to move independently across the desk to the other professors. The figure before him just hanged itself. Funny. Sybill was awesome.

"Because these things can be used to kill other people. People can run people over with a car or fly an airplane into a multistoried building and therefore kill other people. So that was clearly out. Teaching history was also out, since people always killed each other in wars and etc. It was really really hard and after some hours of serious thinking, I finally found the answer." The stick figures now turned into a three-headed monster with wings and horns that began to slaughter the other stick figures on the desk.

"So you decided to teach the children about mummification and other burial customs?" Yep, absolutely true. His students were really interested in the things he taught them. Even some of the first and second years and those who did not choose to take Muggle Studies as a subject were asking him for information about torture methods and human sacrifices in this free time. Such good students!

"The people were already dead, so they could not be killed. I did not see any problem with it." Undertaker answered honestly. The dead could not die again… right?

"Well, let's conclude this. It was careless from Minerva to say it exactly like this. You can of course teach the children about cars and planes and history, but nothing too bloodthirsty or themes, which resolve mostly about killing other people. I think this would be satisfactory. Right?" Dumbledore told him in a grandfatherly voice, his eyes twinkling madly. Ah, this was so incredible fake; it was amazing.

"Yes, sir." Undertaker answered with a mock-salute.

"Now, let us go back to talk about Harry Potter…"

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><p><em><strong>AN: Another short chapter about what Undertaker taught the poor little kiddies. Thanks for all those reviews! They once again made me really happy! Really really happy! This time this was not from a documentary. Some years ago I made a vacation in Egypt and it was amazing. So much to see and it was so damned interesting. The things I was most interested in where the mummification process and the stories about the Egyptian gods. Sometime in the future I want to go there again.<strong>_

_**Next chapter is probably going to be a normal one… hopefully…**_


	23. AN

_Not a chapter, you do not have to review._ Just author notes and author rants:

**I am putting all of my stories up to this point on hold.** This was the author note, what now follows are just my rants and bichy mood.

The reason?

1) I am just not motivated.

2) I am a really jealous person.

I am often quite happy when I – after much work – finally finished another chapter and then see that other people read and like it too. I am happy, they are happy, everyone is happy.

But sometimes when I read another one of the far far far shorter stories with multiple chapters and a lot more reviews per chapters and favs than I have, I get really jealous and bitchy. I read them and think, 'What the hell? Are my stories really that bad if the people obviously like the others better? Why the hell do I put so much time into my chapters when the other chapters look like they are written in less then two hours?'

I put a lot of my free time and work into each of my chapters and sometimes I just think it is not really worth posting anymore. So I decided to stop posting stories and putting all of them on hold. Of course, I will continue to write (not the stories I have already posted, but the ones which are not) but now only for me and probably without ever posting them. That will keep me happy and then I must not think about reviews and favs and whoever likes my stories or not.

To my stories:

**Random Harry Potter Challenges, Ideas and Whatnot:** This is not much of a story, so I will update it whenever I think of another unusual idea.

**Savior with Death Scythe:** Well, my first and longest story! I really love it, but like I said, no real motivation anymore. Kuroshitsuji manga also does not really help anymore without Undertaker appearing somewhere suddenly and helping the earl.

**For a Better and Happier Future:** Maybe I delete this story from my account. At first I was really motivated and all, but now it is more like a nuisance. Story is kind of bad and not many reviews. Honestly I am not really happy with it.

**Searching for Peace:** The first three chapters were written when I was watching continuously Lord of the Rings, but that has been some while. I am hoping that The Hobbit would help, but well… not really.

**ESPER vs HUNTER:** I am really stuck on this chapter. I still have ideas for later chapters, but this chapter is just not writing itself, so let's face it… it will probably never be updated.

Maybe I will update them again sometime this year or the next… I will see how things go or even if they go…


	24. Chapter 19 Dumbledore's Happy First Year

**Gravity by Maaya Sakamoto**  
>Been a long road to follow<br>Been there and gone tomorrow  
>Without saying goodbye to yesterday<br>Are the memories i hold still valid?  
>Or have the tears deluded them?<br>Maybe this time tomorrow  
>The rain will cease to follow<br>And the mist will fade into one more today  
>Something somewhere out there keeps calling<br>Am i going home?  
>Will i hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?<br>Zero gravity what's it like?  
>Am i alone?<br>Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet  
>Still the road keeps on telling me to go on<br>Something is pulling me  
>I feel the gravity of it all<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 19 – Dumbledore's Happy First Year<strong>

He really detested admitting even the tiniest bit of defeat to anything, but on the thirty-first July 1991 he, the great and wise Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, really seemed to have lost the biggest of all battles, a battle he did not even knew he was fighting the whole time. He was completely unaware of this, had not known that something like that could even happen – generally all things went exactly after his grand plan of things, and if they did not, those things had to change so that they were once again in his master plan – and he had lost so much in only one day, what was not really true since his project seemed to have never lived with his loving relatives.

And the reason was, why had not he noticed? Because he was so damn busy with the problems of other people! The Minister – that incompetent idiot with the charisma and intelligence of an average, muddy pig – had like every other day asked for his advice in politics. He had to read precisely through the stack of documents, had to look that that pig-headed idiot did not get too endorsed with that lying brat Malfoy's money and bribes and made new bills for better lives for those pig-headed purebloods - as if those brats had not enough money and prestige already - and outlawed most of his trusted and loyal half-blood and muggleborn supporters in their never ending delusion that they were the superior wizards. That would not be good for his cause, so each other day he had to read through the Minister's different bills he wanted to pass in the next session and those he did not like and had to counteract.

It was annoying, but nevertheless one of the most important things he had to do. Fudge could not be left alone, there would be just chaos in his wake. He would have become Minister, if it were not for his other responsibilities. So he had to play it nice with the Minister and manipulate him from the background unknowing to Fudge and all of the wizarding world. The propaganda also was good. Everyone knew the Minister always asked for his advice, because he was old and wise and had so much experience he wanted to share with the rest of the world. Lies, of course, but whatever made them happy and content with life as it was right now, made him a happier and superior wizard.

Then he had to sit in the Wizengamont, since he was the Chief Warlock, and as the Supreme Mugwump in the International Confederation of Wizards session once every month, which were not often, but even there he had to be actually there, trying to control the flow of the different passed bills and who would support and not support him in his decisions. It was always good to know one's supporters, those who claim to be neutral but could be bribed and those against him who should be killed if possible which usually never happened, but he could still dream.

Then there was his responsibility as the headmaster of Hogwarts to all teachers and students, which was mostly ignored. Rolanda wanted some new brooms, but he ignored her. The money was used for his Order of the Phoenix, since some missions and members were rather costly and the other part of the money went to a few bribes and under the table deals and things like that. He had to control the politic battleground and sway the masses to his side.

Then he had to look like every year for another defense professor, which was not easy anymore. They had already used up all the good professors for that particular subject who never ever in their whole life wanted to return to teach. Some had tragic accidents, some – but only a few – died and the rest lived through some kind of traumatizing event, but there were also several who just did not want to teach those bratty, loud children. Damn you, Tom! If that smart-ass had not cursed the defense position…

He had always known that boy was bad news, but little orphan Tom had already charmed his way into the hearts of the other professors, who ignored his accurate opinion. Idiots. Without them he would have obliviated the boy and thrown him back into the muggle world where he would have died sometime in the war. But no, he trusted in the opinion of the other teachers and now where did this land him? With a Dark Lord trying to rule the world. At least he had some use. He would represent the bad side and the egoistical pureblood, who loved to torture and rape others before killing them and Dumbledore would stand for everything light, good, half-blood and muggleborn. But it still did not help with his defense problem.

Now there were only those who had an Acceptable in their Defense O.W.L.s, but this year he had to take their former muggle study professor. He sent Quirrell of to train a bit, before he would teach defense, but obviously it was not enough. The opposite happened, that man became even more incompetent than before. He stuttered every second word and could not really be understood by anybody. Even he, the great Albus Dumbledore, had problems translating most of the things that were said, but he still managed. He was great after all.

And he also had to represent a certain image to the stupid masses, the children and teachers at school. He had to take care of and look after the children in school after all; he was the grandfatherly always-smiling-kindly headmaster. He had to always look kind if not a little bit senile because of his age, give candies – his lovely lemon drops – to the children and not so happy colleges and play a perfect act of wisdom and light, which was of course not so easy. It took a lot of concentration and acting ability but day after day he managed to fool everyone, even his closest 'friends' and coworkers.

Even if Minerva was helping him with paperwork and unimportant things like that, he still had so much to do! He still had to look if every teacher and student was behaving correctly. Slytherins were evil Death Eaters, Voldemort's minions, and should be shunned and punished at every turn. Gryffindors were the second comings of Merlin and could do nothing wrong especially if it was directed against the evil Slytherins. About Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw he could care less since they were rather unimportant, but a little bit hate of or hate for the snake house would be enough. He had so much to do and so little time.

His life was certainly not easy, but for the greater good and an amazingly godlike reputation he had to work hard and usually he was content with the current state of things… until the day he had found out that his project – which he had not looked after for quite a while – had gone amiss. He had others watch the boy, but only now he realized that they could not be trusted. The first he apparently could not trust where the Dursleys to follow simple instructions. They should have taken the boy in, used him as help around the house and garden and maybe a bit abuse him. They would not have to love or care for him, so simple it was, but no, they gave their nephew. The letter he had written back then had disappeared before they could read it, so maybe they were not completely at fault, but they should have kept him nonetheless! Since they did not, he had to search for the brat.

The second was Arabella, who was already dead, so nothing more could be done to punish her. He should not have trusted the squib, she always seemed to have taken Dumbledore's order to sell her farm and buy a house near the Dursleys the wrong way. He wanted to curse her, but was not able.

And he did not want to bring anyone in on his secret - more like his worst failure since he let a young Voldemort live - since most of his supporters were not under his direct control like Minerva. They still all believed him to be the greatest Light Lord in existence, but what would they do if they discover that he, the great Albus Dumbledore, lost their savior and only hope when Voldemort returned? They would start to doubt him, they would start to think for themselves and that could not be allowed! They were his, his pawns and supporter, and he would not lose them! But he had not had much time left before school started and everyone was waiting expectantly for Harry James Potter.

With all his responsibilities he had not much free time to go look for the wayward savior for longer times. He had to be back and every time he came back it was with empty hands. He just could not find the brat. He could not really lie to the public – he did this all the time – but they were all expecting to see Harry Potter, the famous boy who lived, on September first on platform ¾. There was no way around this. If he did not arrive at Hogwarts, there would be hell to pay for him. The public would lynch him.

So he had to find a substitution for Potter, an imposter, which was rather easy. Who would not want to be the famous Harry Potter, defeater of the Dark Lord Voldemort? He just went to some orphanages - Voldemort killed many people during the war, whose children then landed in a muggle orphanage - and did a mind scan on the caretakers. If they saw a child with special abilities, with 'magic', he would take this child and make him the new Harry Potter until he found the real one.

He found a few children who were acceptable for his ideas but the best of all was Justin White. He would have gotten his Hogwarts letter next year, but what did it matter? He was also rather big for his age and had blond hair and blue eyes, which could be changed in a bit of time and great charm work. He stunned the boy, obliviated the caretakers and most of the children – they would never remember a child named Justin White – and brought the unconscious boy with him to Hogwarts. The boy woke up confused and frightened, but after he told him about the school and his future and happy life as savior of the wizarding world, the boy was gladder than ever and Albus was too.

He allowed the boy to act arrogantly and like a complete asshole if it was mostly against the Slytherins. He could of course also act superior to his other classmates but within limits. He wanted the snakes to be hated, but the lions should always be on Harry's side. He could not well be the enemy of them all; this would go against his carefully laid-out plans.

He already had a friend planed out for him. Ronald Bilius Weasley would have been the best option for the friend of the boy who lived. For the moment the boy unknowingly played the part of the fake Harry Potter's sidekick grandiosely. His characteristics fitted exactly with what he had in mind when he thought about people who would be Harry Potter's best friends.

He was lazy, so he would hold Harry back in class. Even fifty years ago Riddle told him that 'knowledge was power' and he loathed admitting it, but he was absolutely right. The Potter boy could begin to ask questions, questions he did not want to answer. Why was he sent to the Dursleys? So that he was submissive and malleable. What about his parents' will? He could not have let his project fall into false hands. What about his money or inheritance? He was going to take most of it for himself and the Weasleys. What about genealogy? Dumbledore knew that his project's grandmother was a Black and that would make little Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Malfoy nee Black, something like a cousin. No, the boy should never know about these things. After all he did not need an intelligent pawn, just someone who followed him blindly without even realizing it, even if it was for now only the impostor.

The only thing the Weasley boy was interested in was Quidditch, which would help his pawn to connect with his long dead, light father who was one of the best Quidditch players in his generation. It did not matter if the Potter boy was good or not in Quidditch, with him being headmaster he could overrule nearly everything. The boy would play on the Gryffindor house team either in first or by the beginning of second year. At first he was not so sure about this, but in hindsight it was a grandiose plan. It would help keep the boy away from books and homework – information generally – and would train him physically for Dumbledore's little tests.

He was prejudiced. Gryffindor was always good and always right and since Albus Dumbledore was a Gryffindor in his school days he was always good and always right. This was a completely logical conclusion. Slytherins were the evil Death Eaters and the house where Voldemort came from. Ideal.

The Weasleys of course were not aware that the boy was a fake at the moment. Once he found and brainwashed the real one, they would just switch places and no one would be any wiser. It was perfectly planned, but the only negative point was that he had to continue to pay them with his own money until he could get legally into the vaults of the Potter family.

As he sat on his majestic looking, golden chair in the middle of the head table he saw with a truly happy smile as Ron Weasley and 'Harry Potter' became fast friends and rather easily with the Granger girl. She was rather intelligent and discovered if she helped them with their homework they would become her friends. Flawless planning. They went perfect together; Hermione Granger, the muggleborn, Harry Potter, the half-blood and Ron Weasley, the pureblood and blood traitor.

Then there were the Finnigan boy and Dean something – maybe he should learn at least the full names of the Harry's friends – and they also started hanging out together with the other three, which was exactly what he wanted. The Gryffindors held together like glue and he had the next generation of Marauders in them just without the pranks, the 'Gryffindor Golden Trio', just as hateful to the Slytherins like the last group he groomed into his puppets.

Meanwhile - throughout the summer holidays - he continued to look for the real Harry Potter. He could not find that damned child anywhere! He had tried to use tracking and searching and point me spells, but nothing worked. It was as if the boy was either hidden behind strong wards or dead, but the latter could not be true. The prophecy had to be fulfilled! And the ministry would have been informed if the Potter heir died by the goblins even if they did not trust him, they had a few obligations to the ministry and that was one of them.

At least the students were not so much of a problem. The stone was well protected; nobody except the five Gryffindor first years would be able to get through the door on the third floor. The wards would lead everyone else through compulsions back to their houses' common rooms as if nothing had happened. It would not do if someone else found out about the three-headed dog or the stone and would then go whining to their parents about dangerous animals and the school not being safe. Sometimes he life surely was complicated. All those plans he had to make and all those people he had to manipulate. Many lesser men would have broken under the pressure, but he was strong, stronger than all of them.

Minerva was still working well with all those compulsion and loyalty charms, always taking his side and acting like a good devoted pet. She was still strict even to her own house, but whenever he said to just look the other way, she did. Thank Merlin for the little mercies in life.

Hagrid was asking for more and more dangerous pets - again - which was annoying but he just beard with it. Since the baby dragon turned teenager dragon burnt his little wood abode right before the forbidden forest down and they and to kill it, Norbert or something, Hagrid cried day and night for about a week always asking for new pets until he was so irritated that he just bought the half giant a hippogriff baby. He named it Buckbeak or something. Now at last he seemed to be happy again.

Severus was acting a bit strange since the beginning of the school year. He just gave him the normal orders to make Harry Potter's life a living hell on earth and observe Quirrell and Grey and if possible befriend them. Since the beginning he thought that one of them possibly could be Voldemort in disguise or at least had some kind of connection to him. He could not prove anything, but as long as Severus watched them everything was okay. His spy would never turn against him. He would send him straight to Azkaban if he did, that was enough of a threat to scare his little Death Eater into submission. He seemed stressed a bit, but who cared? Certainly not him, he had other more important things to worry about.

Filius was happy with what he was doing, but asked him if he could teach a dueling club next year, which was of course no problem. He just had to find another defense teacher, who would lead the club with him.

Silvanus, Septima and Bathsheda wanted nothing and seemed content with their work and life.

Quirinus also wanted nothing, surviving the school year was enough for him and maybe getting the stone. He would see. This one-year away from school and teaching had changed him drastically. There was something wrong. He was sure.

Poppy needed more potions for the infirmary; he had to order Severus to make them again in his free time.

Pomona wanted a bigger green house. Would cost money he had, but did not want to use for something that… useless. He needed it after all.

Sybill was as weird as usual, sometimes even weirder then usual. No prophesy this year through, just some death threats as usually.

Grey was just as weird as her, but had no connection to Voldemort if what Severus said was true. He made a few problems with teaching the children things he should not teach them, but now he was aware of this and promised to not do it anymore. It took three months but everything was running smoothly again.

Irma wanted more books for the library and less students touching them. Could not be done, it was a library.

Rolanda wanted new brooms for every team. He would have been happy to buy the Gryffindors new ones, but she wanted it to be fair and therefore for all teams. He declined politely. They would have to use the old ones for a few more years.

Aurora wanted more money, which she would never get.

Argus wanted to torture the children for real, but nothing a few compulsion charms could not fix. The squib also began to tell some strange things about a two-meter high hyena running around, chasing after his cat and nearly eating her. One time it was black with white eyes and another time a white hyena with blood red glowing eyes. He must get too old for the job probably or it was once again a prank from the Weasley twins. It sounded like them. He had to ask them if they were able to turn into an animal, it would also explain why the hyenas look so different. The next time he say them, he would ask.

But there was still the problem of having to find the real Potter boy. Hopefully he would find him soon…

* * *

><p><strong>What happened in Undertaker's class…<strong>

-oOo-

"Have you seen the new muggle study professor?" She asked.

"He looks rather... unique..." His voice trailed off.

"He looks a bit mad to me. Hiding his eyes and have you seen the scars on his face? And the one on his neck? What in Merlin's name happened to him?"

"Perhaps he got wounded in a duel? A cutting curse. Some of the real duels are pretty violent with blood and everything. Sometimes even one participant dies. He must have been lucky to just get away with a few scars. Probably too bad that it is on his face and neck were everyone can see them." The Ravenclaw boy said while thinking about other possibilities. She just snorted.

"Does he look like he would have been able to duel? Him? I saw him hanging around with the drunken divination professor, laughing and talking with her. Both of them seemed to be happy in each other's company. She is mad, drunken and absolutely ugly with her disgusting hair and thick round glasses and the things she wears! No self-respecting person would wear rags like that! And there are friends or possibly lovers! I think he must be as insane and bad at teacher as her since they seemed to like each other."

"You think too much into this."

"A Ravenclaw can never think too much. We are the intelligent ones and that was the logical conclusion. Have you seen someone else talking to her since our five years in Hogwarts?"

"If you say it like that, no, not really. At least not when we were there."

"I say they are lovers and that he is just as bad at teacher as her. Both are strange and wearing even weirder things. And they were talking really animatedly talking to each other. Him and her! She is already half mad, so who in their right mind would want to talk to her?"

"You only say that because you do not like her." He stated truthfully.

"I wish. When I took her subject in third year, I thought I might learn something interesting or for my-future-useable, but there was absolutely nothing. I could have read this all in the books in the library, would not have to go to her class and would have know just as much. She always smelled like alcohol, especially Sherry, and her breath when she was speaking to you was making me gag when she was near, and she always predicted poor Michael's death! Never in my life have I seen such a loony, inconsiderate person!" she crossed her arms before her chest.

"And you think he is the same?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Have you even looked at him?"

"Well, he is wearing unique things..."

"He has black, four centimeter long fingernails hidden under his way too long sleeves, wears a long overcoat and asymmetrical hat every time of the day everyday and smiles creepily at everyone! Sorry for feeling a little bit freaked out!"

"Are you afraid of him?"

"Afraid? No! Of course not! Do I want to be near this creep and his wife? Also no! I just cannot stand being near either of them." She shouted at him furiously.

"Then why does it make you so mad?"

"I do not know. I just hoped, we would finally get some competent teachers, but it is getting only worse. Quirrell cannot even talk without stuttering, so nobody understands anything and learning is impossible in his class, but you have to be there and sit uselessly in his classroom getting a headache from trying to understand him! Then there is Binns, who is just as boring and monotone as ever. Why the hell had no one exorcised him already and got a real, living history professor? No, it is easier to just let the ghost teach, even if nobody learns anything. Trelawney is a fraud, always talking about her great-grandmother or something who was a century ago a great seer and how she is one too. Bullshit I say. And now the muggle study professor seems to be incompetent too. I tell you, this school is going straight to the dogs. At least we only have another two years until we finally graduated. If I have children someday, I will not send them to Hogwarts. Either I homeschool them or send them to France or Rumania, those schools are probably better." She ranted.

"Do not be a stick in the mud. You have not had a lesson with him yet. Maybe he is more interesting than you thought at first." He said soothingly, trying to placate his girlfriend.

"You wish..." She snorted again.

"Do you want some cookies?" They jumped at the sound of the teacher's voice, who appeared from the shadow of the suit of armor, before she took of screaming. The boy turned around and looked at him suspiciously.

"Good evening, professor Grey. Can I ask you a question?"

"You have already asked one, but you can ask another one, I do not mind." He said while he began eating his bone-shaped cookies.

"Eh… thank you, but why did you just scare her? She might start some weird rumors." The professor just shrugged his shoulders as he bit into another cookie before smiling slightly.

"It thought it was funny. Scaring people I mean and I do not mind rumors. They keep me entertained for a while. I will happily await new stories about me and my personal life."

"People are not going to like you, if they believe all the rumors flying around." The boy said.

"People do not need to like me. I am a teacher, it is usually in the job description to be not liked by students." He continued to munch on his cookies.

"Can I ask you what you are going to teach us tomorrow?" The boy asked curiously.

"Something really interesting about muggles."

"You are the muggle study professor, of course you are teaching us something about muggles." He deadpanned.

"Yes, something." The boy sighed.

"Is it at least going to be interesting?"

"Always. Do you want a cookie now? They are really good."

"Why not?" He shrugged his shoulders and took one cookie.

-oOo-

"Is he crazy or what?" asked another one of the students.

"There are coffins standing around in his classroom..."

"Creepy."

"I think they look rather interesting."

"Do you think, there is something in there?"

"In what?"

"In the coffins of course!"

"No! Of course not! The headmaster and other teachers would not allow it."

"Why do you sound disappointed?"

"It would be so cool to see a real corpse!" said the boy animatedly.

"Ew! Gross! You really want to see one? Seriously?"

"Who would not?"

"Me! Dumb ass! I do not want to see some decaying body! That is just disgusting!" She turned around to face the front again.

"I find it cool."

"Happily for us all, you are just a tiny minority."

"Hey, Cain. How about we look into some of them?"

"Why not? Sounds interesting. And he is not here yet, so at least we are doing something productive."

"Cain. Walter. Stop being such brats. He would not want you to touch his things!"

"Then he should be here to stop us or just not let them stand around here."

"If you lose points from our house, I will kill you." She threatened.

"Just relaxed. Nothing will happen." He said.

"How do you know?" She snapped.

"He seems like a nice bloke, if a bit confused and crazy. He probably has nothing against us touching his stuff." Cain said as they went towards the black coffin right besides them. The girl looked up from her book, trying to look uninterested, but still glancing into her friends' direction. Hopefully they did not damage the coffins, she thought. They carefully moved closer. Walter stretched his hand towards the coffin, but before he could touch it, it suddenly started to shake. The boys ran as far away as they could from the coffin. The rest of the class looked wide-eyed into the direction of the now still coffin.

"I-it moved!" Walter stuttered.

"There is something in it!" Now they had the attention of the whole class.

"I think it is better when he just sit down..."

"Do not be a chick, Walter. Just what could be in it? Maybe it is just an animal."

"Or a moving corpse, dumb ass." She said while suspiciously looking at the coffin.

"Do you really think the muggle study professor would bring a zombie with him in a coffin?"

"They are called inferi, dumb-"

"Ass. I know."

"No, you did not."

"But now I do." They moved once again carefully towards the black coffin.

"On three we will open it, okay?" Walter just nodded. "One, two, three!" and they opened the lid of the coffin in one go.

"Meow!" There was a bluish cat with stripes sitting on the bottom. It was rather big for a cat through.

"Hahaha! Look it was just a cat!" The tension in the room disappeared in a flash and everyone breathed out a sigh of relieve.

"Idiots! Do not do that!" She snapped.

"Do not save a cat in need? Do you hate cats or what?"

"Not that. Do not touch anything from the professor. Maybe there was a reason the cat was in the coffin in the first place."

"Just look at it. Fat with bluish strips and it grins. Wait what?" Cain heaved the cat into the air and looked at it more precisely.

The grin on the cat's cute face turned wider and wider until it reached its ears. The students started with wide eyes at the cat.

"If you call me fat one more time I will bite your head off." said the cat in a dark and sinister voice before vanishing from the boy's hands.

For a short moment there was silence, before screams filled the room as pandemonium broke out.

-oOo-

"I heard from a underclassman that his classroom was unique, but coffins? Seriously?"

"And the talking cat they found?"

"Probably just their imagination. You know how the younger generation is. Always trying to play the brave, strong heroes and think they have seen things that does not exist."

"Their imagination is really pretty amazing, but really, a talking and then vanishing cat?"

"Hahaha, I thought so too. But the teacher, professor Grey was amazing they said."

"Yes, I know. He asked the class what they wanted to learn about. Most of them said something cool and then he began to teach them about muggle torture methods with real life transfigurations on how it looked like. I hope he is teaching us the same. It sounded pretty interesting."

"I never thought that torture methods would be interesting at all, you know, since they are torture methods."

"I hope he will be here soon. I cannot wait."

"Me too."

"Hey, Singer. Go away from the coffin."

"But I am just looking."

"You are touching the coffin, that has nothing to do with looking anymore!"

"I just want to see what is in this one. In the black was the imaginary talking cat, right? So I am interested to see what is in this one."

"What would you do if it really was an inferi?"

"A professor would not bring an inferi to school, or even get one. The wards would not let such evil, dark creatures in. There is nothing to fear."

"Yes, there is nothing to fear." A voice said as the lid of the coffin was opened slowly and Singer fell screaming onto his ass, as he tried to scramble away. "Good morning lovely students, I hope you are all interested in my new topic today." Professor Grey said as he stepped out of the coffin.

-oOo-

"Sorry, my lovely little students, today I have to get a corpse ready for tomorrows funeral. I have to make it pretty so that everyone who sees it before it will be buried, is happy. Well, they want it like that, so I have to do as they say. But it really is sad, that I have to hide their beautiful pale face under tons of make-up just so her relatives are happy that she looks like a normal living being. But she is dead; most people seem to forget about this. Why must a dead look like a living? Well, nothing could be done against this. So I will floo home and get to work. For the next two hours, my cute assistant will tell you everything you need to know."

"Assistant?" he could hear the students mutter quietly.

"Mister Cheshire Cat will teach you everything I would have for today's class. So bye-bye." And he was gone through the floo.

"Mister Cheshire Cat?" A student asked shyly around the room. Nobody was here. Suddenly a fat cat appeared on top of the professor's desk. It smirked at them with a face-splitting grin.

"Well then. Shall we start?" is said in a dark, sinister voice.

-oOo-

"Idiot, go away there!"

"Have not you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"The Ravenclaw house was talking about it the last two days."

"About what?"

"About a talking cat that belongs to professor Grey and the professor himself. They both appeared out of one of these coffins."

"Does it give you the right to open them?"

"No, but I am interested enough. My Gryffindor curiosity dictates that I look into it."

"Do not be so stereo-typical."

"But I am and I heard a rumor about inferi being in some of them."

"Another reason to not open them."

"Party pooper."

"Moron."

"Nevertheless I am going to open it."

"Then please do so and stop talking, it is annoying."

The boy went over a coffin made out of red wood. His fingers touched the smooth surface as he opened the lid slowly. Nothing moved, but there was someone standing in the coffin and it was not the already well-known figure of the muggle study professor.

He took a few steps back to get a better look at the person. She was beautiful. Waist long blonde hair was falling in soft waves from her head, her skin was as pale as fresh snow in winter, her eyes were covered with a black blindfold with delicate laces around and the white simple dress she wore just highlighted her bust. She was truly breathtaking.

"It is a corpse. It really is a corpse!" yelled the girl hysterically pointing at the still figure.

Suddenly the two hands, which were folded together on her stomach, began to twitch, until she could move both of her arms. Her delicate mouth opened wide, ripping the skin on her cheeks as he started to lung at the boy standing a few meters away from her.

"Confringo." They heard before the body exploded in flames. The figure gave a last inhuman screech before turning to ash. They looked into the direction the spell came from and saw the professor staying there with a creepy smile on his face.

"P-professor... w-what was that?"

"Oh? Nothing! Just a piece of your imagination. So, let's just begin our class!" He stated happily as his students continued to look at him with non-believing eyes.

-oOo-

"Professor Grey, I have heard from a few concerned students that there are monsters hiding in your coffins in your classroom, but another question first: why are there coffins in your classroom in the first place?" McGonagall looked at him questionably.

"You said I could decorate it, however I please."

"And that are coffins."

"I feel a lot more safe with them around."

"If you say so." She waved her wand around and all coffins opened. There was nothing in them.

"Nothing in there."

"And the things the students say?"

"Rumors. They also say Sybill and I are secret lovers." McGonagall looked at him incredulously.

"And is it true?"

"No, we are just two really good weird friends."

"Since nothing seemed to be amiss, it probably really were just rumors."

"Right…"

-oOo-

"So that was all for now. Any questions?" The students shook their heads negatively. "Okay, then I will go home for my break. Bye-bye!" The professor said as he opened the little hip-high cupboard, crouched down and slowly closed the doors with a creepy smile. The class looked in silence towards the little cupboard. One of the students in the first row went to it and ripped the little doors open. It was empty. No professor in sight.

"How in Merlin's name does he do that?!" A student screamed in the back.

-oOo-

"Do you have any idea about what to teach them next, Mister Mad Hatter?" Sybill asked with a smile.

"Now I had torture instruments, sacrifices and a few burial customs..."

"And Dumbledore is starting to get annoying."

"McGonagall too. She is totally for the whole 'protect your children from the world' thingies."

"So any ideas?"

"I probably teach them something normal in the 'normal' lesson, but if they are interested I will give them all the information they want. Maybe I start something like an evening class after dinner."

"Great idea. No more problems with Dumbledore and his followers and you can still keep on spreading the word of god, of a death god, hehehe."

"I think, next week I will start on either Satanism or natural disasters or maybe a few illnesses like the plague, then we go straight to the witch burnings. So that they know what will happen to them if the muggles realize that there are still some wizards and witches left."

"Do not he forbid you to teach something so bloody with torture and killings?"

"I am allowed again."

"Great."

"Do not worry so much, I always have fun teaching innocent minds about the cruel reality of the world we live in. I cannot wait to see their faces and Dumbledore once again trying to explain himself and his plans for the future of the wizarding world."

"I cannot wait, I really cannot wait…" They vanished snickering in the shadows behind a suit of armor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Really big thanks for your support. It really helped reading the reviews getting back a bit of motivation to continue writing this story. And most of you are right about the whole review story, but sometimes I just get depressed see some poor written story have tons of reviews and think to hell with it all, but right now I am okay. I am still happy with this story and now also have a few ideas for future chapters. So I hope you'll continue to review, even if it is just a few words, it still makes me really happy.<strong>_

_**Well, this chapter was about what happened to Dumbledore, his plans and solutions to his problems and a few things student think about Undertaker and his teaching methods. I wanted to make an omake at first, but it got more and more and only Dumbledore's pov was too short for a chapter, so I integrated the whole thing and now I am happy with the chapter. **_


	25. Interlude 04 What To Teach?

_**Pity And Fear by Death Cab For Cutie**_

_I have such envy for this stranger lying next to me_

_Who awakes in the night and slips out into the pre-dawn light_

_With no words, a clean escape, no promises or messes made_

_And chalks it all up to mistake, mistake, mistake_

_And there are no tears_

_Just pity and fear_

_No vast ravine_

_Right in between_

_A storm at sea the bow cracked and I was capsizing_

_And I sunk below where I swore I would never go_

_If you can't stand in place you can't tell there's walking away_

_From who remains, who stays, who stays, who stays_

_And there are no tears_

_Just pity and fear_

_No vast ravine_

_Right in between_

_Spare no tears_

_Just pity and fear_

_And I recall_

_The push more than the fall_

_The push more than the fall_

* * *

><p><strong><strong>WARNING: PROBABLY GRUESOME CHAPTER, SO I WOULD SAY M-RATED! AGAIN!<strong>**

* * *

><p><strong>Interlude 04 – What To Teach?<strong>

**1****st**** February 1992, 8 pm, teacher's longue, 4****th**** meeting**

Once again Undertaker, his friends and the rest of the old people sat together in the teacher's longue. It had been decided, since only a few remained at Hogwarts during the winter break, that their monthly meeting on the 1st January 1992 would be cancelled. They would meet one month later. Not that it really mattered to anyone. They were mostly happy not to sit in another stupid meeting for hours to no end talking about Harry Potter's halfway decent homework, other students, Harry Potter's non-existent Quidditch skills, Binn's complete uselessness, Harry Potter's personal life, that all teachers wanted more money plus less hours and just a bit more about Harry Potter in general.

Sev had returned to Spinner's End for the calm and student-free atmosphere, Sybill remained in her tower prophesying a few more impossible and improbable deaths, Undertaker went home, renovated Wonderland a bit and had many tea parties with everyone down there and most other teachers had a family at home and remained with them for the holidays. Only Dumbledore -must stalk Harry Potter the fake the whole time like some kind of pedophile-, Quirrell -must continue to stutter, since I am the Dark Stutter Lord-, McGonagall -must finish all this paperwork Dumbledore left over, that bastard-, Filch -must find bad aka naughty students out of bed and punish them-, Price -must not let anyone touch my books and play being a harpy-, Hagrid -must look after my extremely dangerous animals, which I keep hidden from the world and could possible eat a student-, Pomfrey -must remain here if some idiots injure themselves and need help- and that probably was it.

And now they were once again here reading parts from his lessons aloud. This time he taught his students more about the religious side of muggles, obviously considered a harmless topic.

"_The fear of death and the devil dominated the thinking of mankind since time immemorial. _What can I expect in the afterlife? Where does my path lead?_ Spiritual assistance was promised by the church, but they also fanned the fires of hell. The fear of hell was in the Middle Ages a decisive factor of power. It led Crusaders into the Holy War and peaceful Christians on pilgrimages. It revolutionized scientific thinking and cost a fortune to simple believers._

_**Heaven, hell, purgatory – On the track of the devil**_

_Great fear has gripped the people of Europe in the Middle Ages. The plague raged. Towns, villages, whole regions were depopulated. God's wrath came down on the sinful part of humanity or so the frightened people thought. And they also believed to know the reason for the great dying of mankind. God's judgment had finally come. _So now one would see, can I stand before the Judge of the world? Can I get into the heavenly Paradise? Or will God punish me for my sins and send me with the rest of the damned to the eternal fires of hell?

_Those people were relentlessly threatened by the Black Death. Never before did the coming of the Anti-Christ seem so close as it was foretold in the Book of Revelation (20:7-20:8 partly): "When the thousand years are over, Satan will be released from his prison__and will go out to deceive the nations in the four corners of the earth."_

_Through the Black Death in the mid-14th century the whole order of things had basically collapsed. The mass deaths meant that people had not be able to give the dead proper burials anymore and that they could not find a priest, who would give the last rites, any longer. Even mass graves below the churches could not hold all corpses. One in three fell victim to the plague. God-fearing souls, who died in mortal terror and terrible agony with endless horror in their eyes._

_Not only in the Holy Scriptures and in sermons, but also in all churches' altarpieces and mural paintings people even in their lifetime were shown, what exactly was to be expected for sinners after death. Hell. In all its vividness painted into gruesome details by medieval masters._

_Of course we should not imagine that people have looked at the pictures like in todays museums like us. We look from a certain distance and say _'I like it'_ or _'I do not like it'_. But we know, for example from evidence of the Reformation, that the people have viewed those pictures with great anxiety. That was also an object of this image; it should look as convincing as possible. _I will stand in front of them trembling and say that I will go out of this church and not steal the money of my neighbors.

Do not sin_, the pictures stated. The terrible reputation of hell was both a warning and a threat. Those, who do not understand the message, fell inevitably into the clutches of the king of hell, who ruled over the dark realm of the afterlife. The souls of poor sinners were his prey._

_And the people of the Middle Ages feared nothing more than the so-called bad death, that means t if a person died suddenly and without spiritual help. A good death had no such terrors. Penitent, prepared, surrounded by family, friends and neighbors, in the certainty of a long life in heaven in the glory of God. Exactly like that they wanted to die._

_But the plague brought many a bad death, because all those who died in the state of sin, were the devil's. Their way led down deep into the earth to him who is blacker than coal and hotter than one thousand hot burning fires. To a place of no return, to a prison without escape, to the vast spaces of eternal damnation, to this place where no mercy and forgiveness existed._

_Just in the hour of death, so they thought, the decision would be made if the person would go to heaven or hell, but many did not know what to do or how to get a good death. So the Church gave the faithful death booklets, the Ars Moriendi (Latin for Art of Dying), they should provide relief through text and image and should help to withstand the assaults of the devil on their deathbed._

_But not all religions threatened their believers with hell and torture in the afterlife like the one Christians feared. Even in Greek mythology, the journey to the Underworld led to a distant place of darkness. To them it was a place to lament, not to be tortured. The world of the living and the dead was separated by the river of forgetfulness, which the Greeks gave the name of Lethe. The deceased had to pay for the passage into the afterlife a small contribution, the Charon's penny named after the dark ferryman of the afterlife. The bereaved often buried their dead with gold coins as a fare. At the end of the crossing of the river of forgetfulness waited for the tortured souls not a place of eternal damnation, but a dark shadow realm, the mythical Hades, the final resting place of the dead._

_Even before the Greek mythology the Egyptians came up with the idea of the resurrection of the dead and their continued existence in a heavenly afterlife. They built their dead underground homes and palaces. Mummified them so that they could continue to live even after death. The road led them to the West, where the sun sets. Mummification was only the beginning of a long and perilous journey of the deceased. They followed the path of the sun, which went on every night of the solar barge through the realm of the dead to the next morning at which it will be reborn once again._

_The enactment of a court, which judged the person's soul, was also known by the Egyptians. If there were more good deeds than sins, then the soul was saved…" _Sprout trailed off.

"So I think the whole quite interesting. Maybe you have a couple of books on these topics that I could borrow?" Pomfrey asked him from the other side of the desk.

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Undertaker answered with a smile. It was not often that somebody liked the things he read or taught his students.

"Now that did not sound too bad. What is wrong with it? Normally we only do this when something was wrong." Pomfrey looked towards Sprout, whose lips were in a thin line.

"It was not really the topic, which was bad, but what followed a while later…"

"_The cross, the symbol of Christianity, was once an execution tool that was already used under Alexander the Great. He brought it to Carthage from where it could have been taken over by the Romans later on."_

"This of course is not really known." Undertaker interrupted.

"_Today people can experience in the Philippines a disturbing journey. On Good Friday, Catholics flog themselves with a whip ("flagrum", consistent of several leather straps on which at times had small pieces of bone and metal attached to its ends) to the blood and then are nailed onto a cross. The ritual was created sometime in the early sixties. Those who are crucified here, show how deep their faith runs and seek a better fate for themselves and their family. For the participants, the ordeal they have to endure only for a few minutes is excruciating. Some of them feel so much pain; they have to be taken from the cross after just one minute. Although these crucifixions carried out more carefully than in the past and the agony those men must feel are indescribable." _

"Sounds impossible? But is one hundred percent true. And quite masochistic."

"_In ancient Rome the crucifixion was one of the cruelest forms of death there was._

_What made the Roman Empire as strong as it was among other things a certain uniformity of urban structures. In every city there were baths, overnight accommodation for foreigners and a place for executions aka crucifixions. To each visitor and the townspeople themselves it symbolically demonstrated the power of Rome."_

"Creepy."

"_They also were part of the Roman propaganda. The message behind it was, "do not arise against Rome". People, who threatened the Roman order died on the cross even when they were only suspected. This method of execution was considered a threat to political opponents and the longer someone was hanging on the cross, the more effective it was._

_The cross is one of the simplest execution devices. Its action is based on gravity and has a powerful symbolic force behind it. The executed man dies exposed, humiliated, in pain and visible for all people to see. The cross must face to the east, so that the crucified was all day in the blazing sun._

_The Roman execution cross was about two-and-a-half meters high; one meter was in the ground. That post was called __**Stipes**__. The shorter arm of the cross named __**Partibulum**__ and was placed through a simple wedged mortise and tenon joint on the Stipes._

_This method of execution was made without any movement. After the condemned was fixed to the bar, it was only gravity, which led to his death._

_First, the arms of the victim, which were fixed in a T-position, were tied to the bars. Wooden washers stabilized the long iron nails (17 centimeter long, 1 centimeter thick), which were then driven through the hands or wrists._

_The Roman execution cross was shaped like a T, not like the Christian cross, and there was a practical reason for that. They had not nailed the condemned to the whole cross. Instead as the person was lying on the ground they were nailed to the crossbar. Then the Romans put the bar with the crucified person onto the vertical post._

_The post remained at the place of execution and could be used for several crucifixions. Only the crossbar was replaced."_

"Eco-friendly I say. Just use it for more than one."

"_Scientists also found the answer to the question, where the nail had to be driven in so that the victim does not bleed to death immediately. It is the space between the radius and ulna, near the wrist, but the problem was that it could nick at this point an artery and the man would quickly bled to death. A quick death however was not really the goal. Therefore, the arms were tied to the crossbar and to increase the pain, the nails were driven through the person's hands. Without the ropes the person could have torn their hand by force or their weight and fall from the cross._

_The most painful part of the crucifixion probably started after the nailing of the feet. This was less about the pain of the wounds but the gradual sinking of the body. The person choked on the cross to death. The midriff was compressed so much that the person could breathe in but could not breathe out._

_In this position the chest muscles were slowly be paralyzed and the muscles underneath gradually became inactive. The crucified struggled to sit up and help the midriff operate again, but this movement stimulated the nerves and caused excruciating pain._

_To the severe pain in both hands and feet, the breathing became harder and harder until the person died of asphyxiation and before death, they would also dehydrates, starve and have to withstand the elements like sun, rain and wild animals. _

_A crucifixion was so humiliating that the Romans usually spared their own countrymen from the same fate. It was a means of the state to control strangers._

_After Jesus' death on the cross it turned into the symbol of Christianity."_

"Why did you once again have to **TEACH THE CHILDREN ABOUT FREAKING TORTURE INSTRUEMENTS?!**" McGonagall yelled at him, but this time it was not even his fault.

"Why are you yelling at me? There is a logical explanation for this, you know and if you would use your head. So no prejudiced screaming at me until then, okay? Get your information right first."

"And why did you?" She asked impatiently. She really did not like her, well, the feeling was mutual.

"Two reason." He answered while holding two fingers up.

"We are listening." She said stomping her foot hard onto the ground irritably.

"It is **the** symbol of Christianity, the most important and well known. Everyone knows about it and Jesus' death." Undertaker informed them.

"They know about it being a torture instrument?" McGonagall looked surprised.

"They do. After all Jesus had died on it, so I would think they knew about it."

"What is the other reason?"

"The students wanted to know more about it."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, in the first month of the year we only had time to go over a few torture methods in detail, so I just made to some just a short explanation. I was not really out to teach them anything about that this time through, but they asked for more information on crucifixion and so I gave it to them. Simple as that."

"Okay. What did you teach them all in the last two months aside the things we just heard?"

"Well, the main religions in the muggle world and long time before, their believes, their symbols and their scripts, then Satanism and other cults, more about the plague that killed many people in the Middle Ages, and well, that is it." And a few torture devices of the church along the way…

"To me the whole thing sounds like a construction plan." Sybill said with a creepy smile, all teachers looked at him in silence.

"Was that planed?" McGonagall asked with a scowl.

"No, no, of course not." Damn Sybill. He send a death glare in her direction, she just mouthed back 'I love you too' while he saw Sev making bad-hidden gagging sounds. Would not it be nice? If everyone had a handy little cross somewhere in their garden for possible enemies and false friends? Or just to show off? It was a rather good idea…

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><p><em><strong>AN: Well, another interlude. Just rewatched all the torture and religion documentaries I had and was motivated enough to write this little chapter. Hopefully it does not too many grammar errors and other mistakes. Hope you like it and review.<strong>_


	26. Chapter 20 Following Their Role Model

_**I believe by Ayaka (translation)**_

_Hidden where no one else can see_

_A whirlpool in my heart of my anxiety_

_So many roads to follow_

_Not really sure which one I should take_

_Anyway, I'm being me_

_For so long, I let others tell me the way_

_Say goodbye to that part of yesterday_

_I believe myself_

_'Cause I know it's what I need_

_Everything begins when I believe within myself_

_Oh, I believe in me_

_The moment shining light I see_

_To the day we think I know that is where I'm gonna go_

_I believe_

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><p><strong>Chapter 20 – Following their Role Model<strong>

Meeting the man, who called himself Undertaker all the time and only reacted to it instead of his birth name, was the best thing that ever happened in Fred and George Weasley's lives. He was the strangest and oddest man they ever met and liked – Dumbledore was in his own senile way strange too, but absolutely not cool and had a complete horrid clothing style and false sense of self-worth – and made him their only true and totally amazing role model.

He was perfect for this role. He was many things, strange, odd, weird, overly friendly, creepy, extraordinary, but was still an extremely funny guy, with a rather dark and unusual clothing style. Not that the twins were not fascinated with all those different things he could magic from his pockets. They believed he had a whole library in his cloak and hidden underneath it an exceptionally wicked scythe with a thorn and human skeletal design in beautiful silver. He said it was a magical scythe, which could cut through anything. Absolutely wicked.

He was never rude to others, always polite and smiling his to-normal-people-probably creepy smile, but he never once screamed at someone and was neither impolite nor disrespectful. He would be nice and kind to others, even through his appearance made many people feel insecure and they would not know how to talk to such a strange person, but he just turned their opinions around in the first few minutes and everyone normal liked him… well, mostly… and only those who were equally awesome…

Undertaker had become their role model. When they told him about it, he chuckled and said it was okay, they even were allowed to call him uncle if they really wanted, before stopping and probably blinking. They were not really sure with all this hair. He turned around and asked them, if they did not already have role models at home. He knew he was just awesome, but normally children's parents would become their role models. Nonetheless for Fred and George the answer was easily found, and seriously, what kind of role models did they have in their lives until now? Let's think back.

Their father was always working in the Ministry for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. His work was not one of the most interesting, best paid or complicated, but somehow he was truly happy playing around with all those weird muggle gadgets and thinking about muggles all day. At least he had fun with his work and was enjoying it.

Unfortunately the pay for this particular job was not great, since the Ministry, which consistent of ninety-eight percent out of high-strung inbreed morons who called themselves purebloods, did not like muggles, hated them even and of course all their gadgets. Whatever the muggles did in the past or would do in the future, they were absolutely despised and seen as low as the dirt the purebloods walked on. Not that they ever walked on a dirty road before with all their high and mighty attitude and their big inflated head aka ego, they were floating right over it. So the logical conclusion was for those morons, that their father, who worked constantly with muggle thingies, was just as low and bad as them. They looked down at him and paid him little; even through he himself was a 'fellow' pureblood and obviously working in the Ministry of Magic, where every job (for purebloods) was well paid.

Money was always a problem for the ever-growing Weasley family. They had a mother, a father, three older siblings and two needy younger ones, whilst most normal pureblood families only had one child or if they were lucky two. So their family had no money and far too many hungry mouths to fill and even through only the eldest get something new, the twins managed to still become good children, unlike their younger ones.

At least their father played with them from time to time, when their mother was once again smothering alias spoiling the two youngest and was not watching him. He was a good man generally and a good father, but when applied to family he was too weak to stand up for himself. They understood the dynamics of a family since a young age or more like it was supposed to be. The father was the head of the family, making the money and protecting the family and the mother looked caringly after the children and usually did what the head of the house said, but in their family it was a bit different.

The unofficial 'head' of the house was obviously their mother. She did not make money and cared for the children, but she always decided to boss their father around and he let her do so. When she said not to play with them, he would do so without thinking about it, when she said little cute Ginevra, cough-only-daughter-cough, and Ronnikins needed more attention, he immediately went over to the younger ones, when she said to jump, he jumped. They were not sure if he was just weak-willed and always took the easier way out or completely pathetic some of those times.

She did not seem to have any respect for him, what he did and the money he brought home. He worked hard and she should be happy that she could stay at home and did not have to work too, but she wanted more. So in her free time, she started to plan and the twins, like the curious little tykes they were, were of course listening in when she mumbled to herself. Apparently he wanted more money – which was understandable in their current situation, but they were not happy with the way she wanted to get it – the fame and prestige of a light pureblood family back and with the little innocent Harry Potter in her hands, whole Britain would bow down to them or something like that. They were not really sure just how she got this idea or how her mind worked for that matter, but this was her plan for now. When they would first meet the boy-who-lived, they would warn him either way.

As for their siblings she was most happy with the older ones as they grew up and even became prefects, head boys and Quidditch captains. It showed that the Weasleys produced intelligent and successful children. She was proud. While the twins had already decided to not become any of those, since the positions were only ever for one person, for one of the twins. Since no one really could say who was who, they could always change places and pretend to be the other. This would be an acceptable solution, but not something they would really enjoy. They wanted to continue staying together finishing each other's sentences, creeping other people out, it was far more fun this way.

Everyone thought those positions were so important, but they were not. In a job interview people would look at the grades of their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, everything else did not really matter and it was not as if their mother would be proud of them either way. Not with Ron and Ginny there. Whatever the twins would do bad or even right, they would spoil it.

It already happened right now. They did something, found something interesting or thought about extraordinary prank ideas and tried to tell their mother, but halfway in between either Ginny or Ron would find one thing or another to interrupt them and their mother's attention would once again return to them, while the twins were left alone. At first it kind of hurt, but after years it just did not interest them anymore. They found someone better to share their ideas and experiences with, an oddly clothed man working in an Undertaker shop.

Yep, they had found someone far more amazing, cool and the person they would like to be sometime in the future or at least be good friends with. Undertaker turned out to be something like a mad nevertheless funny uncle. It was too bad their real uncles, who were also pranksters, had already died in the first war. From what they heard about them, they would probably have liked to know Undertaker too and approved of him becoming their uncle.

Since he arrived, their life turned towards the better. They were not that often at home anymore. Their mother thought, they were somewhere playing in the forest near their house and was happy to look only after Ginny and Ron, as if she did not already do it anyway. At least Fred and Gorge had not watch their little sister become a rabid Harry Potter fan and future Ms. Potter and Ron would be Harry Potter's best mate and one of the people getting parts of his money and fame. They could not watch it anymore as they were stupidly spoilt – with affections and the promise of a better future with more money they could spend – and even turned against their own siblings in their greed for attention.

Not that it really mattered. They visited Undertaker as often as they could either in his Undertaker shop or in the little church on the hill. Sometimes he was even burying someone in the cemetery and they watched. It was interesting and they were rather fascinated in the whole burial thing.

They also often played with Undertaker's pets. One of them was called Cheshire and was a wide smiling cat, rather big and fat with stripes, which could levitate itself, turn invisible whenever it wanted and even speak. When they asked Undertaker how he got the name, he gave them a little muggle children's book 'Alice in Wonderland', that they proceeded to read with interest and in the end they had to agree with his choice. Cheshire was the perfect name for the cat.

The other animal Undertaker had was apparently an invisible horse-like creature with leathery wings. It could fly, was an albino - that was what Undertaker said - and ate meat, a so-called thestral. They could not really see it, apparently only people who have seen a person die could see them, but they had fun riding and flying around with it. Undertaker gave them a saddle and harness that was black in color and visible, since only the thestral itself was invisible, and used it to direct it into the right direction. Undertaker once jokingly told them that he bought it because 'death rides on a pale horse' or whatever that meant, while he chuckled evilly.

As they continued to visit him, time seemed to fly and after half a year they were finally invited to Wonderland, which was the whole time just hidden under the cemetery surprisingly. It was abstract, it was funny, it was weird and they absolutely loved it. There was just two rules: 1) It is a secret Wonderland, so nobody who already knew, should know about it. Punishment would be delivered to those tattletales. 2) Do not go around Wonderland without either Undertaker himself or his pet Cheshire. They did not know how to defend themselves right now and without either of their presences the twins would not be safe, but as long as one of them was here, the monsters would not attack.

It was interesting, exploring the highs and depths, while being accompanied by Cheshire. For hours they were down there, just looking around. In this strange sort of Wonderland, they discovered, studied and even found some treasures along the way, but even more strange were all those people leaving down there.

They were Undertaker's – they have found out after a while that his name was Alexander Grey – had a rather wild prank-loving uncle named Noire Grey. Apparently he was not really his uncle, more like his godfather and was adopted into the Grey family, but Undertaker would call him uncle from time to time. He said it was getting too boring in France, so he decided to come and live with his godson a bit. He had short, stylish silver hair not unlike his 'nephew' and wore even for the most menial things rich clothes like any other pureblood morons (cough-Malfoys-cough) in Britain through he always laughed and told them it is just too funny to play an arrogant, narcissi ponce and he liked to see peoples' reactions to his unusual fun-loving character.

He came with his best friend alias 'cousin' over, a certain Ambre Grey, also adopted. He had long dark brown hair, which framed his face and golden colored eyes. He was more interested in books than playing pranks like Noire and therefore always knew about books, which could help them better their pranking skills and other interesting topics. They still had two years until school would finally start, more than enough time to read through a few books.

Those apparently were Undertaker's closest family. They were just as weird as him, but still funny. But the twins were a little bit afraid of their friends, who also kind of lived with him. They had a house a bit away near the forest, but were mostly found with Undertaker.

The one they were most afraid of was Isabella LesRouges. She looked like a happy go lucky girl on the outside. She had a short pixie hairstyle, blond hair and dark brown eyes that shone with mischief and possibly bloodlust. She also loved more 'serious' pranks, which could really injure a person and was one of the best duelers in their family.

She was married to Romulus LesRouges. He apparently had the same problem like their father. His wife just bossed him around and told him what to do, but unlike their mother she backed it up and once nearly made a eunuch out of him, whatever that meant they were once again not sure. They tried asking, but they all snickered at them and in the end told them absolutely nothing. He had short black hair and blue silver eyes.

Remulus was the brother-in-law. The only difference between him and his brother was that he had shoulder-length black hair, but he was just as spineless as the other. He was boring, but rather good to play pranks on.

And together they played different characters in Wonderland. Noire was the Marchhare, Ambre was the Dormouse, Bella the Queen of Hearts, Rom was the King and Rem the Knight, while Undertaker was the supreme overlord and the Mad Hatter. Fitting. As they were welcomed into Wonderland they also got their new names, Tweedledum and Tweedledee. They also met up with the Lovegood family, while Xeno and Estrella became the Caterpillar and his wife, while Luna, who was three years younger than them, became Alice, which suited her just right.

The monsters that were running around in Wonderland were odd as well. They were so different and sometimes just looked creepy, not that it matter to any of the adults. They asked where those creatures came from, but were only told that those were made with magic and that Undertaker created them all. Amazing.

When they turned ten, Undertaker and his friend made them a special present. They were seated in front of a box with many different wands - now idea how Undertaker got so many - and they could chose one of them! Both of them found two dragon heartstring wands out of ash-wood. The cores were slightly different, but they were as close as possible. They were not the best, but it would do for now, Undertaker stated. Once they turned eleven and were invited to Hogwarts, they would surely go to Ollivander for a better matching wand, but it was always good to have a back-up wand, in case someone attacked them and took their other one away.

From that moment on they were trained by them in simple spells and often watch the others duel or fight against the monsters in Wonderland. Undertaker and Bella both were extraordinary duelers, their fights were always different, they always came up with new ideas or strategies and it was never boring to watch. Noire was not bad either, he told them stories about him being an Auror in France some years ago.

And then they turned eleven and it was time for them to go to Hogwarts.

The sorting was a problem for them at first. They tried annoying their older siblings for this particular information for the last three years, but they kept their mouths tightly shut, telling them absolute nothing about the sorting process and the twins grew worried. It was important for them to know how it worked. Their family consisted only out of Gryffindors, at least the last four generations of both the Prewitt and Weasley families. They were a typical always light, always Gryffindor family.

There was none who were in any other house, not even Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Slytherin was out of question from the beginning and the other two houses were also looked down upon. So their only real choice was to get into the lion house, but their characteristics did not match. Gryffindor, the house of the brave, courageous and more or less stupid, while the twins hid away in the shadows, planning and playing pranks on others, thinking before acting. There was no brashness and always a plan. They absolutely were no Gryffindor material.

So they had to find a way to get sorted into their parents and elder siblings house. If they just knew how… They also knew they could not talk to their parents about it. Their mother would throw a hissy fit, shouting around, their father would immediately tell their mother and ask her for advice, their older siblings would maybe tell them, but might go to their mother like their father and their younger siblings would just say that it suited them right, traitors and nuisances to the house of Weasley, they would call the twins probably.

They decided to ask their role model for advice. He of course – how he did it, they still did not know, maybe he had a friend who went to Hogwarts – and told them about the sorting hat. They could not be happier. Even through they were not real Gryffindors one could persuade the hat to sort them into the house they wanted and could reason with it. And they were happy for the advice.

Once in Hogwarts with the hat on their heads they managed to talk him into putting both into Gryffindor even through they were supposed to go to Slytherin. They said there would be problems with their family since they were fanatic light supporter and they whole family went into Gryffindor. The hat just said they should not worry. Their elder siblings also had the choice between in Bill's and Percy's case the house of the lions and Ravenclaw and Charlie's case Hufflepuff. It also talked about the stupidity of those wizards; they became worse the last few centuries.

The houses were supposed to become a student's family while living there and the other houses were the family of the others. There was no need for senseless prejudice between eleven year olds. Now the Slytherins were the evil ones, the future Dark Lords and Death Eaters, while the whole Hufflepuff house sucked ass in their idiocy, Ravenclaw was for annoying know-it-alls who lived in their own book world and Gryffindor for the always light and good.

The hat hated to read their thoughts about how their families would react if they were sorted into a different house than the one they were in. Pathetic. So the hat decided to always chose the one the child deep down wanted. It sorted them into Gryffindor and everyone was happy with it. All those who applauded would never know, where exactly they should have to go.

They became instantly popular with the boys in their year and even some older students through their funny pranks, their wicked sense of humor, their intelligence, magical power and happy disposition. They had many friends, but only one managed to be their best mate, Lee Jordan. He was a dark skinned boy with black hair and dreadlocks. He was friendly, smart and loved pranks, just like them. Together they would make the best pranks ever and become something like the second Marauders.

They were also ordered by Noire, who was friends with one of the original Marauders and told him, to find the one and only Marauder's map and were giving its password. They searched high and low until the found it in the office of Argus Flich, through which they investigated for more forbidden things he took from others. They opened up their own little joke shop – only for those they trusted – sometime in the end of the school year in the disused bathroom on the seventh floor. It was perfect; who would go all those stair up just to go to the bathroom? Nobody.

The year passed in the same, calm manner. Their grades were rather good and they still had more than enough ideas for future pranks. Their parents of course were not really happy with them being such pranksters and making problems at school, but they just ignored it. In the holidays they would visit Undertaker, his friends and Wonderland as often as they could.

In their second year Fred and George immediately tried out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team and managed both to became Beaters. They both got to use Cleansweep Five broomsticks and were after the first two games called the 'Human Bludgers' because of their absolutely astounding skills.

They also became friends with others who already were on the Quidditch team like Angelina Johnson – good-looking girl – Alicia Spinnet – okay girl – Oliver Wood – Quidditch fanatic – and Katie Bell – do not anger her if you value your life.

Their grades were good as always. They were not lazy and did their homework well, even if the white rabbit made a nuisance out of himself in his classroom.

As for their third year they chose three electives, Muggle Study – Undertaker told them so many amazing and horrible things about muggles – Arithmancy and Runes – rather helpful for inventing more pranks or prank products. Those were the most interesting subjects. Percy, the snob and nerd of the family, had chosen them all – how he managed with all those lessons the twins were not aware to this point of time – and asked him for advice. Apparently Divination was a joke and could only be learned by the book, he said that the teacher was a mad alcoholic – he did not know better – and Care of magical Creatures was a subject for those who were interested in animals, which they were not. At least Percy was good for something.

And then the best thing ever happened. Dumbledore introduced Undertaker as the new Muggle Study teacher. They could not be happier. Lee, who immediately saw the brightening in their expressions, asked them about the new teacher and they told him the censored version, which meant no Wonderland. Now even their best friend wanted to get to know Undertaker better.

They also met with the new celebrity of Hogwarts, Harry James Potter. They were intrigued by him. After all nearly ten years ago this little boy saved them from the darkest dark lord of the century. The stories about him in the many books that were published – the ones their little sister loved to read as bedtime stories – were grossly overestimated, but they still believed them to be partly true at least.

So they waited for an honest, kind nonetheless special boy to arrive, only to have this absolute brat before them. Not only shoved the brat one of the other students to the ground while striding towards the front and the sorting hat looking as if he owned the place. He was then sorted into the Gryffindor house and they did not cheer, they did not even applause him. Hopefully, they thought, that this was just a bad first impression.

But they were wrong. The boy was even worse. Of course their little brother became instantly Potter's sidekick as was planned, they were practically and much later through an amazing prank clued to each other constantly. The brat immediately made himself the prince of Gryffindor and stated in one of his many speeches about himself that all others were particularly lower than him. Most of the older students, those with a normal head on their shoulders and those who were not rabid fame-seeking fangirls and fanboys, were not happy with how things turned out to be, but could not do anything. The brat was after all the boy-who-lived.

He did not need to learn or even do homework; there were a few others around in his year who made it for him in exchange for being a 'friend of the boy-who-lived'. How Ronnikins managed to stay with the brat, they did not know, but they suspected the lack of intelligence and mother's constant stories about him being the future best friend of a celebrity had turned his brain to mush. Nonetheless they warned the brat, even through it was ignored.

Throughout the school year they also tried to enter the forbidden third corridor, but were not able to. Two times they nearly got caught by Peeves and another five almost by Flich, but after hard work, which included a lot of waiting to their utter boredom, they managed to get into the third corridor undetected. They searched through it for another two hours, but only found a door they could not open. They tried a few unlocking spells, even went as far as visit the library, and once again visited the mystery door at night, but nothing worked.

The next time they went into the third corridor with Cedric, since he was a fourth year and maybe knew another unlocking spell. He was not happy, still remembering the threat of death Dumbledore told them at the opening feast, but still helped them out. Still nothing worked. The door would not open. They asked around the seventh year Gryffindors, but even they tried, but did not get far.

Dumbledore must have warded it far better than they could manage to break. They cursed for a while for the time they had used to discover this fact, but nothing could be done anymore. Maybe they could ask Undertaker to help them? They would have to ask sometime.

What they enjoyed even more in Hogwarts were the lessons with him. This guy was so amazing and his ideas not normal, but they learned more about muggles than they thought they would. Even the older years were happy with the new, improved lessons. It seemed the one from before was just too incompetent and at least sixty years behind in the muggle world. Not that the most of the muggle torture methods they learned about were that new.

When they were not studying or planning more mischief, they played pranks on those bullies. Normally it only were the Slytherins who thought they were so much better because they had rich parents and were inbreed idiots, but this year Harry Potter, their little brother, the Finnegan and Thomas boy also managed to get onto the list. They had their fun with these unsuspecting victims. Few pranks leading them around on a fake treasure map to the Black Lake, Whopping Willow and the Forbidden Forest. Funny. They injured themselves and then ran to the teachers, but they only stopped after the third fake treasure hunt. They surely were slow.

With Undertaker, their best friends and pranks there, life sure was interesting.

* * *

><p><strong>Omake (Gryffindor Foursome): <strong>

Undertaker, Severus and Sybill once again sat down for tea. It was a hard day, the students were already in the Easter holiday mood and did not even acknowledge what the teachers said. They just dreamed about school already ending and their vacation plans. No one thought about homework or for that matter made them except for potions since Severus threatened them with torture and no one wanted to do anything school related anymore. Understandable.

"And then the youngest Weasley boy…" even Undertaker did not really listen to Severus extremely long and repetitive rant about stupid Gryffindors and their inability to make a correct potion. As Severus shortly stopped to take a sip from his tea and before he could continue his probably never-ending tirade, Sybill's eyes began to light up with mischief.

"So… Severus… how is the Golden Foursome doing together in their complicated and extremely unusual relationship with each other?" Sybill said with a smirk and looked first towards Undertaker, until her eyes rested on.

"Such perverted thoughts do not suit you, my dear." Undertaker answer mock-haughtily as he tried to hid his smile behind his teacup. Who would have thought, she was such a closet pervert? A few seconds past and both of them were still looking at Severus and any sign of expression. His eyes widened and he choked at some of the tea. Exactly like planned.

"And that was the windpipe. Really Severus, you should learn to swallow first or spit for that matter and then laugh." Sybill laughed as she wiggled her huge eyebrows at him.

"Sometime soon, I will kill either one of you or both." Severus managed to choke out while sending a death glare towards them. Usually it would make students cry and weaker minded people faint, but they were neither students nor weak.

"I'd like to see you try." Undertaker smirked. It would certainly be a challenge for dear old Sev.

"Can try as much as you want. I am a legit seer, so whatever you think of, you cannot really surprise me. And honestly?" She pointed her finger at Undertaker. "I think killing this bastard is far harder than killing ten of me. Caution. Do not try. Do not even think about trying, since the only thing that it will do is giving you a massive headache." Sybill sipped her tea.

"Too true." Undertaker nodded and took a bite from his cake.

"Why are you agreeing with me?" Sybill asked.

"You know, I really hate you both most of the time." Severus finally found his voice again. They turned towards him again battling their eyelashes at him, mostly Sybill since Undertaker's were hidden behind his hair.

"But deep down we know you love us." They said in unison. Severus looked at them for a few moments, before sighing dejectedly and started talking about another topic.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I was asked from some of the reviewers for more Fred and George moments, what happened in Hogwarts in the meantime and other things (thanks for the ideas by the way) and in the end decided to start writing this chapter just for fun. I never thought it would be so damned long. <strong>_

_**Not my best-written chapter, but I still uploaded it. Probably quite a few errors and weird sounding sentences, but hopefully you will ignore them for the sake of the story.**_

_**Thanks for all those reviews! I was more than happy and many 'guests' commented in different chapters. I was really happy. **_


	27. Chapter 21 Quirrell's Story

_**Namonaki mori no Yumegatari (The Dream Tale of a Nameless Forest) by D**__ (translation, part 1)_

_The deep forest calls out to your soul in the silence as light and darkness well forth_

_The beginning will lead to an end, and it shall be forgiven for the sole sake of living on_

_The outcry of a bullet ready to kill tears my ears apart_

_Noise storms the earth and soars the skies_

_People pollute and break the law_

_My name is the blood-red harmony leaking out from divine providence_

_The life you took will not let you get away_

_The white one gazes at the future, the black one sees through the past_

_Oh trees, hold on to their hands and block their path_

_The forest is a labyrinth unknown to people_

_I may know it, but I shall not help them_

_The deep forest calls out to your soul in the silence as light and darkness well forth_

_The beginning will lead to an end, and it shall be forgiven for the sole sake of living on_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21 – Quirrell's Story<strong>

Quirrell's life was not really running smoothly at the moment, no, it was the complete opposite of what he had expected and planned for himself. His future was now ruined, at least in all the school related jobs and teaching generally. The children and students would never take him seriously again. But why did this happen? And to him? He did not care as long as it was someone else, but he had had a bright future before him and extraordinary dreams, which was now impossible to fulfill. He was so to say screwed.

He was always just a mediocre wizard with mediocre skills and magical power or so he was told by his lovely housemates, in some things he was of course better while he lacked in other departments more than he would have liked. They said he was nothing special, nothing astonishing, just a normal everyday wizard, and even though he tried to prove them wrong, what he did not really manage in the end. But when he was such an everyday wizard, why were not normal things happening to him? Why was he the exception? Was he cursed with bad luck? Did someone curse him with bad luck? He did not know.

He was born on 26th September 1959 in a little town near London to a normal family with brown hair and light blue eyes. His mother was a pureblood witch, while his father was just a common muggle. They said it was love at first sight and his mother, being only from one of the minor pureblood families and not really that important in the hierarchy of purebloods, married him without that many problems from her family and started to life with her husband in the muggle world.

His mother had an older brother who would inherit most of the family money and business anyway and as long as she did not make any problems or got into the wizarding news, they did not care what she did. He never really met them and was not interested in meeting them. His parents were enough and if they did not want to get to know him, then he would not as well. All was good in his little, nice life.

Even through he lived in the muggle world, his mother told him from the start of the existence of magic, even gave him all of her old school books to read and just could not wait to start Hogwarts at eleven and to get his wand from Ollivanders Wand Shop. Time seemed to fly past as he continued to go to muggle primary school and read at home more books or played with his muggle friends or his parents.

And then he turned eleven and could not be happier. Finally he could go to Hogwarts, but before that his mother and he visited Diagon Alley for his school supplies, normal quality with once again a lot of extra reading material and his own wand. It turned out to be nine inch long and made out of Alder wood with a Unicorn hair core. The weird wand shop owner Ollivander described it as bendy and good for defense.

At Hogwarts he was sorted into the house of the intelligent and bookworms, Ravenclaw, which suited him very much. Even at home he liked to read books about the magical and the muggle world, fiction and the real deal. But not all was as well as he thought it to be at first.

He himself knew that he was an intelligent and gifted child, but was sometime just too shy to show his strength to others. They said he was delicate and teased him constantly about his nervousness and his nervous ticks, which in return made him feel even more incompetent. He would show them, he thought, he would show them his power some day.

He began too read even more books, some of them from the restricted part of the library he snuck into quite easily. Different books about illegal and obscure parts of magic and the Dark Arts, but in the end the name-calling, being put down and bullying just continued even as he worked harder and harder for the world to notice him and see his strength.

He managed to get through the subjects without any problems and even got Exceed Expectation in both Muggle Study, since he lived for the eleven first years of his life in the muggle world and every summer, and Defense Against the Dark Arts, through his exhausting, secret extra studies in the library. He also noticed that he had a gift for the theory of Defensive Magic, not that it interested anyone really.

One of the possibilities he had after graduation Hogwarts was to take the post of the Muggle Study teacher, which was free right after the year he graduated, and in the end he decided to take. It was an interesting experience teaching children, but he did not really feel fulfilled with this job. The pay was good, not too many hours a day and much free time for hobbies, vacations and further study of various interesting subjects like the Mind Arts, but after a few years of continued teaching about the muggle world he looked back and thought: Just what did he do in all this years? Did he change the world? Did he manage to do something worthwhile? Had he shown the world his power like he promised himself when he was still a student? The answer was simply no, he had not accomplished anything.

So he decided to change things, to take the job of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, which was each and every year open. It would be harder and more time-consuming, since it was one of the main subjects at Hogwarts and would have to teach more students and give them more homework, he later had to control. But he could teach the next generation how to defend themselves against both magical people and creatures. He could help them and then even get them to see him as a great person and teacher.

He remembered Professor Slughorn, his old potion professor, and how he managed to get into the good graces of many now important figures in the wizarding world. He was known by everyone, liked by everyone even though they all knew he was the Head of the slimy, dark Slytherin house, but they still liked him. Maybe he too could manage to get the students to see just how great he really was behind his normal looking appearance, but before he could take the job he had to train himself again in dueling and had to find a particular someone.

He asked Dumbledore for a year-long sabbatical in order to gain a bit first-hand experience and travel around fighting different creatures or that was what he had told the old headmaster, which was true in some way but not really the whole truth. The fact was that he also wanted some time to search for he-who-must-not-be-named or what remained of him. He would write his pursuit down in his journal, then write a book about the search and what he found along the way. It was perfect; he had seen Gilderoy Lockhart do it with his less-than-Acceptable O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s in Defense and that idiot was now not only famous and also loved by all, women mostly. And then the famous Quirinus Quirrell would go and teach at Hogwarts Defense and tell them about his grandiose adventure. The perfect plan to fame and money.

As to the topic of the latest Dark Lord, he did not believe that the greatest and strongest wizard – even said to be stronger than Grindelwald himself – did lose the battle against some one-year-old baby. This was not possible, so out of curiosity and the will to prove himself to the world, he went to search for his remains all over Europe. Then they would see how great he really was.

It took a few months before he finally managed to track the bodiless form of the former Dark Lord down in Albania. He had finally found him. At first he simply wanted to find what had really happened to him, find his remains, present them to the public and if he was somehow alive, he would kill him once and for all. But as he stood before this wraith-like form, his plans changed slightly. Why should not he use this meeting for his own gain even more? The Dark Lord had to know things even more obscure than was written in the books he read in the restricted section of the Hogwarts library and the illegal tomes he bought from 'Borgin and Burkes' in Knockturn Alley.

It would be easy. The Dark Lord was nothing more than a wraith right now, no real danger to him or others; he would be easily caught and after a bit of talk, he would be taught the secrets of the strongest Dark Lord in the last century. When he did not need him anymore, he would banish the wraith and start to write his book. The public would not have to know about what he was taught, only that he found he-who-must-not-be-named and defeated him. Amazingly good plan, but things did not turn out like he wanted once again.

Even in his weakened state and wraith-like form, he was no match for the Dark Lord. He was tortured and immediately began to spill all of his secrets, his dreams, his ambitions and that he would return to Hogwarts in only three months to teach the students in Defense. The torture stopped after this piece of information for a while, he could see the wraith-like form think about what he had told him while he tried to get his body under his control again. But his body was not his own for long.

The Dark Lord decided he could be useful for a few things; to find a way to create a new body for him, to wreak havoc in Hogwarts right under the nose of Albus Dumbledore and to kill Harry Potter, who would start his first school year. The pain that came with he-who-must-not-be-named entering his body and changing the back of his head to his liking felt even worse than the _cruciatus_ curse that he experienced for the first time a few minutes ago. But his screams of pain went unheard in the wideness of the Albanian forest.

But the Dark Lord, now his master, was gracious and made a deal with him. As long as he managed to get his master a new body, he would leave his body and he could continue to live his life in peace after their separation. Thankful for not dying on the spot, Quirinus agreed; he would find a way, he was not a Ravenclaw for nothing.

After their fateful encounter he constantly had to wear a turban to hide the face of his master, which had formed on the back of his head - his full brown hair fell out completely - and spun a few stories about his journey around the world and the things that happened to him as excuses for the change in appearance and later on manner.

Immediately as he returned to his house, he began to read through many books in his personal library until he found the solution to their problem, the Philosopher's Stone. Created by Flamel, a stone of incredible power, which could turn normal stone into gold, giving them a never-ending supply of money, also called the elixir of life, which helped them live for over six hundred years and they were still alive and well. That was the answer. He would have to create a golem and with the elixir he could bring it to life. Perfect. Now he just had to find that blasted stone.

He continued to ask cautiously around in the different parts of the magical world, both light and dark for more information about the Flamels and their stone. He tried to get past their wards of their family home, but it was as tightly warded as Hogwarts against unwanted intruders. Alone he would be never able to break through them, his master could, if he had a body, but exactly this was the dilemma.

And then at the end of July, one of his contacts overheard an interesting piece of information. The stone was not hidden in their home, it was stored in one of the high security vaults in Gringotts. He could not be happier for this change. With a bit of planning he would be able to get into it.

He spent the rest of the day in the bar 'The Leaky Cauldron' where he continued to play his role as stuttering idiot and future Defense professor, who could not hurt a fly. That day he also met the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid again who was speaking about irresponsible muggles, their incompetence and stupidity, while drinking himself silly and crying about the unfairness of the world. Quirinus was not really sure what happened to the idiot, but continued to sit in his dark corner and ignore the moody half-giant. He had to wait until it was dark for his plan to start. Hagrid left sometime in the evening, telling everyone who did not wanted to hear it about how he had to do something really important and disappeared into the busy alley.

The bar closed at ten at night and Quirinus started to go towards Gringotts with a long black cloak hiding his features. Now began the time for the dark wizards and creatures to go to Gringotts. He went through the doors smirking slightly at the warning at the beginning and went towards one of the free tellers. He whispered his name towards the goblin and said he wanted to visit his family vault. The goblin nodded and they went onto their merry way. Before the goblin could even get into the cart, Quirinus cast with the help of his master the _imperius_ spell and ordered the goblin to bring him the vault 713, in which the Philosopher's stone was supposed to be.

The goblin opened the door for him, but the vault was empty. He looked around, but the stone was not there, the vault was completely empty. He asked the goblin if this was the right vault. The creature nodded and told him that one Rubeus Hagrid on the orders of Albus Dumbledore took the package inside the vault a few hours before. He fell to his knees as his master's anger flooded his body leaving pain in his wake.

After a few minutes the pain seemed to vanish and he could stand up. Dumbledore knew; had he screwed up somewhere? Had someone informed him about a person asking around for the Philosopher's Stone? Who had betrayed him? He did not know, but from now on he had to be far more careful, but all was not lost yet. The only thing better warded than Gringotts was Hogwarts, where Dumbledore himself could protect the stone. At least he had a free ticket to enter the castle as professor, then he just had to find the stone and flee.

Charged with the anger of his master about the unforeseen complication in their plan, he cast the killing curse onto the Goblin before using the cart to get to the surface. He continued to spend the rest of the month in his house, finishing the ground work for the golem. Now he only needed the stone.

He could do nothing, but wait. His plans and search could only start once he was in Hogwarts. He perfected his mask as stuttering fool nonetheless kind with I-could-not-hurt-a-fly attitude. They would never suspect him this way and everyone would let their defenses down thinking he was one of them, one of the good guys. Quirrell was not happy with some of the plans his master made, but his feeble resistance was just ignored. He did not want to act like an idiot only to fool the teachers and students, but his life was in danger if he did not comply to the wishes of his master.

He would have to wear the turban throughout the year, even would go as far as to charm it for longer times to his head. It would not do well for him to lose it suddenly and expose the face of the Dark Lord on the back of his head.

Once in this month he was contacted by Dumbledore, who wanted to make a few safeguards if Voldemort managed to get through the wards. Each of the teachers of the main subjects plus Hagrid could choose an idea for one line of defense. He choose a troll, it was the easiest thing he could manage, since he had good handling skills with them. Now he just had to find out about the other ones and the stone would belong to him.

Another week passed before it was finally September first and the new school year would start. All teachers arrived through floo or apparition right before the feast, but just before the students arrived at the school, he had to meet Dumbledore and the new Muggle Study teacher in his office. When he first saw the new professor of his old job he was not sure what to think. Long silver hair, eyes completely hidden from view, scars across his face, neck and even on one finger, clothed in black with a long cloak and a rather weird hat. He was smirking creepily at him, he thought, as a shudder ran down his spine. He did not know why but he could feel that this man was dangerous. He had to be careful around him and his master agreed. He was an unsure element, an unknown variable, he knew about the other teachers from before when he was just a simple Muggle Study teacher, but nothing about this one.

The man introduced himself as Alexander Grey, Quirinus also stuttered an introduction, and quickly they went on their merry way. They were introduced to the other teachers and the students, more the new teacher since most of them already knew him; he sat down in the empty space between the potions teacher and the flying instructor Rolanda Hooch and waited for the meal to begin. He tried to make a conversation with Severus Snape, his master's potion master and loyal Death Eater, but with him stuttering the whole time, he probably just annoyed him.

His master was not sure what to do with his potion master. Snape apparently worked for Dumbledore. Was he just biding his time, waiting for his real master to return, or had he turned traitor and was now working for the light side? His master would not know for now, he could not trust him. Snape was excellent in the art of Legilimency and Occlumency and not showing any emotions. He would have to return to full power first, and then he would see if he was truly loyal.

From the corner of his eye he began to study the brat-who-lived. The boy looked like an exact copy of his father with his mother's eyes or so his master told him, he did not really remember either of the Potters. After a few minutes Quirinus had to look away. The brat was disgusting. Dumbledore, the wizarding and muggle world had to have spoilt the brat rotten with their attention, presents and admiration. Potter was constantly talking about how great he was, that he was now the prince of Gryffindor, would be the best, would only get the best, while his loyal sidekick nodded faithfully as he continued to suck in whatever food appeared before him. Disgusting.

Some time in this year, preferably after he got the stone and before he would leave Hogwarts, he would kill the brat and end the prophecy once and for all, but for now he had to concentrate on getting the stone and keep an eye open at the new professor. Dumbledore naturally as kind and loving headmaster warned the children to not enter the third corridor, where he obviously kept the stone hidden. Stupid move Dumbledore, really stupid move.

The days returned to a normal routine. Teaching the children was even easier now. He stuttered, made them believe he was afraid of his own shadow and a no-good wizard. But just going to the corridor was not so easy; Dumbledore always had someone watching and a few wards around the door in the third corridor. He tried on normal weekdays and then weekends, but it was impossible.

He had to change his plan, he needed a distraction. He decided on Halloween when all children would be at dinner. He would let a troll run around amok and while the other professors tried to find and kill it, he would disable the wards and alarms and sneak to the door. At least this part went after plan. He ran into the full great hall, stuttering and screaming about a troll in the dungeons, before falling onto the ground in a fake faint attempt and they believed it. Panic broke out, children began to scream and start to run around, before Dumbledore stopped them and ordered them to return to their dormitories.

Quirrell nearly did not manage to hide a snort. The Slytherin dormitories were in the dungeons, where he just said the troll was. Dumbledore sure was getting more and more senile the older he became. The teachers also ran outside searching for the troll. When he did not hear anybody in the hall anymore, he opened his eyes and looked cautiously around, he was right. No one was there any longer. This was his chance.

He raced to the third corridor and the door, a quick powerful _alohomora_ spell later and the door was open and he looked into the six eyes of a three-headed gigantic dog. He closed the door quickly again, before hearing footsteps somewhere along the corridor. He had to hide quickly. Someone followed him, possibly Snape. Since arriving here, the potions teacher only looked at him with attentiveness.

He opened the door for a little gap, disillusioned, silenced and hid himself away in the corner of the corridor in one of the darker corners waiting for his follower to arrive. And he was right, it was Snape. He looked shocked when he saw the opened door, raced towards it and eventually into the room. Quirrell could hear the Cerberus barking madly and could hear a short human scream. Snape managed to get out of the room into the corridor again, crawling slightly along the floor while holding his bleeding leg.

Quirrell smirked at this. That was what one got when following him, but knowing Snape he would not understand this lesson. He turned away from the injured man and walked towards the exit of the corridor, while the dog was still barking behind the door. He managed to reach the door to the staircases and was nearly run over by Dumbledore and a few other teachers. They ran towards the fallen Snape and Quirrell just exited the corridor behind them.

He was next seen when the found a dead muggleborn student, the boy-who-lived and his favorite sidekicks, which all laid injured throughout the bathroom. The troll was stunned by McGonagall and the injured and unconscious students brought into the infirmary. Damn, he had hoped the boy would kill himself somehow or die in an accident, but well, it was better than nothing.

The boy-who-lived and the other three, Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, would be fine in another three days in the hospital wing, but it was saddening, note the sarcasm here, that one student, a Hermione Granger, had died. But when they went back for her corpse after levitating the brats to the infirmary, it was gone and nobody had seen it since. Weird, really weird.

He was not sure how, but the old headmaster managed to placate the wizarding population – they mostly ignored it, since it was just an unimportant muggleborn – and his light supporter and even through this little girl died, Hogwarts was still considered the safest place in Britain.

Leastwise he found out what was behind the door, the first test. He went of course to the school library first, but could not find a single book about Cerberus or similar beasts. He frowned; someone must have taken all these books out and he had an idea just who was behind it. Damn that Dumbledore!

He had to find out how to get past the monster in another way. Blasting it with a spell would not do him any good, since the room was a little, crapped space and everybody would hear him. He had to find a different way, but whom could he ask? He had to be trained, he thought, and who would train dangerous beasts? That idiot Hagrid. Now he only had to get the half-giant idiot to talk. Did not he always bemoan that he wanted a dragon; maybe in return for one he would tell how to get past the dog. It was worth trying.

He went to a dragon reservoir and stole an egg, it was far too easy, but after breaking into Gringotts nothing was really hard anymore, and he found the half-giant drinking down in Hogshead. He disguised himself and lured Hagrid into a card game by betting the dragon's egg. Hagrid in his drunken stupor and happiness of hearing that the other was a dragon tamer and also liked dangerous animals told Quirinus after a while about Fluffy the Cerberus, when they started to speak about dangerous dogs. Music was the clue, just play the animal a song and it would fall asleep. Excellent.

Time passed slower after he found out about the first test. He still had to get the other teacher to slip up and tell him more about their tests before he could get the stone, but sometime – after finding out just what there test were – he could feel uneasiness rise in his stomach. There were all just too easy, a first year could probably solve them. But why did Dumbledore make it so easy? Was he aware that his master was somehow here and waited for the right moment to steal the stone? He could not be sure.

The students still believed him to be the either the kindest or most useless professor of the year, always asking stupid questions about his turban even going as far as charming snow balls to repeatedly hit it, and the garlic smell, he had to use to hide the smell of decaying skin on the back of his head. He had to find a solution soon or there would not be much left of his body to use when his master finally left his. He would not drink Unicorn blood, he did not want to live a half-life after wards; time was ticking.

The teachers mostly did not expect him as well, the only one was Snape, who always tried to scare him even going as far as assaulting him while a few students were present. They immediately turned around, making Snape the ultimate evil one for bullying poor stuttering professor Quirrell. He did not see the Muggle Study teacher that much, since he was mostly hanging around the fake seer and seemingly best friend. He still did not know anything about this mysterious professor, only that he, in the few conversation they had, liked to call him professor 'Squirrel' much to his dismay. Just another normal, slightly insane professor, who was no threat to his or his master's plans.

Quirrell would then sent a forged letter to Professor Dumbledore summoning him to the Ministry of Magic to get him away from the school. He would go after the Stone, get it and then flee from the school with the stone. That was his plan, but before he could turn it into reality something unexpected happened.

Fluffy, the Cerberus who was supposed to guard the first room, was running around the school, destroying school property and the screaming portrays, scaring the few students who were already awake senseless and even injured some. Dumbledore managed to subdue the beast and ordered Hagrid to keep watch over it, while he ordered the other teachers to follow him to the third corridor.

They stormed past the first room through the trap door and saw the devil's snare underneath it burnt badly. Dumbledore's expression grew alarmed and worried. They jumped down and continued their way towards the stone.

The doors to the next few rooms were cut open by something that cut through not only physical matter but also the magical wards surrounding it, as were the giant chess set and the troll, but at least the flames were still intact and all potion vials still there. They sighed loudly. At least the test managed to hinder whatever intruder managed to get though the first few tests. But the headmaster still seemed worried for some unknown reason. He downed the vial and went through the flames. Nothing happened until they heard a loud scream on the other side a few seconds later. The old headmaster came out red faced and fuming, showing them a little note that was stuck to the last test.

'_Hey ho! Dumbledork-darling! Visited this mysterious, dangerous place you told us about, sounded interesting and like a great challenge once a while. Was quite boring though, hoped your little trials would be far more awesome and risky than they actually were. But we still loved your never-ending imagination, like your totally weird and creepy-ass clothes and your even stranger color combinations, sweet-cheeks! Hope you will make another few exquisite tests in the future! Hopefully the prize will be just as splendid as this one! With all our lovin', the ultimate sadist-combo, the second.'_

Quirinus was speechless as were all the others. No, no, no, no, no! That could not happen, that was impossible! Someone else stole the stone before he could. What should he do now? His master would surely be angry. The pain on the back of his head grew nearly unbearable; he had to bit his lip to not scream suddenly and felt his master become even more livid. His vision started to blacken at the edges of his vision as the pain grew worse. No, please, he thought desperately, but his master did not listen to his pleas. With a roar the Dark Lord ripped himself from the back of his head and his world exploded in pain. He could see the ground coming nearer, before all turned black. Damn, he was not going to survive this.

* * *

><p>Dumbledore was not sure what went wrong these past few months. Everything worked only halfway after his carefully outlaid plans.<p>

He still had not found the real Harry Potter. He had no idea if he even was still in Britain for that matter, but at least he started to be honest with himself. He would have to ask his old friends to help find the brat. He visited the Department of Mysteries and watched the prophecy orb once again. Both names were still written on little paper and it was still unfulfilled. So the real one had to be alive somewhere out there, probably under some strong wards. He really should gather the old crowd for that matter. Maybe tell them that the boy ran away from his relatives; it would shift the blame from him, for not being able to look after the child and leaving him on a doorstep without visiting him in all those years, to the brat, who was acting rebellious and just left. Yes, that was a great idea.

The fake Harry Potter was doing well too. He was best friends with the Weasley, the Finnigan and Thomas boy and after the tragic death of their former member had taken the shy and quiet Neville Longbottom into their quintet. They were acting like true Gryffindors, insulting and attacking the Slytherins, showing the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws up, and just being great, rich and famous. He wanted for the boy to go after the stone sometime before the end of the school year, but since the stone was already stolen a lot earlier, he cancelled his plans.

Hermione Granger was a great loss for the light side. She would have been a great witch and intelligent woman, but through the foolish errors of her fellow lions and her not being able to take a joke, she died before the boys could rescue her. It was saddening, but nothing could be done against it. Boys would always be boys. The mystery was of course where her corpse went after her death. It should have been there in the destroyed bathroom, but was just gone. The Grangers of course were not happy that they only daughter died in a school, which was said to be the best protected and swore vengeance against Dumbledore, the nerve these muggles had. A few memory charms later they did not even remember they had a daughter, as did the rest of the neighbors and her relatives.

Hagrid was as stupid as ever. He tried to be a mum to a dragon, who just wanted to burn him and his little wood abode to the ground, but was still crying after his now dead pet. Seriously, did not he have anything better to do than raise angry, dangerous animals in his free time? How about growing some plants, no, scratch that, he would probably just grow those big, men-eating ones. But what about reading a book from time to time than those animals?

Grey was stranger than anybody he had met. He was whimsical, had absolutely no plan, was laughing at nothing at all, scaring some of the children while giving others weird bone-shaped cookies, and best friends with his seer. Just weird. His pet death eater also managed to befriend him – just how impossible did this sound, Severus being friends with someone that was not a potion – and also reported except being weird, that he was no danger to anyone.

And finally there was Quirrell, who was possessed by Voldemort. He would have never suspected him. The poor man told him about the zombies he fought and the vampires he defeated and that a few swore to track him down and kill him in the most horrible ways possible and that the whole thing left marks on his appearance – his hair was completely gone – and his psyche. But never had he thought that Voldemort managed to get his claws onto him and use the former teacher as a way to get into Hogwarts. At least he never got the stone or so he thought, he would not rip himself forcefully from Quirinus's body when he had. Poor man, died before he even touched the floor. It must have been a painful death. They brought his corpse to the infirmary, where it disappeared, like the one of Hermione Granger.

Of course the others were in panic, asking many unwanted questions, but he manage to placate their fears saying that the stone was not the real one, that he hid the real one far away and only he knew about this location. Lying to them was just too easy. The trails were just a way to get to the fake stone, the perfect distraction. Any another problem was solved. Now he had to find out who exactly stole the stone. Possibly two people, but who? How did they manage to get through the wards? Maybe he should have been more secretive about the location, but it was specially made for Voldemort to come and get the stone and Harry Potter and co to stop him.

Problems over problems, now he had to find another Defense professor quickly. They needed one now and it was not even Christmas. He could not let one of his other teachers teach a double shift, they would crumble under the workload. Then in the yule holidays he would have more time to look for those two mystery thieves and make them pay for stealing from the Albus Dumbledore.

* * *

><p><strong>Omake: <strong>

"I will tell my father!" The young blond boy yelled as Undertaker deduced points for being out of the Slytherin dorms after bedtime. He was out with his two bodyguards, who had been a bit confounded by Undertaker's spell as he stalked the little snakes and were now running around the dungeons not knowing where they were and where they were going. It would stop sometime, or so he thought. If they slept on the cold hard floor, who cared? Certainly not him.

"What a nice threat, then let me give you one in return. First off, little snakeling, no one will believe you and even if they do I will just eat them." Undertaker slowly turned into his animagus form, the two-and-a-half-meter high hyena towering over the shaking first year. "I am an omnivore, I eat all and when I am finished eating them, I will eat you!" He opened his mouth showing off his sharp teeth before stalking towards the pale looking boy. One second he was standing, the next he was already falling towards the ground.

Undertaker looked at the unconscious form of Draco Malfoy at his feet. He had so much fun scaring the wits and everything else out of the little papa's boy, but now that he fainted and just lay motionlessly on the ground, it was once again boring. And what to do with them next?

He could let him lie there in the cold dark corridor, but that was not fun at all.

He could let him lie there and draw whiskers onto his cheeks with permanent marker.

He could let him lie there and write 'spoilt brat' onto his forehead, also with permanent marker. He would also have to use his magic so that the brat did not use a glamour charm to cover the marks.

Or he could take him somewhere else. But where?

He could dump him into the Gryffindor dorms, of course those of the seventh year girls. That would be brutal and funny as hell.

He could take the brat and dump him somewhere in the forbidden forest. Now that would be hilarious. Yes, indeed, it would be.

But he could also dump him in McGonagall's private rooms and see what would happen.

There were so many possibilities but only one boy, it was a difficult decision to make.

In the end he decided to just bring him back to his dorm and dump him into his bed. He spelled his normal sleepwear on and let the room silently. Often the more sublime tactics were much more interesting. He wondered if the boy would be now afraid of him or simply think this was one weird and frightening dream.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Never ever in my whole life would I have thought that I liked writing Quirrell. Maybe it is the whole manipulation thing or the Dark Lord on the back of his head, but I really enjoyed writing this part in his point of view. Weird, right? So more information about what happened in the school year, to the stone and QuirrellVoldemort.**_

_**Sorry for all those spelling errors and other weird sentences I probably wrote, I am too lazy to reread it again, so I just posted it like it. Hope you'll like it though.**_

_**The omake was supposed to be longer, I wanted to make something in which the Slytherins say what they think about Undertaker, but they all really do not know him and well, I do not think that any of them would take Muggle Study. So I started writing and it turned out like that. No idea how or why, just happened. **_

_**Next chapter will probably another interlude, but I still have to think about what he should teach them this time.**_


	28. Interlude 05 What To Teach?

_**Namonaki mori no Yumegatari (The Dream Tale of a Nameless Forest) by D**__ (translation, part 2)_

_Pristine beauty is hunted and captured, dreaming with dried out eyes_

_And completely entrusting it's feelings to the forest as it withers away_

_Countless clear and unclouded eyes look down on humanity with pity_

_Beautifully yet terrifying, the voice sighting in the fresh and green forest changes color_

_I shall pass on the truth I heard and saw without lying about anything_

_The deep forest calls out to your soul in the silence as light and darkness well forth_

_The beginning will lead to an end, and it shall be forgiven for the sole sake of living on_

_The bond goes around and surrounds people again_

_They shall come back to the forest they cannot return to_

_Oh, a dream of the consciousness of the whole forest, and then a fantastic story_

* * *

><p><strong>WARNING: COULD BE GRUESOME CHAPTER, BUT NOT SO MUCH, EITHER WAY M-RATED! AGAIN!<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Interlude 05 – What To Teach?<strong>

**1st March 1992, 8 pm, teacher's longue, 5th meeting**

"And Madam LesRouges, how are you feeling? Do you like this job? Do the children behave themselves? Are they doing their homework? I hope they are not acting too badly." Dumbledore asked with his usual not-natural twinkling eyes the second defense teacher of this school year. Of course Dumbledore had tried to get the other professors to teach this particular subject, but for them it was just too much work.

First the old headmaster had tried to talk Severus into the position. He had always wanted it and he was great at dueling and now he could show the world just what he could do and all the other nonsense Dumbledore told the more than unwilling Potion professor, but Severus had to decline. After all he was the Head of the Slytherin house, which meant he had to take care of the children and listen to their problems etcetera, and the potion professor, an extremely exhausting subject he had to give all his attention to in fear of getting blown up by some dunderhead and dying. For him there was just no time left, but if he found someone for Potions than he would immediately take the position as Defense teacher. Undertaker laughed as Severus recalled this conversation after a few sips of fire-whiskey, send Cheshire out to follow Dumbledore and see what he would do next. Apparently the old man just had grumbled at that response, but could not find something to criticize so he turned to his next victim.

Minerva, but even she had too much to do as it was. McGonagall was the Head of the Gryffindor house, the most troublesome house of the entire school and had to take care of her rowdy, wild lions who did not have the ability to stay out of trouble and detentions, the Transfiguration professor, another time-consuming and exhausting main subject, and at least the Deputy Headmistress. When Dumbledore once again slacked off and went into his own little dream world, in which he ruled over everyone and everything went exactly after his carefully planned master plans, she had to do even his workload. It was more than exhausting and did not help her house in any way. She had to do so much of the headmaster's work that she had nearly no time for house related troubles and fights, which gave the Gryffindors even more freedom to do as they liked. Undertaker was not sure if this was planned by old twinkly-eyes or just a favorable and good outcome from something unimportant.

Filius was next. He was the Head of the Ravenclaw house and the Charms professor. He at least had a bit of time to spare but also could not fully give his attention to teaching the children Defense. It seemed that the workload of two main subjects were just too much for anyone not that Dumbledore seemed to care. He continued to ask everyone else for help.

Sprout had to take care of the greenhouses, Pomfrey was not good at dueling and Defense generally and had to look after the sick children, and the other minor-subject professors just did not want to work more, Undertaker included. He had a business to take care of in his free time, so sadly he could not play Defense teacher for now.

So poor old Dumbledore would have to either teach the children himself, what he did not want to anyways since he had far more important things to do, or get a new Defense teacher, at least until the end of the year. But finding another teacher for this particular position was difficult. There were not that many people left, who would try their luck and teach if the defense post was cursed and even killed a few teachers in the last few years. And then, luckily, she came and everything was well again.

"Please, just call me Bella or at least Isabella." Bella said cheerfully, her smile had a dangerous edge to it that did not go unnoticed by Undertaker, Sybill and Severus. Dumbledore, even if he noticed it, just nodded happily while she continued, "I am feeling quite well, thank you for asking. As for the students, they are all nice and polite doing their homework and answering questions in class, so there does not seem to be a problem. I do hope they also respect me to some degree. It seemed like their former professor was a bit… useless and afraid of his own shadow, or so they told me." Bella said with a big, teeth-showing fake smile. She was absolutely perfect for this incredible idea, Undertaker had to pat his own shoulder in self-praise even if he lost in the end.

"I am quite happy to hear that. The children are mostly wonderful and well educated, but some of them are troublemakers and extraordinary prankster. I just hope they did not make too much trouble, but you seem to understand each other nicely. I honestly did not know what to do anymore, before you got in contact with me and told me about how you wanted to try and see if you would be suitable to teach children." Dumbledore stated cheerfully while suckling on another of his lemon drops.

"I too am happy that all goes as it should. Maybe after this few months spending with the children teaching them about my favorite subject I will be able to get a fulltime job as a professor somewhere." Bella chuckled. Not only was she able to play the mad, bloodthirsty, people-killing and people-torturing-to-insanity Bellatrix LeStrange, but also the halfway nice, still blood thirsty but not showing children liking Isabella LesRouges. He should have never questioned her ability to act and now she won the bet, got into school and in Dumbledore's good graces and won from Undertaker and the others aka Sirius, Remus, Xeno and Estrella approximately one hundred galleons. Her husband and brother-in-law did not dare bet against her, those whiny little bitches. Well, at least they did not lose some of their money.

"Maybe not next year, since I already found someone, but the one after that?" Dumbledore questioned. Interesting, he really wanted to know who the next victim for the Defense position would be now. Hopefully someone funny, but weird would be great too.

"Well, why not. If the position is still free next year than I would gratefully accept it." She answered with a smirk.

"Good, that would be helpful. Now what about the students in other subjects?" So like every other damn month, each one of them told what was taught in their subject generally, which students were above-average, average, below average in magical power and grades and which students would fail, if they did not begin to study more serious. And needed a kick into the ass to get going.

Sybill did not really have to answer, she mostly just continued to slurp her glass of Cherry humming Lady Gaga's song 'poker face' and told them in a dreamy voice that everyone would pass with the best grades possible, while prophesying the deaths of a few random students. So she would only give good grades to those students, who were still alive at the end of the year. The other teachers did not seem to care, since she did this kind of thing every other month.

Severus just commented that every student was an idiot and not worthy of being in his presence with the exception of most of the Slytherin house, something the others also heard every other month and ignored. The rest of the reports of the teachers were boring and normal.

"And what did you teach the children this last month?" McGonagall asked suspiciously. Apparently she had not heard anything bad from her students about him or his chosen topic. When he was beginning to teach them, he was not aware that they were so many tattletales in his classroom, but in the end he managed to scare them all into silence one way or the other.

"Well, we did not really do that much, just reading an old interesting muggle book, learned more about the different topics it described and even a bit about the languages Latin and German." Undertaker answered with one of his silly smiles.

"Oh, so it was a book written by a German?" McGonagall looked interested.

"One could say that."

"What is it called?"

"'_**Hexenhammer**_**.'**" Undertaker answered with another smile, while Sybill snorted and Severus desperately tried not to snicker. Severus Snape did not snicker or for that matter laugh ever. Undertaker had lent this little book to him at the beginning of the month and looking now at him, he must have read it. Sybill already knew about for the last three months. Even though she did not manage to predict his future, she could still see the one of the students and was therefore aware of his plans and the book.

"I do not know it. Is it any good?" Pomfrey asked.

"Yes, it is quite interesting even if the consequences of this book coming out were less than ideal." Undertaker stated.

"What do you mean?" McGonagall returned to look suspiciously at him.

"Well, muggles then started to kill other muggles."

"Oh." They did not sound sorry for the lost lives at all, or unhappy that many people died because of it. Well, even the light side was not so light after all, even if they always said they were pro-muggle. If some of them died, they did not really seem to care, which was understandable. If some wizards started to kill other wizards in Canada, Undertaker also would not care. He did not live there, he had no friends there, he owned nothing there, so why should he care what happened on the other side of the earth?

"Can we read a paragraph from your summary of the book?" asked Sprout.

"Go ahead. There is also general information if someone is interested." Undertaker handed her his script. Sprout nodded at him thankfully, opened it and started to read aloud,

"_In the spring of 1487 a small handbook was published in Strasbourg (Germany), which was later on as a either only mentioned in passing or not at all in many different historical books despite its far-reaching consequences. The book is called __**'Malleus Maleficarum'**__ (English __**'Hammer of the Witches'**__, German __**'Der Hexenhammer'**__), the hammer that should crush witches. A work, which was described by a historian at the end of the 19th Century, "as barbaric in language as in disposition, subtle and incomprehensible in reasoning, originally only in the ceremoniousness, with the most absurd tales recited", "the wickedest and also pettiest, the craziest and yet one of the most sinister Books of World Literature". It is true, in its dangerous spiel this book is hard to beat._

_Edited by two Dominican inquisitors Jacob Sprenger and Heinrich Kramer(mostly written by him) it consists essentially of a hard gathered collection of quotes, theories and prejudices, a fusion of pagan and Christian beliefs about witchcraft and witches all in three parts. _

_In the first part it is argued that even the denial of belief in witchcraft must be condemned as a damnable heresy. Following this the authors "prove", citing the Bible and a variety of ecclesiastical authorities the involvement of the devil in all sorcery, in which the "inherent vulnerability" of women is highlighted._

_In the second part the editors specify the misdeeds of witches through dedicative description of witchcraft - all under the guise of rigorous scientific evidence of course._

_The third part is designed as a practical guide for the secular and ecclesiastical witch-hunters and emphasizes the "benefits" of the inquisition process, a method of indictment, which requires no defense of the suspects. This section was in the next 250 years used by the judges as conventional statement, it was the procedural basis for Inquisitors and used in the secular courts for the witch trials since 1520. The 'Hammer of the Witches' thus laid the foundations for the obsessive beliefs in witchcraft, a Christian dogmatic that caused mass hysteria and took the lives of millions of people._

_**Chapter 1, Part 1: **__Facts and Figures_

_How high the demand for this concoction was, show the following figures: The __**'Malleus Maleficarum'**__ was published a total of 29 times from 1487 to 1669, of which only 16 times in Germany. Most affected by the book, which unleashed the witch-hunts, were France, South and West Germany, Switzerland and England. Only a few witch trials were in Eastern Europe, Southern Italy, Ireland and Spain._

_Most witch trials took place in the years 1500 to 1750. The last witch trials were in 1775 in Kempten/Bavaria, 1782 in Glarus/Switzerland and 1793 in Poznan/Poland. Only after 1775 the sanctions against witches were not applied anymore in all parts of the German Reich, but they remained formally in force in some German states even up to the 19th Century._

_Since many files of the proceedings have been destroyed, one can only estimate the number of victims. These vary between one and nine million, in Europe approximately six million victims are considered probable. By a judge of the Duchy of Westphalia is known that he alone convicted nearly five hundred witches to death. In Bamberg, to quote another single example, approximately nine hundred victims were executed in the period 1625 to 1630._

_But there is another important information: The convictions for witchcraft in the period between 1500 and 1700 were eighty to ninety percent women, another consequence of the __**'Malleus Maleficarum'**__. After the execution of old women even young women were burned and at the end of the Würzburg processes almost every fourth victim was under fourteen, but they also did not shrink away from burning three-year-old children, because of false and unbelievable accusation (like that they already birthed children), on the pyre."_

"How horrible!" yelled some of the teachers, while they looked at him with horror in their eyes. Undertaker just chuckled.

"If you find this horrible than please look at Chapter 3, Part 2 about the procedural principles." He told them.

"Why?" Pomfrey questioned.

"It is even fu-more horrible." Thankfully he did not manage to say funnier and could correct himself on the spot. It would not be good for the others to hear.

"Ah, I found it." Sprout stated and continued to read, "_**Chapter 3 Part 2**__: The procedural principles of the __**'Malleus Maleficarum'**_

_Procedural innovations, which were set by the __**'Malleus Maleficarum'**__ or which were later developed from it: _

_-) Denunciations and rumors were enough for a start of the process._

_-) The public should call for denunciation by the threat of excommunication for non-compliance of the request._

_-) The defense was largely banned by the threat to the defender to not favor witches, otherwise they themselves were suspected of witchcraft, which in turn would allow them to use against the witch and the defender. _

_-) The procedures were to accelerate, so that the accused did not have time for entries._

_-) All methods of torture were justified, except for this rule: the torture should not immediately lead to death._

_-) The witches tests were considered evidence like the tears test (witches were not able to cry, was mostly likely ignored though), the weight test (if she weighted less than the predetermined weight, she could fly and had lost her soul to the devil and weighted therefore less and if she weighted too much, then she used her devilish powers and witchcraft on the scales to make herself heavier), the needle test (a witch was marked by the devil with a mark, if one used a needle to stab this particular spot, it should neither bleed nor hurt), ordeal by fire (if it did not hurt, healed to fast, got infected or the person was not injured at all, the person was a witch) and ordeal by water (water and witchcraft did not mix, if the person sunk into the water, they were innocent, if they remained on the surface, they were witches)_

_-) Anonymous witnesses were allowed, including those of minors, criminals and the mentally ill people (the statements of four-year-old children in Sweden led to the conviction of seventy-two women and fifteen teenager)._

_-) The presumption of guilt was sufficient for a conviction._

_-) Even those, who wanted repentance and vowed to never use witchcraft again, were burned._

_-) Leading questions (especially in torture) were common._

_-) It was allowed to repeatedly accuse someone for the same offense in court (therefore acquitted often paid large sums for years, so they did not have to come back to court)._

_-) All the evidence was allowed (like for example the fact that the witch was seen during or just before a thunderstorm outside)." _

"This… **THIS THINGS ARE HORRIBLE!**" Why was it always McGonagall the one that yelled that loud? He really had no idea.

"No, not really." He answered though. Well, it was like it was. There was no changing the past. People could only learn from their mistakes

"**HOW CAN YOU TEACH THEM SOMETHING LIKE THAT?"** She continued to yell at him. Why did she yell at him in the first place? He just read a freaking book with the children; he was in no way guilty of anything written in it.

"Well, it is all part of the whole thing about 'why the hell do we hide from the muggles'. Why do not we live together, coexist? We could help each other with our different problems and did not have to hide who we were anymore. Of course they would ask me something like that. I am their Muggle Study professor, so I must know the answer to why our worlds are separated like that." Undertaker shrugged his shoulders. They did not really ask anything like that, but it was a believable excuse for him.

"**BUT THIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG! MUGGLES ARE NOTHING LIKE THAT!" **

"And that is of course what I told the children too. The book was written over five hundred years ago and of course many things changed and far more people are now more open-minded than in the old days as can be seen with most of the parents of the muggleborn students." Undertaker continued to say calmly.

**"BUT WHY DID YOU CHOOSE T-THIS?"** Ha! Now she was so angry, she started to search for words. Nice.

"I wanted to make them aware in what great times we now live in, instead of what had happened all those years ago. It was also important. Why we still hide from the muggle world. Many more people could be trusted with our secret, but not all. We cannot just trust anyone with it or we would have shown ourselves to the muggle world a long time ago. Do not you think so too?" He asked with a slight smile on his face. Now, what were they going to answer to this? They looked thoughtful for a few moments.

"Hm, I was aware that the muggle witch-hunts were not really good, but I did not know that they were that bad." Sprout said from the side looking thoughtful. At least someone who could think normal, maybe he could convert her to his side later on. This was worth thinking more about later.

"Yes, they were bad. Most of the people that died were just normal muggles, but in that time period many muggleborn children died on the pyre, because they did some accidental magic and later on could not use it to get away from the pyre. It is truly saddening." Undertaker said as he wiped a fake tear away from his hidden eyes with a handkerchief.

"Why did not we learn this in our history lessons?" Pomfrey asked. "This was the first time I heard about something like that." She looked at Undertaker who once again just shrugged his shoulders.

"It probably should be learned in History class, but apparently the students are so bored with all those goblin wars and revolutions that those less intelligent use it as nap time and those with more brain are doing homework instead of listening." Undertaker said.

"Albus! We already told you to get rid of Binns years ago, he truly is incapable of teaching the students something worthwhile!" Pomfrey stated while sending a glare towards the old headmaster.

"Well, now you see what life-changing history you all missed and how should we be able to learn from the mistakes of our predecessor if we did not know what happened and what mistakes they made?" Undertaker said with a dramatic flare.

"Well said. Albus, we need another history professor for next year. Binns can stay as a regular ghost, but no professor." Dumbledore looked put out as they turned against him, but still nodded. He could not really do anything against the majority of the room or when they finally were agreeing on something.

"I will give my best to find a good history teacher soon, but I cannot promise anything." He said with his usual grandfatherly smile. Hohoho, so if he did not find anyone, Binns would remain. He just said that he would give his best, not that he would actually go out and look for one. He had not promised anything and Undertaker could understand him. A ghost surely was a cheap worker. He did not need his monthly pay, he did not need food or a living space, he did not really need anything at all, but still taught the students a bit.

"I would know someone for this job, if you are interested." Undertaker stated with a smile.

"Really? Who?" McGonagall asked.

"My adoptive uncle Ambre Grey. He is really nice, taught even me a few new things and adores children and books equally. He would make a great history teacher." Remus would be more that happy with the change of scenery and having to do something unlike Sirius. He helped Estrella from time to time with the more dangerous spells and potions, but nothing much.

He glanced towards Severus who did not really look happy at the idea, but when did Undertaker care about what others thought? If little Sev continued being stupid, he might find himself back in his new and improved Wonderland again without a wand and a sluttier version of the Alice costume. Undertaker would even go as far as design a matching whip for him. Ohoho, he had to find a piece of paper and write these ideas down.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: In my Latin class we translated parts of the "Hexenhammer" from Latin into German, especially the questioning of said 'witches'. It really did not matter what one answered there, since once said person was there being questioned, he or she already considered a witch. There was no possible way one could have managed to get free, the only thing one could do was take another one with them into death (at least those who called said person witch in the first place and were therefore responsible for said person's death). I found it awesome even back then. <strong>_

_**And if someone asked where I got those ideas from, here is my answer. I honestly do not know. I just write and write and write and then suddenly some ideas appear in my head and I think, 'hey, that is a great idea, I should incorporate this somehow' or something like that. There is nothing more. **_

_**At first I just wanted to make only one interlude with all three last months before the school year ended, since I am lazy and did not want to make another three interludes, but the ideas I had for that one were not as good as I first thought them to be, so screw them. I wanted to make something about the "Hexenhammer" for a while now so that was the perfect start. **_

_**First I wrote down the information, then started to write the commentary of the other teachers to the text and afterwards the idea just appeared in my head. 'What would be if we got rid of Binns and let Remus teach the history classes?' Perfect. And then I remembered that Dumbledore needed another Defense teacher for the rest of the year, since Quirrell died, and well, hello Bellatrix, and I wrote her part at the beginning. That was how it was. **_

_**I do hope that I get some lovely reviews for this and once again a few new ideas! I still have to more months left and I need another two topics for them. So, reviews and ideas! Thanks!**_


	29. Chapter 22 Randomness

**_Der König der Dunkelheit by D (translation part 1)_**

_I will leave my throne behind to go and fight_

_As a sign of love for my people, I will not retreat_

_The emperor of darkness, my own body will be my shield_

_In exchange for a distant death_

_I shine out_

_Take my blood and live_

_This is the beginning of the night of awakening_

_The potion of eternal life burns my throat like sand_

_Setting the black beasts upon me_

_With my kingdom crumbling before my eyes_

_There is just one thing I must do now_

_So the royal bloodline does not die out_

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><p><strong>Chapter 22 – Randomness (First Year, Summer Vacation and Beginning of the Second Year)<strong>

"You knew?!" Severus screamed at them while Undertaker and Sybill just covered their ears with their hands.

"Why are you screaming at us?" Undertaker asked looking confused.

"Knew what Sevy darling?" Sybill chirped from the side.

"To hell with you two! You know what I am asking about!" Severus continued to rage.

"Nope, not a clue." They answered in unison. Severus' eyebrow twitched dangerously as his face started to get redder and redder. If he did not do something soon, he would probably erupt aka explode like a volcano. He took a few deep breaths and managed to calm the burning anger inside of him. He looked at them with the best 'it will burn you to a crisp' death glare, he had in his never-ending repertoire of different glares. Yes, Undertaker and Sybill already studied some of them and cataloged them into a folder, not that dear old Severus knew about their secret activities and all the pictures they took of him. Him finding out would probably be not so good in any way and the reason for a good lawsuit and restraining order for both of them. No, Severus would never know...

"You knew that Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort?!" He asked with a halfway normal and even a bit polite sounding voice.

"Of course we knew." Undertaker answered. Severus' eyebrow began to twitch again. He looked from Undertaker to Sybill who decided to dance around Severus' private quarters in the meantime. She stopped when she noticed the glare and pointed a finger at herself questionably.

"Yes, you!" Severus exploded.

"You do not have to be so mean, Sevi darling. I was just making a bit fun of you." Possibly not the best thing to say, when the other was restraining himself to not curse them into oblivion this next second. Sybill shrugged her shoulders carelessly.

"Silly you, I am a legit seer of course. So it is only logical for me to know and you know him," She pointed her index finger at the back of Undertaker, who decided to look through Severus' book shelves, "he always knows things he should not know and does things he should not do. What did you expect?" Severus opened his mouth to answer only to snap it shut again.

"Of course we would not run to Dumbledore and tell him about Quirrell, he would believe that I am on his side and that just would not do. I decided long ago to be neutral and nurture my own cause." Undertaker finished with a smile.

"Chaos, destruction, anarchy and a zombie armies." Sybill chirped.

"You could have told me." Severus gritted his teeth.

"Firstly, where would the fun be in this? Ahaha, do not look so angry, we did not want you to tell Dumbledore, we had our own plans." Severus looked still ready to erupt but a bit thoughtful, for a few moments at least.

"You took the stone. You two were the one who stole the Sorcerer's stone!" Severus once again pointed his finger at them as he screamed.

"It seems we have a winner. We did not want Dumbledore to take the stone away after he would have found out the Quirrell is possessed by Voldemort and that just would not do."

"But as consolation prize and payment for you to not tattle on us, we are willing to give some of the Elixir of Life to you for either yourself or for you to use in your potions." It just would not do if Severus turned against them. It was just to amusing to play with him, but if he did not get a few treats here and then, he would go bad and bit their hands off and then they would have to either neuter their dog or kill it.

"Okay." Severus nodded after calming down considerable at the thought about getting his hands at the Elixir of Life.

"We wanted you to go with us this day, you know?" Sybill said after a while.

"We were standing right before the entrance of your rooms and talked loudly to each other, but you just screamed at us for making so much noise and then went back to bed." Undertaker sang in a mocking tone.

"How should I have known that you two would go and steal the stone? The last time I said yes to one of your excursions, you took me hiking through the forbidden forest all night! And the next day I had the Gryffindor dunderheads in the morning to teach! I was ready to slaughter them all at the end of the lesson!"

"Well, too bad. But it was not that interesting either way. The tests were easily solved or more like bypassed and well, like we said, not that exciting."

"Anything else I should know?" Severus asked.

"Nope, not that I know... for now." Undertaker answered.

"We will see what will happen next, then we plan our next step." Sybill chirped. "But now we must go off to bed like good little children."

"Good night, Severus."

"Sleep well and nice dreams, Sevy darling." With that they left Severus alone in his rooms.

* * *

><p>"Does anyone of you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?"<p>

"No, why is that?" asked one of the sixth year Gryffindor students.

"Oh too bad, that you don't. Probably only intelligent people know this."

"Are you saying I'm stupid? What the hell is the answer?"

"Never said anything about anyone being stupid."

"Why is a raven like a writing table... professor, maybe I think I can guess that one..." said another female Gryffindor.

"You mean you think you know the answer?" Undertaker asked.

"Yes."

"Well, then, you should say what you mean."

"I do… I mean, I mean what I say… it's the same thing..."

"It's not the same thing at all! You might as well say 'I eat what I see' is the same as 'I see what I eat' or say that 'I like what I get' is the same as 'I get what I like' or say that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'." Everyone looked confused at him.

"So.., professor... Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"I have not the slightest idea."

"Will this be tested?"

"Who knows?" said Undertaker as he shrugged his shoulders.

* * *

><p>"His body vanished." Severus told them on the next day.<p>

"What body?" Undertaker asked.

"Quirrell's."

"And?" Undertaker questioned waiting for him to continue.

"You took his body, right?"

"Is this an assumption?" Severus scolded at him.

"No, hearing you like that I can only think it was you."

"What makes you say that?"

"The only one who would be interested in the corpse of a person would be you, Mister Undertaker who owns an Undertaker shop and has an own zombie army hidden in his basement."

"My, my, now that is prejudice. Saying I am only interested in corpses because my job revolves around corpses."

"I also think it was you who took the body of one Hermione Granger."

"Seriously?"

"Stop playing dumb! I just want to know, if it was you and what you plan to do with them."

"For experiments and for further study. What else?"

"For Wonderland?"

"Yes and no, generally I want to see how a dead body will respond to the Elixir of Life and with my special abilities I would like to see the result of that."

"More zombies?"

"Perhaps, but it would be more into the direction of better zombies."

"Stop right here, I do not want to hear more about this."

"But you were the one who asked." Undertaker stated while Severus changed the topic.

"Has the old fool already questioned you?"

"Nope, but Sybill already informed me."

"Trice damned seer." There were a few minutes of silence between them, "Did she know that I would go to Voldemort and tell him about the prophecy?" Severus looked at him seriously.

"Yes, indeed she knew. It was all planned that way."

"So she is the reason that _she_ died." Severus turned angry again, but it was hard to recognize behind his calm expressionless mask.

"And even though _she_ did not love you and birthed the child of not only another man, but the person you hate most, you still liked alias loved her to some degree. You should stop with it already. Even I cannot bring back the dead." Undertaker stated after taking a sip of his tea. "And she was my biological mother."

"..."

"Why not go out and date someone else? Maybe you find the person you are supposed to be with somewhere out there. If you continue to remain inside your room or in Hogwarts, you never get to meet your special person."

"No."

"No?"

"I will not date someone."

"Party pooper. I would have liked to see what type your special person would have to be for you to be more or less happy."

"Not going to happen."

"But Sevy..." Undertaker chirped.

* * *

><p>"Severus. Do you know 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star?'" Undertaker asked as Severus tried to grade papers in peace.<p>

"Yes, why?"

"Want to sing it?"

"No."

"Really?"

"I said no."

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are!" Sybill began to sing.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat, how I wonder what you're at." Undertaker continued.

"Twinkle, twinkle little skunk, how I wonder if you're drunk!"

"Twinkle, twinkle little ant, you do look strange without your pants." Both of them laugh.

"You two are insufferable!" Severus yelled as he nearly broke his quill in half.

"Thanks!" They answered in unison.

"This was not a compliment. Now just leave my rooms or I swear to Merlin I will curse you two into the next millennium!"

"That is not so bad, only like eight years." Sybill stated.

"OUT!"

* * *

><p>"How is it going?"<p>

"Dumbledore contacted me..." Remus said from the side.

"Expected." Undertaker continued to do what he always did. He looked back at them, when they still stared at him. "And what is the problem?" Undertaker asked.

"He did not send it to Ambre Grey, but to Remus Lupin." Remus explained.

"Really?" Undertaker looked a bit surprised at the news, but this was Dumbledore for them. He always wanted 'his' people on the job. It was probably bad enough for him being there and wreaking havoc and teaching the children things they probably should not really know, so he did not want to get an equally odd, unpredictable teacher like Undertaker. Well, it was understandable.

"Really."

"Okay, go and accept."

"Why?" Remus asked with a frown. "Since I am now aware of what he did, I really do not want to be around him that much, but that bastard used Harry – even if it is a false one – as a reason for me to come and teach."

"It is simple and pure blackmail, this letter." Sirius said from the side. "Something like if you do not come now then he might never get to know you as a friend of his parents and his second godfather, when he was the one that kept him 'away' for most of his childhood. Not that he knows that we already met you years ago."

"Well, still accept. You do not really have to interact with the brat after all. Give old Dumbles some excuse like 'I am afraid to forge bonds since my best friends died and the one I believed to be my closest companion is in a way the reason for their deaths' and 'I cannot get too close to the students or they might find out about me being a werewolf'. These are sound excuses."

"Ha, you are right. They are great." Sirius yelled from the couch animatedly.

* * *

><p>Undertaker was working in the anteroom of his Undertaker shop where he usually was visited by potential customers aka closest family who wanted to bury someone. He had ordered Sirius and Remus to clean up the backroom with most of his equipment, since they did not seem to have anything to do either way, and Bella and her two slaves aka husband and brother-in-law to clean the basement. He continued to work for another hour until he realized that it was too quiet for usual Sirius activities.<p>

"Remus. Sirius. It's awfully quiet back there. Are you two making out?" He shouted through the shop. There was a sudden crash of metal and other things on the floor.

"What no! How?!" He could hear Sirius stuttering behind the door. Another crash and the door opened. Sirius came out with wide eyes and Remus just sighed loudly.

"Do you think saying how was the right answer, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"So you two are making out after all." Undertaker snickered. He just wanted to clarify things.

"Yeah... Well... You know..." Sirius seemed to search for words.

"Sirius and I were together since our school times, but with what happened to your parents, we slowly drifted apart." Remus explained.

"Yes, and then I was put into Azkaban without a trail."

"So everything we had just vanished."

"And now you are back together again?" Undertaker questioned for clarification again.

"Remus, must I give him now the talk about the flowers and bees and whatever?"

"Don't be stupid, he already knows that. What are you thinking?"

"Hey, you are ignoring me..." Undertaker said from the sideline.

"You know I am a Gryffindor. We do not think we do."

"Typical. Cannot even think before opening your mouth. Have you forgotten that I was a Gryffindor too? The same house?"

"Do not you dare ignore me..." Undertaker stated before turning around and getting help. Were Sybill and he always so annoying? He could understand Severus better now, not that he would stop what they were doing, it is just too much fun, but that did not mean that Undertaker himself would let things continue like that. Is Severus did not do anything against them it was his problem after all.

"Now that I think about it. Yeah, we were in the same house."

"Yes, that is the right direction. How can you forget something like that? Using your house as an excuse only works if the other was in a different one. You should know this."

"Once again you are-"

"DO NOT IGNORE YOUR EMPLOYER AND SAVIOR, YOU BASTARDS!" screamed Bella as her Queen-of-hearts-themed axe came down between Sirius and Remus, who jumped out of harm's way. Everyone was silently watching Bella with wide eyes.

"Thank you Bella, I know there is at least one person I can count on." Undertaker thanked her smilingly.

"No problem. I like scaring mutts." Bella answered.

"So… What were we talking about again?" Undertaker asked.

-oOo-

"What good is having magic if you can't use it to blow something up?" Undertaker asked the twins when they came once again over to visit.

"Actually that is a rather good question. What do you think, dear brother?"

"Right, my oh so lovely brother of mine. We should use our time to blow more things up."

"But mom's heart would stop and we will get scolded."

"We always get scolded. 'Fred! George! Your little brother fell searches for his Quidditch book. Where have you hidden it?'"

"When we were not even aware that Ronnikins could read to begin with."

"Or even had a book that he actually read."

"Maybe it is a picture book version of Quidditch Throughout the Ages."

"They have a little children's version too?"

"Perhaps. It could be possible. Maybe more families have members that are that stupid."

"We have to find Ronny's and see."

"And if it really is a normal book?"

"Then we have to congratulate him."

"That he had managed to learn how to read, hahaha."

"Well, even if he did, we will still prank him bad this summer."

"He is getting annoying again with the whole 'I am a friend of Harry freaking Potter and you not' nonsense."

"Suddenly he believes to be better than us all."

"Even Percy is having a hard time dealing with his ego."

"And he would understand, before this school year he was the one with the biggest ego in the family."

"So, what do we blow up?"

"How about the garden gnomes, that would be fun."

"Yeah, that is the right attitude." Undertaker said.

* * *

><p>"Forget all that formal crap about coming at me one at a time. I'll take all you bitches on!" Sirius yelled enthusiastically as they were all fighting a bunch of monsters in Wonderland.<p>

"Sirius, do not overextend yourself. Think of your age." Remus stated calmly.

"What I am not that old!"

"Yes, you are."

"If I am old, what is he then?" Sirius pointed his hand at Undertaker as he sliced his way through the monsters.

"If you say it like that he probably should be a fossil."

"Now now, I did not know you had a mean streak. Is it because of the pranks?" Undertaker asked with a creepy smile.

* * *

><p>"I always wanted to ask... Why is their last name LesRouges?" Sirius asked.<p>

"Well, I wanted to name them 'those who are soaked in blood', but that was a hassle to translate, so I went with the reds in French. It was as easy as this." Undertaker stated with a teeth-showing smile.

"Why do I kind of feel like I should seriously run really fast and hide away from the world..."Remus questioned.

"Not the world... Let's just run from him." Sirius stated.

* * *

><p>"And Sybill, what is going to happen this year, my so-called second year at Hogwarts? Something fun? Something chaotic? Something bloody? Or just your normal, boring, everyday-the-whole-year uninteresting school year?" Undertaker asked enthusiastically, pouring more tea into his already empty cup. Sybill sitting in her chair dressed like a proper Duchess, looked for a moment thoughtful into her tea cup before turning towards him with a teeth showing smile.<p>

"Well, something grand would indeed happen." She said with a dramatic flair. "It would be fun. There would be a panic, chaos, anarchy! No, wait, it is just a bit panic. But it would be possible that our beloved and colorblind Albus Dumbledore would even have to close the whole school down and send the children home." She said with a smirk.

"Yeaho! More vacation! And that means more time for Wonderland. I was really saddened that Severus could not come and visit us. The old man just did not leave him alone this summer, because I started on this really nice project for him, especially for him."

"Oh? _That_ dress?"

"Yes, _that_ dress." Both of them laughed evilly behind their cups.

"I can actually see him wearing this."

"Not of his own free will, but since when did we ever care for that? Right, lovely Sybill?"

"Right, my dear distracting Undertaker. I think we wanted to talk about the coming school year?"

"Indeed, but you know me. I always like to talk about Wonderland."

"Too true. So the school year for us is going to be great. There will be fun everywhere. We will annoy the old goat and our favorite dungeon bat, scare a few little kiddies into fainting and make complete nuisances out of ourselves for teachers and students alike."

"Sounds like fun."

"But for dear old Tommy boy it would not end so well." Sybill said now with a more serious expression. Undertaker also looked more thoughtful before answering,

"I thought his ghost-soul-wraith-thingy should be somewhere in the Albanian forest with that huge, men-eating snake again. Nothing should happen to him. I do not want something happening to him. Without the oh-so-bad Dark Lord I would only have the stinky, old headmaster to play with and he would die sometime, well, sometime in the next few years anyway that old fossil. Seriously when was the old relic born? Pre historic?"

"Ah, mysteries of life... truly..." Sybill took another sip from her tea.

"So what happens to dear Tommy-bear? Will someone find him and then end up like Quirrell? Or will he just rip the person's body, mind and soul to pieces? He was not quite happy the last time we saw him."

"That was because we were the main reason for him having this rage attack, in which he destroyed his own host-body and at the same time showed Dumbledore and co that he was still alive, not alive per se, but still here as wraith-like being. Too bad, certainly."

"Thankfully he does not know that we have the lovely little red stone and will probably never know. It is just too interesting to experiment with it, but back to the topic at hand. If he comes back to 'life' should be give him the information about anger management classes or should be just let him be?"

"That would probably be rather good and would help us all in the end. Who the hell wants such a pain filled moron returning anyway? A madman, an insane person or things like that I can understand and appreciate, but there was no intelligence, no cunningness, no wits, no thoughts about a master plan for complete world domination or at least mayor mayhem or anything else anymore. There was just pain and little Tommy's desire to let everyone feel said pain. Pathetic right?"

"Yes, it would be good to have a halfway sane Dark Lord back. Someone to whom to talk to about the fun things in life."

"Yes, talking and planning together like proper psychopaths."

"Exactly!"

"Right now, what would he do if he found out we were the reason for blowing his cover. Can you imagine what will happen to us all? Oh, I can already see it right in front of my inner eye! Torture for me and then torture for you and then a round _crucio_ for all his Death Eaters, sounds like him, right?"

"Well, we could tell him that it was all Dumbledore's fault, which was in a way true."

"Too true. Just blame everything on him."

"It is the easiest option and have you noticed how long the old headmaster took until he finally realized the stone was gone? Was he really always that slow?"

"Fluffy running around school eating seven house elves and biting off Ms Norris' tail should have been clue enough, but apparently he did go down there and look, but the stone was already gone for the last seven hours then."

"I really hoped some of the children would be eaten too. Only a few house elves are just boring. It would have made very bad advertisement for the school and Dumbledore once again would have to explain himself to the masses. We must plan it better next time, but stop it right now. We just managed to talk about something completely different again. What about Tom Tom?"

"Well... you know about the Horcruxes?"

"Yes, anchor the soul to the world of the living and the person cannot really die until all are destroyed. He had made a few..."

"And two of them he gave to his followers for safe keeping."

"Indeed. Bellatrix and Lucius, both avid pureblood follower. Let me guess, something will happen to one of them."

"Which one do you think it is?" She asked with a teeth-showing smile.

"Since dear insane Bella is currently in Wonderland and would not be able to get into her vaults, since the Ministry had frozen hers, her husband's and her brother-in-law's vaults after throwing them into Azkaban, there is only dear Lucy left. Tell me, what will he do?"

"The usual." Sybill snorted. "Even after hundred years the Malfoy-Weasley feud is still there. Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, the extremely good looking, rich, influential, well clothed, magical powerful, perfect pureblood lord in one corner and in the other of our battle stands Arthur Weasley, fat, poor, not so good looking, muggle interested blood traitor and thoroughly Dumbledore's man. Dark against Light. Pureblood against blood traitor. Pro pureblood against pro muggleborn. Slytherin against Gryffindor. At the moment old Dumbles has far too many supporter, so what can poor Lucy do against this?"

"Bad propaganda?"

"Exacta! What would be worse than his little lovely daughter getting killed by a dark artifact? The new pro muggleborn bills will be forgotten, because of the tragedy that light family head Arthur Weasley had somehow got his hands on something dark, which his daughter must have found, and then poor Arthur himself, who must be the saddest person on earth since his only daughter just died. All in all it is a rather nice plan, but only for someone who is not aware what the little diary does."

"And how will be getting that artifact into Arthur Weasley's daughter's hands?"

"When the Weasleys go shopping of course!"

"And that dark artifact, that would kill her, is Tommy's first Horcrux?"

"Exacta!"

"But it does not work like that."

"Exacta!"

"It would take months for her to die, enough time for Dumbledore to find out something is wrong with her. Oh, no, Lucy's direction is not good at all. If Dumbledore somehow gets to know about Tom-Tom's Horcruxes, Tommy is screwed. His secret would not be safe anymore and it would be all Lucy's fault. So we must get the diary and give it to someone not in this school. It would be just too obvious. I could spare some of my future-monsters-to-be wizards I caught during this summer. That would work, right?"

"Do you want Tom Marvolo Riddle aka Lord Voldemort to regain his body this year or sometime later?"

"Why not now? Last year was kind of boring anyway. I taught the children things they should not know about muggles, we got the stone, we made fun of Dumbledore, we let a giant three-headed untrained dog run around unsupervised, we hexed some of the brooms during Quidditch matches, we pranked some children especially the fake Harry Potter and his sidekicks, I ran around in my animagus form scaring whoever I passed, but except for that nothing really happened. It would be funny seeing Dumbledore sweat a bit more and more chaos is always good! I love chaos!"

"I know you do, but there would have been other future possibilities of letting the Dark Lord return back to power."

"If there are more, than this must mean that Lucy's plan did not really work out the way he wanted... okay. So which one would be the best for Voldy to come back?"

"Well, it would have been this one. The diary - in the best possible case - would have drained the girl dry of her magic and a young Tom Riddle would be reborn. He would be found by the wrath like piece of soul and they would merge together again. He is rather good looking, you know. He then will look like in his mid-twenties, dark brown hair, but blood red eyes, that is something nobody can change, and will have more charisma, intelligence and sanity to plan things through and make living funnier."

"Sounds great. I will asked the twins tonight to bring me her diary and when I have it I will floo back home and give it to one of my prisoners, well guests."

"Hahaha, nice. But we still need to make a bit more chaos. Maybe not in school, but you can take the basilisk from the chamber of secrets out for a walk a bit if you want."

"Sounds interesting and funny. I was not aware that Slytherin built a secret chamber."

"But please do not let the snake eat too many people, overeating is not healthy."

"Okay." undertaker chirped as he hopped away.

* * *

><p>"So, you mean to tell us..."<p>

"That brat Malfoy Senior..."

"Decided to mess with our family..."

"And kill our youngest sibling..."

"We do not really like her honestly..."

"Absolutely..."

"Seriously..."

"But it is not really her fault anyways..."

"The fault always lay with our parents..."

"Our mother who just spoiled her rotten just because she was a girl, the only little girl in the family..."

"And our father for his inability to reign his own wife in a bit and for once look after the children..."

"Too many interesting muggle things he has..."

"No time for something else other than work..."

"Muggle things, his wife and then the children..."

"Our mother raised us alone, but what can we say..."

"Both of them did not know when to stop having sex or at least start using protection..."

"And stop getting children to feed, clothe and raise. We would have more money that way..."

"But they are our parents, even if they are illogical and maybe a bit barmy..."

"We still love them, even bratty perfect Percy, lazy Ronnikins and little Ginevra..."

"And Malfoy just wants to kill her..."

"With the scary dark diary straight from hell..."

"Just so one of the pro muggleborn bills does not go through?"

"Is not that a little bit hardcore for such a pansy?"

"I am not quite sure what Lucy is thinking, but it seems that way. So, can you get the diary from her?" Undertaker asked.

"Of course."

"No problem."

"We are this school's best..."

"And most infamous trouble makers..."

"What does it matter, if we sneak into the girl dormitories?"

"Nobody would question us, well, they would..."

"And simply ask us, what prank we wanted to play..."

"But nobody will be aware of the devil's little diary..."

"Nobody will be any wiser..."

"And Ginny will be saved..."

"And not dead at the end of the school year..."

"Happy us..."

"Really happy..."

"We will bring it to you..."

"As soon as we can..."

"Until then..."

"Bye-bye!"

* * *

><p>"Two weeks detention for both of you!" yelled McGonagall as she looked at the sorry state of the girl dormitories in Gryffindor house.<p>

"Yes, ma'am!" the twins answered in union.

"What were you thinking?"

"Too much."

"Do not get cheeky with me or will make sure those detentions are served with either professor Snape or Filch."

"Okay, ma'am."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Well, that was mostly randomness from most chapters I wrote and Alice in Wonderland. There are always dialogues or pits and pieces that did not fit in with the rest so I decided to post it like that and I finally managed to reach second year somehow. Huray! I was not sure, since I still had a few ideas left and still have to finish the interludes, but well, it is like it is. <strong>_


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